Dating after dating a sociopath…?
Dating after a socio-freak is best delayed.
Normal dating and normal break-ups are tricky.
But that mess wasn’t even a relationship,
it was an invasion, a robbery, a hijacking.
Dating after dating a sociopath – or that person you’re thinking is a “narcissist” – is a serious undertaking. I’m going to jump right in and you may not like it, but here’s the thing: don’t even think about dating for a year after an entanglement with a sociopath.
And, I’d recommend only then if the way you spent that year recovering has entirely leeched them from your bones and you have a very stable and accurate understanding of what you were dragged through.
Sociopaths, users, and narcissists alike can smell the scent of vulnerability a zillion miles away. After dating a narcissist/sociopath, if there’s any residua; mistaken or misconstrued idea of what occurred, other sociopaths will notice. Give yourself a break. Take time to heal. Restore and recover and thrive again before dating.
What would mean to you to get your life back?
Dating After Dating a Sociopath is Tricky
Until we’re healed after time with a sociopath other bandits: sociopaths, malignant narcissists, who by my estimation are truly sociopaths, other narcissists and users of all sorts sniff us out… they’re vultures, scavengers, hunters prey.
We certainly don’t want to end up back “in love” with a sociopath. Please work your way to understanding: we were hijacked. These are not real… Not real relationships.
Unless You’re Fully Recovered…
We need time and the accurate perspective and healing methods to successfully go through the unavoidable PTSD follow the “break up”.
We can’t fall out of our tree-house and just get up and walk away. Falling represents “trauma”, and unfortunately, being entangled by a sociopath is trauma. After the trauma comes inescapable, unavoidable, mandatory time to heal.
Healing, the accurate methods of healing, the gradual intake and realization of what really happened and time are called for. It takes 100% recovery before dating. Dating abstinence is 100% the way to go until we’re fully well and truly recovered.
For a good long time after a sociopath or narcissistic pathological user, it’s as if we’re wearing a neon sign: Take a bite and pass me around. Seconds available. All night diner. Cookies served warm. Candy store open. Fresh meat on a silver platter. Okay. So, I’m getting carried away, but I’m spot on. And this is not because there’s anything wrong with where ever you are in your life. it’s because there are people on this planet who as a way of life hunt for people to deceive so that they can make use of them in any way that they please.
We’ve Got a Neon Sign: Take a Bite and Pass me Around
Dating after dating a sociopath is best deferred… really. – After marriage or long-time entanglements, or a severe experience with a sociopath we need even more time.
If a divorce or annulment drags out or other complications kept the saga alive, think about a dating break of one to two years from the time the annulment or divorce papers are finalized and the legal connection is ended or that last drama is over.
Once we have divorce papers celebrate a job well done! Celebrate with friends and family you know and trust. You might find men or women coming out of nowhere all of a sudden who express a romantic interest in you… If you can, put those aside for now, if they’re real and have value, they’ll be there in some months down the road when you’re more recovered… and please, I’m begging you: stay away from dating websites.
Ideally, you can take a dating hiatus and focus on yourself for a good solid year. Sorry to say it, but – dating after dating a sociopath is best put on hold. Dating earlier than a year after dating a sociopath or ending a marriage with one pretty much stumbles into disaster.
I know that’s a bummer to hear, but it’s been proven by so many of us. Please, wait to date. A good rule of thumb is to hold off on the dating scene until you have zero thoughts of the nightmare that ended, the loser you dumped or escaped floating in your head.
Our Own Well Being
Look into developing relationship skills so that you’re more grounded and clear about what’s good for you and what you don’t want. Take some time to explore functional relationship language. There are studies such as neurolinguistic programming, books, and research on healthy language or limiting and expanding langue. This is related to the words others use as well as the words we use that best support communication and connection – or don’t.
Lightbulb moments.
Find your way back to you.
Give Ourselves a Deep Self-Care Break
Stick close to those we know, and hang near those who love and support us. The way to go in the next months is with family and long-time friends. It might be good to spend time with others who’ve dated a sociopath in support of one another. Or… This may not be a good idea. Others still in trauma can have the effect of keeping our trauma vibrating large.
Surround yourself with people you love and trust. It’s time to regain trust in ourselves and feel good about trusting others. Anyone who judges us is someone to avoid.
You’ve been through acres and gallons of confusion and loss and have been living in a surreal house of mirrors and mazes. Take care of your spirit, and your health, and restore. If you have any unresolved questions about what went on or why…delay dating after dating a narcissistic user.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to Thrive!
Join the podcast!
Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
True Love Scam Recovery on Medium
True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook
Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com
Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.
True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com
2015_02_06 2022_10_12
Dating After Dating a Sociopath https://t.co/1KrUE1oe5E via @truelovescam
I’m in love with a sociopath now. I realize this and I know I need to get out. He hit me in my face and gave me a black eye because of his delusions. I just feel stuck. And I don’t understand why I love him so much. What do I do? He won’t let me leave him.
You can get away. You will be free. — Sociopaths can be quite violent – it’s part of their control. If he’s a sociopath he only wants to hang on to you for the goods and services he receives from you such as food – shelter – money – etc. He also has many other targets he’s receiving things from. If you stop “giving” (so to speak) he will move on. Many of us have done it. You can too. We think we love them because we become bonded to people when stress occurs who are the people we love – or think we love – even when they are the cause of the trauma and stress. Sociopaths don’t love anyone. They are ruthless and mean beyond imagination when their livelihood is threatened. Go over this post: How to End It With a Sociopath. https://www.truelovescam.com/how-to-end-it-with-a-sociopath/
Reach out to others who love you – Stay calm around him (if you live with him) give no emotional reactions to anything he says or does.
Sending you courage and wisdom.
I definitely know I need to. Not only for my sake, but for my 4 month old son as well. I just feel connected. He was there from when I was 4.5 months pregnant til this day. The physical abuse started less than a week after I had my son. But all he does is lie, steal, and (as much as he denies it) he cheats. He claims to love me and my son but I just realized that he is a true sociopath today. I’m a very smart woman and I’m astonished I didn’t see it before. I feel that I do love him – very much. He will not let me leave him. He always sucks me back in every time I try. And sadly he lives with me. I don’t wanna lose all my stuff because I end my relationship with him but I feel the only way to leave him is pack some of mine and my baby’s clothes and go to a shelter. Im just afraid to do it, and very afraid to make myself homeless to get out of this “relationship”.
Aaaaaaaaall of us are fooled by them at first! If we weren’t there wouldn’t be any problems like this. They go for smart, giving, loving, people with something to offer – like a place to live. Is he on a lease? Are you married? If he’s not on a lease he can be in the street tonight. – The place is yours! He can leave and he will leave. Look at the post How to End it With a Sociopath.