Just Can't Get Over It - true love scam recovery

Every one of these hijackings is identical.
It seems impossible because we each think “our relationship” is unique.
How can we be sure to see the signs before it starts?

I was out the other day with my niece. She’s, you know, in that first blush of time when she and her friends are dating and the dating is shifting into forming relationships that, for some of them, might turn into lasting partnerships…

This particular day, as we wandered around window shopping, my niece was invested and passionate as she described a bad breakup her friend Olivia just went through.

As soon as she started talking about this “break up”… I knew. She described her friend’s heartache and confusion with confusion of her own. My niece was affected by the trauma and madness that her friend was under as a piece of a sociopathic entrapment. No question in my mind.

She said this break up of her friend’s – from her first real boyfriend, “doesn’t make sense“, that months later her friend “can’t get over it“, and how “it started great” And, here’s how she told me about it:

“So Olivia has this friend in New York she knows from school, so she went to see her and that’s where she met *him* – cause he’s her friend’s friend – and they were vibin’ and playing music all day together for two days, and after she left they’d Face Time each other and they were really just like a total match. He even looked like her! And… yah...”

Olivia is 20: The Facts: She’s Never Had a Boyfriend Before

She met him when she went to visit her friend in NYC.
He’s her friend’s friend.
They were like really just vibin’
They played music together for like two days.
He even looked like her!
- Me: Yeah, that’s a sociopath… My Niece: Whul, no, I mean he was…
He’s into all this weird stuff… (which is apparently a point of attraction).
Like he sees frogs everywhere and says they’re signs from the universe.
You know he’s done lots of psychedelics, like mushrooms.
- Me: Really?
- My niece: Yah, I mean what kid hasn’t? (kid means boys) Like, I’m in art school.

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Then…It’s Just More Intense and More Confusing!

Then she came back to LA and they were Face Timing and everything, like every day.
They were going to get married!!
They had an open relationship, they could sleep with other people, but…
Then she found out he started sleeping with his roommate, this girl…
So, Olivia said, like that’s not cool, I mean she’s your roommate…
And then he was just done.
- Me: Hmmmhum. Yeah, that’s a sociopath…
- My Niece: Really…?

It Ended As If None If It Mattered to Him

Like it was nothing.
She can’t get over it.
She talks about it all the time.
Even though It was like eight months ago.
She’s so messed up over it.
Now she’s seeing things that she says are signs from the Universe and…
She even says like, I shouldn’t care, but I just can’t stop.
- Me: Yah. That’s it. That’s a sociopath. Take that in, because, THAT is what it is. That’s it. – They don’t all kill you. – What you’re describing… that’s it. If you see any friend cycle into that, that’s what it is.
- My Niece: Whoa.

And How Long Ago Was the Break-Up?

Eight months ago…The end was eight months ago. And they knew each other for three days and then lived in separate parts of the country thousands of miles apart and only talked via digital connections. And Olivia can’t stop talking about it. And my niece, her very good friend, is still talking about it…

Sound Hideously Familiar?

By this common and shared understanding, the hijackers will be commonly recognized and have nowhere to get traction with their love-bombing hideous souls.

I mean like, even the part about the frogs? Isn’t that just a 20-year-old Art School version of being spiritual or Christian? It gave this Art School 20-something the “authority” he needed – because how do you argue with “signs” from the “Universe”?

To these arty 20-somethings doubting the signs bestowed by the frogs and his ability to see and hear and read those signs would be like telling someone who’s Christian that it isn’t true that God has a plan for them. We don’t do that. We allow their faith to have a power of validity and give respect to it. – That’s normal even if their faith is in frogs and the universe.

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Hijacking Our Inherent Respect Because They Have “Authority”

Every sociopath needs a gimmick, A persona with a flashy enticing “something”. They tend to choose something that they believe elevates them to a status or position that deflects anyone questioning them and their inability to be normal in a relationship… This can be a victim-stance or the “fact” that they’re in the CIA or have ADHD: all of which would be a lie.

This persona trait that serves as a kind of armor is a biggie… And it’s often in the shape of their professed religion, or spirituality. It can be some indicated expertise – or alleged money. It forms an assumed and accepted layer that by cultural and/or social agreement isn’t meant to be touched or questioned, and separates them into a “safe-zone” that shelters them.

Most commonly this sheltering layer they live behind is what we’re referring to when we talk about their “mask”. This layer of garbage allows them to scam a little longer because we’ve naturally added, out of our normalness, another layer of legitimacy to them. Peel back that bullshit. There’s no one there. No one there but a weak and dependent monster.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

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Plot Point One

They met when Olivia was on a trip out of town to stay with a friend. This was a friend’s friend… Yah. Aren’t they so often someone’s “friend”? You know the kind that’s just “there”. No one in the group of friends knows them super well, but they’re cool. They hang out.

They Got Along

Yeah, like so well! So well they were together night and day, up all night playing music. Creating, building something, bonding, sharing, commingling things no one else can share… A match made in Heaven and brought by the frogs courtesy of the Universe. (Fudging dirtbag. I could kill this kid.)

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Wedding Bells and Open Relationships

Go beyond “gaslighting”, “devaluing”, discarding” to a cleaner view from higher ground. Know they speak “bait”, and they fail and bail.

Okay. So, there’s the world’s patronizing view of a 20-year-old who’s never been in a relationship deciding, you know: Let’s Get Married! – because we played guitar together for two days. Well, you and I know – this only happens when under the spell of a sociopath no matter what your age is. Two normal kids don’t jump to this idea… Not even two kids in Art School.

Under the spell of the immediate and all-consuming coercive control that is what a sociopath is… we instantly and outrageously fly into doing things we’d never otherwise do. We agree to things – like open relationships – and threesomes, and like giving them our bank card while a part of our body and brain says – in slow motion and from somewhere deep underwater – what is happening…? What are you doing…?

The Hideous End: No One Understands

Olivia is getting what so many of us heard: you’re still talking about that loser! He was gross! – Yah. The guy who was a friend’s friend they all now admit was gross. They always thought so; he was just, you know, around.

Again, I said to my niece and I say to all of you: if you see a friend go through this – or you do – this is it. This is what it is. This is dating a sociopath. It’s this. And it happens in real life. The hyper, all-consuming feeling we met the dream person who is so dreamy we didn’t know they could really exist. If we can’t recognize it, if we stay afraid of calling it what it is, it will hold onto us until we’re bone dry and in a heap on the floor. After that, we’ll be too tired and worn down and confused to care.

Taking in what this really is – that’s the way to heal and the way to be user-proof forever. That “thing” that keeps you yearning for them, messed up and not over it, That’s called “coercive control”. And oddly enough, in a bizarre twist of irony, the sociopath-user isn’t in control of that quality… it’s inborn for their survival because they can’t survive by connecting and caring.

Those Of Us Who Know

It’s sad to see younger people still tripping into this as I’ve long ago come out the other side. For all and any of us who come to the deepest possible understanding of what this is, learn the perception and skills to recognize they’re users… the fewer and fewer of the younger set will fall into their hands. And, be confident about what real love is.

This will be so because – instead of this being something no one understands, so many around them, you and I, and others will know. We’ll understand. Our communities, towns, and schools will be full of awareness… it won’t be strange. And by this common and shared understanding, the hijackers will be commonly recognized and have nowhere to get traction with their love-bombing hideous souls.

Want to fulfill your desire to help others? Do so by developing your perception and skills to spot them as deeply as possible. Go beyond “gaslighting”, “devaluing”, discarding” to a cleaner view from higher ground. Know they speak “bait”, and they fail and bail. Take it all in.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.