So ya met a cutie. And holy-moly, my word do they l-o-v-e- you! It’s nuts! They can’t stop texting, calling, messaging… They are hung-up on you, baby!
Love bombing is the name we give to those flirty texts that don’t stop. The messaging that begins even before a first date and from the moment you meet this gorgeous heart-throb. They often roll-out, day-one with the habitual “good morning beautiful“.
Readers of this website of mine realize that I’m female and can catch bits of my story to know the maniac who I married was male – a male sociopath.
I have however done enough recovery coaching with both males and females pursued by female sociopaths to know that female sociopaths do the same aggressive messaging, initiating the dance of fraud that we think is true love.
Love Bombing is the Tool that Injects Coercive Control
In any case, male, female, non-binary, trans – any gender love has nothing to do with love bombing. Sociopaths have a different brain. Parts of it do not function. The missing part is the part that feels love, connects and bonds with and cares about others.
Sometimes we meet a person who we’re suddenly, magnetically drawn to and it seems like an a-m-a-z-i-n-g person on the face of the earth. Like bananas amazing. This is highly likely a sociopath.
Other times meeting a sociopath right out of the gate we can only think: eeeew, they’re kinda yucky. Sociopaths, as the hunters they are, must persevere and sort through many many people before they hit on that one that clicks.
Mr or Ms Perfect Has That Magic MoJo That Draws Us In
Love bombing is the way sociopaths drive the hook in and reel in their loot: us. Contact with us from their slimy, slithering hypnotic-self is their only method they have to hunt and ensnare prey.
They lay out this barrage of flattery, query, compliment, suggestive-patter of nonsense, declarations of our beauty and all the rest as are their only verbal tool for reeling in a juicy new human.
Their silent charm is the main and most powerful attribute that hooks their intended target. Though we might feel it rising from them and wrapping into our flesh like a human-eating vine, this “charm” is not a skill. They have it from birth. Some become more practiced than others in the little snips of bait and tricks they learn along the way.
Love Bombing is the Predator Getting To Work Hard and Fast
In order to grab us, from moment-one they’ve got to get busy presenting their inherent quality of magnetism (coercive control that we interpret as charm or charisma) through constant contact: that’s all they’ve got.
After all, they’ve been predators and parasites their entire lives. Our response whether immediately tumbling under their inborn quality of hypnotic coercive control, or straining against it in resistance, they are compelled to plunge ahead. – We are the ones who stop it.
Love Bombing Is Bait to Ensnare Life-Sustaining Prey
Even though we feel they do things skillfully and find their tactics as impressive: they are not. Please, let’s set that notion aside when we catch ourselves feeling it.
We see them and interpret what they do as “genius”, or think, “they’re really good at this” because we’d never think of making such brazen or persistent efforts, and because we wouldn’t have this impact on others if we wanted to.
This is because we aren’t innately endowed with dark-and-evil-coercive control. They were simply born with this quality of mesmerizing others as their way to survive.
We, on the other hand, survive and thrive by our natural and DNA-wired quality of connection to others. In order to end the spell, we must break that connection and stop ourselves from continuing it. – They certainly won’t willingly drop the brand new piece of tasty plump human they’ve got by their fangs. – Why would they?
How to Stop Love Bombing
We’ve got myriad options to stop love bombing: but only one of them is effective. Can you decide which is best from those listed here?
Go into witness protection
Hide in a closet
Change our hair color and become vegan
Gain or lose an immense amount of weight and change our career
Hilarious as I am, this is the truth. The only way to effectively stop love bombing is to literally: Stop It.
This – blocking – is the only language or message or action a pathological user understands. It means something to them and gets our message across while removing ourselves from the equation of their hunt. So:
You can do this for free online on your provider’s website and your account
You can call into your provider and they do it for you, usually for a fee
No, it does not ruin your life to change your number; it ruins your life to be involved with a sociopath (and that person you’re calling a narcissist or dark-triad)
On Social Media:
Go to their profile in whichever platform: Twitter, IG, FB and use the menu options to find: block, and then block them
In Email:
In Gmail if that’s what you use, go to an email they’ve sent you on a laptop or desktop so you can see all available functions
Look to the far right of the message along the top
There’s a menu icon as three gray dots in a vertical line
Click this and hold
A list of menu options will drop down
Select block predator-idiot from about midway down.
All email platforms have a method to block senders; Google how to do so relating to your platform whether Yahoo, AOL or whatever it might be
We Don’t Need Them: They Need Us
Going No Contact by Blocking
Blocking during the early days of initial love bombing or after twelve ragged years of torment – either way and at any time, this is the only way to end the love bombing, hoovering, insults, flattery, promises, lies: stop all that bait.
