true love scam recovery

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2018_01_29 2023_11_02

What Am I Supposed to Do With All This Junk?

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Junk and garbage and stuff they pretend to love.
They leave a trail of pain and confusion… and their junk.
Here’s what to do with it.

Are they gone…? Wahoo!! Congratulations!!! But does their old guitar and their cowboy boots and a suitcase and a sack of their junk still clutter your back bedroom?

Junk. Piles of junk. If we’ve lived with one of these nut-bags we know that they arrive with very little, take and use, and take and use, and then leave junk behind.

Guitar strings, photos, packs of candy, socks, dusty old hardened leather dress shoes…

Junk from Soup to Nuts

These nutters leave useless piles of coupons, receipts, old shoes, rumpled gum wrappers, a bent-up photo of some kid we’ve never seen or heard of before.

Car parts, bicycles, unopened delivery packages, their so-called beloved violin that they can’t live without, or basketball they used to shoot the game-winning free throw…

Getting their things out and refreshing our own home with compassion for ourselves and love and empathy towards ourselves is essential to healing, getting back to ourselves, and shifting forward to our bright future.

Junk, Toss Them and Toss Their Junk

Junk of every kind. Toasters, cameras, gym shoes, old underwear. Porn collections, bras, an ankle bracelet, stacks of People magazine from the ’80s, cords, and cables, a tennis racket, and a torn backpack. What’s this all about…?!

As sickening as it all is, there’s really nothing going on other than a sociopath being a sociopath. They are – really, really, and truly, all relentlessly identical. They do the same things, think the same way because their brains are specifically limited.

There is resolution and full restoration.
What is recovery for you?

A Predator Sociopath Is What They Are: Can’t Be Anything Else

That’s what makes someone a “sociopath”, this abnormal and specific type of brain. This brain doesn’t allow real attachment or connection or “care” for other humans, or for things, not even us, not even their own junk.

Junk is left behind because sociopaths have no emotional connection to humans or to things. They have no emotional nostalgia factor.

Objects, like people, only matter moment to moment for what they “offer” to the sociopath – importance or concern is directly in relation to the degree an object or a person improves their image or feeds their survival.

The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Our Thinking and Emotions All Over the Place

With the fear center of our brains deregulated from the trauma we’re in overdrive in the fear department – then combine that with not understanding how a sociopath’s brains work and we might have their stuff for years after they go.

We fear they’ll come back for it and be mad it isn’t there… they’ll accuse us of stealing or take us to court, or worse. – They won’t. The legal fact is: they left it behind. It’s no longer theirs.

We all think about a ritual dance around burning flames, igniting their garbage in celebration of their absence, and exorcising their hideousness from our lives. There’s nothing wrong with doing this: burning their junk and dancing around the flames. I’m all for it!!

We Think the Monster Will Be Mad

Together, I laughed with one of the women he was living with while married to me (yes only one of them, there were three). We laughed and squealed over the digital wires carrying our voices some 3,000 miles to one another.

My dear fellow prey and I painted in the fantasy of a blazing bonfire of the absolute crap that represented his fake and miserable life... The burning pile, an effigy of his rotting, stinking soul.

Imagination Releases Us to Freedom

But then, there it is… We’re normal people. It isn’t that we’re not “too nice”, but do have trouble selling, giving away, or throwing someone else’s things away. At all times we’re responding like normal people in a very abnormal situation.

As normal people, we like to be “constructive” rather than “destructive”. Sometimes they leave valuable, useful stuff: a laptop, audio equipment, a brand new phone still in the box, Ferragamo shoes, a gold ring at the bottom of their moldering duffel bag. What do we do with the physical pile of rubble?

Sociopaths Care About Taking and Using

The things, none of that junky muck, are genuinely important to sociopaths. They have no nostalgia, sentimentality, or emotional connection to anything or anyone beyond the moment. The one tiny moment that they think they need it.to enhance their persona and story in order to bring the people and situations to make use of.

Junk and things and people all need to make them look good, normal. Junk and stuff and people only matter as much as they will bring them access to another person, or a reputation so they can get more. We lose a lot, but there are gains we can claim.

If Their Junk is In Your House, They’re In Your House

If their junk is in your house, then things aren’t quite over, yet… This might seem harmless enough… But it’s anything but harmless. Having their things in your home, your garage or attic or storage space means you’re still “in it”.

This means there’s a part of you that’s conscious of and affected by them and their belongings 24/7. They’re vibing in your space even if they’re gone and their junk is out of eyesight. To close to that feeling and effect when they were more deeply in your life.

There’s a part of you feeling responsible for their stuff, and so they’ve still got a grip on you… YUCK. What the heck is happening…? Leaving junk behind is sociopath normal. It’s not normal normal.

In A Normal Human Break Up…

When normal people have a breakup and move out: they take their stuff. You might accidentally leave a DVD or a CD or a pair of earrings or something in the back of a bathroom cabinet.

And so, you pick it up later – and done. That’s the end of it. Or maybe you say to your genuine ex: oh, yah, I forgot that, sorry, go ahead and toss it. Not the sociopath. When they go… be sure to toss their stuff out too. All of it. Make sure they leave nothing behind. Not one hairpin, not one matchbook. Why…? You can’t break truly free or restore your life with their merde in your space.

What’s going on…?! You might think you’re being nice by saving it so carefully. And you’re scared to throw it out. You think they’ll accuse you of stealing it if you toss it. And – drum roll: so you don’t go no contact. They don’t want any of it. That stuff keeps a hold on you. And that’s their point!

Thye Leave Stuff Everywhere: You Aren’t Special

That, and they just don’t care about that stuff. Did you know sociopaths leave things behind everywhere they hide out or nest…? Everywhere. Everyone’s home. In every prey’s condo, townhouse, villa or palace is a pile of junk they leave behind. No matter what it is, a Steinway, a Babolat tennis racquet – it’s junk to them.

I know it’s hard to imagine that their personal belongings aren’t personal. Remember: these are creatures without the ability to have a positive emotional attachment or care for: anything. All people, places, and things hold value for them only as far as that person, place, or thing’s immediate use and benefit to them.

They leave stuff behind not because they care about the stuff… They don’t care about the stuff but like to keep a grip on you. Really. Feel free to toss it.

Every Sociopath Is Alike

Here’s my tiny real-life example: The dirtbag I married left stuff: audio equipment, clothes, people’s business cards, a notebook, receipts from money wire transfers, his dinners, and outings. As he packed to leave he was careless, hasty, in a hurry, and sloppy. (Sound familiar?)

There was one item he was frantic about. Without his realizing I was watching him, I saw him clutch it, almost in a panic, and double-check that it was in his main suitcase three times. What was it? This fabulous item…? Was it diamonds or Krugerrands? Nope: It was a photo of his mother.

Socioapths Have a Kit of the Important Stuff

This photo of mom – this item – was also the first thing that showed me when he moved in, placing it on a shelf in my living room. Along with a story about how much he loved his mother and how sad he is that she has passed away. Which he repeated and embellished over the following months. All the stories about his mom were lies.

How do I know this?: Another of his women knew his mother. She told me the real story. This scumbucket used this photo of his mother as an empathy ploy, as bait to sound normal and amazing. That photo was part of his kit. He needed that photo to gain what he wanted. End of story.

I Get It: Here’s the thing: Did you know you can lie to a sociopath and they believe whatever you say? After you toss their stuff, if somehow they do reach you and say: “Where’s my old pack of bologna…? You can say, “What pack of bolgona? You didn’t leave anything here.” – Click. – Be sure you truly go full zero contact.

What to Do with the Junk a Sociopath Leaves at Our Place?

So, is their junk in your closet in the hallway? Two words: toss it. They already took the junk they wanted. You deserve freedom, joy, and every happiness. And a home without their junk. P.S. merde is French for “shit”. You can’t break truly free or restore your life with their merde in your space.

Option One: Let It Sit There and Make us Sad

As ridiculously painful as this is, it happens. We all know that, for heck’s sake. Hopefully, this isn’t our choice because of sentimental feelings tugging our heartstrings over the life-stealing scum-bucket. – Let the junk go.

These are things they left behind because they hold no meaning to the sociopath… and if it messes with us a little, so be it – they don’t mind that, and it’s a foot back in the door. Remove that wedge into our lives – toss the junk.

Find every answer; resolve each loss.
Take back your life.

Option Two: Save it Carefully for Them.

With our normal limbic brain, we feel obligated to take care of someone’s things if we find them in our possession. We don’t touch or take other people’s things in our normal world. And… we’re scared not to save it. What if they come back for it? Or try to sue us for it..?

What if the sun turns green… It’s never going to happen. Sociopaths are notorious for leaving things behind everywhere they roam. Get some really big heavy-duty garbage bags or old cardboard boxes ready. Let the junk go.

Option Three: Throw it Away Immediately.

It’s really okay to do this. – And it feels fantastic. Burn it. Dance around the flames. Drink champagne. Sing at the top of our lungs, “Free at last…”

Sociopaths Leave Things Behind: Dogs Marking Territory

Option Four: Donate It

We’re good people after all and one man’s junk… There are classic go-to’s for donating clothing, household goods, books, CD’s, DVD’s, even eyeglasses.

Goodwill: An old standard. Search online to find a local drop off location. They employ mentally challenged people, training them in retail skills and life skills. Search their site to find where to take this stuff, give it a fresh start, and renewed life as we do the same for ourselves.

