No contact is the pathological users’ Achilles heel.
When we don’t respond it scares them to pieces.
That’s why they rage.
In a sociopath’s perfect world, there would be no such thing as no contact. Without contact, they have nothing. The thing is, for a narcissistic predator, their agenda is only possible with contact. The more consistent and deep the contact, the more harm we’re in for.
Pathological predators, that is a sociopath, or what you might be calling a narcissist, depend on keeping contact for their success. Their success is measured, by them in what they get, what they can take and what they can do and how little we oppose them.
Contact Keeps the Hunt Going
They must keep contact in order to get what they want and when we’re in contact, we’re balls of emotions. We’re in confusion and off balance which means there’s an open door for them straight into our lives. The success of their mind-bending effect on us is only possible through contact.
No contact is our freedom. Safety and freedom from a narcissistic user, a sociopath depends on establishing and keeping no contact. – Let’s look at the effect of contact from the first hello, to the day we go no contact.
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The First Contact is What We Call “Love Bombing”
In the early moments we meet them for the first time, they bombard us, overwhelm us, spin us off the ground, and into “love” with them. This is a quick process. Once they hook us, they need to keep yapping whenever they notice that the hook is slipping.
We take their words at face value. This is normal. Normal and natural for us, as fully functioning limbic-brained humans. In other words, it’s normal for us to believe what people say, to trust, bond, care, and feel connected.
The unfortunate thing we don’t know at this point is that the meaning of the words of this pathological predator is not found in the words themselves. Their words don’t have a normal meaning or a normal subtext. This is because their intention and their goal and purpose for being in our lives are far, far from normal… And love has nothing to do with it.
Their intention in our lives is not represented by the nice things they say… Nor by the mean things they say. Underneath it, all is a desire and purpose we can’t even imagine… And they need it this way.
They don’t want us to understand their actual meaning. In this effort they make sure, as best they can, to fake their intent and meaning. And they do their best to keep others from tipping us off. So, they separate us from family and friends. They keep us away from people who aren’t under their spell and see that they aren’t what they’re pretending to be.
They Separate Us from Others Who See Through Them
Everything they say is in hopes of their very simplistic and unwavering needs and wants. This is instinctive, it’s literally how their brains are wired, while a lot of other normal human things are missing from their brains. One of the qualities of their limited brains is limited language skills.
Even if they learn some big words and can string a long sentence together it’s nonsense. They usually use very short sentences. Even three-word sentences to nail us in place. Understanding the effect of their words on our emotions and thoughts is essential. They can’t have anyone interfering with the effect of their words upon us. This is a reason they separate us from our family, our friends, and others.
Please put aside the common interpretation that this isolation or separation is done out of their jealousy. It’s that they can’t have others alerting us to how full of hot air, and how creepy and weird they are. This is why the sociopath immediately creates an “us and them” existence.
The Subtle Separation
One such example… My sister lives three miles down the road for me. At the root of things, we’re very close. Really tight. We grew up almost as twins, yet we’re very different in relational dynamics. I’m open and smiling and laugh easily and talk to people everywhere I go. She’s more reserved, can seem stern, and isn’t as warm. She also doesn’t reach out the way that I do… So:
The fraudulent lying dirtbag I married used to say, your sister doesn’t love you. She didn’t even call you back. Pinging on the fact that, indeed, it is me who keeps my sister and I connected. It takes me calling or texting her three times or so before she calls me back.
And, he wasn’t exactly wrong… I could count on fewer fingers than I have on one hand the number of times in my life that my sister has called me spontaneously.
Because of their uncanny quality that causes us to have an exaggerated experience of normal emotions, this comment tapped hard at a raw little place inside me. If a normal human had said this, I’d have said, my sister loves me, she’s different than I am in how she shows it, but she’d kill for me... And that would have been the end of it.
Instead – because he’s a sociopath – this sideways comment led me to quickly and inefficiently sort through my mind asking myself: does she love me? doesn‘t she love me…? she doesn’t…or..? In this way, here I was suddenly teetering on the brink of stepping into the mush of bottomless ruinous quicksand of believing him. – this is how our world changes because of what they are.
The sore spot of truth inside my life that this comment hit metaphorically knocked me to my knees in a deep psyche kind of way. When we’re under their spell, sociopaths can tap our core with a single comment due to their natural malevolent influence. This strike shocks us and leaves us breathless and vulnerable, self-doubting and confused.
