Doctor, lawyer, conman, thief. They’re an accountant, a chef, or an executive. Nah. Maybe they know how to use a copier, file a grant or sell a car, but they’re a person pretending to be a person pretending to do a job. Look again…See through the facade.
We meet this new gorgeous woman, or cool kind of bloke, and think, this guy is amazing! and she’s incredible! And it really seems they are. The most frequent thing people think when confronted and sucked in by a con artist is: this guy (gal) has done more in one lifetime than most people could do in twenty lifetimes!!
He’s a doctor or a lawyer. She’s a baker, in real estate, or teaches math… Well kind of. Here’s the thing, if they’re a pathological user or a person of pathological sociopathy their real full-time job is something else.
Then, they’re a person pretending to be a person pretending to do that job they get a paycheck from.
But – since you didn’t know about sociopathic liars, you believe them. And paint a very rosy story to go with their words that fill in the details of how amazing they are.
Our own thoughts during PTSD freak us out. How can we think we’d want someone dead? It’s okay, it is fleeting and fine as long as we aren’t doing any killing.
PTSD after a sociopath is a full and whole body and mind experience. We find ourselves thinking and feeling things we’ve never experienced before. Among the mad and sad we can hardly acknowledge, there are seconds we wish they were d-e-a-d.
PTSD is a tangle of flooding, swirling emotions, and thoughts, and this is one of them. I wish they were just dead.
You don’t have to pretend that you don’t have this feeling if you’ve got it, nor feel guilty for it.
It’s our body is good and mad these life-stealing parasites – and rightly so.
The feeling is within a short phase of recovery, it doesn’t come up all day long in the way other thoughts or memories do and the phase doesn’t last too long. It’s normal. Don’t worry, this sickening thought will soon vanish.
This startling though passing thought, during a certain point in the odyssey of restoring your life which usually hits within in the first months of the recovery from a sociopath con man and the unavoidable PTSD can really freak us out.
This is because we’re normal. So, instead of thinking something is wrong with us for thinking this, rest assured we feel bad for feeling it is reassurance that we’re normal.
This thought comes to almost all our minds and to some of our lips after a sociopath splits the scene and we’re left swirling in a cesspool of lies, deceit, ruin and devastation, shock, and is usually about two months after they’ve gone if we’re moving along, on course in the phases of recovery.
Better Off Dead: Them That Is
We have every right to go through the emotions and the experience of putting our out-of-balance nervous system back together after our life was hijacked by a sociopath con man. Not many people talk about this – you can bet I will.
Images dance through our minds of how: Beaten, chopped up – mostly beaten. We’d kinda like to see them tortured slowly. I even briefly wondered how people hire hitmen.
And instantly knew I’d do no such thing. And if I did I’d be suspect number one: The ex-spouse.
At an odd moment, the thought might run past the viewing screen in your mind that we could maybe hire someone to kill them. That thought and doing something about it are lightyears apart.
We know we can’t; first of all, it’s seriously cost-prohibitive. (Yes, dark humor.) And secondly: We know we won’t do any such thing.
It’s a horrifying idea to feel, but die, sociopath, die are indeed terrible words that float up out of someplace in our body.
And a very normal thought in PTSD after a con man sociopath… Even if you’re calling them a narcopath or narcissist who has torn up our life. This feeling is so normal there’s a name for it: battered women’s syndrome.
Makes inr=e rethink the circumstances under which Lorena Bobbit cut of her sleeping husband’s penis with a kitchen knife in 1993. We all know it now: John Bobbit is a sociopath. Nobody knew or talked about that back then.
We have dreams during which someone – or we – kill them. We picture them being strangled or stoned to death. These life-stealing dirtbags have earned nothing less. Not all sociopaths beat their prey.
But emotional abuse does not go by harmlessly. When discovering we were ensnared by a sociopath; the deception, the mind-f**k, the house of cards. This is more than plenty to make us – naturally, instinctively form a very deep place in our lives – to want them dead during the normal-and-to-be-expected PTSD we go through.
Wishing the Narcissistic Sociopath Would Die is Normal: It’s Part of Healing
While it’s true the sociopath has no conscience, the fact is we do have a conscience. And feelings. And we really would not ever come remotely close to killing the bastard or bastardette. As surprised as we are at this thought… allow it. It’s okay. It’s natural. — This feeling passes quite quickly.
These out-of-character flashing thoughts occur during a brief part of the reaction to the trauma at their hands. It’s got a name. It’s called Battered Person Syndrome. Lorena gave her husband’s penis a whack 20 years ago, June 23, 1993.
Lorena faced court charges and trials and public scrutiny and then it was judged that she was under temporary insanity when she chopped off her hubby’s little, sleepy, dangling thingy with a kitchen knife.
