Dating After Dating a "Narcissist" - true love scam recovery

Dating after dating a loser we call a “narcissist”?
How do we know when we’re ready?
That last mess wasn’t even a relationship.
It was an invasion, a robbery, a hijacking.

Dating after dating a sociopath – or that person you’re thinking is a “narcissist” – is a serious undertaking. How do we know when we’re ready? After living through the nightmare and coming out the other side after escaping…

When can we date again? Let’s find out, and here’s a hint: Dating again takes knowing what happened. If we think they only wanted “control”, we don’t know enough to date.

Love is a Beautiful Thing: These Creatures Don’t Love

Love is beautiful, we all want and have a right to a loving realtionshp. Dating right away can seem like a good idea to get our life back on track. But let’s think about it a sec.

These lairs we’ve gotten away from, the ones who hijacked our lives, cannot love.

They were in our orbit and dove into our lives, entangled us in their madness in order to make use of us. That’s a lot to recover from.

Take your time. Devote yourself to recovering in such a way that leeches them from your bones, and to a place of really knowing what they were there for.

Dating is Off the Table Until You Know How to Recognize Them

Give yourself a break. Take time to heal. Restore and recover and thrive again before dating. This recovery takes longer than we think, certainly much longer than we wish it would.

If we’re thinking they said that to make me sad, or they said that to make me jealous… they said that because they want control…we don’t know enough to date yet.

Before we date after dating a narcissist, a sociopath, we must have a very stable and accurate understanding of what we were dragged through. If you hold any residual mistaken or misconstrued ideas of what occurred, other sociopaths will knock on your door, and barge right on in.

Unless and until you can recognize a pathological parasitic predator anywhere out in the wilds of the next cocktail party, the supermarket, church, or the new person at work… You aren’t ready to date. This isn’t random. It’s fact. Another reality of these sustained traumatic events.

Here’s why: sociopaths, users, and “narcissists” alike can smell the scent of vulnerability a zillion miles away. They’re wried to hone in on the target that will bring the quickest results.

Being in a confused state, holding even on whiff of positive thought or emotion about them, still carrying trauma, and not fully understanding what, why, and how these hijackings happen leaves us highly vulnerable to another invasion. – If don’t truly get it that the only reason they wanted into our lives was to use us, we are open for more taking.

What would mean to you to fully have your life back?

Recover with Jennifer to learn how to recognize them

Dating After Dating a Sociopath is Tricky

None of use walked into this intentionally, and we don’t want a repeat. We certainly don’t want to end up back “in love” with a sociopath. Please work your way to understanding: we were hijacked. That thing you were dragged through was not a real relationship… And not falling into the trap of one again requires knowing what it was. relationships.

We need time and the accurate perspective and healing methods to successfully go through the unavoidable PTSD follow the “break up”. Think of this, we can’t fall out of a tree-house and just get up and walk away, please don’t expect to just get back up and date after this hijacking.

Dating After One Year

I really recommend taking at least a year before dating again. This isn’t a random edict. There’s a real reason for this. That year needs to be spent taking in a new, and honestly, harsh reality about the existence of people who use others as a way of life.

And then embedding that reality in our lives so that we can see them for what they are when another one comes knocking, and skip opening that door. Here’s a hint, if you think that creature you’ve escaped just wanted control, you don’t know enough to date…yet. Here’s why…

Dating Someone New While in Trauma Doesn’t Work

Unfortunately, being entangled by a sociopath is trauma. And just like falling out of a tree we need time to heal our cuts, bruises, broken bits and the shock and trauma. After this trauma comes inescapable, unavoidable, mandatory and specific healing.

Finding and applying the accurate methods of healing is essential. We have to deliberately embark on the gradual intake and realization of what really happened. Dating abstinence is 100% the way to go until we’re fully well and truly recovered.

Don’t Serve Yourself Up

Until we’re healed after the life-jacking by a parasitic predator other bandits, sociopaths, malignant narcissists, whatever you call these users, they can sniff us out. They’re vultures, scavengers, hunters of human prey.

For a good long time after a sociopath or narcissistic pathological user, it’s as if we’re wearing a neon sign: Take a bite and pass me around. Seconds available. All night diner. Cookies served warm. Candy store open. Fresh meat on a silver platter.

This is not because there’s anything wrong with you – or ever was anything wrong with you! You get to be who you are and where ever you are in your life. This second-round snatching of our lives can happen because there are people on this planet who as a way of life hunt for people to deceive so that they can make use of them in any way that they please.

We’ve Got a Neon Sign: Take a Bite and Pass me Around

Dating after dating a sociopath is best deferred… really. – After marriage or long-time entanglements, or a severe experience with a sociopath we need even more time.

If a divorce or annulment drags out or other complications kept the saga alive, think about a dating break of one to two years from the time the annulment or divorce papers are finalized and the legal connection is ended or that last drama is over.

Reframe that dark chapter for true healing. Take care of our spirit. Take care of our health. Build a great future!

Once we have divorce papers, celebrate a job well done! Celebrate with friends and family you know and trust. In addition to the relief you’ll feel, you might find men or women coming out of nowhere all of a sudden who express a romantic interest in you

I’m on my knees begging you to those aside for now. If they’re real and have value, they’ll be there some months down the road, when you’re more recovered. And please, I’m quadruple-begging you: stay away from dating websites.

A Dating Hiatus is in Order

Ideally, you can take a dating hiatus and focus on yourself for a good solid year. Sorry to say it, but – dating after dating a sociopath is best put on hold. Dating earlier than a year after dating a sociopath or ending a marriage with one pretty much stumbles into disaster.

I know that’s a bummer to hear, but it’s been proven by so many of us. Please, wait to date. A good rule of thumb is to hold off on the dating scene until you have zero thoughts of the nightmare that ended, the loser you dumped or escaped floating in your head.

Our Words Contribute to Our Well-Being

If you’re still replaying the things they said to you, dating is not the solution. It’s their words that messed us up; believing their words. And likely, their words led to some harsh words from ourselves about ourselves.

There’s research that helps us see that words matter. Some words are categorized as “limiting” and others as “expanding” language. We can choose words that best support our well-being, our thoughts, and which direction our lives take! Limiting or expanding language aids communication and connection — or doesn’t.

Look into developing relationship skills so that you’re more grounded and clear about what’s good for you and what you don’t want. Take some time to explore functional relationship language. And healthy, positive language in self-talk.

We Must Decode Their Words

And more than this, “narcissists”, socioapths basically – fundamentally – speak a different language than we do. The meaning of what they say is not in the words themselves. Taking in what they truly are and what really was really going on is key. We aren’t ready to date until we understand how to interpret accurately what their words meant – the actual purpose behind what they said.

You won’t be ready to date unless you know what they really said and why. If we’re thinking they said that to make me sad, or they said that to make me jealous… they said that because they want control...we don’t know enough to date yet. Taking in the skills to decode the things they say and do is an essential recovery skill, and an essential life skill I can help with.

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Give Ourselves a Deep Self-Care Break

Stick close to those we know, and hang near those who love and support us. The way to go in the next months is with family and long-time friends. It might be good to spend time with others who’ve dated a sociopath in support of one another. Or… This may not be a good idea. Others still in trauma can have the effect of keeping our trauma vibrating large.

Surround yourself with people you love and trust. It’s time to regain trust in ourselves and feel good about trusting others. Anyone who judges us is someone to avoid.

You’ve been through acres and gallons of confusion and loss and have been living in a surreal house of mirrors and mazes. Take care of your spirit, and your health, and restore. If you have any unresolved questions about what went on or why…delay dating after dating a narcissistic user.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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