In the case of my sister and I, she’s also brutally direct. I imagine he sensed she’d blow him down and break him into pieces. As it turns out she said to me when I kicked him out, I knew it! – She never liked him for one second and saw him as bad news. Naturally, he could read this. – Consequently, he drove in a separation.
Contact with us, and severing contact with our families and friends is how they drive the wedge in. They keep yammering to us at high velocity, they keep in contact via texts, Snapchat, and the like, even when they live with us! That’s as deep as they get. It’s only that. It’s how they keep inside our heads, hearts, and bank accounts; it comes down to one practical material thing: contact.
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No Contact Ends the Game
Throughout our “relationship” (the one we think we’re in together) their attention comes in cycles related to what they perceive as how deeply or loosely we’re bound-in to them. They spike attention to reel us back in from time to time. Routinely they do an all-points-bare-minimum in maintenance.
When they sense we’re seeing through the smokescreen, they either pour on the nice in charm and promises or get mean becoming nasty, grumpy, and mad. Both nice and mean require contact and are bait to hook us in place.
If it’s nice they offer something, make a promise…Or even are simply neutral. Our naturally good-hearted nature and the effects of their mesmerizing venom does the work. We interpret and imbue their off-handed glances, and bare-bones contact with deep and positive meaning, full of love and commitment and, so we stay in it. No such thing as genuine nice is happening, but thinking that it is, is normal.
If it’s mean they pick up as the tool, they use anger and scream out, we naturally react in fear and then stay out of this fear. Not to mention our sense of guilt, shame, and our confusion. This is normal. We all give them the benefit of the doubt and stay. Or we stay out of fear. This is the way it goes until that one moment when the spell finally breaks.
Every bit of any contact a sociopath makes is to take and use and keep taking… It’s bait, from the “love bombing”, the common term for the contact, that reels us in, to the lies and devastating gossip in the smear campaign. As well as during hat time in between, in the middle of the arc of the fraud… When they aren’t around, they disappear, they don’t answer or texts and we’re in unbelievable pain trying to make sense of it all through our normal human view of life.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
No Contact Isn’t Normal or Easy for Normal People
One thing about these predators we can’t forget: they can’t not be like this. And they do what they do 24/7. They’re on the prowl constantly. Out of our being normal humans, we give credit to their scanty presence, oh, he’s been so busy, and he called me finally, he must care! And, he left flowers at the door last night! He really does love me! – This is normal. – We’re under their spell.
And, alternately, fear of them freezes us right where we are, so we “stay in it”. This too is normal. It’s the natural normal effect of this type of predator upon us as normal humans, their prey.
We don’t understand why we believe their lies, and then we tend to blame ourselves long after for staying so long. Please don’t. There’s nothing about you that made this happen. You ge to be who you are… And you get to establish no contact because even one more millisecond of contact and access to rampage and ransack our lives is a millisecond too many.
Contact Means They Can Get Back In: Contact Is How Any and All of it Happens
When we want out, a sociopath’s drive to keep us in their grasp intensifies. Just as they smell fresh prey, they can sense it when we’re beginning to see through them to the point that things are going to end.
They know when we’ve caught a glimpse behind the veil of lies and they go to work to regain our trust, to keep us locked in place. Mean or nice…everything, all the things they do, is an attempt to keep things going and require: contact. They fear losing prey. They become enraged when we slip free.
Their Concern is Survival and Nothing Else
Out of the simple need for survival, antisocial psychopaths despise losing their bagged targets. And for all the hate they have for us – they need us – and the narcissistic-user-sociopath will hold on as long as possible.
It’s the things, the status, and the opportunities we provide that compel them to hang on with just enough contact. Thye swing back-and-forth, hot-and-cold, nice-and-mean, to keep us in place by our own emotional responses to them combined with our misunderstanding of what is actually happening.
Manipulation, Bait, and Tricks Ramp Up in the Fear of Losing Contact
Eventually, that day comes for us when the “magic” is gone, and so when they whip out their standard bait: make coffee for us or put air in the tires or murmur — again — without eye contact, you’re special to me. — This time, our emotional response is flat or numb. We can see them more clearly as the snake they are.
There’s a moment for each of us when their signature weak and familiar gesture, is measured up against all the odd, the confusion, and just plain sad and it just isn’t enough. Suddenly, we are done.
As the sociopath’s weirdness, deception, and betrayal come into focus, we want an end. We, as their prey, want out of the nightmare. Once we say: I’m leaving or, you have to go, we’re treated to Mr. Hyde and narcissistic rage. — The big-bad-monster will not really leave our lives until we establish no contact.