The Trauma of The Hijacking Took Over Lorena Bobbit
Can you picture it? — Did she drop the knife and run when her cheating-beating-husband woke from a dead sleep screaming and spurting blood from his little sausage? Or, rather – from where it used to be? – We know she held onto his penis – later it was sewn back on.
Have questions and want real answers…? Think about recovery sessions.
We Feel Kinda Crazy and Kinda Guilty
If we’re smirking and enjoying this scenario does this make us cold and heartless?? No. It means we’re alive, and thank goodness we have a sense of humor.
Temporary insanity… For some of us, on some days, it feels like we might be losing our minds… But, really you’re going to be okay. Let’s open our hearts toward ourselves. Think of how you were genuine, sincere, and doing what normal people do. That’s all good.
What We Believe Makes Our Lives
And John Bobbit came out okay. He even got to star in a couple adult movies; all due to his hacked-off, patched-up penis. Yes, irony. Humor heals.
Be careful what you believe about your experience. Anything telling you it’s your fault is flat-out wrong. If the answers you find make more pain and confusion rather than a shock but a feeling in your gut of truth and resolution: Keep looking. There are real answers.
Go Beyond Answers or Explanations That Point to Fault in You
Seek out an accurate perspective on what these soul-jackings are. (Yes, that perspective is all over this website.) These are crimes. We were not in relationships and likely, neither was Lorena Bobbit.
Did you see that Bobbit guy’s photo? The face of a sociopath if there ever was one. John Bobbit has a criminal record before Lorena, during, and after Lorena for violence against women.
Know the Real Deal: Be Free
We want to refocus and look at it for what it was, a crime. The sociopath has a simplistic, myopic mind. They only care about two things: 1) getting what they want, and 2) not getting caught.
All the emotional upheaval we go through is the fallout of the way they bulldoze through countless targets’ worlds with their permanent view of life, which is: “I am better than everyone. I deserve whatever I want. I will take it. You will be grateful. You will shut up.”
Sociopaths believe they are fantastic. We know they’re monsters, and that we are not. So, no… No matter the dark surprising thoughts that rise up in a phase of the recovery. We won’t go around killing anyone.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control by Jennifer Smith
We’re going to look toward rebuilding our lives and using the madness to hopefully, ideally create something of value for ourselves and our loved ones. Within Nichiren Buddhism this is called: turning karma into mission. Transform the icky karma of meeting Mr. Poopy-pants into value – Lorena did it.
Lorena started an organization, called Lorena’s Red Wagon, that helps victims of domestic abuse with profoundly simple and equally significant things – like providing birthday cakes for the children of victims who have escaped, but are say, maybe in a shelter. I officially love Lorena Bobbit.
Our actions in challenging our destiny become examples and inspiration for countless others… When we change our karma into mission, we transform our destiny from playing a negative role to a positive one… Therefore those who keep advancing, while regarding everything as part of their mission proceed toward the goal of transforming their destiny. ~ Daisaku Ikeda, Living Buddhism, August 2003
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Love bombing is an explosion of contact. It’s how the life-jack happens. How do we stop them from getting inside our lives.
Love bombing is the first tool sociopaths pull from the identical tool-kit they each come with. They’re all alike and yet, they each think they’re unique and über special.
Sociopaths are special for sure, special cases of wrong-doing, life-ruining parasites. Every love bombing destroyer starts things off the same way. And it seems like heaven. Things rapidly – or maybe slowly – take a pitch for the worse. All these rides into hell follow the same five stages.
It all begins the first millisecond a sociopath makes contact with a person. Any person.
At each new encounter, the predatory sociopath looks into the crowd with one thought: which person can I hook.
This is the first point: they can’t not do this. They’re also really lazy and like to do a little as possible in order to get whatever they want.
They do give a scan around the room for who might be (from their point of view) the easiest to draw into their web.
However, not one bit of this “assessment” covers or considers whether someone is stupid or “codependent” or or low on self-esteem or not. They’re looking for whoever it is that finds them cute. Th person who stays in the conversation, and responds when they say something. Contact.
The fact is, every single amazing, normal-human one of us can be scammed. Every one. Even the cynic. No one is exempt. It’s really a matter of the prey’s life circumstances…not a position in life or economic, but more profound things.
Our humanity is what sociopaths take advantage of.Sociopaths – or that “narcissist” are looking for good people . People who are first of all easy to access. Then beyond that anyone is viable possible prey. In order to support their revolution lives they do well with people who are open, secure, up for an adventure, looking for something new in their lives, ready to make changes, are optimistic, and have had loss, understand grief, are forgiving, loving, and believe in second chances, believe in love, and invest in and treasure friendships and relationships. – Nice people. Good people. It’s your natural human goodness that they twist to hold up their lives.
Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious-face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey.
Unseen conditions come into the equation: timing, our state of mind, emotional awareness, our self-perception, our internal life condition, our mood, and deep inner-realm-things in the moment of meeting a sociopath.