Salvation Army: They make scheduled pick-ups of bulky items or larger amounts of goods. Otherwise, they have drop-off centers at their stores and kiosk locations. Salvation Army houses, counsels, and feeds the homeless and down and out. They shelter and feed kids who’ve aged out of the foster care system at 18 with nowhere to go.

1-800-Got-Junk: They pick up junk with a big truck, but we pay them for the service.

Sociopaths Feel No Emotional Nostalgia for Stuff or People

Option Five: Sell It

The things, none of that junk, is genuinely important to sociopaths. They have no nostalgia, sentimentality or emotional connection to anything or anyone beyond the moment. The one tiny moment that they think they need it in order to enhance their persona or story in order to bring them people and situations to make use of.

I’m a huge fan of this one!! A simultaneous target of the nutter who hijacked me made $600 bucks selling a boom mic and $1200 selling other audio equipment gifted by the manufacturer as a sponsor for an event he was planning (scamming), he shipped the gear to her in another country where he intended to run!

I myself had a gigantic party with 20 cases of Heineken sent to the event venue in Beverly Hills in a sponsorship agreement as well for his upcoming (not) comedy (not) production (it never happened, because the venue dropped him.)

How and Where Can We Sell This Junk…?

eBay – We’ve all heard of eBay. But… it’s so public and we might be more comfortable doing this on the down-low. We can make a new email that doesn’t reflect our name.

Create a user name that isn’t “us,” doesn’t hint at who we are, or how we’re feeling about the dirtbag. List the items with that email address. Dump the junk and line our pocket.

Craig’s List – Probably the easiest and one of the quickest ways to offload their (usually stolen in the first place, or coerced from another target) television, Aeron office chair, bicycle, or trumpet. We need to take decent photos of the thing, describe it, name a price, or go with “Best Offer.”

Your Privacy is Kept On Craigslist

In order to give or sell things on Craigslist, create an account on Craigslist, your name or contact will not be seen in listings, we can have inquiries by prospective buyers sent via the Craiglist server into our email inbox, then we reply to them from our own email address.

Consider making an email address that doesn’t reflect our name. Only give out a location, phone numbers in order for someone to pick up the thing they’re buying and to give us cash. – I’ve done this, it works. Follow your gut.

Give it Away On Craigslist

There’s also a “Free” stuff category on Craig’s List. Here in Los Angeles this is incredibly commonly used. You snap a photo, put stuff on the curb. Announce it on CL as a give-away free item and list an address a few houses down from yours. An intersection will do. Set it out in front of your place or that one a bit down the block. Whatever that is will be gone in 30 minutes.

ETSY: If It’s Vintage or Art or Handmade

ETSY – If you have a collection of say, old records, rare books, or supplies to build crafty things they might find a new home through ETSY. It’s a matter of setting up a “store,” making a bio and a banner and taking photos, and giving product descriptions… a lot of work.

I mention it here because it’s a great and refreshing resource of things to buy that are handmade, vintage, or supplies for jewelry or jam making. Look around… we might get some ideas for a new venture of our own!

A Great Place to Dump Their Junk.

Never Liked It Anyway – This is a super-smart trendy, current, hip site for selling your “exes” stuff! List items for sale and rake in the dough. Buy stuff, sell stuff, they have a fresh blog of breakup articles, and more. Make a profile, list the item, someone buys it, NeverLikedIt gets a small fee from the sale price and gives 10% of that to The American Heart Association.

They also ship the item to the buyer and send freshly minted freedom in dollars and cents straight to you. No risk of getting a payment for the buyer. Never Liked it Anyway – too bad we can’t sell the socio-freak off along with their trash to a life sentence in Hades. – By the way, Never Liked It is on IG: @neverlikedit

Where to Offload Bigger Things and House Hold Items

EBTH – The Premier Estate Sale Market Place – This is for those left with a LOT. Like some big things, maybe a house full of furniture you want to unload. Not sure which states they operate in. Investigate… There are surely similar companies in most cities.

Habitat for Humanity – A long-established and much-loved organization that makes a home a reality for many lower-income people, or survivors of natural and life disasters and tragedy.

Habitat stores sell donated goods, they also use donations for home construction and for their home renovation grant projects. Perfect if the nut-job left a toilet seat in the garage or a tool kit, or drill.

Give That Stuff New Life: Furnish Someone’s Home

Humble Designs – This incredible organization fills the new apartments of those coming out of shelters and homelessness with beds, bedding, kitchenware, tables, chairs, lamps, desks, night lights, art, and love. They make a haven for those who’ve survived violence or loss.

Get Them Out of Our Home: Out of Our Bones

Free ourselves of their scent, their aura, their junk, their grip… let every last piece fly out the door. Turn their trash into someone else’s treasure and a new beginning. Create value from their malevolence and absence of care for humanity. We’ve got enough love to go around!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Schedule guided recovery sessions here

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2018_01_21 2023_01_27

What’s the Smear Campaign All About?

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The smear campaign is so painful.
It’s all about the sociopath’s
need to position themselves
to come out smelling like roses.
It doesn’t work. They smell like poop.
Always.

The smear campaign… a nightmare inside the nightmare. They go to great lengths to conjure themselves into the role of “victim” in the eyes of their “fans”. It’s in order to keep empathy falling into their slimy laps, so they can keep taking and using and getting away with it. It’s all smoke and mirrors.

Smear Campaigns are Born of Basic Sociopath Survival Needs

The sociopath is obsessed with making sure no one ever catches on to just how heinous they are. This is their only goal. Looking like the victim and the “good guy” is their ploy to that end. It has to be.

This facade feeds into their survival. When we’re smeared across social media, to their family, to our own family, it can seem like everyone believes them. And, sadly, lots of people do believe them… at first.

The truth is, you’d think it’d be easier to pull a rabbit out of a hat than to make people truly believe any sociopath is a good guy or gal – and yet, it seems everyone around us buys into their malarkey.

And at first, they do… hang on though, because eventually they won’t, but still the liar must conjure up their good-guy story. They’re compelled to for their survival.

Get answers, gain skills to see the truth, and be free.

A Sociopaths Survival is Always Hanging By a Thread

Everything a sociopath says or does is for their survival. It may not seem so to us, as we’re terrified, mystified, and can’t figure out why they’d say what they say… they seem powerful. It seems that everyone believes them, yet inside the sociopath, their knees are knocking. They know their world is made of lies.

Antisocial psychopaths function from a limited range of cognition and are without emotional intelligence due to their abnormal brains. The few remaining intact parts of their brains do include intense and unwavering survival mechanisms, just as does the brain of a cockroach. These are bizarre and dark creatures who run when the light goes on.

The thing is, though it feels like it, the smear campaign is not designed solely to torture us. As much as it seems like it, the sociopath isn’t thinking about us, they’re doing what they always do: They’re thinking of themselves.

Their Only Concern is for Themselves

The focus of a sociopath is obtaining their desires. Ultimately, their strongest desire is for their own safety. This requires getting people to trust them, and the need to get in quick and hit it hard. And finally to make sure they look innocent when the thing falls apart once they’re done ransacking someone’s life.

To this end, they’re busy planting lies and stories about how wonderful they are, and how awful we are well before that last text, “I’m done.” Or that whaling whine, “I’ve tried as hard as I can to make this work. I can’t live like this anymore,” as they exit the scene.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

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Why Do Sociopaths Smear Their Targets?

Why do they need to talk so badly about us? We did everything! Gave everything; we were incredible, the best boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband anyone could be! Then, after all that, this – this is what we get?!!? Yep.

Sociopaths need to preempt the truth about themselves before it walks in the door as often and as hard as they can. We’ve seen them do this many, many times while we were with them. It’s that storytelling thing. It’s one of their basic tactics.

Smearing is nothing more than more of the same from their limited bag of tricks. The pathological predator’s only way to look good is to make others look bad.

Smear Campaigns Begin from the Millisecond After their First “Hello”

We’ve witnessed “smearing” a zillion times while with the sociopath. In retrospect we shake our heads in disbelief as we clearly see talking badly about other people was pretty much the only “conversation” they ever made.

Since it was while we were entranced by them, wanting to make things work out, and about someone else, it didn’t seem so harsh.

They don’t know when enough is enough since they’re devoid of the emotional sensibility of a normal, limbic brained person.

Remember the tale he told about the guy at work who pocketed the office’s petty cash? Then blamed it on the sociopath, so he got fired? And the further insistence that really he was innocent and the other guy was a liar and a thief?

That’s smearing. Remember the one about the ex who cheated, was a drunk and used him for money? Well, that’s us now. Now we’re the story.

“Someone” is Always Behind the Spot They’re in Now

There has always got to be a “someone” as “the story” in a sociopath’s life that is a sob story, a hardship episode they still suffer from. “Someone” has got to be the one who put them in the tight spot they’re in now.

They need this setup so their new prey feels bad for them. This is what lets them borrow money, move in, or whatever they need in “support”. These stories are not ever the truth. Nothing they say is what we think it is or the full truth. The smear campaign is storytelling. It’s the sociopath’s most used tool.

The smear campaign serves another extremely important purpose: it keeps prey, both current and former, from talking to one another. They need us to not band together and piece the truth into the ugly picture that it is. This is the point of the majority of their storytelling and what many call their “triangulation”.

Woven Fantastical Lies Make Up the Tales of Their Past

Every sociopath comes up with a combination of the same things to say about former prey. The basics put out there by a sociopath smearing their prey don’t vary much because, well there are only so many “bad things” you can say about people.