Sociopaths and Narcissistic Users Fear No Contact
What do sociopaths fear losing when the jig is up? After “the well” has truly run dry, they fear losing their physical freedom and their “good reputation”. This deluded idea that they have a “good reputation” is something they think they need to keep intact so they can continue using others.
So, to keep tabs on what we say to others, they continue to hang on even if they “break-up” with us. As we’re breaking away and after contact is really important to them for three reasons.
We call this after “break-up” contact, Hoovering. It lands as texts, emails, and phone calls; it may be messages or notes on our car or on the door, and it’s scary. There are plenty of reasons that this is scary. It’s normal to be in fear of the narcissistic user after the “break up”. This is all a part of PTSD.
Breaking Away Means to the Sociopath We’ve Gone Rogue
Once we’ve stepped away from the pathologically narcissistic user isn’t sure if they’re safe anymore, We’re an unknown factor. – We’ve gone rogue.
Not only have they lost their entertainment, or your car keys, cell phone bill payments, their arm candy, or entree into a particular social group: they don’t know what we’re going to do about what they’ve done to us.
This is where “hoovering” comes in. For your safety, if they use actual words in person or by phone, at that moment go ahead and verbally apologize. Soothe them by saying one plain sentence like, I know…it’s all my fault…Not because this is true. But because it’s wisdom; it’s for your safety.
This simple utterance stops hoovering in many cases, as the nutter then believes you aren’t a threat. They are enraged that you broke away, but they believe they can now go freely about their gruesome ways.
This isn’t “enabling” them. They are what they are with or without you.
Don’t worry, you’re lying… but they’ll believe you. This isn’t because this is true. It’s because sociopaths aka narcissists believe anything we say and act on it as if it is true.
They only need to feel like they’re getting away with all the lies and scamming. Never give this kind of impression or apology in writing, only in spoken words. Let them think they can go freely. Let them feel at ease in exiting. They don’t want us, or their kids – and we don’t want them.
Be Sociopath or Psychopath and Narcissist Free Forever
Really, get the skinny on what’s happening, in your specific circumstances. There’s more to this than an article can convey.
For a clearer and faster pathway back to restoring your life, step into recognizing how amazing you are. This makes the dust settle faster, and the debris and damage fall at their feet where it belongs rather than at yours.
Stand up and protect your life, even in this overwhelming disaster, don’t give in to defeat. Instead, only continue to build treasures of the heart.
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Feeling so validated from all this reading I’ve done since the breakup with my Sociopath! The relationship lasted 3 years, and ended after six months of us living together. After four months of regrouping and healing, I have to say that all the information here on the internet has helped me tremendously. To everyone out there dealing with this, I have two words for you: Restraining Order!!!!
I am fortunate I live in a state where they are permanent. Here is how I pulled it off, everything fell into place, and I truly believe a Guardian Angel was looking out for me that day.
Our last month together became a power struggle. There were conflicts, there were veiled threats, there was withholding of sex, there was weird sex. There were accusations.There were angry outbursts when I stood up to my Sociopath. Several times I said we were through. He was losing control.
Our last day together began with an argument over money. The anger coming from him was so intense he began breaking my possessions (He had moved into my house by the way). I became equally angry, but stopped myself, walked away then left the house to go for a drive.
It was late at night, luckily he was asleep when I got home.
The next morning, he was still angry. I chose to leave again, not really knowing what to do. My last spoken words to him
(which were calm) as I left the house were “I am afraid of you”. There I was, leaving my own home, not wanting to return. My life was there. This man planted himself in MY home, expecting to dominate and abuse me. And abuse me he did. The secrets I shared were now his weapons on this last day. Thankfully he did not get physical with me. I knew that would be next if I didn’t do something about it.
So I drove, and thought it would be a good idea to stop at my local police station and explain the situation. They took a report and suggested I go to court and try to obtain a temporarary restraining order. They said the judge would determine if I could get one. That would mean he could be removed on the spot from my house.
I drove around some more, pondering if this could actually be done. Pondering all the possible outcomes. What if I didn’t get the order, then what? I spoke with a dear friend on the phone. I spoke with his sisters. They were trying to calm him down. I instinctively knew not to let them know about the restraining order I was considering.
In the meantime he was sending me non- stop threatening text messages. When all was said and done, there must’ve been over fifty of them. I only responded by text twice to him. I learned from his sisters he went to the liqour store and began drinking heavily after I left.