Set yourself free by blocking, blocking, blocking. That would be the answer. We test many possibilities to end it, from hoping we can just say to them: I’m not interested, to please don’t call me anymore. None of that normal human stuff is going to have an effect. In fact, that simply gives them something to work with to haul us in.
Believe this: they are used to people blocking them. It won’t be a surprise. It will make them rage because they don’t like to lose their toys, but you won’t have to see that – because you blocked them! Congratulations!!!!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach (CPC, CMC) upholding ICF standards and ethics, I strive to inform, educate, co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Believe women. How is disbelief of women still a thing in the 21st century? Why aren’t women talking about abuse believed?
Believe women. How is it this needs to be said? What is going on that in the 21st century women are still disbelieved when we speak out about a fake-lationship under narcissistic abuse and coercive control…?
Why are women disbelieved when we talk about narcissistic abuse, marital rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence? And what is the cost of this disbelief?
When we’re not believed at a crucial moment we realize we matter little. It’s shocking. Being disbelieved sets us up for further abuse, loss, betrayal, grief, and anger that runs deep.
We can start from right there, wherever we are, and use our feelings and circumstances as a springboard and a function to make change rather than in pain.
We ask: who does that?! Our eyes get huge, our stomachs churn. Confusion floods our entire body and mind. We say: why can’t they just ____ ?!
Sociopaths and confusion. These two things go together like cock roaches and outdoor industrial garbage bins. Confusion reigns when we’re around one of these people. Their very presence causes a dizziness that we, as normal humans interpret as excitement: because we don’t know that what they are exists. Even when they say something strange, we balance it with an interpretation of it as fitting into “normal” or having an explanation that’s acceptable or passably normal. Our state of mind when we’re entrapped or mesmerized, or admire or love them is confusion.
There are two reasons for this. Let’s start with one of them. The reason we’ll get into is that as normal people all we can do is try to understand them from the way we experience life. From our point of view. The pathological user does not share our point of view of life in any way whatsoever. They don’t think as we do, feel as we do, or do anything as we do. So, looking for a reason for their actions and nutty words through the lens of our normal lives is only going to make us more confused.
Step Into a New Land
As normal-old, every day, tax-paying, Netflix watching humans, we look at the world and all the people in it from the point of view of what we are: good. It might be difficult to see, but if you’re a regular person, you’re good.
Truly, no matter your politics, no matter your religion, if you have people you love and care for: you’re fundamentally normal. – And every normal one of us can only see others through the eyes of what we are fundamentally and what we already know to be so through experience. – Fortunately, we can take in new information, new insights, and new perspectives and so: see things anew.
We Are Fundamentally Good
While in confusion, we look at what the sociopath (narcissist) does and says through our own hearts. And further then, we interpret and respond to what they do and say based on the things we all, as normal whole-humans, generally believe and know to be the way things are.
And this is the root of how and why we flail in these long and hard and devastating rides through hell with these beasts of destruction and stay wounded long after they fly away. In order to restore our lives, we need to see them for what they are rather than through what we are.
Sociopaths Live in an Alternate Universe Right Here in Ours
They want to do whatever they want to do. And they don’t want to be stopped. In order for this to happen, they need us to shut up. And to put out; put out our stuff, our money, our emotions. – And this happens when we don’t know what they are and what that means.
The sociopath does not dwell in the same space we do. They are here physically, but that’s where our similarities and understanding – as it were – end and our confusion begins.
It’s very, very, very difficult to get to a place where we can see these people precisely and exactly for what they are. It’s traumatic and must be waded into gently and slowly. The brutality of their actual minds is incomprehensible to us.
We can, however, form glimpses of it in tiny flashes frequently enough that the spell is utterly broken and we step back into ourselves. – This is what I show people how to do in sessions.
No Time to Delay
Once we hone it, this skill of recognizing a pathological user for what they are stays with us. There are clear instant-takes on the depths of monster in anyone around us. When this is a skill we’ve attained there is no sociopath (narcissist) that can get inside our lives.
Healthy whole humans are wired to bond and connect as survival. Pathological users are wired to use others as survival.
Additionally, in this skill, we benefit by being more perceptive and aware and sensitive and appreciative of kind and good. And amazingly, we can see the shades of nuance in all people of all emotional make-ups. We beam when we see the variations of kindness. The connection and human bonding that is the cornerstone of human survival and the key to thriving becomes ours. – Freedom, complete freedom.
By seeing them for what they are, we effectively diffuse the pathological predators’ and users’ ability to use and destroy people. We are their saving grace and our own.
Can we linger any longer in the confusion? Do we have any more time to give people-of-harm the benefit of the doubt? Let’s cut the frills. How about we stop adding in our emotions and feelings and ideas of what is in their minds and behind their actions. Let’s strip what’s happening down to the bone and see what it really is.