And more than anything, it matters greatly if we’re attracted to them or not. If we aren’t they overlook us. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with a person who’s scammed but there’s everything wrong with a sociopath. We are not weak or stupid. We’re human. They are the opposite on all counts.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared and hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Love Bombing is Contact: Everything Depends on Contact
When a love-bombing sociopath meets a new person they shiver in excitement – it makes them seem so energetic and charming. It takes the right (wrong) combo of things going on in our lives and most importantly, we need to think they’re kinda cute. In some cases, we don’t think they’re cute instead, they keep at us with contact until we cave.
The initial moment of contact is everything. And the contact keeps the hook in. Sociopaths look for normal human, good-hearted people.
Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.
Sociopaths are monsters. (Even when you call them a “narcissist”.) They want you to trust them so they can use you and take from you. It’s not that any one of us is particularly special, or specifically any one thing or another… this is what they attempt to do to any and every human they can draw in. They lie and scam and take from anyone and everyone. Their scamming-ground covers love, business, the religious realm, absolutely in every arena and in every moment of every day, everywhere they go.
Realize what we’re up against: a being with an entirely different brain than ours. They do not think like we do, as in literally they do not think in the same way we do. They have their own interpretation and perspective and awareness that does not include anything we understand as normal. They don’t experience any human interaction in the way we do. Fortunately, their love-bombing technique can be easily diffused.
How to Disarm a Love Bombing Sociopath
Go old-school, old-fashioned dating rules with a contemporary touch-up. You might not like this. But – it’s a sure-hit way to diffuse a love-bombing sociopath.
1) Limit Texting to Logistics: “I’ll Be There in Five”
Limiting text time side-steps the false feeling of deepening a relationship. Relationships don’t develop in Whatsapp messages, Snapchat, or cell phone chat. Relationships happen through spending time together – over an extended time – as in calendar time, not over three days of hours and hours of texting back and forth.
When things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us. Later, after things bottom out, a scary I-will-get-you-face, and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels.
Our dreamy interpretations of their flirty texts are a danger zone. Texting is a trap sociopaths hope we fall into. We easily believe there’s a whole lot going on between us with zero effort on their part therefore, texting puts us right where they want us. Texting doesn’t make a relationship under even the very best of circumstances.
Be aware, that text that we think is for us alone is likely for about five or six other targets at the same time. – Yes. Many all at once, always.
Use texts for simple communication only. Such as, I’m running late. Or, the address is 639 Wonderland Drive. Parking on the side street
Use phone calls – from him – to let him ask you out.Yep. – Do not call him. Later, call him one time to every three or four times he calls you
Skip the trend or tendency to use phone time as “a date”. Three-hour conversations are bait-and-hook marathons for predators. It builds false bonds
Long phone odysseys, even with someone normal are merely imagined bonding. When limited to phone-contact-only under normal circumstances it leads to break-downs and break-ups
2) One Date Per Week Per Person: Without Protracted Phone Calls or Messaging – Which is Contact – in Between
Limit dating time. Sociopaths move fast. Toxic people, predators, narcissists, sociopaths (all the same thing), want the romance to swell into a crescendo of “deep commitment” and very often, cohabitation within one to four weeks.
In order to get the keys to our pad, they need to see us often, alone, and maintain heavy contact. Say, “no” to daily contact. – Have other things to do. Override that yearning weird feeling towards them if that’s stirring in your gut. (That’s the hook, the instant coercive control.)
Make your own life the center of your attention. Please don’t fall into the popular disingenuousness of “...we’re just hanging out.” With a normal human, that’ snot good enough and with one of these pathological users, they are never just “hanging out”… They’re working on hooking prey every single moment. – They aren’t in the room, on the phone or in the chat for the reason we are.
3) Date in Groups and Be Active: Later, When Gatherings 100% are Safe
Sound nuts…? Wait until this guy or gal turns out to be a sociopath, then nuts will take on actual meaning. Here’s the thing… Why in the world – really – would we ever go out in the evening to dinner, a movie – a walk on a deserted beach – with … a stranger??
I know. I know. It’s done all the time, it seems okay… It’s normal. Americans meet online, or in a bar or at a party and easily exchange numbers, information and go on a date – alone – together – solo. It is a part of our culture. But – why…?!
Dating in the U.S. used to be about spending time in groups, and still is in France or Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Spain, Denmark. In these cultures, each person is known quite well by at least two or three others in the group. Even then it takes time – time spent with the group – before anyone would consider a solo, alone-time date.
Sociopaths need privacy. Sociopaths separate us from the group. From family. From friends. If we only go for group dates, a sociopath will bail by date three. Isolation is key to a sociopath’s success at hooking targets.