So they call us: crazy, drug addicts, mentally ill, liars, cheaters, or say we beat them. They sometimes like to add in personal jabs such as, we’re fat, lazy, or old and stinky.

The delicious and ridiculous part is their limited skills and tactics come back around to give them away and hang them for the very bad guys they truly are. Let time perform its magic. The truth will out.

They straight out tell stories about our crimes; they say it along with some elaboration, such as, “Don’t talk to Linda. She forged my signature on a check and emptied my bank account… I had to break up with her. And along with all this, they post images of themselves looking happy with a new “wife”, or “boyfriend”. Et voila, abracadabra, we’re bad; they’re good.

Since sociopaths are missing emotional intelligence and haven’t experienced emotions in the way we do, they have no emotional barometer to gauge emotional nuance so they tend to lean into the dramatic.

In other words, they imitate what they think is our genuine experience of emotions in order to seem normal. It’s off the mark and overdone. They don’t know when enough is enough.

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Smear Campaign: This is a Time to Defend Ourselves to No One

Sociopaths count on our emotional response. Our emotions in reaction to them can land us right into looking “crazy” so they look “normal” which they need. They wield their pronouncements as “proof” of how yucky and nuts we are.

We run around like a cat chasing its tail trying to defend ourselves and prove them wrong; we get nowhere and for the most part, end up fulfilling their accusations in the eyes of onlookers.

When we defend ourselves on social media posts, to friends of their friends, to their family, it supports their negative false story about us. It makes them look like the good guy and the guy who tells the truth. It just does. Sad but true. Frustrating but real.

Trying to Disprove Their Crazy Makes Us Look Crazy

And more so, defending ourselves tampers with our well-being; when we hop around trying to disprove what they say about us we stay in trauma. If our focus is to disprove the bad things they’ve said we don’t even begin recovery. Because: horror-of-horrors – we’re still in it. They still have us hooked. This is what they want. – Don’t give it to them.

Please: I beg you… explain and defend yourself to no one. If we challenge the things they say where ever those things pop up, speaking out against every story we hear that they’re telling about us, not only will we look crazy – we’ll drive ourselves crazy doing it. Stay no contact. Block them. Keep tales of their stories away from your ears.

Save speaking on your own behalf to where it counts: in court, in legal situations, in reports to authorities that you might make, and your friends or family who fully support you. – The friends and family who don’t get it can be put on the back burner for now.

Smear Campaign and All: We Don’t Stay Their “Story” Forever

Eventually, the sociopath stops and fades into the background. As the days roll by and we stay no contact, they begin to feel smug and certain that we aren’t coming after them or sending people to break their knees or have them arrested or blow their cover to their wife or mom. This is when they lose interest in us and need to put their attention where it bears them fruit.

They have many new people to prey upon, so many juicy, plump, fresh unknowing people to live off of… and more recent “exes” than us. They’ll continue to spin new stories in which the key bad-guy character isn’t us, but some other prey. This is what they do. It isn’t about us. None of any of it was personal. None of it. – This is key to our recovery.

It’s all and only about them using the limited skills they’ve got for their miserable survival. And the delicious and ridiculous part is their limited skills and tactics come back around to give them away and hang them for the very bad guys they truly are. Let time perform its magic. The truth will out.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

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Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
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True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, www.truelovescam.com, Jennifer Smith and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2026 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2017_12_06 2024_08_1322

Why Do We Fall for Sociopaths?

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Sociopaths don’t mind who they target.
It’s a good day for them as long as
they have several someones in their grip.
Otherwise, they can’t survive.
How do they get us?
Why do we fall for sociopaths and why do we stay?

The sociopath’s uncanny power of influence has roots in the primal, raw place from which they live; they’re parasitic survivalists functioning out of no conscience, no positive human connection, and a deep and abiding, driving fear of being exposed and left with no one believing them. If no one believes them, they have no means to survive.

Sociopaths can’t function in our real world with sustained ability or skill. It might look like they’re really a plumber or an artist… look more closely. That surface of normal ability or accomplishment is a very thin veneer. Underneath it is monster-dirt-bag-lying-parasitic-sociopath. They leech their existence from others; it’s a matter of life and death.

Anamilistic Parasitic Predator by Nature

What is a sociopath and a narcissist? Why do we fall fo rhyme?

Antisocial psychopaths are animalistic in the worst sense. Their “beast” life force pulls on normal humans at a primal bone-marrow level. – If the timing is right – or wrong let’s say – we’re snagged whole in one breath.

The “charm”, diffidence, humility, and “manners” lure us to the sociopath as we value these attributes. The flattery, lending a hand, giving, offering… are nothing more than bait.

In the early days, they can narrow in on us, with a steady gaze and, hang on to our every word. They look deeply into your face, and oddly off to the distance at the same time. Remembering it now I see it as a wild animal hunched in the tall grass scanning the horizon for dinner. Intent, and focused on us, but not in the room for the same reason we are.

The World of the Sociopath is Another Universe from Ours

Sociopaths function from an abnormal brain. In essence, they have the brains of reptiles while we have the brains of puppies. Regions of the sociopath’s brain are under-functioning. To be exact these regions do not function at all. This black-out, blank spot in their minds is where love ought to be. Where caring lives in us. This blacked-out bit of brain matter is the source of their antisocial behavior, thinking, and violence. This is sociopathy…more precisely: psychopathy.

This bit of nonexistent brain can be seen in brain scans. Science is breaking through on this front to the point that the legal system may incorporate limited use of brain imaging scans in court decisions. Every human on the planet is equally a potential target and prey to a sociopath. They’re wired this way… For the sociopath, having a number of simultaneous prey is a matter of life and death.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Lies are Normal to a Sociopath: They See Lies as Real and Real as Made Up

Sociopaths, that is, antisocial psychopaths, feel the efforts they make for their survival are their right. They truly believe that the inevitable fallout that tears apart the lives of their prey, is something the prey deserve. Normal people are despised by sociopaths, we’re thought of as revolting wimps for having and for living by our emotions.

Lying, the sociopath’s most insidious trait brings disunity and ruin. We wonder if sociopaths “believe” their lies. They do. And they don’t IN their bizarre world real is made up and lies are real. Lying is not a betrayal from their point of view: There is nothing to betray! They are not in a relationship. Plus: they are wired to believe that they can do anything they want to do to anyone and it’s fine. That everything belongs to them.

From their twisted world of destruction lying is normal. Their world is lies. We, on the other hand, believe the sociopath’s lie because embedded within our fundamental wiring is trust.

Pathological Predator, Sociopaths Believe Lies: Even Ours

We can lie to a sociopath and they act from the lie as if it were a truth. In a sense, in their village in hell, there’s no such thing as a lie… we interpret this as the sociopath “believing their own lies.”

There’s more to it than that… Sociopaths know they lie, but they don’t consider it a lie. There’s no discernment or separation between fact and fiction because to a sociopath lies are reality… and reality is made up. Reality changes with each new lie. At any moment. And yet, every lie is true. – That is the circus going on in their heads. They live in an entirely different reality than we do and cannot comprehend ours.

It’s Hard to See What’s Real: We Can and We Will

If we can step up and into wrapping our heads around that and we find deeper freedom from their influence. You can begin to see how impersonal these attacks are. It has nothing to do with us specifically: other than we’re alive and breathing and wholly normal humans.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t let anyone tell you this happened because of anything about you. And don’t let yourself do that either. We are not responsible for the sociopath’s inhumanity.

It isn’t that we attract sociopaths. It’s not that we’re co-dependent. We aren’t reeled in because we had bad parents or tough childhoods – even if we did. We get to be who we are.

There’s Nothing About Us that Attracts a Sociopath Aside From Being Normal

They are the antithesis of us. The polar opposite; so far apart it can’t be imagined. . Light years apart. In parallel universes. They live as parasites. Solo, marauding predators. This is the way they are wired.

We’re innately wired to trust, give, unify, make families and groups, build relationships, try, stay, and “fix”. We don’t expect lies. This is how we’re wired by nature…And it’s a gorgeous wiring job!! We get to be who and what we are. By nature we care, connect, trust, bond, bud friendships, relationships, families, communities… This is our natural survival.

Cognitive Dissonance vs. Cognitive Harmony

We’re wired to make sense of anything that doesn’t make sense… “Cognitive dissonance” hits us like a ton of brinks at the odd things they say or do. We must live in cognitive harmony. This is why we “rationalize” or make reasons in our minds for things they say or do.

But – since we don’t have the actual truth of their motivation to balance the dissonance, we use our normal human reasoning and paint in emotional reasons that come from our life palette: we don’t know the reasons that exist in the minds of these pathological creatures. So, we stay off-kilter. This is a part of the trauma.

The Hijacking Into Hell

At its most elemental level, being targeted and hijacked by a sociopath has nothing to do with anything in our lives personally as individuals other than the fact that we’re limbic-brained normal humans. If being human is “wrong, then I don’t want to be “right.”

Every human has fragility…Doubts, fears, and vulnerability as well as strengths and dreams and hopes, and love. You might call it our humanity. This can be tapped by a pathological predatory parasite as if being handed to them on a plate when we believe they’re a normal human being standing in front of us.

Know This: Any person can be scammed by a life-hijacking antisocial psychopath. If we’ve been through it, fully comprehend what happened and fully recovered we have rendered and forged ourselves into limbic brained normal humans who are now sociopath proof. If someone has been through this, but has been misinformed and badly, inaccurately supported out of the hell they are not recovered and they’re susceptible to another sociopath invasion – likely in the very next true love that crosses their path. – Unless you’ve gone through this hell and lived to tell about it – there’s no way to understand it.