Narcissistic Abuse Unwound: The Podcast
The Pathological User is a Heartless Parasite
There are only two things that a sociopath, any sociopath, all sociopaths – narcissists – care about and want: to do whatever they want – and not be stopped.
In order for this to happen, they need us to shut up. And to put out. Shut up refers to not asking questions, not expecting anything in particular. And defending them. Put out refers to the myriad things they gain from us: money, places to live, support, cars, respectability by being seen with us, access to a group or country, a facade of professionalism, property, sex, our defending them, our vote, our protection and so on and on and on.
This is precisely and only what they care about. This happens when we don’t know what they are and what that means. Fundamentally they are not good. Inside their minds and hearts, they are 100% different than we are. Healthy whole humans are wired to bond and connect as survival. Pathological users are wired to use others for survival.
Predators, Users and People with Narcissistic Glitches
There is a difference between someone who has some emotional hang-ups and snags that lead them to turn lots of things back to the subject of themselves. This is very, very different than a sociopath, the antisocial psychopath: predator, pathological user, con man, and con woman.
Trust your gut on the level of danger someone is, rather than your brain and thoughts that float around your head, such as, well they were nice after they called me an idiot. Please, also question and reconsider the notion that someone is the way they are due to a troubled childhood (every sociopath’s – narcissist’s – excuse for being cruel).
The Benefit of the Doubt Based On New Knowledge
It’s normal to make reasons for what they did that shed a benevolent light upon them. That’s what we are as humans: people who feel good is what makes the world go round. – And it does. So, let’s make that good force stronger, protect that good by understanding and accepting – and so diffusing – the malevolent element that also exists.
Sorry to bear the hard news, but if we can’t get to a place where we can clearly see that there are indeed people whose hearts are not full of good, but instead are full of arrogance to a degree that it will slit our throats, full or rage to a level of darkness that it would make our head split open if we could feel it even for a millisecond we won’t recover fully from our own personal time in a “relationship” with one of these people. And then surely we won’t reconcile and restore good on a larger scale.
Let’s End the Confusion: We Hold the Future in Our Hands
Truly, at this time, be willing to take a step further into realizing: we make the world the way it is. We create our own lives. By thought, word, and deed. By our perception, our beliefs, our actions.
Let’s put a stop to confusion. How about we take on the task of deciphering the reality of our own experience? Remove the personal, because these people-of-prey don’t see us as individuals that we are. We are objects to make use of so they can do whatever they want and not be stopped. – The thing is, when we know this, they are stopped.
This clearing of the confusion within our own experience transfers to clearing the confusion and stopping the malevolent on the world stage. Who knew when we fell into their trap that we were signing up to be activists for the humanity of humankind!?
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Post the traumatic event, we want new. Afterward, we urgently want a new place. Or a new job, different friends, maybe a new name. Take it one thing at a time.
You’d think at the end of things, we’d be relieved. And we are. And then the post-trauma hits. Post-trauma… after the departure from the monster, well this is when we “freak out”. And rightly so. After any kind of traumatic event, at the end of it, that’s when things hit us emotionally.
This is normal. In the aftermath we have a sense of urgency. It’s incredibly common in post-trauma to feel we need to move, to change, to go, go, go to get out of here. To vacate the scene of the crime.
Post-trauma is rife with too much. Too much to be dealt with. Too much to figure out. Too much to explain. Clear things up for ourselves. Think of it as weeding the garden.
In the post-trauma and even further along in the post-post-trauma we need things streamlined, cleared up, and cleaned out. Make life as simple as possible.
There’s so much to manage. Things that aren’t truly supporting our life and our restoration are simply and truly too much. Dump ’em like sorting out rusty hinges and broken tricycles and tattered stained curtains. Here are some things we can do to weed our garden.
Got the blahs…? Need some pandemic entertainment? Whether solo or with a family group, these cookies hit the spot.
This might not be the space we’re all in… but oh my gosh. If you’re feeling this pandemic like I am, today is especially tough. Don’t know why but it seems I got hit with it somewhere in the middle of the night and woke up with a slowly dawning sense of blah.
I’m well and far away from the days of con man related trauma and recovery. Many of us are in the thick of it. And where ever we are we’re in the midst of this world crisis and it’s hitting us all.
Hoax or Real
Whether you believe the numbers and are isolating or even more so if you feel it’s all a hoax to take away our freedoms, there’s much, much trauma we’re each and all sustaining.
Here’s what I did for my Covid19 housebound blues.
After a bit of indulgent lounging I made myself get up off the couch.
Then I pulled out the old keyboard to share with you a recipe I whipped up just the other day.
