Sociopaths Secretly Love the Holidays

That thing you’re calling a “narcissist”
… the sociopath secretly loves the Holidays.
Storming out because you didn’t make their favorite dish is a cover.
It’s how they get out of the house to hunt…
in the most wonderful time of year.

During the holidays, normal people want things merry and bright. We have family visiting, kids to make memories for, traditions to uphold, trees to decorate, cookies to bake, and presents to wrap.

It’s never easy to grasp the real-deal stark reality of what’s going on in these hijackings. There’re the secrets, the subtext, and the hidden motivations of these creatures that are elusive to us. When we’re in the initial throes of the struggle to clear the fog to confirm the person we love is a monster, the holiday season is the bitterest time of all for decoding what’s up.

‘Tis the Season to Hunt New Prey

I get it, for us, it’s traditionally the season to be merry and bright and all that holiday cheer. Who wants to get busy unveiling the mind of a psychopath, sociopath, or narcissistic user? It’s horrifying, revolting, and nauseating to see what sociopaths really intend. Drilling down to the raw guts of what’s going on is a necessary skill.

Going deeper to see their motivation takes wading up to our necks into counter-intuitive territory, into thinking that isn’t natural, but sheds light on the way these beasts think.

At Christmas or Kwanzaa, this kind of investigative push doesn’t go down well no matter how much eggnog we gulp with it; we put this aside and make nice for family, for the kids, and because we’re bone-breakingly weary.

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We Like Things to Be Nice: That’s Okay

We naturally and readily find more palatable explanations for their behavior that keeps us afloat, but in pain we console ourselves to live with, at least for now. Humans would rather suffer, stewing in comforting platitudes: life isn’t fair, relationships aren’t easy, or nothing’s perfect.

We’d rather live in discomfort, bear a cross or carry a scar than see someone else look bad, especially someone we love. And yet, on the flip side, we tripped into the trap of a sociopath based on platitudes of the opposite camp: “Dreams do come true,” “Prince Charming is out there,” “It was meant to be.”

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“Normal” Is Fantastic in All Its Foibles

We’re a strange lot, us humans; imperfectly perfect and all around gorgeous, full of flaws and foibles… but at the end of the day we’re honest, loving, kind and we care… oh, how we care.

If we can’t delve into the truth as November fades onto December, we must once January hits… there’s so much more to it all and such a better ending if we can only keep seeking, keep asking, and accept no scars, no compromise. There is no such thing as us being in denial. Don’t accept victim-blaming, no codependent label, no shame, and take no responsibility for the sociopath’s inhumanity.

“Narcissists”…Sociopaths Secretly Love the Holidays

The sociopath argues and kicks to avoid our family gatherings, plays sick, feigns depression, an emergency takes them out of town… anything to get out of showing up at our side clutching a bottle of wine or poinsettia plant on our parent’s doorstep Christmas Eve or any night of Hanukkah.

They care so little, we’re so low on their radar that it’s mind-bendingly-hard to conceive of… And one more heartbreak when we don’t even get a gift from them.

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Why Do Sociopaths Avoid Our Holiday Family Gatherings?

In truth sociopaths love the holidays, but not for the reasons we do; they have no use for spending the holidays with prey that’s already in their pocket. They prefer and need to be elsewhere for their own survival.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Secretly Love the Holidays

The Holidays are a wonderful time of year… to scoop up and nail down new prey or swoop back around to pull in “ex” prey. Having observed that we’re sentimental, more vulnerable, lonelier, and swooning at the magic of the season, sociopaths can’t miss this chance of pinging our emotions and prying open our hearts, to grab and squeeze for all we’ve got.

The dirt-bags aren’t sick or too depressed… they can’t come with us to dad’s house because they have three other targets to visit at this hopeful time of year. Of eight, or twelve. This is prime hunting season.

Our Sentimentality Makes This Prime Hunting Season

As normal people become suddenly sentimental and romantic at the Holidays, the user easily entangles vulnerable souls with a (false) marriage proposal or a hint at “more.” They embed and ingratiate themselves: “I know your mom’s is in town, let me take you out to dinner, to the Christmas tree lighting, to the Weinachtzeit bizarre… let me show you around town.“

This sentimental season inherently gives more bang for their pathetic bait and hooks. Since we’re more emotional, the sociopath appears doubly generous, charming, loving, devoted, fresh, and exciting – a genuine Christmas miracle.

As a new “love” just introduced to mom or our brother their surface gloss is appropriately formal, diffident, and polite; juxtapose this with what we do as normal humans: read our own meaning into what other’s do and say from our emotional map… and we’re a cooked goose served up on a silver platter.

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In the Spirit of Love and Goodwill

Caught in the spirit of the season, the sociopath does little while we imbue their gestures with greater significance than at any other time of year. They get in deeper, faster, and quicker performing their lame repertoire of silly bits when there’s tinsel on the tree or a menorah on the sideboard.

So they say they’re sick? Depressed…? On a business trip? Nope – they’re wanting to get away to snoop-on old targets who kicked them out, visit hidden wives, and take bikes and puffy coats to kids we know nothing about that they bought with soemone else’s money.

And most of all to lock in that new bit they lifted last Wednesday while pretending to work late. They’re way too busy to hang with us, we’re already nailed down. – You’ll remember this kind of thing if you’ve had a birthday while in their vortex. We’re not on any gift list once we’re in the bag.

A Wonderful Time of Year: To Fake More People Out

Remember, everything a sociopath does or says is to appear normal, to get what they want, to cover up what they’ve done, to use and to take more, to keep what they’ve taken, and to go free.

We’ll never see what’s happening using our own emotional thinking based in our own human, limbic, mammal brains. We aren’t the ones doing these things, they are. Think like a sociopath to reveal what they’re up to. And as harsh as is, the answer you’re trying to see isn’t personal, it’s all about them.

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.