Thinking We Found Something Good

There’s nothing “wrong with us” that led to a sociopath invasion other than we’re human and had no idea such monsters existed, or what they look like, what they do, say, want, and need.

We enter into what we believe is real. Real love, or a real business, or the combination of love and business together. We think we’ve found a really special kind of belonging. Getting a fresh start. Embarking on a new adventure. A life. with “the one”, a soulmate, a partner. These are things absolutely every human desires. These desires and expectations are what life is made of.

We’re Normal: Normal is Good, Kind, and Giving and has Emotions

Hooked in and winding down the path of our future with a sociopath we behave as normal humans in a normal relationship or partnership, but – there’s another parallel thread, another reality running underneath and alongside our normal world when we’re paired up with a socio-freak.

The trouble starts; sociopaths come as a bag of chaos. They have things that need to be “fixed”, problems as long as our arms with a co-worker, an old boss, an old roommate, or a neighbor. Someone is wanting money from them that they say they don’t owe. Someone suddenly fired them for no reason. On, and on, and on…

We as normal humans, do our best to manage it – we think we’re tackling it together. It takes time to see that there isn’t much “together” happening and that this person we love (?) isn’t participating in conflict resolution, solutions, progress, or developing what we have, but is… could it be possible… they are the problem…?

Here’s the Thing: A normal human’s “go-to” is to take responsibility and to dive-in to resolving the things that are out of balance, or painful in the relationship we believe is real. – There’s nothing wrong with us. There’s everything right with us.

It’s Normal to Try, to Stay, to Fix: Leaving is What Normal Does Last

This compulsion to hang in there, to “fix,” to work it out is why humans still exist on planet earth. It’s how we create and thrive as families and communities. Imagine if we were to give up on loved ones at the first sign of trouble.

Trauma bonding is normal; it’s human survival mode, wired into our DNA. It’s a mode of survival that occurs when we’re in love with a normal person as well, or when a family member is in crisis. It is human and good.

Imagine if we tossed away our kids if we caught them in a lie about where they were after school or if the dog ate their homework. Imagine if we walked away from our husbands and wives if they lost their job, lost a parent to illness, or became ill themselves. Staying, working on it, and resolving is what humans do.

Side Note: Personally… I wasn’t love-bombed, I wasn’t praised, I wasn’t flattered, there was none of that going on to be so-called “addicted” too. Yet, I met and married him in seven-days time. By day three of knowing him a wave of panic washed over me – I felt I couldn’t live without him. This sensation shocked me to the roof and confused me — as I felt it. So… what is it? Here’s what I think: sociopaths have an uncanny, power of influence related to the primal level they exist from. They have the power, the effect of something wild, and riveting – like a lion we make eye contact with suddenly, unexpectedly on the lions home territory. We’re shocked we’re there. How’d we get in the lion’s back yard? We can’t look away. Something deep inside is grabbed and hooked. Primal. Raw. Sociopaths live from a life-and-death survival place that’s activated in us; we don’t recognize the feeling. We’ve never needed to use this part of ourselves… We need to call it something, that’s normal and human, though we’re stumped. We can’t call it something we don’t know exists, and we don’t recognize it as fear… We decide it’s “love” because love is all we know, we don’t know monsters and this deception adn parasitic madness exists – and certainly, we don’t know how to recognize that happening within us.

Know There is Nothing “Wrong” with Us

When in these circumstances with a sociopath we see strange behavior, we see them take too much and give nothing and we see no changes.

And then when we see enough to see that this is not normal and is nothing we can recognize even within normal-but-not-going-well… we go – or get them out. – There’s nothing wrong with us. It takes as long as it takes.

Do not allow anyone to take this gorgeous, human innate trait and twist it to blame us for these hijackings. Know the significance of this kind of remark: “Why did you stay?” And, “You must be co-dependent and have low self-esteem.” And, “How did you let that happen?!”

There Are People Who Just Won’t Understand

People with this response to our ride in hell are filled with misconceptions of humans and human behavior that have been the paradigm of psychotherapy, counseling, and our culture for years now.

They’re out of step, flat-out wrong, and incorrect in general in regard to any relationship counseling. And 100% inaccurate and harmful and the cause of more trauma in the aftermath of a life-jacking sociopath.

Wrap Ourselves in Compassion

Put the benefit of the doubt towards ourselves. Embrace our lives. Enfold ourselves in compassion. Appreciate the gorgeous loving, trusting qualities pulsing in our DNA. Value our humanity.

Increase and deepen our interconnectedness and interdependence as living beings sharing this planet. Let this newfound knowledge of the possibility in life for both evil and great good inspire us to seek how to manifest and expand our own true and pure good. We are awesome.

Courage is the force that makes our lives brilliant. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

A tune from my sweet friend, Ada Pasternak, “Hope” – on Sound Cloud

I’ve been down and out. Filled with doubt.
Had this little heart of mine kicked around.
On the sunniest day the sky can seem gray.
All of these battles they’ve made me fierce.
Crying doesn’t make me weak;
it’s my soul just trying to speak.

… believe that tomorrow will hold a silver lining to all of the sorrow.

~ Hope, Ada Pasternak

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

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so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
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Interested in recovery coaching?

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2025 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2017_11_12 >>REWRITE REPUB > 2022_11_19. 2023_07_21

There Really Are Monsters

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Monsters know they’re monsters.
Narcs know they’re sociopaths.
Sociopaths know they’re sociopaths.
We don’t need to act as if they don’t and aren’t.
That’s how we win.

Monsters know what they are. Monsters like who and what they are. And yet, we’re spinning here, seeing our world turn in circles and go nowhere but backward. Because that’s the natural effect they have on normal.

It’s the rest of us – the non-monsters – who have a hard time knowing they exist. The facts are, that monsters in “relationships” don’t want what we want. They aren’t there for the reason we are. Not for one tiny moment, not even one millisecond. Nothing is shamed mutual moment.

Normal is, as Normal Does: Normal Does as Normal Is

RECOVER FROM NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SOCIOPATH NARCISSIST

As any normal person would, when things first went wrong we defined what was happening through our normal ideas about relationships and our normal human point of view.

We’re normal and normal has its own special “lens” we use to look at the world. We might not think much about that, but it’s true.

We assume people are “good” like we are that all people share, for the most part, a core value system that is inspired by, “do unto others…”

Even if we disagree about big things like gun rights, abortion, immigration, or our favorite color. Even if we’re different in other ways we do feel there’s a shared baseline of “good” and rules we all follow about social behavior.

Unexpected answers and resolution.
We decide what winning is.

Monsters and Normal Collide

For this reason, as we fell down the rabbit hole, we naturally and blamelessly endowed the love of our life – the sociopath with a quality of humanity that unfortunately, does not exist inside their bodies, hearts, minds, or souls. (Even if you’re calling them a narc, narcopath, narcissist, psychopath, or any word.)

Sociopaths know they’re sociopaths. Narcs know they’re sociopaths. Most of the creatures we’re calling narcissists are sociopaths. These monsters know they’re monsters. It’s the rest of us who have a hard time knowing they exist. We don’t need to act as if they don’t and aren’t what they are.

Innocently and with pure-hearted hope, we explained away their odd habits and missteps. We found and still find after they’re gone in many cases, reasons, or explanations for those bizarre reveals-from-behind-the-mask.

As normal humans with fully limbic “feeling-based” brains have room to think, maybe, that’s just the way they are. We might decide to give them space based on an “issue” we’d work on as a couple. We give them more time… That’s normal. Because we assumed that the “monster” was a manageable version of “normal”. That assumption is 100% normal and something we do as regular, normal people who bond and care, and connect.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Monsters Live Off of Our Normal

Antisocial personality disorder is the formal mental health diagnosis for what’s commonly referred to as “sociopathy.” People living with the condition are often labeled “sociopaths.” ~ Hope Gillette, Kendra Kubala, PsyD Psychology

Our natural understanding and compromising give them a hall pass to keep on stomping through our lives. We believed them when they told us about their childhood trauma that left them with PTSD or left them unable to be intimate. We believed their last girlfriend was crazy. This is because we’re good, not because of any special skill or intelligence they have.

When we love, we give. Monsters make use of, and take advantage of our goodness and our lack of really knowing and understanding that monsters exist. This is truly the psychopath’s only real intelligence.

What’s Love Got to Do with It?

When we fall in love involuntary changes go on in our bodies in we fall in that further mask the intentions and lies of the sociopath. Our zinging, swirling chemicals and altered state of excitement in a new relationship buy the sociopath time.

So, monsters, as in all they do, take advantage of what we are as fully limbic-brained humans. We don’t know about the parallel destructive existence shoving our lives in the wrong direction. They use the fact we don’t know the kind of creature that they really truly exist, let alone that it could be sleeping in our bed.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Their Power Is An Illusion: It’s the Effect Of What They Are

Our “not knowing” about these monsters, is the entirety of their power and “currency.” Since there’s a limited supply of “not knowing” on our part, their dominance and influence falter and they topple.

Monster-predators (sociopaths, psychopaths, and what people refer to as a narcissist) expect this shift from the first, “hello“. Sociopath-monsters do try to override it by getting angry or making more promises… this is so they can hang on as long as possible. It all only lasts so long. Because we’re not dumb. Sociopaths are dumb.