Early in the afternoon I decided to return to the police station and complete my report. They told me to hurry off to court, and if the judge proceeds with the order they could remove him that day. Armed with my text messages and my accounts of past history, the judge ruled I was in danger, and issued the temporary order.
Ironically, his last few texts before the police arrived were demanding to know where I was and when I’d be home. He was removed, and I went home to my house that evening.
Two weeks later we both appeared in court. I brought printouts of the threatening texts, photos of damage done to my home, and was prepared to speak of our history together. That day I had the option to proceed or not proceed with the permanent order.
My Sociopath I’m sure was expecting that I would not go through with the permanent restraining order and run back into his arms. When he heard my decision to go ahead with it, he left the courtroom. He never returned. I gave my testimony, and the permanent order was issued. NO CONTACT. Ever.
It’s been very difficult dealing with the aftermath. I cried, I missed him, I was nostalgic, I was guilty. I cried for the person he would never be. I cried for the damaged little boy. I cried for me. I was angry, betrayed, and confused. His one sister took an interest in my well being, and we spoke and she even visited me. I learned of lies he told me, I learned of his ugly past, I learned he tried to sleep with another woman while we were together. His sister insisted on maintaining a relationship with me. Just recently, I cut off contact with her also. It doesn’t feel right, to be tethered that way. So now, I can go on with my life.
That restraining order saved me. HE CANNOT CONTACT ME. I CANNOT CONTACT HIM.
To all of you struggling with this, consider a restraining order. It may be difficult if you have children together. Take time to plan, seek help from the appropriate people, gather evidence to show your well being is in danger. Remember, the Sociopath’s arrogance is their weakness.
Love, Hugs, and Peace to Everyone. Thanks for Reading My Story. D.
Dear D, I’m so pleased my article is helpful and validating!! I so understand. You hit that moment where everything flips: we’re more afraid of the bizarre unknown “whatever-this-is” than any fear, or embarrassment, or obstacle to leaving. You are very fortunate the sociopath held to the restraining order. I assure you they mostly don’t. There are other reasons he stayed away, but not because of a pice of paper for a court. Rules, laws, legal orders signify nothing to them. They do have two reasons for everything they do and say or don’t do and don’t say. They are not related to a court order. The great thing in your circumstances is in the way that you handled court will likely ward off his coming back around in the future. In essence you “blew up his world”. They despise us from day one, and he does so now, though they would continue to take and use us forever at their convenience if they could. Sending all good things…
What would you suggestion be with a man like this whom I have a 9 year old son with? We are currently in the middle of divorce and I have to shut my phone off because of his guys texts. But his son loves him and wants to see dad. No contact is impossible. My son plays all the sports so we see him every week at least twice for practice and games. Thank you!
Typical. But manageable. The sociopath will fall off the radar if certain things they “need” and “want” are met. None of them love or want their kids unless to satisfy specific and temporary needs they have. To give you details of strategy or things to consider and how to decode the circumstances and turn things to your advantage I’d need to know more. Email me if you like or set up a recovery session.
Email? Thanks!
My email address as well as the link to schedule sessions are found on the website under the first category, “SESSIONS” along the top. “Phone Sessions” is the first option in the drop menu (https://www.truelovescam.com/chat/).- Shoot an email to me if you have any questions: jennifer@truelovescam.com
You can always email in to me at: jennifer@truelovescam.com
Hi, firstly; your site very helpful, thank you for that.
I’m suffering from this type of man for 3 years he was boyfriend and I spend just 1 year as a girlfriend. But he still continues to harass me, bothers and texts. I never answer him and keeping the rule no contact, but like I said, he does not give up. I’m really hopeless, is there really hope to about getting rid of him? Please help me. İn my country, there are not many institutions or expert in my country where I can get relevant information to these people, so I constantly review your site. I’m waiting your answer. ( by the way, sorry for my bad English, hope is clear )
Thank you.