So, get a group of your friends – go bowling, hiking, to art walks, free concerts, day time fun things that reveal people’s true character and personality through group interaction. A sociopath can’t hold up as a real functioning person in a group, because they aren’t.
Ask friends what they think of him. Take their answers to heart. Trust friends.
And another point about when you are in company… refrain from pouring out lots of personal information. When you’re meeting someone new, hold off on telling them your life story, even if they prompt you to. Instead, talk about other things.
Telling the story of your childhood or past relationships – especially hard ones – isn’t a way to court or woo or a get-to-know-you method, these personal things are potentially shared when you already know someone quite well.
4) Online Research: Who is This Guy We’re Dating?
Aside from a background check which can be inaccurate, I’m talking about your own home-done sleuthing.
What is this guy’s name? Who are his friends? Look through their Facebook pages objectively.Google him. Verify any posting related to him; trace its origin because every sociopath plants “a good reputation” and “super achievements” online.
Special Rule Number 5 to Detect a Love Bombing Sociopath
5) The Eyes Give Away a Sociopath
Sociopaths are shape-shifters. Truly, the faces of predators change as their “success” with prey goes through ups and downs, and because of this we can spot them.
Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey. On the other hand, when things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us.
Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.
We will not be scammed. We, my friends, will thrive! They’re a zombie-empty-shell of made-up stories and lies. We are real. And we can be who we want to be – sociopath free!!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
What can I do? My friend thinks she’s engaged to her dream man. They moved in together. He cheated, she kicked him out. He got arrested. She ran back to him. Classic.
Sociopaths suck us back in with their needs and trouble. They come up with fake illnesses or bogus victim stories – or create major and very real drama. They are more important than us.
Sociopaths, or narcissists are a whirlwind of chaos when they’re in our lives. The deception has no limits, they know no boundaries. They steal and lie and assault and abuse. They ruin lives.
I can’t believe my friend has fallen into the clutches of a freak-sociopath! – And, then again, I can.
She’s exactly the kind of woman a sociopath hunts: magnanimous, loyal, determined, strong, smart, loving. She’d recently been through other loss and grief. Paradoxically she was at a peak in the game of life.
She’s at a pivotal point in making a career and finishing huge accomplishments. Sociopaths, predators are attracted to the upswing in our lives – so they can suck the life out of it and get all the goodies.
Sociopaths Target Strong Achievers Not Doormats
Sociopaths go for targets who are loyal, trusting, forgiving. They victimize those who invest in relationships above having casual relationships. They look for empathy. In other words, they’re looking for regular normal humans who are wired as such. Empathy is one of the first things they need to tap. In the early moments there’s a “test” for empathy; they tell a story about their own victimization, such as abuse as a child. It’s usually a lie, and certainly not a piece of what makes them what they are.
This particular lie is an to probe for and to test our reaction. If we’re sympathetic to the correct degree they know they can leach us dry. Sociopaths – and the ones you might be calling a narcissist who are actually pathological – are attracted to strong, loving, responsible, hard workers who strive as achievers. Very often the nab us when we’re at a good place in their lives. They are drawn to the smell of our success… it equals pay-day and jack-pot to them.
“Often very smart, successful people fall for their scams — and then the sociopath has more to gain. What is socially seen as more respect, more money, entree to broader circles of a caliber they might not reach on their own; associates and colleagues of the person they’re scamming.”
Sociopaths scramble the brains of their prey. It’s a brainwashing. A hostage set-up. What do we do when people we love, love sociopaths? What do we do when we have the horrible realization: my friend is dating a sociopath. Would a friend dating a sociopath believe us if we bring out the truth behind the sociopath’s lies?
It seems to me if my friend is dating a sociopath and I make negative reports of her beloved – she’s going to ignore me or feel betrayed by me and in both cases hold tighter to the sociopath.
Damage All-Around
It breaks my heart to know first hand the damage being done and the grief to come. Should we just tell our friends: Hey, by the way, he’s a sociopath. – And then point out all the obvious things like sociopaths are liars and bad actors. Sociopaths have a zillion women at once.
And the difference between just supporting our friend, hinting he’s not good enough for her, or straight out breaking the: your man is a sociopath, significant news. Do we say something?
Here’s What I Watched Happen: My friend hung onto him, she got fired from her job. She was evicted from the house they were renting. Her phone was cancelled for non-payment. Some of her belongings were “stolen.” She lost friends. She got pregnant by him, then had a miscarriage. She ignored her own life in favor of doing his bidding – without being asked. She spent all her energy on him. Chaos and drama were on the menu night and day.
Friends Dating a Sociopath Need True Friends
Stand by. Listen. Be there. Never judge. Study what a sociopath is. Study up on what normal humans do in normal relationships and realize our friend believed this was normal and while participating in “normal” the road became more and more twisted because – without them knowing it – nothing was normal.
