Fearless and free is the opposite of where we land after a sociopath. Long after the loser is gone we might have a lingering fear. This is the opposite of what we want to be, which is: happy as a lark!
Fearless and free is a place we make our way to… Are we still shaking and quaking long after they exit? Our freedom is really, really in our hands. Become fearless and free. And start singing our favorite tune!
There are two reasons why we might still be fearful: one maybe we still know too much about what the nutter is up to at this point in time – the other is not having a handle on what a sociopath really is and what that means – which causes the first.
We can restore our beautiful selves, with a renewed awareness of how amazing we are, new knowledge about life itself and the freedom to be fearless in love.
If we know what he or she is doing, where he is, or who his current main-scam is we know too much. If we know what they’re telling others about us this very week or month… we know way too much – Essentially we’re still in contact. And this means we are not yet fearless or free.
They know when we’ve truly cut them off, and they know when we haven’t. They feel it. Cut them loose completely. In case this has gone unnoticed, we’re the ones who end it, they do not. Only “no contact” stops them and sets us free.
After the masquerade is over, we’re “broken up”, separated, divorced – when the initial shock of ptsd is long past, but we have lingering fear we want to ask ourselves – why?
Though we may not be calling him or texting – if somehow we’re aware of his status and actions – sorry to say but – this constitutes “contact.” We can’t heal or recover while still in contact. This is a roadblock to healing.
For super-duper clarity, read here, What is No Contact? Here’s one tidbit: we’re checking his Facebook page… We’re still in contact, but for a brief period in the aftermath that canned normal for us to do.
How Do We Know What the Nut Job Sociopath is Up To?
Let’s be for real’s here, examining the source of the things we know about his or her doings. Is this info we come across on social media or wherever it might be directly from them… Posted by them? His Facebook? Her Instagram? — If we wanna get better, there comes the day we gotta get a hold of ourselves and get off their social media.
Their Co Called Friends Are Not Our Friends
We also can ask, ourselves, is the source of info about him or her coming from someone we still contact who has contact with him or her?! YIKES. Please consider this… Why are we still in touch with his “friends”?
Even if they were our friends first – sad to say but their trauma and entanglement with the predator means we’re at risk and wide open to the sociopath if we stay in touch with them.
Fearless and Free Includes Closing Every Opening to Them
Sad to say but we really must block them. Remove ourselves from the sociopath’s reach including portholes and windows and doors ajar through our friends who are now ensnared by them, and certainly from all “friends” the pathological user introduced us to. And finally, wherever it’s originating where ever we’re getting the news of his whereabouts – end it.
No Contact is about Freedom and Safety
Block whatever that source is in all our devices, on FB and everywhere. Get a new phone number, block his or her number and the phone number of anyone connected to them.
Sociopaths, and those pathological users some call a narcissist always have to move on, as in leave and change locations, change areas of town and maybe countries. Every scam and love fraud they undertake eventually blows up.Cutting our connection to them weakens their connection to us.
They know when we’ve truly cut them off, and they know when we haven’t. They feel it. Cut them loose completely. In case this has gone unnoticed, we’re the ones who end it, they do not. Only “no contact” stops them and sets us free.
Breaking Up With Evil, Book 1, Caryn: Flat Our Wrong
We’re Our Own Angels
We make the ending of this story… Healing and overcoming lingering fear after a sociopath is very much in our own hands. Find a perspective on the madness that lands things on the right side of “good”.
It’s critical that we begin to take in what a sociopath really is. We can’t allow sentimentality, romanticizing, or misplaced forgiveness to keep us bound to their harm.
Stand up. Take our lives back. Renew. Become whole and better than before. Give this to ourselves. – No one else can. And – we can. We truly are our own saving grace. Decide our lives are valuable enough. Claim them. Be fearless and free.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Our own thoughts during PTSD freak us out. How can we think we’d want someone dead? It’s okay, it is fleeting and fine as long as we aren’t doing any killing.
PTSD after a sociopath is a full and whole body and mind experience. We find ourselves thinking and feeling things we’ve never experienced before. Among the mad and sad we can hardly acknowledge, there are seconds we wish they were d-e-a-d.
PTSD is a tangle of flooding, swirling emotions, and thoughts, and this is one of them. I wish they were just dead.
You don’t have to pretend that you don’t have this feeling if you’ve got it, nor feel guilty for it.
It’s our body is good and mad these life-stealing parasites – and rightly so.
The feeling is within a short phase of recovery, it doesn’t come up all day long in the way other thoughts or memories do and the phase doesn’t last too long. It’s normal. Don’t worry, this sickening thought will soon vanish.
This startling though passing thought, during a certain point in the odyssey of restoring your life which usually hits within in the first months of the recovery from a sociopath con man and the unavoidable PTSD can really freak us out.
This is because we’re normal. So, instead of thinking something is wrong with us for thinking this, rest assured we feel bad for feeling it is reassurance that we’re normal.
This thought comes to almost all our minds and to some of our lips after a sociopath splits the scene and we’re left swirling in a cesspool of lies, deceit, ruin and devastation, shock, and is usually about two months after they’ve gone if we’re moving along, on course in the phases of recovery.
Better Off Dead: Them That Is
We have every right to go through the emotions and the experience of putting our out-of-balance nervous system back together after our life was hijacked by a sociopath con man. Not many people talk about this – you can bet I will.
Images dance through our minds of how: Beaten, chopped up – mostly beaten. We’d kinda like to see them tortured slowly. I even briefly wondered how people hire hitmen.
And instantly knew I’d do no such thing. And if I did I’d be suspect number one: The ex-spouse.
At an odd moment, the thought might run past the viewing screen in your mind that we could maybe hire someone to kill them. That thought and doing something about it are lightyears apart.
We know we can’t; first of all, it’s seriously cost-prohibitive. (Yes, dark humor.) And secondly: We know we won’t do any such thing.
It’s a horrifying idea to feel, but die, sociopath, die are indeed terrible words that float up out of someplace in our body.
And a very normal thought in PTSD after a con man sociopath… Even if you’re calling them a narcopath or narcissist who has torn up our life. This feeling is so normal there’s a name for it: battered women’s syndrome.
Makes inr=e rethink the circumstances under which Lorena Bobbit cut of her sleeping husband’s penis with a kitchen knife in 1993. We all know it now: John Bobbit is a sociopath. Nobody knew or talked about that back then.
We have dreams during which someone – or we – kill them. We picture them being strangled or stoned to death. These life-stealing dirtbags have earned nothing less. Not all sociopaths beat their prey.
But emotional abuse does not go by harmlessly. When discovering we were ensnared by a sociopath; the deception, the mind-f**k, the house of cards. This is more than plenty to make us – naturally, instinctively form a very deep place in our lives – to want them dead during the normal-and-to-be-expected PTSD we go through.
Wishing the Narcissistic Sociopath Would Die is Normal: It’s Part of Healing
While it’s true the sociopath has no conscience, the fact is we do have a conscience. And feelings. And we really would not ever come remotely close to killing the bastard or bastardette. As surprised as we are at this thought… allow it. It’s okay. It’s natural. — This feeling passes quite quickly.
These out-of-character flashing thoughts occur during a brief part of the reaction to the trauma at their hands. It’s got a name. It’s called Battered Person Syndrome. Lorena gave her husband’s penis a whack 20 years ago, June 23, 1993.
Lorena faced court charges and trials and public scrutiny and then it was judged that she was under temporary insanity when she chopped off her hubby’s little, sleepy, dangling thingy with a kitchen knife.
The Trauma of The Hijacking Took Over Lorena Bobbit
Can you picture it? — Did she drop the knife and run when her cheating-beating-husband woke from a dead sleep screaming and spurting blood from his little sausage? Or, rather – from where it used to be? – We know she held onto his penis – later it was sewn back on.
Have questions and want real answers…? Think about recovery sessions.
We Feel Kinda Crazy and Kinda Guilty
If we’re smirking and enjoying this scenario does this make us cold and heartless?? No. It means we’re alive, and thank goodness we have a sense of humor.
Temporary insanity… For some of us, on some days, it feels like we might be losing our minds… But, really you’re going to be okay. Let’s open our hearts toward ourselves. Think of how you were genuine, sincere, and doing what normal people do. That’s all good.
What We Believe Makes Our Lives
And John Bobbit came out okay. He even got to star in a couple adult movies; all due to his hacked-off, patched-up penis. Yes, irony. Humor heals.
Be careful what you believe about your experience. Anything telling you it’s your fault is flat-out wrong. If the answers you find make more pain and confusion rather than a shock but a feeling in your gut of truth and resolution: Keep looking. There are real answers.
Go Beyond Answers or Explanations That Point to Fault in You
Seek out an accurate perspective on what these soul-jackings are. (Yes, that perspective is all over this website.) These are crimes. We were not in relationships and likely, neither was Lorena Bobbit.
Did you see that Bobbit guy’s photo? The face of a sociopath if there ever was one. John Bobbit has a criminal record before Lorena, during, and after Lorena for violence against women.
Know the Real Deal: Be Free
We want to refocus and look at it for what it was, a crime. The sociopath has a simplistic, myopic mind. They only care about two things: 1) getting what they want, and 2) not getting caught.
All the emotional upheaval we go through is the fallout of the way they bulldoze through countless targets’ worlds with their permanent view of life, which is: “I am better than everyone. I deserve whatever I want. I will take it. You will be grateful. You will shut up.”