Trauma often calls for comfort food. And in this case, be sure to take notice: give ourselves the recognition and acknowledgment that we’re freakin’ amazing. We went through and thrive after a con man hijacking… and we’ll win in 2020!
Creativity and Action Keep Us Mentally Okay
A few days ago, I made peanut butter cookies, but not-peanut-butter cookies! I substituted the 1/2 a cup of peanut butter in the recipe for cashew butter that I had in the back of the fridge, and: added chopped raw walnuts! Yay!!!
I’ll tell you, I thought about making these cookies for a week at least before I finally got the motivation to do it. It was great because not only did I end up with amazing-so-delicious cookies, it led me to clean the kitchen up before I did the baking!
These cookies are the kind of delicious that I ate a bunch of the dough raw, and actually held some back, rolled them into tiny balls and froze them. They will later be inserted into Haggen Daz Vanilla ice cream. – Yah, it’s that kind of life right now. And that’s okay.
(Not Peanut Butter) Chewy Cashew Butter Cookies
Ingredients
1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cashew butter (or almond butter or peanut butter)
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened (If you only have salted butter cut the salt by half; use only 1/4 teaspoon.)
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup chopped walnuts (or pecans or peanuts)
Parchment paper or extra butter to grease the cookie sheet
How To Make ‘Em
Lay the butter out to soften at room temperature
Measure the flour, salt, and baking soda into a bowl and blend
In a separate small bowl beat the egg and then stir in the vanilla
Measure the white and brown sugar together into another small bowl.
Cream the softened butter and the sugars together
Now mix the nut butter into the butter/sugar mixture
Then mix the butter/sugar/nut butter combo into the flour a bit at a time
Add the walnuts or pecans
Bake at 350 for 10 Minutes
Place by tablespoon full on parchment paper covered cookie sheet
If no parchment paper daub butter in each spot where you’re going to lay a cookie on the baking tray
Bake for approx ten minutes at 350
Be sure to not over bake
Let the cookies sit on the pan to cool down for 5 minutes
Transfer the cookies to a wire rack or anywhere handy honestly in this time of crisis
Store in an airtight container
So yum… They won’t be around long!
Here’s the original recipe I converted the peanut butter to cashew butter
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach upholding ICF standards and ethics, I strive to inform, educate, co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. We decide what winning is. We win.
www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Sleeping solo while Mr. Wonderful snores in the next room? Tired from relentless sexual attention? She’s claiming she’s a virgin? Wish they’d stop with the camera already?
Sociopaths’ sexual traits are hard to fathom. The matrix of any normal romantic relationship is the physical expression of love. The thing is, in these situations, from their side of it, love’s got nothing to do with it.
If you’ve been in it you’ve seen that people without a conscious and a heart aren’t having loving relationships that play out well or nicely. Let’s win by using this experience to expand our own humanity.
Deception Isn’t Sexy
These freaks take advantage of our normalness. This combined with their innate and natural power of influence, and our lack of understanding that they exist and what that means: we’re bound.
The thing is, there isn’t anything going on with one of these characters originating in a pure purpose or from a relatable kind of motivation. Not unless we include eating, sleeping, and using the facilities. This is where they stop being anything close to wholesome or normal.
Nothing a sociopath or that person you’re calling a narcissist or narc does is motivated by, inspired by, or grounded in the same things we care about or consider important. This is incredible to take in. And there’s nothing more confounding and painful in these faux-lationships than the sexual traits of a sociopath. If you’re recognizing these traits in the narc or narcissist, consider thinking of them as a sociopath for deeper understanding and an expanded change of healing and freedom.
There is resolution and full restoration. What is recovery for you?
Dr. Robert Hare is famous for putting together the “sociopath checklist“. The now well-known list of 20 characteristics of an antisocial psychopath, the sociopath aka psychopath.
Dr. Hare’s list is developed from his own years of clinical research of mainly imprisoned sociopaths. There are a lot of them behind bars.
However, his list is missing personal detail. And rightly so, since his list isn’t based on living with one, dating one, marrying one, or having a child with one of these surreal beasts.
Neither did Dr. Hare suffer the economic disaster of sharing a life with one under the umbrella and spell of their influence and fraud. And I’m guessing he didn’t sleep with one, because – if so – Dr. Hare’s sociopath checklist is missing a few things.
Dr. Hare’s Sociopath Checklist Is Missing a Few Things
Sociopaths Sexual Traits
20 Traits of Sociopaths’ Sexuality:
Reluctant Virgin: Some sociopaths claim sexual inexperience or innocence or (fake) religious beliefs to hold off on sex and keep from having sex. This can be a great ploy for the female sociopath to entice prey into a marriage with a “virgin bride”. This false stance works equally well when claimed by the male sociopath and is commonly used by any sociopath or narcissist.