With a sociopath we start out on a road we think is a mutual path paved with love into our own gorgeous land of harmony and possibility that exists because that’s what the two of us are “together.” There’s sunshine, birds singing, rainbows – but no rain – pots of gold, blue skies, and hearts dancing and flitting around our heads like butterflies.
We Feel Like Heaven
Our world feels like nirvana, heaven – the jackpot – the perfect life. We’re all in. Our new address is cloud nine. We relationship build, give, make, bake, create, fix, move forward, climb mountains to make things happen for us – because that’s what one does in fantastic relationships.
Without realizing it, we’re not making a magnificent masterpiece of a life on a bicycle built for two – we’re digging a gnarled, dark, deep, tangled hole into the center of hell – where we’re headed all by ourselves.
A View From the Rear
We see this just as the sociopath trips off into his own disgusting future with all our things on his back in a rotting knapsack we mistook for his beautiful soul. The life-shattering shock of realizing all was a lie has no words to tell it.
Maintain confidence in our friends and their life. Give them the benefit of the doubt. – Have hope that is unshakable – a hope that is utter confidence that the very traits of goodness and loyalty he chose her for will save her escape from him. And I remember: There is always possibility in the morning.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Loving a sociopath is a surreal world of confusion. A fall down the rabbit hole into hell. There’s the Mad Hatter, the Red Queen, and seemingly, no way out.
Loving a sociopath says a lot about what great people we are because, sociopaths, con artists target amazing people. They have to because after all, they need us to survive. They need our high-octane goodness to hold up their lives. Loving a sociopath or a narcissist is an illusion in hell.
Antisocial psychopaths, narcissistic users, and predators are parasites. Parasites, in general, are living things, that live off of others. In order to do this, they do need a strong host. An amazing human, like you.
Sociopath, Psychopath and Call Them a Narcissist
Call them narcissists if you want to, or call them dirt-bags, that’s even better.
Whatever you call them, they’re still jackals, snake-like predators who hunt, seek, and ensnare beautiful-normal commitment-minded men and women who bring a lot to the table.
“Narcs” or “narcissists” are in fact – sociopaths behaviorally and as we experience them within these entrapments.
If you feel confused, sense that you’re being lied to, feel like you aren’t sure what’s happening, and sometimes wonder where they are…Think of them as sociopaths, pathological parasitic predator.
Go beyond the idea that they want to control you… There’s more to it than this – and surprisingly, much less. Be free.
Predators are roaches, flies, mosquitoes, ticks, lice, rats, jackals, vulture, scavengers and bloodsuckers who hide and sneak and who can’t function, exist or survive without us to eat off of. We’re the strong ones. There’s nothing wrong with us. There’s everything right with you. And, everything wrong with them.
A sociopath needs us to prop up and propel their fake and sickening, weak lives forward. They need good people who will stand by them and defend them when their past hits the fan, as it always, always does.
Congratulations!! Be proud of yourself! – Not everyone comes out the other side. When our hearts, our minds, our souls entangle with a sociopath and survive, coming out of the fire, we’re warriors of life who deserve gold medals, accolades, ticker tape parades in our honor, marching bands and choirs of angels. – We’re the best of the best. The cream of the crop. And now we know so much more about life – not another monster can exist in our presence.
How Do Sociopaths Choose Their Prey?
We’re our own heroes. We’re our own angels. Loving a sociopath or what you might call a narcissist is a crash-and-burn expedition into hell. Only if we’re brave enough it’s a rise-again course in human nature and the nature of evil.
After recovery life can be a bowl of cherries again. Really. It takes time. The same thing that ensnares us sets us free: our great goodness.
We’ve been scouted by a ruthless-being-of-deception-and-cruelty. We’ve been scooped up in a net-of-many. We’re used for our stellar human qualities.
We’re absolutely amazing women and men. The thing is we’re wired to be trusting, kind, generous, faithful, and to feel and to care.
Loving a Sociopath Means We’re Awesome Humans: Sociopaths Need Strong People to Survive
The very nature of our Super-Hero-Awesome is aligned with what a sociopath needs. He wants us because we’re so together, loving, and loyal. Sociopaths look for prey who have hyper-empathy, invest in relationships, and have high levels of trust and loyalty.
Remember, when we come in contact with a predatory person and find them appealing, or are attracted to them – the trajectory of harm is set. That’s why it’s our job to know what a sociopath is. To side-step them, to disarm their love-bombing ways, stay who we are, and spread the word.
The bottom line is, these gorgeous aspects within us are what sociopath needs to survive, and they’re the very same traits that we use to recover. We are our own Super Heroes. We truly are our own Angels. Be sure to take our own empathy and compassion and turn these towards ourselves. Embrace our own amazing lives just as we are!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
True love scam on the internet is like true love scam in person. Except it’s laughably easier for the life-hijacking monsters hidden by a computer screen.