Sociopaths believe they are fantastic. We know they’re monsters, and that we are not. So, no… No matter the dark surprising thoughts that rise up in a phase of the recovery. We won’t go around killing anyone.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control by Jennifer Smith
We’re going to look toward rebuilding our lives and using the madness to hopefully, ideally create something of value for ourselves and our loved ones. Within Nichiren Buddhism this is called: turning karma into mission. Transform the icky karma of meeting Mr. Poopy-pants into value – Lorena did it.
Lorena started an organization, called Lorena’s Red Wagon, that helps victims of domestic abuse with profoundly simple and equally significant things – like providing birthday cakes for the children of victims who have escaped, but are say, maybe in a shelter. I officially love Lorena Bobbit.
Our actions in challenging our destiny become examples and inspiration for countless others… When we change our karma into mission, we transform our destiny from playing a negative role to a positive one… Therefore those who keep advancing, while regarding everything as part of their mission proceed toward the goal of transforming their destiny. ~ Daisaku Ikeda, Living Buddhism, August 2003
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
A sociopath makes use of their children and ruins them for their own gain. Non-pathological narcissistic parents bring harm or pain from colossal to mild.
Nothing matters more to most parents than their children. Watching our children be hurt, or disappointed, ignored or treated badly is beyond heartbreaking. A parent who is a pathological sociopath – or a pathological narcissist – is something no child ought to have to endure or be subject to. Unfortunately, they do and they are.
The title of this article reads A Sociopath, a Narcissist and Their Children. I used the term “narcissist” to allow for those who feel they’re married to or dating a “narcissist” to find this information. In all realness: a pathological narcissist is a sociopath.
I’m going to take a few minutes here to explain this because this is so critical as it effects your children. This difference effects decisions you make for you and your children.
There’s so much to know that we don’t know we need to know. They aren’t what we think they are. Knowing the real-deal will set you free.
Knowing The Difference Between a “Narcissist” and Sociopathy Is Critical
The problem is that the ideas floating around in the recovery community about what people are calling a “narcissist” are very often inaccurate. This is not purposeful, but in the spirit of attempting to understand and to heal.
The mix up comes in confusing the pathologically narcissistic person with the non-pathological. In other words, people can have what I call “narcissistic glitches”, but not be “pathological”. Pathological is the case when the person’s brain is the cause of their bad behavior rather than the bad behavior being due to a bad childhood or intimacy issues or a “narcissistic wound”.
A Narcissist is Not a Wounded Kid Who Had a Bad Childhood
It’s so important to know what we’re facing. In order to unwind the confusion and untangle the pain, it really helps to discern if the person you’re facing is pathological in their narcissism or are in fact, suffering from a really bad childhood and horrible parenting.
A sociopath, or a narcissistic parent and their children… This delineation that we can make between a narcissistic parent or a bona fide sociopath matters so, so much when it comes to the kids.
A Sociopath in Behavior is a Sociopath in Fact
My thinking is, anyone who behaves like a sociopath is best thought of as a sociopath for our safety and recovery. Thinking of a sociopath – and that person you call a narcissist – as a sociopath is more useful in terms of decoding what is happening in a confusing, painful relationship.
Non Pathological Narcissistic Glitches
Narcissistic people who are not pathological – people with narcissistic bits or glitches but not hijacking you for all you are – are a variation of normal. What I call “narcissistic people” aren’t in the realm of a sociopath in that they are not pathological. The narcissistic person has some narcissistic hick-ups and it can be painful interacting with them at times, but they are not invading our lives like a parasite.
Even the most narcissistic of narcissistic people is not trying to take us for all we have. They aren’t leaving all the bills for us to pay; they don’t have that black bottomless set of eyes. – If the person you’re facing uses you for money, for a place to live, disappears or is unavailable, says odd things, is moody and darkly grumbling – and most definitely if you’ve ever seen those black eyes, then best think of them as a sociopath.
Life With a Narcissistic Person: Under Their Thumb
With a non-pathological narcissistic person, we feel under their thumb. We can feel like we just can’t win with them or there’s no pleasing them. Some non-pathological narcissistic people are barely narcissistic at all! Time with them, friendships and families can work.
The intensity of their narcissistic bit varies from narcissistic person to narcissistic person. This is light years away from a pathological narcissist: the sociopath. One is narcissistic from some sad bit of childhood or as a personality glitch. The other is pathological, and is willfully, deceptively, and deliberately making use of you. If you feel “broken”, they are pathological and a sociopath.
Life With a Sociopath: Under Their Spell
Within the adult dynamic of sociopath and human – predator and prey – (that’s the sociopath and us) we know things are weird, but we can’t figure out exactly what it is. We feel like they lie yet there’s so much we can’t put our finger on. Things run more smoothly if we keep quiet.
As long as a sociopath, a pathological user (that some call a “narcissist”) gets to keep doing what they want to do without any challenge, expectation, argument or opposition for us, things stay safely calm. Weird but calm.
With a sociopath, we feel as if we’re under their spell. There’s a big difference between a narcissistic person who is not pathological and the pathological narcissist aka the sociopath in a relationship. If we can get that sorted, we can then go on to understanding what the kids go through. We want to understand what this parent in question truly feels about the kids.
Breaking Up with Evil
“He’d give me the lecture and then go give the same one to my son. My son was left with the feeling he’d done something wrong…”
“When I did tell him I was pregnant, his attitude was a little off. He was extremely proud of himself for getting me pregnant, but his demeanor towards me was more like I had done what I was expected to do – get pregnant.” ~ Breaking Up with Evil, Chapter One, Caryn S.
Five women’s stories, “Dirty John” tales from real-life.
Our House Is No Longer Home
At home with a pathological user (the sociopath and that one you might call a “narcissist”) there are typically two variations of home life. The first is that they aren’t physically present very often with additional behavior that’s typical of this type. The second is they are there, a lot and even help with kids and make dinner.
Not Really Home
The sociopath who’s often gone from the physical home is also very busy when he is at home. They’re online a lot. They call this time online “work”, but most of us discover what they’re doing is watching porn and hunting prey.
They take the phone to the bathroom. They don’t participate in a real way with family life. We’re doing all the work. None of it is as fun as we want it to be, or thought it would be. We start to prefer them to be gone rather than be at home.
The Homebody Errand Boy
The other case is the sociopath who’s involved with the kids. They might drive the kids to school, and pick them up, and make their lunches and help with homework. They might run our erands, make dinner, and clean the house.
This looks good on the surface. And can seem good… yet inevitably there’s a time period where we talk to ourslves in our heads thinking we need them because how would we do all this without them?! Naturally – forgetting because we’re stunned in the fog of coercive control – that we did it all and did it better loong before we knew them.
Both situations have an oddness too them. We feel uncomfortable in the back of our mind, or pit of our stomach essentially, all the time. There are many problems in the house in both cases. Both include their rampant porn, confusion, money issues, uneasiness, unhappiness, deception, and issues related to our sex life with them.
A Darkness Prevails
This difference between a narcissistic person and a sociopath matters significantly. It matters so much in terms of the kids. A sociopath loves no one. The dark and heavy mood the sociopath (narcissist) makes within the household seeps into everything.
This is the case eventually, with both the absent sociopath or the homebody sociopath. The effort we have to take to keep things on balance, to keep things smooth and looking normal for the kids – all of it – is exhausting. We find ourselves not being truly present for our kids.
Kids Are Objects Too: Using Children
To a sociopath, their kids are just another target. Another toy on the table. A little something to use to make themselves appear normal. Additionally, kids provide a gate-way back into former prey. When we’re a parent and the other parent is a sociopath, we’re extremely vulnerable to letting that sociopath back in.
Sociopaths Pretend As a Way Of Life
Pathological users aka predators pretend to love their children. The sociopath can go unrecognized by courts, attornies, and can fool professional mental health specialists and psychologists. In therapy sessions they can be mistakenly perceived as bipolar, or as having PTSD – or as the total good guy. (Yes, fooled by those people who use the DSM to diagnose people.)
The misconceptions of what they are can lead to diagnosis or conclusions that they’re borderline – and holy-moley – covert, overt, or malignant narcissists. Which hello!… drum roll: plays out as a patholgoical person of narcissism behaving as a sociopath in daily life. Therefore, please think of a “narcissist” as a sociopath.
Sociopaths Make Loads of Kids They Do Not Love
It can seem illogical that socioapths – who hate kids – would have children at all. They abandon them, use them, abuse them. The children are a tool. This tool serves the purpose of leading other adults and people within society to view the sociopath or narcissist as normal and respectable.
When, in fact, male sociopaths abandon their kids fairly easily. Many kids. Often a trail of kids from many women. Female sociopaths have kids in marriage to appear normal as all sociopaths do. But more so, for the female sociopath they can use the kids as a meal ticket and a paycheck via alimony, child maintenance, property rights and more.
Kids and More Kids
We may not even know the number of children the particular sociopath who ensnared us has. They abandon them like litters of unwanted kittens. Here, a woman tells her story of discovering as an adult that she’s just one of eight children of her sociopath father.
The nutter I married has been discovered to have 18 known children and more like 23 that aren’t proven as his. But here’s what he told me about himself and children: 1) that he had no children, and 2) that he had 100s of kids all over the world, and 3) that he had a 4-year old little boy “for a little while” that he “gave back”.
A nonpathologically narcissistic person has the capacity to love. This is a person who is not pathological but has a tweak of emotional self-absorption in some area or other of their lives.