Monsters Have a Mean/Nice Switch: Only Two Options

In between these roller-coaster ups and downs, they’re bored and fishing for a new target. – Their full emotional range is solely in reaction to their own perceived success at taking and using, keeping what they take, and going free.

Monsters have been here since the beginning of time. They’re even mentioned in classic American literature. The author and Nobel Prize winner, John Steinbeck contemplates the existence of sociopaths in his stunningly comprehensive and beautiful award-winning novel, East of Eden, published in 1952, and later made into a film starring James Dean.

A female sociopath comes into the lives of two unmarried brothers by chance. East of Eden tells the odyssey of the brothers’ lives and their children’s lives affected by this sociopath, who plays a minor character but drives their fate. Chapter eight begins:

“Just as there are physical monsters, can there not be mental or psychic monsters born? The face and body may be perfect, but if a twisted gene or malformed egg can produce physical monsters, may not the same process produce a malformed soul?”
~ John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Monsters Need Us for Their Survival: We’re Unwitting Hosts to a Parasite

Narcissistic sociopaths need their emotional response or connection to survive or succeed. To put an end to our vulnerability to sociopaths understand how sociopaths think. Assess and judge what they do, based on their true intentions; use the thinking of a sociopath to evaluate what happened rather than our emotional brain and we set ourselves free.

As more and more of us individually and collectively comprehend what these humans without humanity are they will diminish, and their effect will be neutralized. Monsters know they’re different. They know that if we knew what they really were and are really up to, we would not accept them, this is why they hide.

Seeing What They Are Illuminates Our Great Goodness

As we see what they are, by contrast, we see how gorgeous a fully human person is. The human being as intended, not perfect, but filled with innate trust, goodness, and kindness, living a life interconnected and interdependent with one another.

This is surely the only way to give the existence of the monster-humans meaning or purpose and the way to transform our grief, loss, and pain into something good and to find ourselves more deeply appreciating life itself.

A single word can scar another.
A single word can also give comfort and relief or fill one’s spirit with courage.
The care with which we use words
reflects the depth of our humanity. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
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Schedule recovery coaching sessions here

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2017_08_29 2023_02_17

What Am I Supposed to Do With All This Loss?

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We lose things, money, cars, kids,
friends, time, innocence.
We lose our sense of place in the world.
Nothing is where we left it.
Nothing is what we thought it was.
Or is it maybe better…?

Loss is a normal part of the experience of living a life we think is real, then seeing enough to know it’s not what we thought it was. We feel loss discovering that it’s not as we’ve been perceiving and living it and that instead, it’s deception an illusion filled; that it’s something dark, and mean, and from a world we know nothing about is hard, hard, hard.

It takes our breath away. Stops our hearts and brings up last night’s dinner. Suddenly there’s a lump in our throats. Pooling tears blur our vision and separate us from wherever we’re standing. There’s nothing but numbness and pain as we fall from the waist and our bodies tilt to the floor.

We’re Knocked to the Floor When we Discover we’ve Been Living a Lie

Dispair rolls over us all day, for days and days as each new lying bit of our lives flutters through our minds. When will it end? When will we feel normal?

When will we be okay again? A scream of horror as the reality of the surreal madness we’ve been living could rise to awareness can rail it’s way from solar plexus to our neighbor’s living rooms and down the street to the donut shop if our lungs hadn’t collapsed at the smack of the punch to our being.

How would it feel to resolve the losses?

There is Much Loss Inside the Spiral Into Hell

Here it is: I borrowed the title of this post from something that happened years ago on a camping trip in Italy. I was with my sister walking back from the shower rooms. Our brother was on his way back from the men’s shower. As our trails converged we heard a young boy’s voice shout in a heavy English accent, confused frustration: What I’d like to know is: what am I supposed to do with this piece of soap?!? – He had no idea, no clue, though it seemed so obvious: put it in a wash cloth or a baggie and pack it up in your toiletry kit. This kid was without an answer, left hanging, feeling all alone out there handling something he’d never faced before. But he had the answer in his own hand. I wanted to tell him: you’re not alone, there is a place for everything, clean it up, put it where it belongs.

We have more than a piece of soap to manage. But we do have the resolution in our own hands. And we aren’t alone. There are many of us here. People around us won’t understand. But then, they aren’t in our shoes.

The loss comes in two waves. Discovering the person we thought loved us and that we love is a liar. We see betrayal, cheating, abuse, stealing, using.

If we stay right here we’ll be hurt pretty much forever and stay very, very confused, sad, angry and vulnerable to the next sociopath.

The other wave of loss is seeing that something we thought was real isn’t. Wasn’t. Ever. This is where we need to be to really recover. This isn’t break up. It’s recovery from the trauma of a crime of deception, defrauding, and worse.

These Are Crimes of Fraud Rather Than Betrayal

How do we get from betrayal by someone we loved, who we thought loved us to recovering from an impersonal crime? Carefully. Deliberately. And with time. And patience for ourselves, and huge love for ourselves.

And learning how to look at it from their twisted minds in a very specific way. They made this, we didn’t. Seeing it from their eyes knocks the love right out of our hearts and shifts us to recover from the crimes. This also takes us off their radar. This is the magic.

Unwind the loss, the pain, and the questions.

We Decide What Winning Is

“You must be firmly resolved… You must simply make up your mind. … This is what is meant when it is said that it is difficult to be born a human being.” ~ Nichiren Daishonin, Reply to Yasaburo

This sickening reality that there are people who walk among us who only use and ruin other people isn’t what we want to hear or know. It isn’t cold to say, find a way to accept it. The thing is, since their existence is a reality, we’re able to live more freely than ever when we understand it.

There’s discoveries and vantage points which can bring a way to resolve the loss that sits inside our bodies. You can find the way back to yourselves. Make this your daily determination and allow it to take the time it takes while actively seeking the real answers.

As gorgeous humans we’re resilient, we’re flexible, we have emotional intelligence. There are unfathomable springs of courage, and pools, even oceans of untapped wisdom. Seek the ways to take back your life. Settle for no answer that houses pain or loss.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2025 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2017_08_06 2023_07_21

5 Reasons the Sociopath Nut-Bag Isn’t Hoovering

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The hoovering narcissistic user
is calling, texting, dropping by.
But, what if they aren’t hoovering?
What if we kind of wish they were?

Hoovering is a con man classic. They all do it, always… Except when they don’t. Whether they do or don’t hoover, neither is random. It seems like it, but it isn’t. There’s nothing a sociopath does that is random.

For all the crazy they drag us through, it all has very specific reasons, that bizarrely, have nothing to do with us. We are in fact, in control.

You’ve Heard About Hoovering

Antisocial psychopaths – a sociopath or what is truly a psychopath, which is what that person you’re calling a “narcissist” is… usually buzzes around in the aftermath. They’re monitoring, probing, begging, sending messages of all sorts in all kinds of ways.

They’ll beseech, flatter, moan, coax, insult, blame, shame all in one message, flip-flopping like some hyper Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. They email, they drive by, they leave flowers at your door, they call from blocked numbers, and have “friends” call you on their behalf.

psychopath, narcissist, sociopath man hoovering

Hoovering sociopaths are in the very moment of hoovering… showing us their genuine absolute nut-so selves.

Hoovering isn’t done out of love, that isn’t a possibility. Sociopaths cannot love. Like reptiles, sociopaths don’t even love their own children.

In no way is this kind of persistent hoovering behavior an expression of “love” from anyone, ever.

Normal People Don’t Do These Things

And, FYI, in case you still aren’t sure if this person is a sociopath… normal people don’t do this. Normal people don’t send 2:00 am text messages unless the house is on fire. Sociopaths do, and in particular, when they’re in danger of losing their prey. Losing prey is their world on fire.

Why Isn’t the Sociopath (Narcissist?) Hoovering?

If we aren’t being hoovered there’s a reason. Everything a sociopath does gives away their current circumstances, their fears, and their current needs. We can use that to free ourselves.

There are a few reasons the pathological user doesn’t Hoover. Or a combination of a few reasons. Nothing they do is random.

We end it they don’t. This is what zero contact is all about. Otherwise, any contact and a little bit of our emotional reaction is all it takes for them to stick around!

Every action a sociopath makes fits their limited mental capacity and true intention. Get on the right track to decoding these beasts. Let’s break it down.

Like everything else about a sociopath – narcissist, narc, narcopath – whatever you’re calling the pathological user: they have very specific and limited brain functionality. The tiny lump of gray-matter pulsating in their skulls leaves them in a constant state of “want”. Wanting to take what they want, and wanting to keep it, and really, really, really wanting to never be exposed.

A Quick Refresher on The Real Reasons Sociopaths Hoover

Sociopath maniacs don’t want to lose prey or objects they take.
This makes them want to keep our emotional connection to them alive.
So they can take and use more.
Ant to monitor what we’re saying to others about them after it’s over.

And that’s it. There is no more. Exploitation is the sociopath’s life-long work. If you’re ever thinking, “He’s doing this just to make me __ fill in the blank __ “, you’re on the wrong track.

Pathological Users Do Not Have Humanity

The sociopathic brain can only process the world and life around them in very specific and strictly limited ways. They can’t do anything but be what they are. From our perspective, our language for their behavior is that they’re liars, cheaters, thieves, blackmailers, rapists, pedophiles, and criminals. They, from their actual and sincere sense of self, call themselves, amazing.

Their only regret is in not taking more, and they ‘ll always go for seconds and thirds and… We end it they don’t.