True love scam on the internet happens a lot. Predators live on dating apps. – We’ve all been warned. We might think the warnings would be enough. They aren’t – and there’s a good reason for it: we’re human. It’s human nature to trust. It’s human nature to dream. It’s human nature to hope. – We’re allowed to be what we are.
Everyone hopes and dreams of a great and beautiful relationship with one true love. – And true love scams on the internet are all about using that from dating sites and chat rooms to good old Facebook.
Internet Love Scam: Shopping for Prey Online
Internet dating sites and apps of all kinds are big box stores to a predator of every kind. Video game and chat room chats are full of trolling sociopaths, narcissistic users, psychopaths, narcopaths, narcs, and predators (that’s pretty much all the same kind of creature). Instead, maybe go outside, take a walk. Get some fresh air.
The con man or con woman is using our beautiful human nature against us. Diabolical. The true love scammer on the internet is using our goodness, our hopes, or trust. These online scammers piggy-back onto our dreams to invade and rage through our lives as fast and far as they can, taking as much as they can. – Even if it’s just our soul.
Predators Hide Behind a Fake Profile Through a Computer
It’s much easier for them because we can’t see their face. We invest meaning in what they say from our perception of life; from trust, decency, and our beliefs, our desires for the future, for a family, for a partner, and for love. – These predators lie in person and lie online.
Who are these schemers? We’re talking about people with no empathy, with criminal minds who are on a wholesale hunt for goods: pawns, prey, victims – meaning you and me – or your sister or mom or neighbor – or brother.
Like a kind of fishing trip from a Barco-lounger they throw out a net and come up with vulnerable subjects in their catch. Online predators can cast out to a few hundred or a few thousand tries at one time. And yet, they make each of us feel so special. I call that bizarre hand that they can reach into our should and twist them the sociopath effect.
Love Scam is Love Scam is Love Scam
Though on the love scammer’s end it’s an easier game than an in-person scam – which by comparison is intimate and very messy – it still plays out in five stages of love scam. And just like when it happens face-to-face when it’s over we wonder if it even really happened.
The creep on the other side of the screen can be anywhere in the world. There’re no love scenes, no love-making, no mixing of lives, no screaming, and no tears. Far fewer questions and any questions are much more easily side-stepped. No nightly curfew. No expected Saturday night date.
Looking for real answers? Find your way back to you.
Triangulation Isn’t As Deliberate As We Think
There’s much less chance of being busted by their other girlfriends, boyfriends or fiancees or wives, or husbands. That makes things messy when that happens and it’s not as intentional in person as some of us think. In person, it’s really just their lack of emotional concern or connection that leads them to leave that other lady’s number out in plain sight.
On the Internet, it’s even easier. The monster only has to type out a buncha of hooey.We don’t truly know their name, we don’t know where they live. – We have no idea who they are. Really.
Why do we believe the lies of a liar? Because we are awesome, gorgeous, glorious humans. Their brain is different than yours or mine. Let’s get on the other side of the equation. What does a true love scam on the internet entail?
Our Own Desires and Dreams Are Allowed
A true love scammer on the internet takes all those sweet desires and traits and tangles them around our hearts and throat strangling our lives. They’re playing our dreams all in digital messages. The breadth of the damage varies: it could be solely emotional; it could reach into our bank accounts. The depth of the damage is always, always soul-searing.
Do something good for ourselves; anything but fall for the monster on the other side of a computer screen, no matter how upstanding and honest he looks, cause more than likely that photo they sent you isn’t who’s tapping away on the other side.
Expect them to paint themselves as a victim or in need of something. They will ask you for help. When it comes time to meet they may or may not be available. If not they’ll be so, so, so sorry. Depending on their type of scamming method you may never meet them.
Left spinning in a could of confusion, we wonder if we dreamed it. While they take off with our trust, our hearts, and sometimes lots of our money. There’s no way around it: every one of us goes through PTSDjust the same as if it all happened in person.
No One Needs Our Money: There is No Payroll Crisis or Ransom Note
Avoid conversations in chat rooms or video game rooms that go beyond talking about and being in the game itself – never give out our real email or number. And please – don’t open emails from people we don’t know.
There is no Nigerian Prince that needs money from a random woman in the US. There is no guy or gal who lives somewhere and wants a long-distance relationship with someone they never meet.
Or really, really wants to meet, but they’re just too busy. And is so gonna meet you one day, but they’ve been banned from our country. For sure, they’re gonna send you a ticket to come to meet them… HmmmHm.
Internet or In Person
There is something we can monitor easily. The person right in front of us. Us. Watch for the signs we’re falling for a sociopath. It is a tell-tale over-the-top emotion and a drastic throwing of caution to the wind when we are under their influence.
Let’s stay away from internet dating. Keep loving ourselves. Get out. Take classes (online). How about a walk? Reconnect with family. Stay in touch with good old friends even if they live far away.
