Holiday Hoovering: Prime Hunting Season

Holiday hoovering is about
the sociopath’s need to restock.
They replenish their stores using our sentimentality
of the season as a trap.
For us, it’s annoying, disturbing, and dangerous.
It can land as back to square one.
Let’s side-step that malarkey.

Holiday hoovering puts a bitter twist and a gut-wrenching anxiety into our holiday season. For us, holiday hoovering is torture. The sociopath – or the “narcissist” if that’s the word you use for them invests in holiday hoovering. It’s necessary; it’s to assure their future.

…And then there’s the boomerang. That “old friend” who pops back up…The Holiday hoover or boomerang can land as back to square one. Straight in the figgy pudding. Let’s side-step that malarkey.

Holiday Hoovering Can Spoil the Season’s Joy

Sociopath, narcissist hoovers during the holidays

So if hunting and the holidays are so important… Why do they ruin the Holidays?! Such a conundrum.

Though it sure seems like it, making our holiday miserable is not the sociopath’s goal. No matter how much it seems like it, this is not their motivation.

Absolutely because everything they do is about themselves, not us.

Sociopaths Use Our Sentiment to Get Back In

Any sociopath (and that person you’re calling a “narcissist”) is so involved in themselves that their goals and hard-wired survival motivation that what they do or say is rooted within their needs only.

Truth be known, what they do and say has nothing to do with us as individuals or our specific emotions which they do not understand.

That said: Holiday hoovering is about the sociopath’s need to restock. They replenish their stores using our sentimentality of the season as a trap. We’ve got such emotion going about the meaning of the Holidays, we’ve got to watch out so that we don’t put our foot in it.

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They Don’t Do Anything “Just To…”

When it seems like the nut job is doing something “just to” hurt us – even when it seems they’re being somewhat considerate – there’s a deeper and much more simplistic motivation. And unfortunately, even though it’s the holidays, the hoovering is not becasue they genuinely miss the kids… they don’t care about the kids.

“Despite how treacherous we can be, everything we do is for a specific motive. There is no profit in simply attacking someone else’s fun…” ~ Self-proclaimed Sociopath

I know that this is hard to take in. That’s because for us normal humans the things we say and do are motivated very much by our feelings for others; by their needs and their feelings along with our own. That’s because we live by connection and in groups that care for one another. This is not the case for the pathological user, liar, predator.

Going deeper to see their motivation takes wading up to our necks into a kind of counter-intuitive territory. The mind of a sociopath is a scary-scary place… Until we get into small inklings of understanding it.

The ball gets rolling and we see more and more, more easily… And we get to see delicious glimpses of them for their full ridiculousness.

We must break beyond the trauma of being ensnared by them to see them. This takes a momentary confident step into their heads, into Nuts-o-Land in order to understand what’s really happening and to really break free.

Our Emotions Are Not Their Motivation

We do feel that we’re controlled by them, manipulated by them, and that everything’s ruined by them, so we conclude that they did what they did in order to control us, and ruin everything. – There’s more to it than that. Something much more simple.

Naturally, lots of us look to our emotions to define what’s happening in the dynamic with the user. So, we think, they just want to ruin everything, or, he just wants control. This reasoning is based on our own feelings after they do. This is rooted in our own emotional experience. – This is not what has motivated the sociopath; they have no real understanding of our emotions.

From a Sociopath: Not Just to Ruin Your Holiday

Thoughts on the Holidays From a Sociopath: “If you’re thinking of people [a sociopath] purposely attempting to ruin your holiday maliciously, they’re fooling you. Despite how treacherous we can be, everything we do is for a specific motive. There is no profit in simply attacking someone else’s fun…I don’t have a list of things I hate about Christmas…Sociopaths are generally on their game more during the holidays.” ~ A Self-proclaimed Sociopath

And what is a sociopath’s “game”…? Hauling in locking down and maintaining prey so that they can get and take from others. Unfortunately, it’s no game. It’s serious and linked to their survival. They can’t *not* be what they are.

Holiday Hoovering Happens for Specific Reasons

When we’re “in it” and coming out of the fog of their influence, the subtext and hidden motivations of these creatures are elusive to us. It’s natural to think they did what htey did and that even the holiday hoovering comes from the kind of emotions we feel. It does not.

The holidays are the sociopath’s Season of Second Chances. Since we’re in a highly sentimental and “giving” time of year, at the very least, we might respond to them out of guilt. Our feeling guilty is fine with them – they’ll take any emotion of ours that lends to them getting what they want. They don’t understand our emotions and don’t care how we “feel”.