Narcissistic people do love their kids. There are days that their love hurts like h-e-double-toothpicks. And this informs many things about our lives as we grow up and become adults. It can be painful-love and not at all the best of parenting, but it’s our mom or dad. In divorce, nonpathological narcissistic parents can and will and do hang around out of genuine love.
It’s case by case and an individual experience as to whether this narcissistic parent’s love is enough for the children to remain in their lives. Each child weighs their fits of narcissistic glitches against the tiems that are good. Some narcissistic parents are just too much; too many narcissitic glitches that effect aspects of life or hurt too much to remain involved with. Others are not so bad.
Resolve and Solve Our Experience Based on Our Experience
The DSM and mental health diagnostic categories aren’t written for us. It’s for medical coding, court codes, social services and benefits coding. The DSM has no information that is the voice of or insight into our experience.
The DSM is ongoing, changing with the very heavy and slow machine of research and a very conservative industry. It’s a collection of notes made by an outsider looking at the bug. The bug… not at our experience.
So, if the person in question in your life lies, causes confusion and chaos, cheats, uses our money, contributes little or nothing, or only after arguments consider them a sociopath.
If they love bomb, blame, play victim, rage, insult, coerce, and in the end hoover us, consider them a sociopath for our purposes of escape and recovery.
A Few Differences: Narcissistic People vs. Sociopaths
Narcissistic people can have egos the size of elephants. Or not. People who are narcissistic can criticize and make hurtful “jokes”. Most especially this is hurtful to their families, but also to their employees, and other people in their lives. The non-pathological narcissistic person can sometimes – or regularly – say hurtful things in front of other people. The pathological narcissist (sociopath) will not, because they must seem like the good guy.
Narcissistic people are not pathological liars who are pretending to be people that they aren’t. Non pathological narcissistic people don’t live off of other people or make use of others as a way of life. This is what sociopaths do.
Sociopaths Use Others
Sociopaths – narcissists – only use others; they make use of others. Association with others who are neuro-normal, such as yourself leads other people to believe they’re respectable, authentic and genuine because you are.
Because you’re hanging out with the sociopath (narcissist) people believe they must also be a normal, and good person. For the predator, the narcissist aka sociopath, hanging with one person leads to access to another person to use. All the people around the sociopath (narcissist) are used as far and as much as the user can make this happen.
Sociopaths live in a false world built of lies. The lies paint a picture of a person that doesn’t exist. They deceptively and fraudulently misrepresent who they are and what they are in order to make use of others.
This is pathological in origin… meaning they do this because this is how they’re brains are wired. It’s not a choice: it’s what they are. It’s all they will ever be. It doesn’t change, it can’t be fixed. There is nothing about us that makes them do what they do.
This can be hard to observe, hard to take in, and is very hard to accept. Getting to this place of comprehension and a place of ease with this fact is where we go in recovery sessions. This takes us to a place where we see how the duding, deceiving, lying, cheating wasn’t about us as people but is wholly about them as people of complete and pathological narcissism.
Narcissistic people who are not pathological don’t have the abnormal brain that makes someone a sociopath. They do in fact, have feelings of like and love. Unfortunately, the parts of themselves that are unresolved pain and so then hung up in an emotional cycle of projection of this pain, can be painful to love.
No matter how nice or loving they may be in one moment the bottom-line is they want to be catered to regarding the elements that they are narcissistic about.
When they hurl criticism, some narcissistic parents know the extent of the pain they cause as their children’s hearts sink. Some kids remain unable to get out from under the parental grip of scanty affection peppered with dissapoinment, emotional neglect or emotional blackmail.
Narcissistic People as Parents
A narcissistic parent can cut kids to quick in a surprise attack. and are most of the time the genuinely loving. Or they may be so narcissistic that most of the time it’s painful and genuine love is rare.
When it’s our dad or our mom, we love them. We snuggle back into the parent-kid dynamic and then get punched again and again with hurtfulness. This can go on forever. Unless we step away.
Monsters in Human Skin: Sociopaths
A large percentage of sociopaths eventually abandon their children and most often abandon their children at a young age. Children are connected to a form of a paycheck or used to lend the monster the-look-of-normal.
Female sociopaths have kids as a paycheck. Many male sociopaths leave before the kid is born. Consider that a stroke of good fortune. For the ones who do stick around, love has nothing to do with it. Sociopaths (pathological narcissists) keep children in their lives only if they can make use of them.
Divorcing a Sociopath: Save the Children
In a divorce, a sociopath will claim they want custody of the children to make themselves appear normal. Male sociopaths will attempt to take the kids in order to get out of court orders child maintenance. Ironic since it’s much more of a financial demand to house, feed, and care for kids full time than to pay a monthly stipend. A monetary award by the way, that they do not payout.
If you’re going to court with a male sociopath and you have kids… that child maintenance money is what they’re trying to get out of.
They don’t want the kids, but they’ll fight you to take them in order to keep from being told by a Judge to pay money for the kids … that they don’t intend to pay. Because they don’t love or care about the kids. That is a sociopath. And this is something no one comes out of unharmed and no child deserves.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach (CPC, CMC) upholding ICF standards and ethics, I strive to inform, educate, co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Hardly. Sociopaths are not intelligent. No conscience makes for no limits, not genius.
Are sociopaths intelligent? Geniuses? What sociopaths do in order to con is as old as dirt. Their tactics are similar in concept to what lab rats do to get cheese. They try and try and learn a few tricks to get the cheese. It’s also a bit like a martial art. Sociopaths use the strengths and weaknesses and the just plain normal of their targeted prey and everyone around them to their own advantage.
They get so mad.
Because sociopaths view other people as an opportunity, as a resource…Part of the trouble is that we don’t know we’re being thought of in this way.
This gives them the leading advantage. So in that way, they have “intelligence”… sort of like a spy who knows something you don’t know they know with an intention you aren’t aware of. – Other than that the sociopath (the narcissist) seriously lacks any real intelligence.
You wouldn’t be here reading this otherwise… They’re not smart. Let’s face it, sociopaths are dumber than boxes of rocks. They’re about as deep as a potato chip.
Sociopaths are ridiculous. Sociopaths’ so-called intelligence is comparable to the cunning of pigs. Give yourself the methods and skills to decode their minds, their words, and heal. The truth is, sociopaths’ intelligence is low. Conmen, predators in coercive control learn tricks like frantic lab rats desperate to push the button that brings cheese. Or cunning like hungry pigs.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, and hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Often listed among traits of a sociopath we see the word intelligent. The more appropriate term is cunning, at least that’s what’s on my list. Are sociopaths intelligent? No.
He developed a method of opening the fridge door, leaving it half-closed on his own arm, then heaving with one foot against the top of the pig’s head groping to grab his own avocado and tofu. Every single night.
Their closed-circuit-world-of-self has no room for genuine intelligence. People say pigs are intelligent, and they say sociopaths are intelligent. So first, let’s define what we mean by intelligence.
I liken the intelligence of sociopaths to cunning. I have a friend who had (yes: had) a pet pig. Cute and tiny at first, even soft and cuddly. My friend loved that adorable, tender, pink piggy.
But, what people don’t tell you is that this sweet, tiny piggy, snuggling up as you watch TV on the couch together, will grow bigger. And bigger.
And much, much stronger, harsher, prickly. Then dirty. And stinky. And massively fat.
Pigs sprout a wet, snot-slicked, heaving disc of a snout they use constantly to root, grunt, and grind against anything and everything – including my friend’s leg or any nearby leg – 24-hours a day unless asleep, always looking for food. Perpetually. Relentlessly.
I’ll tell you right now this hurts incredibly! Just think about 100 pounds of pure skull bored with all the weight of a starving 350-pound animal into your ankle bone.
Calling a Pig and a Sociopath Equally Cunning is Not to Disparage Pigs
Now let’s be clear here: Are pigs sociopaths? No. But sociopaths are pigs. That relentless, primal force of persistence in the face of anything and everything. No other “mode” of operation. In addition, pathological predators are dumb. Ignorant. Conniving. Sneaky. A great pretense of smartness is put forth by them.
Counting On Our Kindness and Soft Hearts
That pig tricked food out of my friend. It stole entire loaves of bread off countertops while my friend made a sandwich, balancing on its hind hooves, grabbing the bread bag with its slimy, little piggy teeth.
It yanked kitchen drawers out of the wall by the handle in his iron clamp of a jaw. Spah-Lllaaaaaahttt! they crashed to the linoleum where piggy-pig snuffled through the contents hoping for a morsel, any crumb to eat; baggies, and aluminum foil flying. Nothing stopped this pig.
Screeching and squealing he snarfed up the Oreo’s, packaging and all. Have you ever heard a pig squeal when you try to take your own Oreo’s back?
When my friend tried to make dinner, the pig routinely knocked into my friend’s legs, causing him to buckle at the knees falling against the edge of the Frigidaire while that pig nabbed goodies: grapes, avocado, tomatoes, strawberries, even ice cubes.
My friend, once again upright, had to devise an alternate route to his own dinner. He developed a method of opening the fridge door, leaving it half-closed on his own arm, then heaving with one foot against the top of the pig’s head groping to grab his own avocado and tofu. Every single night.
My friend was completely terrorized by an animal he’d taken in as a household pet. – His generous, animal-adoring heart was knee-deep in guilt and what some call a trauma-bond which is to say bound up by the soft-pink-innocent-piggy he loved so much.
Emotional intelligence is considered – certainly the most useful form of intelligence if not the highest form. We as highly empathetic people have emotional intelligence by the ton.