Another element of pain within this setup is that the normal woman or man that they present this lie to then feels really badly about themselves and shame or embarrassed for wanting sexual intimacy. – It also makes the normal and deceived person try harder to make the relationship work. This “trying harder” doesn’t go unnoticed by the predator.
The nut job pathological user simply wants out of having sex with us; they have though definitely noticed that this false claim of sexual reluctance and innocence tames and subdues their prey.
After all, which of us normal people can go against someone’s religious beliefs or sexual inexperience, when both of these are socially and culturally touted as “good”? We’re not going to balk at that but try to meet it. – So much malarkey.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
The Producer: Make no mistake, even while playing the reluctant virgin with one target, the very same sociopath might be the producer in the bedroom with another target.
Taking photos and videos of themselves, and of the person they’ve roped into their spell who’s sprawled spread-eagle, or backside-up, or in some other compromising and irregular position much to their own surprise is the order of the day for the sexual “producer”. These escapades often include the introduction of forced consumption of drugs or alcohol.
Turn Over Rover
They Like The Backside of Things: Male sociopaths have a thing for anal sex. Not all of us are shown this “delightful” (not) trait. Many of us are shown this either in practice or the wishes they directly express or we suspect it.
Are Against Homosexuality: Oh, good gravy… What’s that phrase about protesting too much? Well, they do it. Male sociopaths proclaim to be “against being gay” or that they don’t “believe in” homosexuality. They say that they think it’s a sin, a “choice”, and anything else to put it down and play it down and scandalize it.
These sentiments might not be expressed often, but always emphatically. And they tell stories about it. And ask questions about it. More like they’re fascinated by it… and do it.
It Isn’t Personal
They abandon our bed. There are excuses they make for leaving the “couple bed”. Or not. They just do it.
Have Sex With Any Gender: Unbeknownst to us, they are out there, doing it with pretty much anyone of absolutely any gender under the sun. In essence, sociopaths are genderless themselves.
Any Age Fills the Bill: Children, adults, teens, older, elderly… it matters little. Any person is viable prey.
So Many, So Many People All at Once: Sociopaths are very, very busy ensnaring prey. It is literally their job. And sex is the number one tool to bring in and land prey. In any given week the number of people they’re sexually active with is potentially unlimited. And then in some cases, they seem to sit home and remain sexually-solo in front of their laptops.
Sociopaths Bind Prey with Sex
Sex is a Binding Tool: These people need us. We don’t need them. Sexual encounters mean something to us and also, quite conveniently for the sociopath, have an actual physiological effect on us that inspires a deep bond within us towards the person we do it with. – They don’t bond, they bind.
These freaks take advantage of our normalness. This combined with their innate and natural power of influence, and our lack of understanding that they exist and what that means: we’re bound. Sex is a powerful binding tool.
Is Anybody There?
We are connecting, bonding, beautiful, and good inside and out. Embrace your own sweet life with compassion.
Sex Is Not Out of Love: They don’t love anyone. Really. This is so hard to take. These nut bags are not “attracted” to anyone.
They Make No Eye Contact: During sex forget about long, loving eye gazing. Even in daily life the sociopath rarely looks us in the eye. When they do it’s because they’re gleaning info about how to snag and pass as normal people “better” in order to make more use and for longer of real and normal people
During sex, they might look at us, or in our direction, but truly their million-yard stare is aimed off who-knows-where into the distance. Some of us are given a deep and scary stare that goes right through us.
Sociopaths Withhold Sex
Withhold Sex: Unbelievably, while they need sexual contact with their prey in order to ensnare them into one-on-one personal love scams, they don’t really like this sex. The sociopath, seen as so sexual and “so good at sex”, has no actual desire to knock boots with us.
We see through them, or we ask so many questions they falter in their confidence that they can carry on the fraud. They end it or we do because these things can’t last.
It’s extremely common that the sociopath, both male, and female, withdraws sexual activity from primary prey once we’re established in their lives. that is once we’re months into a “relationship” where we live together.
What’s happening is that as soon as we’re locked in after that first solid few weeks, their sexual capacity and quota are going to other places to bind other newer prey. They don’t like to do more work than needed. In light of this and as a common-sense aspect in anyone’s life: they need to put their time and attention where it brings them benefit.
And omg, does this sudden slide into being rejected or ignored sexually make us sad! It confounds us. It leaves us – naturally and bizarrely – finding signs of true love in small things, such as in the way they make us coffee in the morning. Or layout our workout clothes. Or kiss the dog goodbye before they go out. Uuuuhhhhg. This is a natural and normal human response to declare markers of their affection in other places when they turn off the sex.
There’s No Protection From Their Side
Do Not Wear Condoms: When they do get down to it they aren’t wearing a sheath. The nutter I was married to carried condoms with him everywhere. In his pocket were gold foil-wrapped Trojans.