It’s not easy to see the real-deal stark reality of what’s going on in these hijackings, but we can. Not only is it possible to see the truth of what they’re up to, we must see it if we want a full recovery.

The mind of a sociopath is a scary-scary place. Get support decoding what they’re really up to and heal. Win freedom this holiday season.

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Keep The Joy of The Season

The holidays are a time we’d like to relax and be with family, and real friends. We want to feel love and warmth and want the nightmare sociopath to leave us alone. And please take it easy on yourself.

If you don’t step into willingly delving into the truth as November fades into December, it’s not because you’re in denial; the concept of denial has no place here. It’s not because there’s anything wrong with you. It’s because you’re normal and a gorgeous human.

Holiday Hoovering is Restocking Season for a Sociopath

Our holiday sentimentality makes it pretty easy for them to walk back into our lives. That’s what makes the holidays “restocking”, and critical survival time for a sociopath. No matter what went on between us, no matter how much they already got, they want more.

As long as we haven’t yet come up with hard facts about their behavior and activities that could land them behind bars so that they don’t want to circle back around into our lives, they’re checking in to see what they can get and to monitor what we know about them. They’ll do this in the guise of Mr. or Ms. Wonderful and as a surprise Santa and his elves all in one.

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There’s More To It Than Meets the Eye of “Normal”

Our normal thinking doesn’t explain them… The holidays are the sociopath’s Season of Second Chances. Since we’re in a highly sentimental and “giving” time of year, at the very least, we might respond to them out of guilt. Our feeling guilty is fine with them – they’ll take any emotion of ours that lends to them getting what they want. They don’t understand our emotions and don’t care how we “feel”.

Every sociopath needs a roster of prey to fulfill all their needs. Additionally, they know full well that each true love scam, each love fraud, each hijacking will end. They have a constant back-up to upcycle into their current flow.

This is the perfect time for the sociopath (narcissist) to secure their survival for teh coming months. They’re checking in to see if they can nail down dinner, a couch, an SUV, a gas card, a game-boy, a cell phone, some strange… or a bit of respectability.

How it went for me: I experienced zero hoovering of any kind. Why? How did I manage that? I went full no contact, I can help you do that too. And, more significantly, I blew up his world in a safe way that sent him running for the hills. Each of us can maneuver them out of our lives.

Jingle Bells, Mistletoe, and Menorahs Make Us Emotional

Because we’re emotional beings at this time of year we become sentimental, and tend to romanticize our memories of them. This sentimental season inherently gives more bang to their pathetic hoovering which is “bait” in hopes of “hooking” us back in.

Under the misletoe in the light of the menorah, the sociopath can appear to be cute again, renewed and doubly generous, charming, loving, devoted, fresh, exciting – just like a genuine Christmas miracle.

This Christmas miracle can seem to be true and welcome even if we aren’t feeling particularly romantic about the creature-from-hell. The holidays inspire our generousity, kindness, and can lead us to give in again to the demon creature who hijacked our life.

This can be especially true if you can’t quite believe they are all bad. Or if didn’t see them as a demon… If you hear yourself say, well he was good with the kids… and let this outweigh all the times he let you pay all the bills for your household while he gave nothing… Please trust that this is generosity and kindness we can’t afford during the Holidays or any time.

Beware the Holiday Boomerang!

There’s another bit of a Holiday season trap we might be “offered’ and might fall into… The boomerang. The boomerang is when the sociopath we dumped or that took off shows back up after years..and maybe more years. This is easily handled by going no contact. It’s what no contact is for. Get a new number. Block them. We end it, they do not.

There is though, another kind of boomerang… The boomerang is when they show up via text, call, messaging in your email, or at your door after a long time of absence.

Both the predator you got rid of and someone “new” but not new can boomerang… There might be a reappearing old “pal”, an old roommate, a classmate from college, a past coworker, or the sibling of an old friend. Because of this former association, you trust them. Yet, it turns out, you didn’t really know them back then and surprise surprise, they’re a sociopath out doing some holiday hunting. Beware the boomerang in the Holiday season and all seasons.

Notice Your Emotions

It takes courage to side-step our own emotions and go deeper to the core of what’s going on. This is the only way to be free.

Being able to see their messages means we are not “no contact”. If and when we get their missives, it reduces the trauma if we can decode them in order to understand what’s really happening and to really break free.

Find the real truth behind the mask. They aren’t as clever as we give them credit for. Manipulation of our emotions seems to be what they’re up to, but that isn’t the root of it. When we can see them, and see through to their real motivation, they go away and we are free.

How will you skip holiday hoovering this holiday season…?

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.