You ask why not put the pig in another room, or outside while food is being prepared and eaten by the humans in the household..? That pig had broken the door latches on every door inside the house. The doors between the dining room and the kitchen simply wouldn’t shut. Which meant he couldn’t be contained in the kitchen or corralled for subduing.
Added slide bolts were useless. He’d battered the doors until the added slidey-thing-a-mah-jigs popped out of their screws like gum out of a bubble pack. Even any dining chairs wedged underneath the handles in hopes of holding him had caved under his pressure, the legs cracked right off dangling like broken teeth.
If it was left outside in the gorgeous backyard with a full view of the city below to admire, its own personal mud pit to wallow in, and shoots of plants to nibble, all it could seem to do was screech bloody murder. A porcine human-being-murdered-shrieking sound you’d have to hear to believe. – It had to be let back inside before the neighbors called the cops. – This pig owned that house and the people in it.
Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
Sociopaths are Cunning: Like Pigs
It became an ordinary day that Piggity listened for the front door to open. Raised his snout into the air and sniffed out the booty being carried in from the market.
Heaving and hurling his body into motion, Mr. Pig, ran down the hallway to the foyer, his cloven hooves tappity-scratching, a forewarning of inevitable harm, inspiring dread in the poor human carrying in the groceries. Its rotund, lumbering form clickity-clattered along the bamboo floor at the fastest velocity it could hurtle its 200 pounds, which was shockingly fast.
He was forced to face the fact, after all my friend’s care, love and generosity towards this pig: That pig tried to kick him out of his own home… And had been waiting for the chance to do it.
In a practiced, now ritual gesture it slid to a partial stop as he hit his mark, deftly clamping the brown paper bag from the bottom corner in the steel-vise grip of his yellow, gruesome fang-teeth, yanked backward shifting his massive, quivering weight into his hind-quarters, ripping a gaping wound in the bag: apples, cookies, bananas cascaded in a smacking, tumbling avalanche.
That pig snorted up all it could get its dirty claws and snotty nose on. Single-minded, the top of its metal-plate-of-a-skull bulldozed my friend’s hand out of its way, while screeching and squealing he snarfed up the Oreos, packaging and all. Have you ever heard a pig squeal when you try to take your own Oreos back?
Sociopaths, Narcissists Do Anything to Get What They Want: So Do Pigs
That pig tore up my friend’s bedsheets, pooped, and pissed in the house whenever he felt like it. One fateful day, while my friend got the mail from the street-side mailbox, piggy-piglet adorably (maliciously) slammed the front door shut with his dripping, drooling face, and battleship head. The door slammed and locked. My friend had no keys with him. He was only getting the mail.
To get back into his own home he had to clamber over his own 6” fence. Splinters threaded into his hands as he scrambled up the fence, just shy of breaking an arm when he dropped to the backyard mud. (It used to be grass, but the pig ate it.)
Trust Our Heart of Hearts and Our Gut
In his heart knowing, knowing the pig had done this on purpose. And, for all my friend’s dismay, hurt and sweaty gymnastics, scaling those splintering planks would have been fruitless if the back entries hadn’t been sliding glass doors that the pig couldn’t budge. He was forced to face the fact, after all my friend’s care, love, and generosity towards this pig: That pig tried to kick him out of his own home… And had been waiting for the chance to do it.
Think about it this way: sociopaths have no emotional intelligence since their abnormal, under-functioning brains disallow processing or feeling any emotions other than want, anger, fear, deluded superiority, and glee at getting what they want.
Sociopaths’ Intelligence Is Proportional to Us Not Knowing What They Are
The pig stood there inside the house, staring out at my friend across the patio entry. It looked up at my flabbergasted, panting, scrapped up, trembling friend – hair tousled, glasses knocked crooked, arms scraped, hands throbbing with wood slivers. His heart, body, and pride had been through the wringer as he reflected on how close he came to breaking his legs or a hip.
That piggy blinked his wire-like, pale lashes with its usual dumb, innocent expression… but, this time my friend saw this fat, pink face also held a warning: The pig had failed in his take-over this time, but there would be the next time. – Except there wasn’t. Because the very next day my friend sent that piggy away to a farm for unwanted, unmanageable pigs. There are apparently many such pigs on many such farms.
Think of it Like This: Sociopaths are as out of control of their own existence and survival as the most helpless creature on earth. – If we didn’t believe them, where would they be? – Why Do We Believe The Lies of a Sociopath?
Our Empathy Buys Sociopaths Time to Take and Ruin
My friend felt so guilty, he gave that little piglet so many 2nd chances. Oh, that pig knew what he was doing. So do sociopaths. And it’s all riotous improvisation just like with the little piggy. – Snuffling out one opportunity after the next. Never ceasing in the hunt. Leaving us to leap tall fences. – But that’s okay – we’re our own Super Heroes. We are our own Angels. We are awesome!
Pathological Predators Hijack Our Humanity: Shut Down the Candy Store
So a sociopath, like the revolting pig my friend took in as a defenseless, sweet pet (sorry animal lovers) uses our own strengths and weaknesses against us; our normal human gorgeousness – against us. Our own desires for love, a family, a home, a good life – against us.
They are monsters. They aren’t intelligent. Just remorseless. Sociopaths have no wholesome or real emotional connection to us, or to anyone. Not even with that other woman, or that one, or the other one, or two that other guy either.
They Have Pea Brains
We can use the sociopath’s limited brain against them: realize it’s a crime – not a relationship by any means. Know they lie about any and all things. Everything they say or do is to get what they want and not get caught. Understand the meaning behind the stories.
Don’t respond to their emotional harassment and playing sick and sob stories. End the madness that is not a relationship – but a crime asap. Go zero contact and stay there forever. We end it, they won’t. We must reframe the nightmare for a full recovery and to render ourselves sociopath-proof forever.
I’m very sorry to say that this friend of mine, a former success in the music industry, was ensnared by a female sociopath in 2017. He has succumbed in total to her machinations and mesmerizing. Thi sled to divorcing his real wife and his entire life has been taken over by her. She has married him, deleted and blocked all his friends, taken his phone, his money and now his gorgeous home in the Hollywood Hills. – He is older now, and frail and medicated. This will be how his life ends. – these are not relationships. They are crimes.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Why go no contact? After a narcissistic user, no contact is the way to take our life back. Why does it matter so much?
To make things super-de-duper clear in this horrendously unclear time here’s a handy-dandy list describing what constitutes “contact” and what we want to achieve: “no contact.”
Keeping contact – exchanging raging emails and text messages – even “lovey-dovey” ones – not only keeps us in the mess and the lies – it creates new trauma.
Not talking to each other is advised in normal relationship breakups. Not talking gives us a chance to see how we truly feel. How much more critical is it in a true love scam…?!
Each bit of any contact prolongs harm. The sociopath…that creature you might be calling a “narcissist” won’t offer up closure, an apology, or a sincere exchange of any kind.
What Is No Contact?
What is no contact…? It’s more than watching their messages come in and not answering. It’s the one thing that changes everything and that’s going no contact. We end what they started because they won’t.
Though that’s a good start, this isn’t what we call “no contact”… Each message is a zap of new trauma of interaction with them. Every voicemail, email, DM, text, SMS, PM, is a tug at our gut that makes us foggy and keeps us “in it”.
Contact Means We’re Offering Ourselves Up as Lunch
Further contact after a “break up”, or after there’s an “end”, more often inspires the sociopath to be violent or terrorizing. Without a doubt, the second time you come back together, things are worse whether there is violence or not. This escalates each time you “break up” and goes back.
Did you know that contact could lead to our losing legal battles for custody, divorce, annulment, or restraining orders? Staying in contact can make us look as crazy as they say we are.
To the sociopath, or that person you might have decided is a covert, overt or malignant narcissist: any contact is good contact. Any contact, of any kind at all such as responding to a message they drop into your DM, means to the pathological user that they still pull the strings and so can still access you to take what they want, or to use you as they like.
“Time went on quicker, tighter, everything tightened and escalated after I’d lost just about everything and he became overtly disgusted with everything around him. Finally, a combination of numbness and knowledge that my children and I were in very real danger took hold of me and eclipsed the fear of what he’d do if I left or any other fear or worry. As much as I still hated to accept it, I knew that it had to end, and it had to end by me before one of those horrible fears did happen. I had to accept that leaving or staying was life or death.” ~ Chapter 4, Shannon O. Entry No. 08 This Has to End
This is a situation that demands our heads winning over what might linger in our hearts. The sociopath who hijacked us intended no good for us no matter how charming they were – or are. They will never, ever be anything good they promised.
Strictly establishing no contact and keeping no contact will influence our chance of beginning to recover; our safety, and our well-being, and can decide whether or not we win in court.
Staying no contact is to protect our kids. The sooner we go no contact the sooner we can expect a return to happiness in the days to come and long-term.
The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
Staying In Contact Makes Us Appear Untrustworthy and Questionable in Court
Attorneys and Judges frown on those standing before them seeking divorce and child custody from a predator spouse and at the same time has kept contact with the user-abuser.
If we maintain contact our credibility shrinks. If there are children the only contact is best as emails and only related to logistics of pick-ups and drop-offs.
Our silence is the loudest, most meaningful thing we can say to them.
Unless specific communication with them is requested by an attorney, staying in contact makes us look unreliable, untrustworthy, unstable, and indecisive to Judges, child services, counselors, police, and attorneys.
Staying in contact makes our claims of abuse, defrauding, theft, and all the rest straight questionable. We lose big-time if we stay in contact. Go no contact. Only stay in contact via email or a court app if told to by the court to do so for the logistics of child visits.