To my knowledge, he never unwrapped one and applied it to his body. And I talked with three of the women he was preying upon, so that confirmed at least four of us all at once. There were more. There are always more.
STDs Are Another One of Their Secrets: If (when) they get one we won’t know unless we get it from them or are contacted by someone else who did. These nutbags just are not going to tell us. So many surreptitious STD exams go on in their world. They know they have an illness, they don’t care if we get it.
Sociopaths and Erectile Dysfunction (Non-function)
Sociopaths Can’t Keep It Up: Well, yah… I mean, realize, they aren’t genuinely into it in an emotional way. They don’t experience “attraction” in the way that we do. So… Once the excitement of entrapping someone is over, things can go pretty limp.
Viagra Is Their Middle Name: So many of them just can’t do it or keep things up without chemical aids. Viagra is common. Then there’s the darker side including MDMA, GHB/GBL, or something to knock us out such as a roofie cocktail, maybe weed laced with ketamine so that they can do things that should not ever be done to anyone or so that we don’t notice there was no sex.
Party of Three
Let’s win by using this nightmare to serve the function of leading us to expand our lives. Embrace and deepen our own amazing capacity for bonding, love, and trust.
Threesomes: And polyamory or swinger parties. Open marriages, swaps. Polyamory. (Eye roll.) The introduction of these things by telling us a story about other people who do this is bait. It’s a way to talk about what they do and have done and to monitor how we feel about it. They want to feel us out to see if we might join in. They want to discover if they need to keep these habits of theirs under wraps or if they can admit to it and we’ll still stay hooked.
Sleep in Another Room: They abandon our bed. There are excuses they make for leaving the “couple bed”. Or not. They just do it. It happens in the case of primary prey, meaning us who see ourselves as the spouse or domestic partner. Those of us in these live-in or marriage roles are mostly sleeping solo. Sex is withheld or severely modified down to next to nothing. Be glad about this. Be glad. This is the best it could be for your emotional, mental and physical health.
The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
Porn Night and Day
Porn, Morning, Noon, and Night: Good gravy. We might see this. Maybe we discover it after they’re gone. Sometimes we’re asked to partake in it, however, usually, it’s their private, secret – obsessive – sexual activity. Within the realm of porn, anything goes and the sociopath will have a specific penchant. MW, MM, WW, kids, animals, “shemales”, ladyboys with all the options and whatever their “thing” is.
BDSM, Debauchery, Degradation: Bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism, h.i.d.e.o.u.s form of making use of others and for getting off on harming others. There are some who ask to be pooped on, peed on, and Heaven’s to Betsy, whatever else they think of. This dynamic is often induced with the aid of varying drugs or alcohol.
Prostitutes: They can easily go to them. They can easily sell themselves if it’s their thing. Being an “escort” is an easy-peasy job for them. It’s all about pretending anyway.
The Sad Truth Serves Up Freedom
In all of this, there are only a few variations. The truth of it is, every sociopath is alike in motivation, thinking, beliefs that “everything is theirs” and that supreme sense of their own amazingness.
These people of psychopathy vary one from the other only in a few ways. They vary in: how much drug use, how much violence and when, the depths of their sexual deep-end, the law-book crimes in their repertoire, the number of kids, spouses and fiances and significant others they have at any one time or tucked in their “past”.
Also if they gamble or not (seems to be an either-or), how many places they live at once, how many towns, cities, or countries they function within. You get the scene here. This stuff isn’t a maybe, it’s how much.
Win As We Untangle the Deception
As hard and gross and sickening as this is to take in, I hope that for each and every one of us reading this there’s some validation in seeing that you’re not the only one with this experience. We weren’t “devalued” though we felt that way. We weren’t “discarded” though it can seem so and hurts. The reality is: the sociopath failed and bailed.
The jig is up. It ends. We see through them, or we ask so many questions they falter in their confidence that they can carry on the fraud. They end it or we do because these things can’t last. These are crimes of deception rather than relationships. Their reason for being here is not the same as ours.
Let’s win by using this nightmare to serve the function of leading us to expand our lives. Embrace and deepen our own amazing capacity for bonding, love, and trust. We’re connecting, beautiful, and good inside and out. Wrap your own sweet self with compassion.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
So! You’ve just met someone new! Out of the blue and you’re on cloud nine. Vibin’ like crazy!
Have you had that incoming early morning text: good morning beautiful? A few hours later: you’re on my mind. Another text: I miss you. Afternoon text: I can’t stop thinking of your smile… Late-night text: what did you do today? And later night text: sleep tight.