Dear Cinnee, Thank you for reaching out! Your English is perfect! I can understand you. Thank goodness for the internet so you can find information and support. Congratulations on NOT answering him!! No contact is more than not answering them. No contact includes blocking their number in our phone. Blocking them from our email. Blocking them on social media. They cannot see that we blocked them in the phone, but we no longer have to see their attmepts to call, or text us. This is really important in order for us to heal. Blocking them on social media is very different than “unfriending”. – Be sure to block them using the block method within social media. Then they can’t see us anywhere on FB, or IG and — we can’t see them. — Unless they have an alternate account they use to look at our actions on social media. Sociopaths most often don’t stop. We make the “end” by fully blocking them. Some times a sociopath will stop trying to reach us, but this is only in specific cases. Also there are specific reasons that they try to contact us on and on. Please, block him all the way. His next step might be to call or text you from numbers you don’t recognize… Do not pick up a call from a number you don’t recognize. And then block this number too if there was no voice mail left that explains who called, or if in your gut you know it was him. I hope this makes sense. If not, please copy and paste what I’ve written in to Google Translate to have it translated to your language. I also offer one-on-one phone recovery sessions using WhatsApp calls. Sending all good things, — Jennifer Smith
Hello again 🙂 you are really very helpful and friendly. Thank you again for this.
it is really helpful to know that I am not alone and talk to people who understand me.
I changed my number 2 years ago ( Immediately after leaving him), I blocked him from every platform ( FB,IG ,Twitter, Gmail etc..). He sends e-mails through fake accounts but I ignore and I block them again.
Last time, he mailed again using a fake account and he claimed that I do sex for money with people. Although this makes me very angry, I immediately noticed that he just wants to get an answer and he wants this to manipulate me, control over me again.
I never, ever reply him.
But there is a really important question that I need to consult you.
I can’t move on because of him, I’ve been afraid to flirt or to meet with new people since 2 years. I want to use Tinder for example, but I can’t. I didn’t use it for 2 years, but 3 weeks ago I started to use it because I think I’m missing the life, my best times… I’m just 23 years, I started to use it also for a reason, because my psychologist once told me that getting to know some new people can help me.
As you can imagine, he found me there too 🙂 and manipulated other people to write to me ( to get information about me). Now, I can not use these applications anymore because I’m very paranoid, when one writes me, I suspect that the person who write is him or someone else forced to write me by him. So I deleted the app…
On the one hand I really want to meet new people, but on the other hand I am both afraid and paranoid. I also know the internet is a perfect place for a sociopath to feed. But this is a must, eventually 🙁
What would you suggest me in this situation? I wonder if there is a way for such situations.
Thank you and hope is clear, again 🙂
In general dating apps and websites are best left alone and not used by any one really looking for a real relationship. They are shoppping malls for sociopaths and users. I’m so sorry he’s still on your tail. In this case specifically – you can’t use Tinder. The sociopath is still smearing you when he can. You’re very, very wise to make no response. – I get it at your age that Tinder is super popular. Find a real way to meet real people, o rhave a higher chance of meeting real people. Also unless we’ve truly come to understand what sociopaths are, how they think and what they do and completely understan there’s nothing about us that caused a sociopath to barge in and invade our lives and know how amazing normal people are – we can’t date.
I’m about too burst out in tears,this is exactly what I’m going through,OMG.i was abt too go crazy dealing with this man,I’m lost for words.im finally free.
Sending love, wisdom and freedom, Alice! None of us knew what was happening until somehow we finally did. I swore the hijacking by a sociopath and the hell I went through would be the best thing I’d ever done… and your comment letting me know how I’ve supported you in breaking free let’s me know it was!