This is Staying In Contact:
These are the things you want to not do in order to get your life back and to be heard in the most meaningful way by the pathological user, and then have the space to begin your recovery odyssey:
Let their calls ring through to our phones, even if we don’t answer – their number is best blocked so we don’t see any calls or texts
Call their number and hang up
Dial their number to their voicemail
Take their phone calls
Call them
Leave them messages
Listen to their voicemail messages
Let emails from them land in our inbox
Read the emails they send to us
Respond to their emails
Sort through their emails because we have their password
Read the text, SMS, private Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat, or any messages from them
Respond to any messages from them
Initiate any messages to them
Close Every Portal from Us to Them
Deeper no contact: close every portal open from our life to theirs. More things we don’t do in no contact.
Look at their Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or any of their online images, or media
Look at their “friends” social media pages
Sort through their posts looking at their new target or for other prey
Look at old photos of them on our phone or on our FB page or anywhere else
Sort through our wedding photos or other pictures of him or us
Keep things that remind us of him or her
Make an alias FB account so we can look at their page that we blocked
Narcissistic Abuse Unwound: The Podcast
For Court: Save What They’ve Already Sent: Every Message Counts
There’s one exception to keeping contact: we can keep contact when or if an attorney tells us to send a particular message to the sociopath from our email for a legal step in any legal process. These emails are then forwarded as-is to the attorney for the legal process.
Strictly establishing no contact and keeping no contact will influence our chance of beginning to recover; our safety, our well-being, and can be a deciding factor in whether or not we win in court.
Keep old messages: archive old emails and texts that may be needed to show violence, intended violence, marriage fraud, name-calling or harassment, or refusal to follow the procedure in divorce, annulment, or other legal matters. Text messages are best also saved in a chronological series of screenshots showing time/date stamping.
If you print out text messages they lose formatting and are simply line after line of the conversation with no way to tell who said what or when.
We do want to make sure all saved messaging has time date stamps and clearly indicates whose device it’s from (theirs) and to whom (you or other targets.) Keep these as screenshots, printouts, and files on a thumb drive. Save copies for yourself. Forward them to your attorney.
Resist Keeping Tabs Unless It’s to Gather Court Evidence
This is for your safety: Maybe you’ve landed here and are uncertain if the person you’re leaving is a sociopath or a narcissist. I get it that this is unbelievably hard. Please, as soon as you can realize that even though You’re not sure what’s going on, the most important thing to do is to protect yourself and your own well-being. It’s best not to talk about them anywhere to anyone other than privately to a few select people. Leave off any social media posts about our misery in breaking up. And here’s there real-deal and the really tough part: we aren’t breaking up as much as we’re making an escape. – Please don’t tap and type away in Reddit threads about this user we’re breaking away from, please stop yourself from listing them on www.badboyfriend.com. It’s best if you don’t make a FB page dedicated to talking trash about them no matter how true the trash is – and I’m here to tell you, whatever trash you have on them it isn’t even a thimble full of their over-flowing-garbage-can-of-a-life. – This is not to let them get away with it! This is to make you, us, you, and I a “non-threat” to the sociopath. Then go report through the proper channels if there’s something to stand up for your life about. And even I use the word “game” sometimes to talk about this, but in real life: this is not a game.
Doing the same with all mutual “Friends” or connections on Facebook
Not looking at their Facebook page
Staying away from their friends’ Facebook pages
Avoiding FB pages of our (now former) friends who are “Friends” on his or her’s Facebook page
Never private message him or her
Not messaging any of his or her “friends”; they don’t have actual genuine friends, and all people are prey to them
Regarding Email
In order to let their email scoop in case you need them for evidence and court or legal matters, we can. However, at the same time these nasty and lying and so freaking crazy emails don’t need to come into our real-life email. We can send them to a special inbox just for the lunatic.
Make a new email address
Don’t give them this new one
Do not email them
Do not read any emails they send you to any email address whatsoever
In addition, consider changing the “channel”, the IP address that your internet is routed through. Simply call your internet provider and ask them to switch the IP address you receive your internet connection through.
This will knock off any device from access to your internet that may have at one time or another signed in to your internet service on a device of their own.
Think Zero Contact and Non-Threat: We Need to Seem Invisible and Nonexistent
Cell Phones
There’s a block function on smartphones per each phone number; use it with his or her’s
Alternatively, call your service provider and have them block this number for you from being able to call into your phone
No calls or texts from that number can come in after that; alternately, login to our online account with our service provider and block the numbers
Do not ever answer any calls in the future coming in as blocked or unavailable or restricted
Don’t answer calls from an unknown number or unidentified caller
Block the unknown numbers that call you and don’t leave a voicemail that shows they’re a legitimate caller
Consider getting a new or used-new phone and a new number. A used-new phone can be just the ticket right now. Do not load old contacts.
Enter the old-school one by one… Only the good ones. – In cases where this seems appropriate, consider a prepaid burner phone for six months or so.
Believe this: we might want the sociopath to hurt as we did – sure, me too, we might even we might even wish them dead, that’s normal. Some of us stay in contact thinking if we call them names and fight with them it will hurt them, or they’ll finally apologize.
We want them to “understand” that they’re hurting us. This is not going to happen in the way we’re looking for. For one, they know they hurt us; this doesn’t bother them.
News Flash: sociopaths (narcissists) do not “hurt” in the way we do; they “hurt” when things are taken from them or there’s a threat of being exposed. When we leave we become a threat to them as far as their concern about who we’ll tell all about them.
They experience trauma when highly valuable prey takes off. As strange as this is, the pathologically narcissistic (sociopaths aka psychopaths aka narcissists) have no feelings that are relatable to our emotional range of concern and experience as fully limbic-brained – normal – humans.
It’s only us who’s hurt by contact. Us going no contact is what hurts them. Please, go and stay no contact.
From their point of view: if we’re texting, calling, emailing or responding, arguing, crying, talking… no matter how we feel, no matter what the words flying out of our mouths are: to them, it means they still own us if we say anything at all. It’s only us who’s hurt by contact. Us going no contact is what hurts them. Please, go and stay in no contact.
No Contact On Other Platforms
Instagram, Pinterest: Nothing. Nope. Don’t look at theirs. Block theirs and all associated with them. Period. Instagram has a new feature called “Restrict”
Twitter: No
LinkedIn:Ditto as above
Snap Chat:Nope. We “blocked” their number on our phone; see Cell Phones above
FaceTime:See Cell Phones above – their number is blocked!
Skype: No; no Skype, zero, zip, nadda, zilch
Zoom: No Zoom
TikTok: No TikTok
WhatsApp: No
Signal or Telegraph: No
Land Lines:Change our voice greeting to the default anonymous greeting and screen calls
Cell and Landline: change your number either over the phone or online with your provider, you can select a new number.
FAX Number: Again if we have a landline for faxing – change the number.
Understand: No Contact is For Us: It’s How We Win
Hopefully, it’s becoming meaningful on a real-deal-critical level, that we can’t meet them for coffee, to trade back our belongings, or to have sex. We don’t go out to dinner, meet them at a club, meet them with friends. Follow the best practices for our well-being when leaving a sociopath aka narcissist.
Be sure to re-key your doors. This involves changing out the locking mechanism. This works perfectly well rather than getting the whole new doorknob which means their old key doesn’t fit your lock anymore.
And neither does the one they might have copied on the sly. If there’s a knock at your door the way to get them gone is to not answer. Additionally, make no reply, not even talking to them from behind the door.
We Bring This to an End
Let’s never see their smirky, ugly face again. I know we all know this, but I’m just sayin’. Go no contact… zero contact, hardcore. Our silence is the loudest, most meaningful thing we can say to them. And let’s be real. You might reach out or wish they would. That’s normal until we fully know what a sociopath is and what that means.
For our own well-being, our safety, and our future; for finding ourselves again, we go zero contact, radio silent. And… You drop off their radar. And goodbye to the nut-job.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
When we see through the façade we reach a moment when we want to breakaway and end it.
Ending it with a narcissist or a sociopath is a very scary hell of its own. They seem so all-powerful and in control. In truth, sociopaths’ lives are shallow and transparent. They fall apart as we begin to glimpse their empty souls. The scary part is what they do to hang on.
They let us think we’re in a relationship and we feel we are. Therefore, naturally, we do what normal people do: We give it our all. And then as time passes we see that things aren’t adding up.
We’ve had enough promises, sob stories, chaos. Enough lies. When the malarkey outweighs the good we thought was there, we come to a point where we’re ready to toss out the trash.
When We’ve Had Enough of the Lies and Abuse from a Sociopath
Trash is all they are, but because we’re normal people, the thing is, it takes as long as it takes for us to absorb this. As they take what they want, lives are destroyed for their own survival and it not only doesn’t faze them, they take it as a personal accomplishment.
They spend our money. Want sexual things we don’t. Include us. Exclude us. Entrust us. Suspect us. Play sick. Stay out late. Keep us from our family or friends. Don’t work. Are gone a lot.
They pretend to work very hard. Don’t answer our texts. Don’t pick up our calls. Block us from their Facebook. Keep us from our faith. Cry fake tears. Lie even more. And more. Then lie some more.
We begin to not quite believe them… We have doubts. We then rationalize more, because that is normal. And then, more doubts, more nuttiness…. And then. Snap. No more. Nope. The spell breaks. This is when it’s suddenly more terrifying to stay than to leave.
Making your way out? Find the safest, swiftest way back to yourself.