I know how amazing it feels! And also I know that if it had stayed feeling good, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. I’m so sorry you crossed paths with someone who can drop you like a hot potato like it was all nothing. – Because you are not nothing. You’re real and amazing and you’re gorgeous inside and out.
This is a tough one to take. But, these creatures love no one. Not me, you, her, him…and even their own babies. So, why do sociopaths have babies?
Why do sociopaths have babies? We watch them abandon kids, steal from their children, ignore them, abuse them… Why do they bother?
Or – if you’re calling these monsters a “narcissist” – why do “narcissists” have babies? Whatever you’re calling these demons they’re having babies they don’t love, don’t connect with, don’t want, and simply see as an object to make use of. Babies they ignore, treat badly, and use as a bargaining chip.
These monster beings have no empathy, no connection, and no guilt. All people outside of their own bodies are things to use to do whatever they want with. They feel they own everyone and everything around them. So, why do sociopaths have babies?
Narcissism is a hot topic these days. Narcissism comes up as a discussion point at any dinner party, on a girl’s night out, at a hang, or during a pub crawl. It’s spiked all over the place.
Personally, the topic comes up almost everywhere I go! I don’t know why… but people start talking to me in the Trader Joe’s line on the track at the park and… voila. They’re describing their experience with a sociopath. Maybe I have an invisible sign on my forehead!
Complete Narcissism Heeds No Boundaries and Eclipses Normal
For certain they tell me about someone they consider pathologically steeped in narcissism. Usually a person they were in a romantic relationship with… or thought they were. One that took them to their knees.
Naturally, we’re confused, befuddled, and boggled that a person could actually not care. Well, a normal person can’t *not* care. A pathologically narcissistic person does actually not care.
A pathologically narcissistic human is a sociopath: Take The Sociopath Test, this will give you an idea of what they are…
There’s No Such Thing as A “Narcissist”…?
You might be calling them a “narcissist” and think they are the way they are due to a wounded childhood – that’s fine. However, this is in reference to the non-pathological – not the pathological.
The pathologically narcissistic are these monsters who hijack people’s lives. The ones who lie and lie and lie – even when they wouldn’t need to in order to benefit. They are the way they are because this is what they are…it’s how their brains are wired and cannot be undone. – These are sociopaths…and technically they’re psychopaths.
This is really difficult to imagine, take in, and accept. As a step in this, consider what limits your scope of understanding and which viewpoints might hinder recovering and restoring your life.
If you still have questions, get yourself some sessions.
Sociopaths aka Narcissists aka Psychopaths Are Real
Here’s a great rule of thumb: if you’re suspecting someone in your life is a sociopath or pathologically narcissistic, they likely are. Otherwise, and truly beyond this, a diagnosis isn’t necessary. It’s our instinct we want to look to and trust.
Either you’ve had an experience you lived through with a sociopath, or you might know someone among your family or a friend who has been in this hell or maybe know a friend who’s currently in it. It’s possible you have a child or parent or family member who is a person of pathological narcissism.
I hear from clients about brothers who walk into a room at night to kill their sister or mothers who use their child’s identity to take out loans. A father or a sister can be a sociopath as well.
Sociopaths are individuals who are narcissistic to the extreme, therefore if we use our way of thinking to decern what they are doing we always miss the mark. We can decipher and parse out more of what happened and recover, and heal when we think of these people as antisocial psychopaths, sociopaths, or psychopaths. The ultimate condition of ultimate and complete narcissism.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
And nowadays for me, not at all surprising, there are those who out-and-out say, yep, my dad is a sociopath. Or my last boyfriend was a sociopath, an absolute psycho. And, my brother’s wife is one, we haven’t been allowed to see him or their kids in two years.
A person of the kind of narcissistic pathology we’re concerned with has no other physiological or biological, mental, emotional spiritual way to interact with others.
The next thing I hear most often is, I’m not sure what they are. Something’s wrong. But how do you know if someone’s a sociopath or just dysfunctional in relationships?
Here’s a great rule of thumb: if you’re suspecting someone in your life is a sociopath or pathologically narcissistic, they likely are. Otherwise, and truly beyond this, a diagnosis isn’t necessary. It’s our instinct we want to look to and trust.
Toxic People Are Seen in Their Behavior
The person we’re experiencing pain with or have great conflicting confusion about is best analyzed through their behavior. It’s what’s key.
As a parent to someone of this pathology, it’s surely noticed long before they’re unable to form relationships of a romantic nature as an adult. As someone dating one of these nut jobs, it’s truly seen from moment one and we can learn to recognize that.
Narcissism Leaves No Room For Caring
This pathology does not allow relationships of any kind. The goal and motivation of one of these pathological users are to do whatever they please and to get away with it. Additionally, their only ability to “connect” or “relate” to others is to make use of them for their personal gain.
