10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are the thing that makes life joyful.
A good life is all about healthy relationships.

A Healthy Relationship Moves at a Comfortable Pace

Relationships are meant to be enjoyable and to enhance our lives. It’s normal to want to have someone in your life! When we first meet a potential partner, we want to spend a lot of time with them. In a healthy relationship, things move at a comfortable pace.

In a healthy or genuine relationship, there’s a kind of excitement and pleasure that’s comfortable. They’re on your mind, yet you still can manage and pay attention to your daily life and your self-care. You feel comfortable telling your friends about this new person in your life.

If this is a healthy dynamic and the beginning of a healthy relationship, you don’t feel rushed, pressured, or overwhelmed. There’s no “swept-up” confusion. There’s no feeling that you have to “catch up” or “do” something or make some kind of commitment “now” – or else.

Unhealthy Relationships Begin Off-Kilter

In an unhealthy relationship – or if a disingenuous person has drawn in your affection – you override your normal routine and responsibilities or commitments to spend time with them.

You could catch yourself compromising or fudging on your beliefs or morals to be with them, or accommodate them, or do something for them.

Surprisingly, you might notice that you feel surprised that they like you. Notice if you feel hesitant to tell your friends about them. If so, this signals that you’re in something that isn’t true to yourself.

A healthy and genuine relationship moves at a speed that feels enjoyable and comfortable for each person. If they come at you with expectations that make you uncomfortable, you have the power and the right to step back or slow things down, even to end the relationship.

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A Healthy Relationship Has Trust

Trust shows up in confidence that your partner won’t do anything to hurt you or ruin the relationship. In a healthy relationship, trust comes easily, and you don’t have to question the other person’s intentions or whether they have your back.

If you don’t feel this from them, you can slow the whole thing down and reconsider. If you feel unsafe, feel uneasy, or inadequate because of something they say or seem to expect of you, this does not improve over time but becomes a real danger.

Trust means that they would never put you through a “test” to prove your loyalty. There are no comments like, “If you trusted me things would be great.” This kind of comment represents emotional blackmail and signals an unhealthy person.

Real trust deepens your connection and bonds. It grows over time and provides a sense of security that builds a profoundly rewarding relationship. This can’t be forced, manufactured, or bargained for.

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Honesty is Part of a Healthy Relationship

In a healthy relationship, you feel like you can share the full truth about your life and feelings with each other – you’ll never have to hide things. This doesn’t mean they like everything you have to say but they respond in a considerate way. You can be truthful and candid without fearing how the other person will respond. Fear isn’t an element of a genuine or healthy relationship. Lying is not part of a healthy relationship.

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Independence Within a Healthy Relationship

You have space to be yourself both inside and outside of the relationship. The other person is supportive of your hobbies and your relationships with other friends, family, and coworkers as you are of theirs.

The other person doesn’t need to know where you are or who you’re with, though you might easily tell them. Letting someone know when you’ll be home or where you’re going is a free expression of independence and is respectful. This can be something you establish together as a kindness to one another.

Having independence means being free to be yourself and giving your partner that same freedom. If the other person wants to know where you go but doesn’t do the same for you, this is inequity and will not improve or change over time but is a sign of real danger in becoming involved with this person.

Respect Anchors a Healthy Relationship

You value one another’s beliefs and opinions and boundaries and love one another for who you are as a person. You feel comfortable letting them know what you think. There’s no need to hesitate in being open about what you can give or what you can’t offer. You’re confident that the other person will respect those boundaries. They cheer for you when you achieve something, support your hard work and dreams, and appreciate you.

Example: A boyfriend I had helped me out financially during a rough patch. He stated clearly what he’d offer. He stated just as clearly what he could not offer. I appreciated his clarity and was so grateful for this and his help.

It was a source of encouragement for me and showed his confidence in me which inspired me to make steady efforts to get things on track for myself. There was never any misunderstanding or argument or hurt feelings about the support he gave or his boundaries. I never felt that I “owed” him or had to pay him back monetarily or in “favors” or other behavior. The experience strengthened and deepened our relationship.

Equality in a Healthy Relationship

The relationship feels balanced. Everyone puts the same effort into the success of the relationship. You feel confident and secure that your needs, wishes, and interests are just as important as the other person’s. One person’s preferences and opinions do not dominate. You dialogue together and hear each other out, and based on conversation, you find compromises or solutions together. These solutions respect and support both of you.