It’s often said sociopaths are geniuses. To me this is ludicrous… After all, is having no limits in the harm and destruction you carry out on others equal to genius? They think of doing horrible things that aren’t in our scope of possibility. — This does not equal smart. Sociopaths are not smart. They do learn tricks.

And since we see through a lens of good, and have only our experience of human possibility up until this point that we encounter them, we can’t imagine the things they do, and then out of our great good and generosity label their debauchery and evil as “genius”. Oh, no. They are not genius, they aren’t quite sure if what they hope to do will work at each stupid and changeable thing they say. Hence the flip from compliment to scolding and insults, from promises to rage.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

When We End It The Parasite Panics in Fear

The end is when the narcissistic sociopath’s deepest fear kicks in, especially if we kicked them out. Animalistic fear. They become desperate like a cornered demon beast. There’s only this on the sociopath’s mind: Get more and go free. Especially: Go free.

They do hideous things like file (false) protection orders against us. Ultimately, they go away because they can’t risk getting in more hot water.

The end of the scam hits the sociopath hard. The pathological predatory user is enraged at their loss. And scared to death they’ll be exposed on a grand scale; or any scale. If we kick them out they’re really, really mad.

When they take off first, they’re not mad, but defending their safety 100% they do everything to not be exposed and to get more if they can even after they’ve “left us”. Their only regret is in not taking more, and they’ll always go for seconds and thirds and…

We end it they don’t. This is what zero contact is all about. Otherwise, any contact and a little bit of our emotional reaction are all it takes for them to stick around!

Five Reasons A Sociopath Doesn’t Hoover

1. You weren’t of high value to the sociopath.

No one is genuinely valued by a sociopath; they have their own valuation scale. It’s based on the results keeping us hooked brings to their pocketbook, their social standing, a place to sleep, and basics like that. If we aren’t an open window to things they want they “value” us at about 600 minus subzero.

That sounds harsh, right? We’re truly fortunate if we rate subzero. It means they didn’t get what they wanted to enhance their life, their image, or whatever else they covet. The loser-leech couldn’t take the goods. Or we wouldn’t do what they wanted such as sponsor them for a green card, or give them money, buy them a car, or feed them. So our value to them is quite low.

More Reasons the Sociopath Isn’t Hoovering

2. They know you have hard evidence that could land them in the clink. This makes them think you know all the horrible crimes they’ve committed.

The last place a sociopath wants to be is in prison, yet so many are – and all of them have done things that merit jailing. Without a conscience, narcissistic sociopaths will do anything, including forge signatures, steal, use violence, commit fraud and bigamy, threaten, stalk, carry weapons, use illegal drugs, rape… sociopaths will and do break any law. Laws mean nothing to them.

These users do feel regret: regret at not taking more. At not lying better. Regret at not using deeper. And not being able to take more makes them mad – at us – because true to form everything is someone else’s fault.

And here’s the thing: These super-creeps have done things we know nothing about to people we’ve never heard of – but they know what they’ve done. If they get busted and investigated for one initial thing, the unraveling begins. Pull one thread and their world disintegrates.

The threat of this can send them running quietly, so we miss out on the Hoovering. When they know, we know a particular dastardly thing they’ve done, or when they’ve done it to us they really get scared because of what we know.

They aren’t sure what we’ll do about it. They do hideous things like file (false) protection orders against us. Ultimately, they go away because they can’t risk getting in more hot water.

3. They’re busy with juice-ie prey in their net and on the horizon.

Priorities shift quickly for the improvisational sociopath-snake. Since normal people are the way a sociopath survives, they need a steady stream of bountiful pastures; normal people who trust and believe them and don’t suspect a thing – yet.

And they’re lazy. They want everything to be easy. If we’re a bit too much work or unyielding, they smell out a more pliable target right next door. They’re distracted by the nearest shiny object (aka a person.)

If they’re not getting what they want, and think we won’t blab our suspicions they just might slither away without a peep.

Sociopaths are Simplistic and Shallow. And Bored.

4. They’re just done. And bored with the game we represented.

Sociopaths are notoriously bored and boring and they do move on simply for that reason. Or they didn’t like our shag carpeting. It could be the way we fry their chicken. Maybe they don’t like the perfume we wear. Or maybe we buy wine they don’t like. It’s all about them. If something isn’t to their taste, they hit the road.

5. They’re saving us for later. Sociopaths boomerang.

Give it a year, or two sometimes ten or even twenty years later a sociopath reaches out their slimy claws to try again. – Yep. Old college or high school or childhood sweethearts show up for round two. Or that creature who FB messages a year later as if nothing ever went bad: Hey! Let’s go out. I miss you. They’re lying. Do not doubt ourselves, second guessing ourselves is natural when the sociopath lies.

Hoover Proof Our Lives

Sociopaths always want more. Their abnormal brains feel no remorse, love, guilt, sympathy, compassion, or positive concern. These users do feel regret: regret at not taking more. At not lying better. Regret not using us more deeply. And not being able to take more makes them mad – at us – because true to form everything is someone else’s fault.

So, hoovering, not hoovering it all comes from the same motivation: sucking in and tying up normal humans’ emotions, either in love, or fear to be sure the sociopath can take and get away with it.

Sociopaths drop hoovering a specific target for three reasons: 1) Out of boredom, 2) Once our value to them hits subzero, 3) they are too busy with a full load of prey and new targets, 4) Out of fear of being exposed, captured and locked up when they know we have direct proof of their crimes, 5) They’re saving us for a major boomerang in a few years time.

Keep Your Intentions to Yourself

Never let a departing sociopath know that we intend to report a marriage scam to immigration, turn in a police report, or go to other authorities. Never make online or public disparaging or revealing remarks – even when they’re true.

Ratting them out publicly as we’re escaping serves no purpose other than to incite their rage and put ourselves in danger – and makes us look questionable – even to normal people. This can also hurt our divorce or annulment outcome or a domestic violence case. Just zip it and handle our lives. Do what it takes to be safe and give evidence where it’s appropriate.

Go no contact 100%. Really accept there are two kinds of humans on the planet. Good ones and bad ones. Know how to recognize each. Stay human, remain humane.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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2017_07_06 2022_11_14

How to Handle Hoovering

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Hoovering nut bags want to “stay in touch.”
But we hesitate, stuck in yet more cognitive dissonance.
We have decisions to make.

Hoovering narcissistic sociopaths (you might be calling them a narcissist without using the sociopath word, but whatever we call them they) keep up the masquerade up and the facade place as long as possible.

They do this even in the face of pure ridiculousness and obvious lying. They don’t care or mind if we know what they are…! Not one jot. They do care what we do once we know.

They mind very much if we “stay in” or bolt. If we kick them to the curb or leave the cookie jar open. If we tell others, or if we’re going to keep our mouths shut.

Any and all of this can only happen through contact. Hoovering is contact… and has the same motivation as any contact they’ve made since day one and the first hello. Isn’t this how the whole thing happened…? Them reaching out?

The real-deal answers and real information
changes the whole scary schemer.

FInd the answers…

Con Artists Hoover: We Anticipate Hoovering With Mixed Emotions

Please make any and each decision rooted in a wish to rebuild your life… Focus on and look toward your well being… free your bones and heart and soul and life of the maniac.

Our stomach churns. They’re in our heads. They stay present at the surface and underneath every moment of the day. This is the antithesis of “over.” And if it isn’t over and zero contact, we’ve not yet put a solid step onto the long road of healing.

At this point in the sham, letting our phone ring with their reaching grasp is all-in from their point of view. If they can reach us, they consider us active prey. This is all it takes: buuzzzz-buuzzzz-buuzzzz. (That’s your phone buzzing.)

Hoovering Hits the Gut as Trauma and Harassment

Do you feel that? Even the idea of that phone vibrating and jumping on the table is nauseating. Listen to your gut. Trust yourself. What they care about is that we’re still “all-in.” As long as we leave a portal open, the narcissistic user has a chance to seep their way back in. Or step on in. And stay in.

To Block, or Not to Block the Nut-Bag: Or to Get a New Number?

All it takes is one more buzz of a text, one more late-night call. Another email. Facebook messaging. WhatsApp…another call. – Give ourselves every advantage in healing. Peace of mind, a truly fresh start can’t begin when any portal from them to us is open. We block them, we change our number, and also begin again with a new email address.

Do Know: Sociopaths boomerang; in a year or maybe five they can ring up your same-good-old-number from a new number of theirs and that sickening snake charmer dance begins again with: “Hey! Let’s get coffee…”

Recovery sessions Jennifer Smith Restore after narcissistic abuse

Top 3 Reasons for Not Blocking or Getting a New Number

Many find these points to be an obstacle to blocking them or getting a new number:
- I can’t change my number because of my clients and my business
- It makes me feel strong to see his call come in and not take it
- It’s hard to block him; we were together for so many years

It Can Seem Impossible to Block Them: Consider Again

Oh, I get it. We feel like our life has been turned upside down and, it has. What we want to do is take all our reasoning, and all our decisions and turn them into moments of self-care, embracing our own life and building our lives the way we want them to be.

This is separate from basing our decisions on “fear” or “love” for the sociopath or because of not yet accepting what they really are.

Take no responsibility or blame for the presence of these kinds of pathological predatory humans in your life. You’re not responsible for the inhumanity of a sociopath. Do take your healing and the restoration of your life into your own hands. Take 100% responsibility for healing, recovering, and becoming sociopath (narcissist) user free forever. Let’s look at each of these seemingly reasonable reasons for not getting a new number.