There’s so much you could do! Start a book club. Finger paint. Do something good for ourselves…anything but fall for the monster on the other side of a computer screen, or that swiped right. No matter how upstanding and honest he or she looks because more than likely that photo they sent you isn’t who’s tapping away on the other side.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
The stress and trauma do more than sap our confidence. It can ravage our health… both in men and women. Candida fungus grows and grows to make more exhaustion and “sad” on top of the PTSD.
As annoying as yeast infections are, what brings them on and keeps them roiling does far more than make us itchy. Let’s not get hung up on the very icky word “fungus”. – And don’t think men are exempt! Candida lives within all of our bodies, its home is the intestinal tract.
Candida is indeed a fungus, though we often hear candida referred to as a bacteria. And yes, men and women alike can suffer from too much of this little gem that keeps sour systems running smoothly, in addition, for the ladies… Ooooh my, the thing behind infamous bothersome, seemingly unending “yeast infections” is actually this darling fungus, Candida Albicans or candida, for short.
Candida is Normal: Too Much Candida Makes Us Sick
We need candida in our system, as with most things, there’s a proper balance for optimum conditions.
It’s the overpopulation of candida that causes problems. Too much of this charming fungus and as women, we’re buying so much Vagisil we wish we’d bought stock.
And to make things more complicated… and yet – more simple, there is a whole bundle of symptoms, discomforts, and diseases that can develop from candida fungi aside from the good old yeast infection. Let’s find out how to manage this mess and get things back in balance.
Most of these troubles candida causes play a part in the PTSD orchestra too: depression, fatigue, irritability, inability to concentrate, indecision, foggy brain, I-can’t get-up-off-the-couch syndrome, and UTIs. So that means a double dose of each of those.
Breaking Up With Evil
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Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Candida lives in our intestinal tract, we need it in a certain amount for good health. There are good candida levels and bad candida levels. When the candida overpopulation hits a certain high we crash super low.
Why does this matter right now!? We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, and we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now.
Narcissistic Abuse is a Whole Body Experience
Stress makes candida. Sugar increases candida. Hormones grow candida. Processed foods are a buffet for candida. Caffeine stimulates candida. Alcohol is a party and all the candida shows up and makes more candida. Why does this matter right now!?
We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, and too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now. We can fix it. If we don’t, we’re headed for trouble.
Grains and simple carbohydrates, potatoes, pasta, pastries
Processed food
Prepackaged food
Preservatives
Non-organic foods grown with Round Up and chemicals
Grief
Stress
Trauma
And con men, the trauma and stress of narcissistic abuse
Hormones on the Monthly and Hormones from Trauma
Every monthly cycle as our hormones swing, candida grows. The antibiotics we take for related yeast infections and UTIs cause more candida to grow. Candida levels remain high and continue to escalate month to month, stress to stress.
And good-old candida lives off the things we tend to live off of when under PMS or stress, like sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. Like any proper organism, candida is driven to self-perpetuate. That’s one big reason we crave these goodies. Our body is begging for it.
Conditions and Illness from Candida Overgrowth
Depression
Exhaustion
Anxiety Allergies
Lethargy
Confusion
Chronic Fatigue
Weepiness
Hopelessness
Lack of vitality
Sadness
Nail fungus
Fibromyalgia
Heart Failure
How to Reduce Candida
It’s essential we kill off candida and get healthy. You might lose weight on this cleansing, restorative diet. If you lose too much, eat more! If foods aren’t okay on this list, don’t eat them. Maybe consult a great doctor, especially a classical homeopath or a nutritionist.
Eat foods that naturally contain prebiotics and take supplemental probiotics
Eat foods containing probiotics and consider supplemental probiotics. This link goes to my favorite
Start walking
If taking antibiotics as a medical prescription, take prebiotics at alternate hours
Seek and use alternate holistic health practices
Begin to drink eight glasses to twelve glasses of water a day
Lay off sugar
Lay off alcohol
Lay off the junk fast food and processed food
6-Week Candida Cleanse Diet
This is a strict all-out-kill-the-candida suggested diet. It is hard to maintain unless we eat close to this already. It isn’t necessary to go this extreme unless we’re really, really sick with candida.
Eat Healthfully for Reduced Candida
You’ll want to add in greens, and more greens… they’re delish even for breakfast! Here’s a list of the amazing greens available and there are plenty more of them I’m missing.
Spinach
All chards, red and green
Kales, baby, Italian and all
Turnip greens
Beet greens
Collard and dandelion greens
And then more of what we call cruciferous veggies:
Cabbage, red and green
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
And more beautiful natural foods that naturally balance and nourish our bodies!