End it With a Sociopath: Sociopaths aka Narcissists Know Every Scam Relationship Will End
If you’re not convinced these are scams rather than relationships, read these words from a self-professed sociopath about how we can get how to get rid of them. They want out too.
They know each scam will end, and if we want them out before they fail and bail – which most people think of as being devalued and discarded – but is not in fact what’s happening at all… We can do this:
“The best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to “poison the well” so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being useless or contrary, without being openly defiant… Pretend you’re tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don’t fight back. Say “I don’t know what’s come over me.” Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. After about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of her basic needs.”
~ Advice on how to make them leave, from a sociopath
Guidelines to Break Free of the Sociopath Nut Case
If you’ve been lied to, used for your money, they won’t lift a finger, they’ve stopped being physically intimate with you… that’s a sociopath laying up there on your couch.
Here are guidelines to end it with a sociopath safely and as quickly as can be and with the least fallout. There will be fallout. We will be frightened. It will feel like eons before they go. After they go we’ll go through post-traumatic stress. Doing nothing would be much, much, much, much, much, much, much worse. We can protect ourselves. We can take immediate action. We can end this.
How to Leave a Narcissistic Sociopath
You’re going to become useless. Cut off goods and services. The sociopath will be baffled, taken aback, and pissed….That dinner isn’t on the table so to speak. And leave within weeks. Keep loving. Keep living like a real human. We are awesome. You are awesome.
Do not tell them we want out, and do not attempt a “break up talk”
Do not confide in them, confess to them how you’re feeling
Keep your feelings to yourself
Don’t confront or question them about anything; be silent or passively agreeable
Keep generally behaving as you have been
Be a calm, pleasant, passive blank when they’re in the same room
Do not allow your thoughts and plans of escaping roll through your mind in their presence
Pretend to still like them just the same as before
The Next Thing We Can Do is Lie to Them
As unbelievable as it might seem, sociopaths are each and all alike. Identical tactics and the same limited thinking. We can use their weaknesses to get them gone. – You might be thinking of them as a narcissist and reading up on narcissists – that’s okay, but if you’ve been lied to or used for your money, they won’t lift a finger, and they have stopped being physically intimate with you… That’s a sociopath laying up there on your couch.
Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.
Keep our plan to ourselves. Protect ourselvesand our belongings immediately – secretly. Don’t hesitate. Do this now. Why…? – Because sociopaths steal and destroy at the end. They’re thieves. And liars. Psychopaths like to take things like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant – just to say: I was here. They want last-minute funding, a car, a credit card – and to leave us holding the bag.
They steal or sell identities. Do they all steal? Every time? If they feel like it – yes. They have no conscience. No guilt. No love. They’re criminals. And they’re mean. Better to protect ourselves than be tragically sorry.
Sociopaths Steal: Especially at the End of a “Relationship”
Remove all of the following from your home to a safe location such as a friend’s house, your workplace, or a safe deposit box. Use this checklist:
Anything we care about for its sentimental or monetary value: The first items that come to mind are the ones. If he knows you treasure them, protect them. They go through our things – our drawers, closets, cupboards, dressers – that secret p! ace – they’ll sniff it out, to find things to take.
Valuable jewelry in gold, silver, precious stones, watches, etc. Things they can pawn or sell.
Cameras, laptops, audio gear, guns, anything easy to lift, and take away.
Photographs of the two of you. Including evidence of his abuse, your marriage, and anything compromising.
Documents. All of them. Anything legal. Copy his. Make copies of ours and the kids. Then, along with the originals secure them safely out of the house.
You don’t believe they’d steal…? Think again before it’s too late. Protect yourself.
Secure Originals & Copies Where the User Cannot Find Them
Passports
Social Security cards and numbers
Birth Certificates
Marriage Certificates
Mortgage papers
Car registrations
Auto insurance
Credit card information and statements and all numbers
Bank account information
Stocks, bonds, CDs, and all banking, investment, or monetary records
Immigration papers
Change all our passwords, PINS, and logins
Have extra house or apartment, even car keys made and give them to a trusted friend to hold
Write down numbers or better yet photocopies or take pictures of:
The sociopath’s Passport, IDs, driver’s licenses, credit cards
Bank or credit card statements
Social Security number
Receipts or pics or copies of wire money transfers from or to him or her
If he has a car write down his license plate number, car make and model, take photos of it, take down the VIN number
Keep photos of his face to ID him in case law enforcement, FBI, DEA or immigration become involved
Community Property in Marriage
If we’re married to them, in eight states within the United States, all of our belongings – belong to them. They can take them and do anything with them if we’re married. Really. They call it community property. — This works both ways, what’s theirs is ours.
There’s another thing called common property. Look up your state. If he or she steals while you’re married chances are nothing is a police matter or considered a crime. – Take care of ourselves.
Take your property. Whether married or not, transfer your personal savings and checking to another account. You can open a new account in a new bank or whatever feels most secure. Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.
Here’s what I did: Hands shaking I took his credit cards out of his wallet. – MY credit accounts that I’d made him an “authorized user” on – while he was in the shower. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Then – I lied. I said: The credit cards (three cards altogether) had been canceled by the card companies for going over the limit. –
He’d taken them over the limit – but I made no accusation, I gave no detail, no other explanation – I said it apologetically, but with conviction. I said I did it to protect him – I said if he used them in public they’d be confiscated by the retailer and, with a pathetic fake concern for him I passively whined, I wouldn’t want you to be embarrassed like that.
It absolutely worked: they believe anything you say. Was it scary…? Yes. Terrifying. I was saving my life.
Nothing Stops Them: We End It, We Stop It
Then a few days later I lied again. I said I’d lost my wallet so the checking account debit card had been canceled. I stopped putting my paycheck in our joint bank account – then I closed it. – Guess what? He knew how to reopen it.
I had to have the bank keep an eye out for 24 hours to make sure it stayed closed. I watched him stay in the game no matter what lie I told. The surreal mounts, but now we’re in control. Ride it out. The way will open.
Here’s the thing: sociopaths make all kinds of preposterous claims as they lie their way through life. – Amazingly I found I could say anything and he played along as if it were true, though I was sure he knew it wasn’t.
Simply say: Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon. And nothing else. That tiny line will do it all. Delivering it means you just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” Be proud.
I’d stumbled on sociopath-magic-rules-of-engagement: any lie is true. It was almost a high to fly so near the fringes and outsmart this being I now called in my head: The Monster. It was pure improvisation – life-saving improvisation on my part… it was normal live-by-the-seat-of-his-pants-all-is-a-lie for him.
Underneath it, we both knew our dynamics were shifting like silently colliding tectonic plates deep within the foundations bringing inescapable unpredictable and life-threatening upheaval that I determined – no matter what – would settle as a forced departure for him – and freedom for me.
Protect Ourselves When a Sociopath Leaves
Passwords and PINS and logins. Change them. All. If we can – block him or her on social media. As in using the actual “block” function on Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, and all the rest. They won’t be notified, but they’ll also no longer see any of our Facebook, or other social media activity. – We also will not be able to see theirs. It’s called going no contact.
Shut Down the Things the Sociopath is Enjoying
Become absolutely useless to them. If we usually make dinner. Stop. If we normally take out the garbage and make the bed. Don’t. Forget his dry cleaning. Stop doing his laundry or leave it lumpy and half-damp in the laundry basket. Passively, quietly, humbly, meekly, say, “Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry, hon.” And nothing else. Period You just gave a lifesaving Academy Award-winning performance. Keep it up.
Forget his favorite food. Sleep late, Stop cleaning. Disappear after work without calling him. Leave the car without gas. Forget to pay the internet bill – tell him it’s being shut off. Tell him your savings account is empty. Don’t talk at home. Keep to yourself. Sleep. Go into your room. Leave unexpectedly. Talk to your sister even though they hate it when we do.
Do whatever truly lifts you up and leads to breakthroughs. Go back to church if that was your thing pre-nutbag. Or step into meditation, wok out, make art, attend your book club meetings, or whatever faith or strength-giving endeavor they tried to stop you from practicing. When they talk look away, bored. Walk out of the room.
Think about replacing, swapping out the time you spent with them for an activity that you love… Something else. When they ask: Have something else to do at the times you used to spend with them. Add to that, zero cash to hand out. Pay no more of their bills. Simply say: Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon, implying vapid, passive stupidity on your part. Say nothing else. That tiny line will do it all. Delivering that kind of deflecting new reality for your safety and to maneuver them out of your life means you just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” Be proud.
Prepare For Safety and a Smooth Exit
Consider carrying a change of clothes and overnight things or having spares at work. Just a precaution. – Again this is without their knowledge. – If the sociopath invading your life is already violent with you – all the more so take this precaution.
Make extra house keys. Give some to a really trusted good friend who had no connection to the sociopath. If you’re leaving the clutches of an actively violent sociopath please check with professional advisers on domestic violence.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Trauma bonding is a normal stress response. Our instinctive human bonding is another normal human function sociopaths hijack for their own use. Lets take back our lives.
Bonding is part of humanity. It’s human at its essence. In times of stress or crisis bonding happens naturally. We see it within families, we see it within countries and groups. Bonding while in trauma is a built-in mechanism to bring us connection with those we love for new-found resilience and strength to handle the crisis.
This marvelous lifesaving mechanism to bond more deeply in times of attack, danger, or trouble occurs even when the one we love is the source of the crisis.
Traumatic bonding isn’t a weakness in our soul. It’s innate, normal and something we can’t not do as healthy human beings. And when we’re ensnared by one of these creatures, we’re under a sticky hypnotic kinda spell holding us in like quicksand. Hanging in is normal.