A person with the kind of narcissistic pathology we’re concerned with has no other physiological or biological, mental, emotional spiritual way to interact with others. They quite consciously and deliberately attempt to wear a mask of normal.
Seeing Clearly is Key
It’s very often us, as people who feel we love them or grew up with them or have gone into business with them who imbue them with emotional qualities. We create explanations for their behavior that are “feelings” based.
If you hear yourself saying, “well, she was abused by her uncle”, or “he had a rough childhood” – be wary. When we think, “well, yeah, he did that, but it’s because he feels bad about himself because of_____. Stop yourself before you paint that picture. We create reasons for their behavior; reasoning that does not exist in their psyche or heart.
We imagine the reasons for their actions and fill in an emotional life to explain their behaviors that in fact do not exist within the life of the pathological user. Reasons that are not at all the user’s motivation. – This is one way in which it can be said, we create the mask.
We Are Not in Relationships Though We Feel We Are
These people know they are not in the so-called “relationship” for the reason the non-pathological (normal) person is.
Survival is found in counting on the normal person not knowing their true intention. Their existence requires deception and fraud and this is the nature of any and all of their “relationships”.
Taking, Using, Deception and Fraud are Rooted in Narcissism
In practice, you see pathological users of the sociopath ilk use others for money, places to live, respectability by the association to someone, for connections to others to make use of, for anything and everything.
We usually discover “other women”, debt, overspending of our money, porn, messages of a personal nature to people we’ve never heard of, hidden run-ins with legal issues, and things like DUIs. There’s typically a general vagueness to how they spend their day no matter how busy they make themselves out to be.
Narcissism Leaves Pain, Confusion, and Despair
The trail of harm and hurt and destroyed people these creatures leave in their wake does not faze them in the least. Here’s where we go off track deciphering their actions: the pain and destruction aren’t necessarily their goal. It’s not typically their initial goal upon first engaging with someone in a faux-lationship.
Our pain and ruin do signal to them that we don’t understand what they’re up to or their true intentions and feelings about us. Ever notice the smirk?
This is their pride showing; their narcissistic pride in a job well done from their point of view. The tears and accusations signal we’re emotionally hooked and involved. This is all they need.
If a pathological user enjoys observing others’ pain, our suffering is an extra bonus. When they’re the kind of pathological user and predator who enjoys seeing people in pain and this is their predominant desire, then our pain is their goal. These particular narcissistic users are soemtimes focused on scamming someone and are more focused on creating pain and torture. Some do both.
Narcissism to a Pathological Degree Disallows Caring
They genuinely do not care. There is no ability to care within them. This brain pathology leaves them unable to care. This is to say, they don’t make a decision to “not care”. That kind of decision would be a choice made that comes from weighing things out between caring and not caring; a choice that comes from caring. This is impossible.
They literally and starkly and completely do not care. Any suggestion of caring is a lie and a piece of bait in order to get something they want or leave the impression that they too are normal and trustworthy.
The notion that they care, comes from us. A quality or character trait of “caring” about or for someone else is not within them. It is indeed a quality that makes up our entire being.
Making Use Of Others Requires That We Don’t See Them
It’s normal that we don’t see this for what it is. No one can see something that we don’t know exists. We’re all in the process of realizing this dark and destructive empty, non-connecting element of human life does exist. It’s a lot to take in.
We can take it in, and we must for our wholeness and our well-being. We get to remain fully human and empathetic and gorgeously human and at the same time learn what a pathological predator is and how to recognize them. When we do know how to spot them they are left powerless.
When we can escape, heal, recover and restore our lives to one of gorgeous humanism including this new wisdom we win for ourselves and for all humankind.
As we recover from our own entanglement, the piece that must be woven into the recovery process and come out fully knitted together on the other side, is in knowing how the pathological user – the narc, narcissist, sociopath – sees the world, how they think and what that truly means. If this is missing, the restoration of our lives is compromised. This is when we look like scrumptious dinners to the next user who sees us.
It’s us gaining the skills to recognize and know a pathological user or predator for precisely what they are and what they intend on sight, no matter what is coming off their keyboard or out of their mouths, that leaves us user-proof forever. – This great empathy, this incredible skill we have to read others’ feelings… This is our saving grace not at all a weakness or downfall.
Defusing Narcissism, Unmasking Their Intent Is Up To Us
The day that comes when enough of us can see them as they are, then all of us will. This is the phenomenon known as a collective consciousness and the tipping point. When enough of us have this knowledge all will.
As people who’ve experienced this directly, we’re here carrying out a service, we’re turning our suffering into a mission that will, in fact, diffuse the harm. We’re pretty amazing. When we can escape, heal, recover and restore our lives to one of gorgeous humanism including this new wisdom we win for ourselves and for all humankind.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
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