At times one of you might put in more (time, money, chores, or tasks or practical or emotional support) than your partner, and at other times they will be up to bat, but the outcome always feels equitable and even.

There’s no resentment or feelings of not being supported and respected. Everyone does their share and feels that things are balanced and ethical; being out of balance and feeling put upon or not heard is a sign that the other person is not seeing you as an equal and is not able to extend respect.

Kindness is Healthy

Kindness is a form of self-compassion and compassion for others. You are caring and empathetic to one another and provide comfort and support. In a healthy relationship, the other person will do things that they know will make you happy.

Kindness within a good and genuine and healthy relationship whether it’s romantic or a friendship is reciprocal. Kindness is given and returned within your relationship. There’s no question or confusion in a healthy relationship about your partner’s intentions or their kindness towards you.

Jokes Are Meant to Be Funny: Funny Doesn’t Hurt

You can be confident that they’re there to support and care for you. For example, there’s no such thing as a “joke” that hurts someone’s feelings. If this happens and you speak up about it and they don’t stop this behavior, you can step away from this person.

Being called names or insulted in a backward way is not kindness or respect. In a genuine or healthy relationship, you don’t have reason to question your safety. If you feel unsafe, the relationship is one that you must seriously reconsider. These kinds of feelings and the occurrences that cause them do not go away… They get worse over time.

Humility and Care: Taking Responsibility

When the other person is hurt, people who are able to have healthy relationships openly talk about it. You can step back and listen and empathize to realize the impact of hurtful words or behavior. Hurting them isn’t the intention. We can self-reflect and pause without shame or blame.

You genuinely apologize when you’ve done something that upsets or hurts the other person, and continually try to make positive changes and develop relationship skills.

Healthy Relationships Can Have Some Conflict

Conflict is a normal and expected part of any relationship. Everyone has disagreements, and that’s okay. Healthy conflict is recognizing the root or actual issue and addressing it respectfully.

This is done before it becomes something bigger. If the thing that caused the argument is not addressed, things will escalate off-track. Then emotions and resentments or hurt feelings pile up so that the root issue is lost. Once this happens, the relationship goes into a downward spiral.

Dysfunctional Differences

Unhealthy conflict involves slights or put-downs. They lack participation in an equitable, respectful, or kind way. No one should belittle, name-call, hit, or throw things. If someone kicks the other out, threatens to break up, or moves out, consider this dysfunctional or possibly even pathological behavior.

No one ought to storm out of the room, slam doors, imitate the other person, make fun of or insult or ignore them. A threat to the other or forcing the other to do something is highly unhealthy and signals danger. There ought to be no yelling during an argument or discussion. These cause suffering and pain and all constitute abuse and dysfunctional behavior.

If this is happening, this is a sign to end the relationship. You have every right to do so quickly and immediately. You don’t need to state this shift at the time. It isn’t safe to do so when someone is in an angered state. If there is yelling or hostility, it’s best to go silent, not to respond or engage but to end things for the moment, and then leave when you can.

Fun In Healthy Relationships

A healthy relationship should feel easy and make you happy. You can let loose, laugh together, and be yourselves – the relationship doesn’t bring your mood down but cheers you up.

A healthy relationship is a respite, a safe place where you can be yourself. You enjoy spending time together and you bring out the best in each other. No relationship is fun 100% of the time, but the good times should definitely far outweigh any blip of “bad” so much so that you can hardly say that there is any “bad”.

Ten Signs of a Healthy and Genuine Relationship

Goes at a comfortable pace
Trust
Honesty
Independence
Respect
Equality
Kindness
Humility and responsibility
Equitable resolution of disagreements or differences
Fun

You’re free to decide who you want to be in a relationship with and your boundaries. Remember you’re worthy of and deserve every happiness. Connection, bonding, and trust are a human being’s birthright and our way of life. Make the most of your relationships. Develop life skills to connect in affective and empathetic ways founded on humanistic bonds with others. Healthy relationships are one of life’s greatest joys.

No matter how hopeless or bleak things appear, the moment always comes when suddenly our spirit revives, and hope is reborn. That is why we must never give up. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.