In the chaos of life with a sociopath, we bond with them because we feel we love them and are in a relationship with them. This is natural.
The bottom of our world drops. The love of your life is a beast from hell. Your stomach lurches, your heart pounds, you choke on your own breath. Adrenaline floods your brain.
The discovery that we were a criminal fraudster’s mark knocks our world out of place, the floor under our feet drops away. The dawning revelation that there is no love and that in fact, we’re in danger with this person and because of this person is like an awakening from a nightmare to find it’s alive and real.
It brings vertigo and laser clarity in equal measure. In one moment we go from the struggle of trying to align an out-of-sync relationship to the blinding truth that there wasn’t one. Nothing is what we thought it was.
The Spell Breaks
In this one crazy single moment for me, I also realized I’d been living at least two worlds all along and that moment the spell broke those two worlds each became more sharply delineated, and yet full still of mud at the same time. The best part was, I’d snapped the ropes that bound me to him. There was much more unwinding to do, but nothing would take away this new insight into this mess.
There’s nothing wrong with us. We are not broken…and believe me, I know you might feel broken. I did. What we are is richly, fully, amazingly human. This is our saving grace. how you’re feeling is not the new you. It isn’t permanent.
Yes, before the mask completely falls we know things aren’t great – but not in our wildest imagination can we or anyone else yet comprehend the reality we face a seeming meastro of deceit and destruction wearing the skin and clothing of a person we thought was the love of our life.
Courage and connection is found in the alchemy of this life and death traumatic stress in the aftermath of a sociopath. – A stronger, bigger better heart.
Terror floods our veins. Danger stands before us wearing the same shoes that troubled-love stood there wearing only a split second ago. Our heart races. Our mind spins.
We fall into a chasm of terror or lift ourselves to a new life. The stress of seeing the sociopath behind the mask, the narcissist without his fake persona is profound stress.
Trauma Stress and Regular Old Stress Makin’ Folks Sick
We’ve all heard – and have experienced – that stress makes us sick, as in ill from annoying colds to heart attacks. Stress has been something to avoid.
During even one year of lots of stress, a leading health psychologist, Dr. Kelly McGonigal tells us, studies show that stress gives a 43% increased risk of edging us toward our demise – but – that’s old news! Now they know – drum roll: This is the result only if we believe stress is harmful. – Remember, they used to believe the earth was flat?
What if we can make stress help us? There’s a new take on stress. Stress is now known as the “biology of courage.” Trauma bonding and the trauma of life or living with a sociopath is our path to amazingness. It’s one of the cool things about being human.
The rush of blood and adrenaline, the rapid heart rate – the other chemicals made by our bodies under stress – will, rather than defeat us, save our lives.
Stress and Trauma Cause Us to Bond
Stress gives us access to our hearts. The stress of trauma gives us the instinct to reach out to others who love us and — to support those in stress. This connecting factor saves us and brings health and longevity.
Stress – even stress from a monster attack – is our friend. It isn’t the enemy as we’ve been taught; stress isn’t the road to the common cold, but the pathway to more compassion for ourselves and anyone in need of support.
Our pounding heart is preparing us for action, pumping energy into our bloodstream. The increased breathing is getting oxygen to our brains for precise body function.
When we think of the stress response as on our side rather than something that makes us sick we relax into it and biochemically within our body, the reaction is “like that in moments of joy and courage”.
Courage and connection are found in the alchemy of this life and post-traumatic stress in the aftermath of a sociopath. – A stronger, bigger better heart.
There is a simple hypothesis about what steers the human brain to trust another human: a hormone called oxytocin….our behavior is also influenced by a large number of very complex, yet identifiable, biological processes. Future research should help us understand how cognitive and biological processes interact in shaping our decisions about whom to trust.
Stress makes us social – the chemical reaction in the body from stress makes us reach out to those we love and simultaneously causes us to fight for those we love. That famous hormone: Oxytocin is a neuro-hormone created in the pituitary gland shooting magic sauce through the body when under stress that has a special, purposeful function.
As Dr. McGonigal says, it “fine-tunes our social instincts.” This chemical rush primes us to do things that strengthen close relationships. Stress makes us more willing to help and support people we care about.
Pathological Users Hijack Every Natural Part of Normal Humans
There’s a built-in mechanism within our bodies; a natural response to handling stress that leads us to make a deeper connection. Yes, a deeper bond with the person we’re going through the trauma with. When we’re in this mess entangled by a sociopath and the anxiety and chaos mount, we bond with them. That’s normal.
The thing is, we don’t yet know they’re abnormal. This bonding is called trauma bonding, and then, in this case, our normal human bonding mechanism is seen by “experts” as a weakness or a fault. – Our normal bonding in chaos and trauma is yet another human function the sociopath turns to their advantage.
Initially, the chaos the sociopath whips up in our relationship bonds us to them because of the flood of oxytocin we didn’t even know our body was shooting out.
Trauma Sustained Over Time
The more havoc and imbalance the sociopath makes, the more our body’s involuntary protective stress reaction makes us reach out to them because at least at that moment, we still love them.
Because that’s how humans function biologically, and so we believe them. And so we fight for them, and for us as a couple. – Until we don’t. Until they do something so horrific our body recognizes them for what they are: the enemy from hades. Then things really heat up.
When we see through the sociopath use that fight-or-flight rush of oxytocin for us. Run to the real true love of family and long-time friends. Embrace our own lives. Stress can create resilience and joy.
Trust yourself; we can handle the challenge of the stress in the aftermath of a sociopath – the ability to do this is built into our body – and even our body knows we don’t have to face it alone. Connect with others who don’t judge, and can listen in the aftermath of a sociopath to anchor ourselves to human goodness.
Dr. Kelly McGonigal on Stress as Fuel for Renewal
There’s more. Introducing, Dr. Kelly McGonigal, TED Talk. Listen to the doctor, she explains it much better than I do.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Closure with a sociopath isn’t something to hold our breath over. So many of us crave closure; an apology. An explanation. An end to the ending.
This is a guest post by a true love scam recovery reader. she decided to write the apology she wanted from him. She shares that letter here… Here’s what she wrote for herself, to free herself with her own apology — the one that will never come from a sociopath – and if it does– they’re lying.
By E.R.
The Imaginary Apology from the Lying Sociopath
From E.R. to us: This is the apology letter I wrote to him, right after my break down. I sent it to him, asking him to read it to me. He never did. Instead, I gave him another 6 months to hurt me. It’s hard to accept that I still have loving feelings for someone who only hurt me. I think I just need some time.
Dear E,
I’m so sorry for the pain I caused you. I did not think of the consequences to you from my actions and my choices.
I couldn’t lose your help, so I kept hiding secrets to keep you around. I’m sorry. I thought you’d never know certain things and that it would be enough for you to be happy. I’m sorry I pushed this too far.
I apologize for everything I did and still do to you…
I apologize for hiding that I had a FB account, the first lie you found out and forgave…
I apologize for:
Rejecting you many times as a friend on my FB after you found out
Hitting on Sandra in front of your eyes and for not admitting it
Asking you for money
Promising I would pay you back when I knew I would never do that
Forgetting your birthday
Switching off my phone without caring about you
Cheating on you with Pauline
Telling her exactly the same things I said to you
Making plans for the future with her while I was with you
Putting pressure on you to bring me to Europe – and then…
Canceling after you planned the trip so I could be with Brie
Cheating on you with Ava
Cheating on you with all the womenI never told you about
Making you beg me for answers I should have begged you to listen to
For making you look like a fool with everyone who saw me with other girls
Not using condoms and giving you two diseases
Teasing you about your body shape
Promising you many times that I would change
What I did with Kate
Bringing her to your home
Contacting Rosanna and hiding it from you
Not giving you the attention and love you deserve
Wasting two years of your life waiting for love I do not feel and cannot give
Blaming you for my troubled life
Sucking up your savings
Not celebrating your birthday
Never buying you a present, flower to show appreciation for you
Searching for Ava again as soon as you left
Saying that I am single
Chatting and for texting with girls in an intimate way
I apologize for Marilyn
Letting you live my lie
Not being the man I told you I was
Leaving you behind with such pain in your heart
Contacting Pauline again yesterday
Manipulating you and playing with your vulnerability
Blaming your pain on you and telling you that you enjoy feeling like a victim
Moving on so fast and so easy
Telling you that I loved you
Making you fall in love in with me
Not being able to change for you
Not writing this letter myself
I apologize, Sheldon
Thank you E.R. for sharing the rough steps along the way of healing.
We End It: They Don’t
Sociopaths offer no closure. They are unable to love and have no feelings of remorse. An apology is something they will never make. They feel no regret, shame, or guilt. There’s only one thing they’re sorry for: that they didn’t get more from us. Closure is ours to find.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Bored heartless nomads. They don’t connect or care, have no sentimental or nostalgic idea of “home” so, one place is much like another and where ever they are isn’t “home”, it’s a hideout.
Sociopaths are bored nomads. Empty souls, empty brains, absent hearts. And no place they truly call “home.”
The part of the brain that registers like, love, care, concern, compassion is – unplugged. It doesn’t operate normally. They’re just kind of blah. They don’t “attach” to anyone, anything, or any place.
No matter how much we might not notice at first, no matter how many promises they make about our life together: for them, “home” is no place, while for us “there’s no place like home.”