Can’t Change Your Number Because Your Clients Use It?

I get how this can seem logical. But. Really….?! Isn’t this the very reason to change your number…? You need your phone. You need your phone. We need to conduct business. To continue building our lives. We need the freedom to create our business without fear, without hoovering, stalking, and mental and emotional torture.

Make this about ourselves. Use this time to change your number so that you can build a business and connect with clients freely; know that none of those incoming calls will be from bozo-the-user.

Have a client email list…? Write a cheery newsletter and send out your new number; maybe with a special offer for your product or service. Most business people strain to find reasons to reach out to clients…! Use this to our advantage. Make it a good thing. Let your phone ring freely.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Schedule Your Sessions Here

Some Say: I Feel Strong Not Answering the Sociopath’s Calls

Fell strong by not answering while the loon rings through…? I do get that. Okay. But, you always were strong, that’s part of why and what about you held their fake life up so well.

Let’s look at this a little. Are you feeling a little flattered that they call? That’s natural, but, does it serve you? Does the experience of the phone buzzing make us feel truly and genuinely good? Or does it leave you feeling pretty rotten over the next few days?

Are you still – somewhere inside yourself still feeling a connection to them that you aren’t ready to disrupt? Are we still in a surreal comfort zone? Are we wanting to see if they call out of fear of them?

Every Move We Make is Meant to be for Our Well Being

We can’t compromise our safety, well-being, and happiness for the benefit of the dark side. It’s a natural, second-nature skill we’ve honed during our time with the sociopath. Painting less-than-good circumstances into reasonable logic is the body’s beautiful, innate ability to make it through hard times.

This is how we survive and adapt to the confusion – technically this is managing cognitive dissonance. We all do this, usually daily. It’s decision-making. Let our decision land on our side.

Cognitive Dissonance is Normal: We Can Resolve to Cognitive Harmony

We weigh and balance, and sort through options as a part of life; We regularly feel cognitive dissonance, in many ways, even throughout the day. It’s essentially decision-making.

As we can’t resolve the things they say to cognitive harmony, holes show up one by one by one. And we fall into that chasm. There’s a ladder to climb out.

We need to make decisions in order to maintain working for a boss whose ethics we don’t fully support, for example. We may swallow what we prefer as a good or safe way to spend time when negotiating how late our teen can stay out on Saturday night. It’s simply resolving a conflict between one thought and another.

We settle cognitive dissonance when we’re weighing whether to eat potato chips and cream cheese for dinner or salad with some healthy protein. – We need this life-saving and species-preserving trait. It’s a great and gorgeous thing — it’s time to turn our natural protective instincts truly back onto ourselves in a pure way. Trust our own lives.

Think of this: Every time that phone buzzes we’re connected whether we pick it up or not. Each time that phone rings we’re being pinged in the soul. It’s up to us… each time we let that phone ring we’re in a battle with ourselves to pick it up and maybe say: “Hello…?” Is this how we want to carry through each day…?

We Were Together for Years

Uhmmm. Yes, and no. Not exactly, I know it seems like a relationship. In this circumstance, however, you were absconded heart and soul within a crime. Know what they were up to. Accepting that these beasts exist and what that means and what truly happened is the foundation of truly recovering.

How to get a new number: Get a new number by calling your phone service provider. They’re happy to let you pick the new number from a few they’ve got available. We’re welcome to do this every few months. In a big city with multiple area codes, you can even switch that up! Exciting.

Know This About New Phone Numbers

They’re recycled. Yes. That means we get a number someone else didn’t want. Who knows why they needed or wanted a new number?

Maybe the number belonged to someone in shoes similar to yours. This means our phone might ring with strange numbers in calls that are not for us. Anything from debt collectors to who knows who or what. Be prepared… but guess who it won’t be…?

Know that anytime your phone vibrates or chimes that the caller it will not be is the con man you’re dumping out of your life. The relief in this alone is unimaginable you get that new number. Feeling your heart rate stay settled and your blood pressure stay normal when the phone bleeps is incredible!

Follow these guidelines and you’ll fall off the pathological user, nutbag narcissistic sociopath’s radar.

How to Handle Calls We Don’t Want and Aren’t For Us

Never answer a call we don’t recognize
Take a deep breath and calmly Google the number after it comes in; you might find it’s a known number for fraud IRS (tax) demands; or just a bakery across town
Block all calls from such numbers
Never answer any call that says: Unknown Caller, Unavailable or Blocked.
Each time, have the confidence to say to ourselves: that call wasn’t for me
Trust your gut

Robo Calls That Make Our Gut Churn

Know those bill-collecting, robo-calls for Javier, Janet, or Dave will stop after a few months. And, P.S. Consider a brand new phone. And leave the old contacts on that old phone. – Start fresh.

Cognitive Dissonance is the Basis of Decision Making

Comfort and confidence in decision-making are some of the first things that go out the window in the confusion and chaos of life entangled by a sociopath. (And these people you’re calling some kind of narcissist.) Harmony in what’s around us and in what we believe to be normal or right and the far distant shore of what we experience with them becomes a chasm we straddle.

What we first experience as profound compatibility with these creatures changes drastically. One foot on one side, one on the other as the divide grows wider. As we can’t resolve the things they say into cognitive harmony, holes, and gaps of oddities show up one by one by one.

We end up stepping into those gapping oddities and nearly tottering to the bottom of that canyon. Fortunately, there’s also a ladder there for us to use to climb out. It’s our beautiful need for harmony that takes us into that dark abyss and lends us the way out.

TED Talks to Watch When We Have Big Decisions to Make

The confusion escalates in post-trauma. I know the place you landed; I was once there too. It’s a hellish quagmire of quicksand and jello that is PTSD. Knowing what to do comes back slowly. It falls into place in great huge, encouraging chunks with each decision we bravely make.

Please make any and each decision rooted in a wish to rebuild your life for your own sake. Focus on and look toward your well-being as a Drishti point. This leeches the terror out of our bones; the terror wrought by the sociopath’s venomous deceit. You will free your bones and heart and soul and life of the maniac.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
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Answers beyond teh usual all the way to resolved

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2017_06_19 2023_07_21

Sociopaths (Narcissists) Target Married People

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Sociopaths target married people.
Someone else’s husband or wife is a big part of their
unending collection of varied prey.
No one and nothing is out of bounds.

Sociopaths target married people even while they’re married themselves. Predatory-sociopaths (those creatures you might be calling a “narcissist” of some type) assess anyone and everyone they come across for that person’s “assets”.

Anyone and everyone are looked at as an object, a natural resource, judged for potential “usefulness” to them.

Every one of us is potentially useful. But: married people offer some extra fun and security to the hunting predatory sociopath who wants above all else for their prey (girlfriends, wives, husbands, boyfriends, fiances, friends, coworkers, neighbors, parent, sibling, cousin, uncle, aunt…) to shut up, keep quiet and leave the cookie jar open.

3 Reasons Sociopaths Target Married People

Being Married Means You Have a Lot to Lose. Sociopaths Are Lazy Predators.

Quite simply, they target married people: because they’re predators with the abnormal brain of an antisocial psychopath. They can’t *not* be what they are. There’s no off-switch.

Married prey has more to lose if the “affair” becomes known. That means you-know-who, the revolting predator has to do less to keep married targets quiet, and so obtain that ultimate goal of getting us to zip-it while they do whatever they want.

Without that thing that’s like a brainwashing effect, they’d be without prey; single, married or otherwise.

If we’re married the nutjob’s vindictive nature is a super-threat. The sociopath has more potential “fun” with a married target. Things like being able to blackmail their target if the targeted prey decides to squawk about the “affair”, loom large in this scenario.

The married person is inherently more vulnerable so easier to keep quiet so that the pathological predator can get away with what they do. And guess what: this is the only way they can “interact”. They can’t *not* do this.

Recovered and restored is possible.

Nasty Narcissists and Sociopaths Are Proud of Their Accomplishments

Married prey suffer secretly and silently from PTSD, confusion, and misplaced shame. There are support and healing.

Sociopaths see scooping up a married person as a testament to “how good they are”. They think they’re amazing! You can see them vibrate with delight as they rub their little paws together in braggadocious and self-gloating delight because they got a normal human, right out of the gate to do something normal people feel is wrong.

True Story: I took a Lyft ride the other day with a male driver who started talking about his life. His daughter, his former work, and a current divorce. His wife had had an affair with their daughter’s gymnastics coach. The coach had a buncha other women and was “cheating” with the Lyft driver’s wife and married himself. I asked a few questions. Answers: The Lyft driver’s wife had a nervous breakdown, became skin and bones, and cries all day. – I gave him my card and the website and told him I could help his wife, help for the sake of his daughter who now “hates” her mom. Help him understand what happened as he told me, “I loved her so much.” – “Yah, yah,” nodding in agreement as I said – “She didn’t have an affair – she was seduced and hijacked by a sociopath; this was a crime, she’s in trauma.” His final thoughts before the end of the ride, “I’ll give her your website as the last nice thing I do for her.” Marriage over. – The hardest about that ride was that I knew he didn’t understand what I was saying. How could he…?

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

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Our Emotions Are Not their Concern

Pathological Humans of Coercive Control aka Sociopaths Just Don’t Care

We are awesome! Sociopaths are not awesome, they’re specifically limited mentally, have no emotional intelligence, depend in a complete and total way on the lives of others.