Avocado
And all lettuces
Vegetables without high sugar: reduce carrots, beets, and peas
Grapefruit whole and fresh-squeezed juice
Lemons and limes
Cooking and salad and dressing oils:
Olive oil
Avocado oil
Coconut oil
Almond oil
Greens are a Prebiotic Signalling Our Immune System to Reset and Strengthen
All these greens are super important. They’re known as prebiotics, trigger our immune system, and keep candida from overgrowing in the first place. Eating plants triggers our immune system to strengthen itself. Another surprising prebiotic is raw sauerkraut. Wheat flour can be substituted for coconut, almond, cassava, and tapioca flour. Crackers that are not candida makers can be found in brands such as. Flackers, and Jilz.
As far as meat-eating: if you can swing the price, eat grass-fed, pasture-raised and wild-caught, all-organic
Dairy: stick with pasture-raised eggs, goat milk yogurt, imported French butter, as in made in France, and eat only northern European cheeses
Water, water, water…Fresh lemon juice in water daily
Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water, one tablespoon to two tablespoons
Water: 8 glasses a day (did I say water?)
Green juices, especially lower natural sugar so, without apple, carrot or beet
Grapefruit juice, freshly squeezed or eat the grapefruit itself
Herbal teas
Modify this as you like, and remember killing off Candida – unless we also take Candex – makes us feel sick! Irony. It takes several days to detox, let the candida die off, and the headaches, flu-like symptoms, and fatigue to lift.
Eating Methodology That Naturally Regulates Candida
An excellent diet for great health and minimal candida growth is the Plant Paradox, by Dr. Steven Gundry. For a great current blog written by a Plant Paradox diet devotee, as she makes grocery and shopping finds, and creates recipes and hacks, you might want to follow along! Keep in mind Dr. Gundry’s “plan” isn’t easy to stick to, it takes truly altering your life in a few ways from grocery shopping, to recipes, to cooking methods, to the zooming grocery bills. But: it works.
Another similar and helpful method of eating is referred to as FODMAP. Both Plant Paradox and FODMAP reduce intestinal bloating and acid reflux. FODMAP could be a bit easier to take on and likely has fewer changes to what you might eat now than the Plant Paradox.
Make Things Tastier Than Tasty!
Use calm herbs like parsley, rosemary, tarragon, dill, oregano, thyme caraway, and citrus juices or zest to flavor foods.
Avoid “sweeter” vegetables as you embark on the candida clear-out such as corn, beets, carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, peas. They can be eaten once in a while, once you get things in the candida department sorted.
Eating sugar… added sugars, well, my friend, sugars are not our friends. Avoid table sugar, molasses, honey, agave, maple syrup, jelly, jam. or any sweetener.
And please put these aside for now: white rice, brown rice, white potatoes, pasta, popcorn, pastries, white flour, white rice, caffeine, alcohol, vinegar, hot spices, and fermented drinks, including kombucha and beer.
Making these changes is a challenge! It can be tedious. Do your best day by day. You might feel sick as the candida “dies off”. To avoid feeling so sick you’d rather go eat a box of donuts because you feel so sick as the candida dies off, try Candex.
Candex Kills Off Candida
To support candida reduction and ease feeling sick take Candex. Candex kills the candida, even if you’re finding diet changes difficult. It is fantastic. Follow the bottle dosage directions. It’s at Whole Foods and online.
Some people take activated charcoal to absorb the dying candida and avoid feeling sick. There are kits, and herbal candida cleanse products out there. Look for them and choose as you feel is right for you… My favorite is Candex.
Magical Boric Acid
When I first heard that boric acid kills candida via a vaginal suppositry I was well incredulous… Because of the word “acid”. Turns out it’s legit! Boric acid is inert as an acid in the way we think of battery acid or acid that eats away at something (our skin!) or causes burns.
Boric acid is a remedy for candida and vaginal yeast for a long, long time. Well before the chemical insertable thingys or current M.D. or Gyno is giving out. A quick Google brings boraic acid pusppositories in options galore fomr Amzon to several vendors!
Boric acid vaginal suppositories are available for purchase. They are solid, oval-shaped capsules that a person inserts into the vagina. They become liquid as they warm up to the body’s temperature. To treat a Candida infection, the CDC recommend using caginal suppositories containing 600 mg of boric acid each…
There is a simple candida spit test. This reveals candida overgrowth. In the morning before eating, drinking, or brushing your teeth, spit into a clean, clear glass of about 4 ounces of clean drinking water. Hold up the glass and take a look.
If you’ve got a clump of floating white mucous – you’ve got too much candida. “Legs” will trail from the cloud to the bottom of the glass. If the trails have granules, little white nobs – you have lots of candida overgrowth. There are other candida tests as well.
If you’re really looking to ramp up into a full-on health makeover, there are a lot of options, one example is found in this award-winning, Saveur Best Food Blog. It was a winner in the special diet category. It’s a beautiful blog with innovative plant-based recipes: My New Roots. A votres santé mes petites!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