Nobodies Home Inside There Aside from Evil
Sociopathic predators pretend to feel things they don’t, such as “love” or “concern” because they know their emptiness is something we can’t accept and it freaks us out.
If we’re freaked out, they need to move on sooner and don’t get as much stuff.
So they fake it to get stuff and to keep that cozy couch to sleep on. Unfortunately, they have an uncanny power of influence and get lots unless we already – fully – know what a sociopath is.
When normal humans take in a moment in life or interact in human exchange, our bodies respond by making a chemical mix that rushes to our bloodstream and brain and animates us in emotional responses of gratitude, empathy, delight, joy, or reverent awe, or an endless combo of sensation.
There is resolution and full restoration. What is recovery for you?
Bonding is Normal: It’s Absent in Pathological Predators
This grand cocktail of life forges deeper connections with others around us and to our very selves. In a sociopath this function is absent. They switch emotional responses on and off – sort of. But not really…
It’s that there’s just no one human home. Though a sociopath might say, we feel emotions. Ours is just different. – Well, yeah, that’s the point; they’re the feelings of a monster. Very, very different than ours.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Sociopaths mimic the emotions they see us go through. They don’t feel feelings like we do or understand ours. It’s all bars and tone – or desire and rage in the sociopath’s brain.
We get attached to our home and the simple things that take our breath away, illicit tears, smiles, giggles, or a sigh weigh in as a heavy clunk of next-to-nothingness in the sociopath’s “heart”.
The pride in our home, our lives, our child’s college graduation, first prom, first steps, or our teary-eyed satisfaction at giving the perfect gift to a loved one are experiences a sociopath will never have. Nope. Sociopaths have white noise where love should be.
When We Feel…
Delight: at our child’s achievements
Pleasure: in helping someone besides ourselves
Joy: at a the birth of a new baby
Compassion: for another’s sorrows
Satisfaction: in a job well done
A Sociopath Registers Personal Gain…
Delight: gloating at ensnaring a new victim
Pleasure: in a well-told lie
Joy: in scamming a new place to live
Compassion: there is none for anyone
Satisfaction: in a smear campaign well done… And otherwise, they’re bored
The Sociopath aka Narcissist Desires Only to Take and Use
The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey.
A sociopath scum bag’s sole desire is to suck us in, to take, and to use us and all we have and all those around us if possible. They make up lots of “good reasons” to live together. They might say something like, “I need to move by Friday because my roommate stopped paying rent…” – It’s a hint at what they want. They toss out bait hoping we’ll bite out of our ordinary and gorgeous human empathy and compassion and social conditioning in order to – in this case – take over our space.
They’re laser-focused on this. They don’t want to pay rent or share in the bills. They make promises of work they’re getting, money coming in, and they’ll do the dishes later.
Haus-Maus or Man In Pants: It’s all Fraud
Some sociopaths have the persona of man-around-the-house and get bossy while others play Mr. Mom and do laundry, cook, clean, and pick up the kids. This is the way this type of sociopath gets the cheese. Yes, like rats in a lab as they go through life they learn which button to push to get dinner.
I call this errand running, dinner making, kid caring sociopath the haus-maus – or house-mouse. It’s all bait. This is what they hope will hook their room and board. Their shelter from the storms. Storms both outside falling from the sky, and quite likely the storm anger of the last person they messed with who’s now after them.
The Provider
Some others, averse to chores and dirty work, flash cash instead and foot the bill for a bit to secure their place in our home. From the beginning – or by the end – they don’t pay, won’t pay, and get mad if asked to pay. – Be aware there are those who pay big-bucks all throughout keeping us in mani-pedies, vacations, and designer clothes. However, it comes at a price.
A sociopath dirtbag (even if you’re calling them a narcissist) is never the person we think they are until we see the devil in their eyes. Then – and only then, are we seeing who they are. Since no one with a heart wants to live with a devil they try their best to hide it. Their best is not very good.
Con Men Predators Get So Bored and Need Places to Hide
The ironic trap of needing the person they don’t care about pisses them off. Without emotional attachment, pretending to be in love with someone would get old. And bothersome. Their hatred of us begins to show itself.
Sociopaths are bored nomads, their boredom makes it hard to keep up their facades.
They drop the act at any random moment, then shove the mask back in place, drop it, put it up again and it falls once more.
This inconsistency is how we see through them. That’s okay with them. Ultimately, these scum bag inhuman users don’t care about the longevity of a scam as much as they care about taking what they’re after and going free.
Getting What They Want and Getting Away
The getaway is important. And these predators do indeed have many people are after them. Lots of people on their tail. Always.
They’ve got people they owe money to, women with babies they’ve left to support on their own, someone’s husband who wants to beat the living-day-lights out of them, bench warrants, they’ve skipped parole, evaded taxes, jumped debts, stolen cars to ride off in. They’re so, so busy; so busy running in fear.
Changing Location is Essential to Surviving as a Sociopath
And so, sociopaths, con men change geographic locations over and over. Every three to ten months, the predator needs new prey, and often new hunting grounds.
They pack light and leave things behind, as they skip and hop from place to place without their name registered on a lease or posted on a mailbox. The scampiest of these I call the backpackers. – All they have is a dirty backpack, easy to pick up and go.
They hide behind their prey for official things like rental contracts. If we think they “own” a house, a condo, or a boat, but look closely, they mostly don’t own anything, and always there’s more to it than meets the normal human eye.
Where Ever They Are They Are The Same
Whether a sociopath skulks in a low-rent district or a high-rise, through all the lies they’re hard to trace and difficult to pin down.
The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey.“Want” never leaves them, ever on the search for more money and more fun… otherwise they get so bored.
Boredom and Fear Are Forefront in Their Black Hearts
Boredom isn’t the only reason sociopaths, con men, narcissistic users need to move on down the road. It’s those people after them and those scams that blow up that lead them to a new location. Sociopaths are bored and boring and make terrible, monster, roommates. Who needs ’em?
There are many great books here to read more about these traveling monsters. Understand what’s really going on and set ourselves free!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
True Love Scam Recovery and www.truelovescam.com, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
A True Love Scam Reader’s Guest Post, written by E.R. Breaking no contact can bring us freedom too. That peek back into where we were is not all bad. – Depends on why and then what we do next.
A True Love Scam Reader’s Guest Post
Written by: E.R.
E.R. was a young college student and this entanglement was her very first relationship. Her parents couldn’t understand her trauma. She yearned for closure, for a natural and mutual ending, for explanations, as do we all when the end arrives.
Through a willingness to take in more, and through sessions with me to begin to shed the assumptions we make about them from the point of view of how we look at the world, E. was able to piece her life back together.
That healing and recovery process is an odyssey of disbelief after disbelief giving way to discovery and relief and resolution if we can step into seeing things we never thought possible.
Going Contact for Peace of Mind
I fell in love with a cute, charming, tender, sensual, simple, strong man. We met on a beach holiday that I took abroad. We emailed and talked and sent texts when I was back home. I went back to that beach every six months to visit him, to get to know him better. I was in love.
Instead of the happiness I expected or first felt, after a lot of pain, I ended our relationship. I went no contact, but then I broke no contact.
In defense of breaking no contact: I learned a lot. I learned who he really was by spying on his life on social media. – By breaking no contact I learned that his Facebook is a sort of display of his love-conquests.
He has friends – other guys – who live at that tourist beach too for the same reason: to live as parasites off tourists; women traveling for vacations and a little fun.
I learned that if he was offline for a few days and I couldn’t reach him… it meant he was having an affair with some new tourist. He was busy love-bombing and paying them attention, fake affection in exchange for whatever he could get.
I learned from his Facebook that he randomly ‘friends’ people he does not know, among which I saw: one Brazilian gay man and a too-young girl from Indonesia.
I learned that when he checked into a city on Facebook, it meant that was the city a prey was living in. his full active prey was never pictured on his Facebook. But he did check-in to the cities they were from giving away their existence as part of his catch..
I learned that liking the page of a club or group or a business, or a soccer team was the sign he was engaging in cheating with a woman related to that activity or in that group.
His email taught me a lot too; I learned his email was full of online dating emails.
And that he subscribed to a website to win a U.S. green card from.
I discovered from his email and SMS that he was still missing and loving his ex-girlfriend for the first 8 months I was in his life.
The Sociopath’s Email Account Tells a Story
His email revealed to me that he had another ‘official girlfriend’ for 6 months when he was already ‘official’ with me. And he sent her exactly the same loving messages he used with me. He even re-used a little poem I sent to him, sending it to her.
Now that I broke up and went no contact, and then behind his back spied on his Facebook, I am learning that he is still the same. Despite the (fake) apologies and pathetic attempts to keep me in his crazy life, he never even stopped for a second to enjoy pornographic images, ‘friend’ new lovers, and say what he said to me to anyone else who would listen.
This is teaching me that all that happened had nothing to do with me; He cheated and lied when I was sweet as much as when I broke up with him.
When I was questioning him as much as when I blindly trusted him; when I was The One and when I am no longer in his life.
Benefits of Looking: When We Turn Pain to Our Advantage
Although I am not fully respecting no contactby spying on his social media, although the first reaction to seeing him with other girls is still painful, I learned something for me. I learned to rationalize for my benefit. I had rationalized giving him the benefit of the doubt for a very long time, in order to put some logic in his nonsense; now I am using what he ‘taught’ me to rationalize in my favor!
Looking at him now helped me look beyond my emotions and repeat to myself like a mantra that he is still the same, will always be the same. A good-looking heartless-cheater.
Thank you, E.R. for sharing the sweet inside the bitter.
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