These beasts don’t relate with empathy or compassion to the risk a married person they’ve hijacked has been sucked into – no. We think we’re in an affair – we aren’t aware it’s a hijacking, a crime, and that the predator-narc knows how important it is to us to keep an affair in the realm of secrecy.

They use this to hold on and take and ruin more. As with all our human concerns, our dreams, any emotions, and human needs, or foibles, the sociopath uses those things that matter to us to ensnare a target more deeply, for longer; to attain their goals to get more, to take more, to keep it, to and not be caught or exposed.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Married Or Not

Married or not married…. at the end of the day, what they’re up to is for the same end: to make use of whomever it is they love-bomb, entice, or invite and ensnare. It’s all a scam of seduction and fraud. It’s misrepresentation, embezzlement, theft, assault, and of blank ___ and ___. – Fill in those blanks with anything painful and wrong.

And here’s a news flash: we don’t attract these beasts. They try this on with every human they encounter. There is nothing in particular about any human that draws them on. They look at all humans as prey.

Whatever you’re calling them: narc, narcissist, narcopath – or sociopath – they feel more certain a married subject won’t expose them – or leave. It’s a given the married person won’t want to say anything to anyone no matter how bad it gets inside the nightmare. Hijacked married people have a whole lot to lose, and faces much more judgement than the rest of us: they’ve got a spouse they most likely still love, maybe children, possibly grand kids, a home: their whole life as they know it. Their sense of identity, and who they are in this world will be running down the with the dirty bathwater.

These Are Not Affairs

Are these really affairs? It’s doubtful that most married people entangled by a sociopath would have gotten involved with a real person – it takes a lot of effort to go outside of marriage. – A lot of effort to start an affair. In this case, the sociopath comes to us.

It’s the pathological user who has no boundaries and heeds no boundaries. The powerful pull of a predatory narcissist aka sociopath is stronger than the normal humans’ effect on one another. Without that thing that’s like a brainwashing effect, they’d be without prey; single, married, or otherwise.

We’re Amazing and Awesome

We are awesome! Sociopaths are not awesome, they’re specifically limited mentally, have no emotional intelligence, and depend in a complete and total way on the lives of others. Sociopaths need trust from others.

These parasitic predators are utterly dependent upon the empathy they can temporarily draw from us. Without us, they cannot survive.

Our great internal goodness and wiring as loving, bonding, caring fully human- humans are bent to their advantage without our awareness, and without any particular skill beyond their own instinctive wiring, to their advantage: until it isn’t. Our great innate humanity far outshines their inflexible limited brains.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

The podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

On Facebook

Add these to your contacts
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jennifer@truelovescam.com
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Schedule your freedom here

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Any clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2017_06_18 2024_05_20

2 Reasons Sociopaths Have Sex

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Sociopaths have sex, a lot.
Sociopaths have sex for only two reasons.
Love’s got nothing to do with it.
So what is it exactly?

Sociopaths have sex – or refuse to have sex for precisely two reasons. Pretty much for the same two reasons they do and say anything and everything they do or say. The reality as well as the rumors of great sex with a sociopath fall short.

Sociopath Lovers Fake It: They Do Not Love or Like or Care

There’s no “love life” with a narcissistic sociopath. We genuinely think we feel love for them and perceive their feelings toward us as love (at least in the beginning). They know that they don’t love us, and they know that we don’t know that they don’t love us.

They depend on us not knowing. We assume it’s real because, well that’s what normal people do. We don’t know there’s an option for evil predator rather than really amazing person.

Predatory parasites swoop in and make grand declarations of love and devotion. Here’s the deal any presentation of emotional interest or caring or attraction that the overwhelmingly amazing person you can’t believe you were lucky enough to meet makes: is fake.

Real Because We’re Normal

We believe the relationship is real… until we don’t. The weirdness and the danger of sex with a sociopath is one of the holes in the picture-perfect life we thought we were building. This becomes one of the very painful pieces that lets us know things are very, very wrong.

In other words, sociopaths (narcissists) have sex as a useful means to get what they want, or for their own entertainment. Having sex brings us in, bonded, and right where they need us. And their own personal fun can run a gamete of variations and is essentially what their entire life is about: themselves.

2 Reasons Sociopaths Have Sex: None of Them are “Love”

To bait and hook targets.
For their own entertainment.

Sociopaths initiate sex with prey or reject targets sexually as the circumstances require. They don’t have sex with anyone unless they need to to get things, or want to for their own fun.

The Sociopath’s Aversion to Sex

These pathological users commonly reject their target’s sexually once the “relationship” is established. This happens a lot, especially within marriages or live-together scenarios, and comes with a bag full of excuses.

It’s another paradox in the madness; a sociopath refusing or rejecting prey in the sex department has the effect of keeping us at their side and trying even harder.

The refusal to engage sexually with us also arises from nay sociopaths’ chronic boredom. Out of their lack of connection and because after the marriage or the move-in the sociopath’s main goal has been completed. They’ve nabbed a roof, a bed, an address, a retreat, a home base, a legal foundation, and coverage for access to money, cars, and green cards.

The House Hop

They aren’t sticking close to hearth and home. Along with no attachment emotionally to anyone in their lives, a higher than average testosterone level and a profound need for distraction compel them sexually and like all things for the sociopath, there are no limits. Sociopaths have no sexual or any other boundaries.

Though they’ve tapped someone for some major gains, they are constantly focusing their attention on gaining other things, like more money, more of anything and everything. They cannot not be what they are.

For this reason, on the top of their to-do list is securing a place to live before we begin to see through them too deeply and before we kick them out. Sometimes this backup joint already exists and the unbelievable truth is they live with two or more women (or men) at the same time. In other instances, the next place they hop is a new spot, a new conquest, fresh prey.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Sociopaths Avoid Kissing and Eye Contact

Kissing is very intimate and sociopaths are not truly able to be intimate. Though some prey may be given the “pleasure” of being kissed by the sociopath who ensnared them; sociopaths avoid kissing many of their targets.

The sociopath (the narcissist) has no interest in being intimate and more so, has no physiological capability to be intimate or feel or express intimacy or love. They have no idea what intimacy is beyond getting inside people’s lives to make use of them.

Kissing is deeply personal and intimate. We see it in the movies, that age-old trade rule that sex workers won’t kiss because it’s the one thing they preserve for real intimacy rather than their work. The sociopath’s narcissism – and inability to be intimate – never takes a vacation, not even during sex.

Find out the real deal. Heal PTSD. Be free.

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Sociopaths Video Sex

Sociopaths love to make sex videos. The digital evidence that remains in their hands makes so many of us panic at the end; terrorized that the nut-job might post these online or give them to our family, or somehow use them against us.

In most cases those images are long-lost. Dumped, deleted, in a phone they don’t have anymore; and are of such lame quality and “production value” that no one can make out what’s going on or who’s in it anyway.

The taping is yet another way to remove intimacy, to further objectify the target. This distance and non-intimacy are the sociopath’s true feelings. We are objects to sociopaths.

Intimacy in sex is absent and faked by sociopaths. It’s buried in the request for “special sex” Super intimate because it’s things they’ve, “never done before with anyone.” Liars.

True story: one day a normal person and a narcissistic sociopath were on a “date”. The sociopath was hunting and honing in on this new target – the normal person. The normal person was feeling butterflies and asked a flirty early-days normal date-question, “What’s your ‘type’, what kind of women do you like?” The answer from her charming snake-of-a-date was one of those bizarre head-spinners when a sociopath tells the truth: “Any woman with an a$$-h*le.”

Sociopaths Love Anal Sex and Can’t Abide Condoms

There’s absolutely no positive, genuine, emotional care or attraction or depth from a sociopath towards their prey. So, there’s no difference for them between males or females or children or dogs or cats for that matter. Yes. Sociopaths have sex with adults, kids, and animals if they feel like it. Nothing is off bounds.

The absence of boundaries and the absence of love or care or intimacy anal sex is high on the sociopath’s list as sexual activity with its impersonal aspects. Additionally, they’re notorious for not wearing condoms – ever – with anyone they have sex with – and that means a whole heck of a lotta people.

Sex With a Sociopath Is Ultimately Horrific

When anal sex is demanded or expected by the sociopath, a lot of other things often go along with this. It can be forced, rough, coerced, or bribed.

The normal person is usually put in a situation where they feel this option is the last resort as far as making a connection with what we still believe is a true husband or boyfriend, girlfriend, or wife. Instead, the outcome is sadness, isolation, rejection, depression, shame, disappointment, despair, and health problems.

Sociopaths, Gender Fluidity and Child Abuse

Sociopaths are happy to – and diabolical enough, to have sex with anyone, male or female yet, we can’t really call them “bisexual” or “pansexual” since all sexual interaction is without true positive emotional bonding, like, love, care, or concern or connection; it isn’t based in a healthy attraction but in the goal of self-survival and ensnaring another target or simply for a high.

Sickening to say, but there are no age or family relationship barriers as far as who a sociopath might see as a likely sex object or entice or force into sexual activity. – Do all sociopaths do this… how can we know the answer to that? What we do know is better safe than sorry.

See Sociopaths – “Narcissists” – For What They Are

Learn what a sociopath really is. Accept it. Take it in. Know it in our bones. View their actions, and words from their tiny sick little mind. Let’s appreciate how amazing we are as fully functioning humans. Once we understand this we can spot a sociopath from a zillion miles away. Stay sociopath-free – forever.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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