What is the best revenge ? After so much hurt they caused
Healing yourself is the revenge. If he committed on-the-books crimes, report them. Also reporting the defrauding to your district attorney’s office or FBI is a good idea. — Staying no contact, non-threat, reframing, recovering and healing. That’s what we do. Its normal to feel like we wish they would die during a phase of the PTSD. Check out the article https:/truelovescam.com/reframe-the-nightmare-with-a-sociopath/
I love him despite what he did. Deep down inside I still want to be with him, but I love my family too, they are suffering watching me like this.before I was a vibrant, independent, optimist lady. Now I Cry everyday, couldn’t get out from bed, losing weight, unable to eat, depression pills addiction, no job (because he asked me to quit and he funded everything said he loved me). Currently I have been no contact with him, no response from him too it just been two days. I still wish he would call, it would be easier if he just vanished. If he ever coming back I wouldn’t know what to say. I might be falling again. Help me
Prita, You are only in the very, very beginning of becoming free. How you feel is normal. Losing weight, not sleeping, crying, fear, anxiety, confusion… This takes time to get through. – Those pills may make your symptoms worse rather than better. Just watch for that and take care of yourself. — This is the hardest thing you will ever do in life. Vibrant independent optimistic, loving, loyal, kind intelligent people are exactly what sociopaths need to survive. – They need us – many of us at one time in order to live: eat, have a place to sleep, have money – if we don’t believe them they can’t exist. – This was not a relationship – it is a crime. Sociopaths do not love anyone. No one. Ever. They biologically cannot – they have an abnormal brain. — Two completely different worlds have been going on the whole time you’ve known him. – (This is the same for all of us – we all have felt this. All true love scams are identical. ) — There is wha twe think is going on as normal people believing we’re in a relationship – and the real-deal – the side of things that is the truth but hidden from us because we could never imagine such a thing could be happening. — All we thought was real is not – unless it’s the bad things – those are real. Sociopaths do not love. Any thing we think is nice about them is fake, a game, a presentation to get us to believe and trust them. – They lie ALWAYS. Everything is a lie. They have many, many women and men at one time that they sleep with and take things from. — this sound impossible to us – it takes time to realize it. Here is a good way to see the truth: read this: Reframe the Nightmare with a Sociopath, it is instructions on how to see what happened. It takes practice, keep doing it. – This will help you keep no contact – contact will be very, very bad and dangerous for you, – He will enjoy it. Sociopaths love to ruin people – this is all they do. YOU MUST NOT BE IN CONTACT. Do not call, text or email him. do not respond to him. BLOCK all his number, email and everything. Do not answer calls from a number you don’t know. — It will get better as you do this, but healing takes time. Reframe the Nightmare with a Sociopath – https://www.truelovescam.com/reframe-the-nightmare-with-a-sociopath/
Hi cant reply at the other comment, But thank you sooo much u wont believe how helpful your answer are. Most bloggers dont even reply. But thank you for your reply, he was a cop , i worked with him .Therefore i wonder if he is a sociopath or just abuser. But all other signs point out he is sociopath. I knew from day one there was a problem i broke up with him and got back on the therm if he get therapy he had ‘” anger isseus” . He went to therapy, i went with him. Then i refused marriage and he broke up and after smeared me.
He’s likely a sociopath – they are distinct. Being a cop doesn’t make that an impossibility. Sociopath behavior and traits are so pronounced if we feel that experience its not usually a mistake and regardless – our safety takes precedence over “diagnosis.” Sociopaths can “be” cops, doctors, presidents or homeless. They’re all identical.
Thats soo treu. Its the most painful thing to ever go true, especially because i never wanted a relationship or a serious one for that matter. he kept pushing did so much love bombing.When i fell in love according to him he kind of saw flaws and then disappeared . h? i cant comprehend. I never knew this existed. But blogs like this helps , It has saved my life. I actually went online during my realtionship googled what it meant when a guy buys to much gifts and praises. And then came across term Sociopath , it lingered in my head and found him out. You guys who make these blogs you are lifesavers and of course god up there. ow do you get revenge on these people ?And did he feel that he got something out of me? he didn’t got sex or money, so for a respectable front he did so much love bombing and travelling 4 hours to get to me very week. Isn’t that crazy?
What he did is normal for sociopaths. Having many, many people all and once men or women and driving or travelling to get there is normal. He may have been scouting a new base. They have to move often because they wear out their welcome where ever they “live.” They usually have women and men they scam for a place to live, sex, money and a toothbrush in several cities, towns or countries all at once. —- They are not normal. They have an abnormal brain. They don’t think or see life as we do. They cannot survive without people to live off of. Even the wealthiest appearing sociopath is a scam and not what it appears. Revenge by us is not in the cards. They do end up arrested or dead. Do reframing: https:/www.truelovescam.com/reframe-the-nightmare-with-a-sociopath/ — You can also schedule with me for a recovery coaching session for moving through all phases of this: https://www.truelovescam.com/true-love-scam-chat/
Sociopaths & No Contact – This is what save us. https://t.co/sHQbnuDyAV via @truelovescam
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What about if they initiate no contact? Should I be worried that he’s just plotting in the silence and will someday soon catch me off guard?
If they’ve stopped contacting you, you’re very fortunate indeed!! You’re so lucky that they went away on their own. Absolutely go No Contact yourself as well, meaning Block them on all social media, block them on your cell phone, block them in your email. Also don’t answer calls from an unknown or “blocked” number. – Sociopaths do tend to return. It’s called Hoovering. They contact us, call, email, text or show up for only one reason: to take more. Remember it wasn’t a real relationship: sociopaths only hijack lives, and take whatever they want by making us feel they love us. They do not. They love no one. They don’t have any frame of reference to relate to that emotion since they are biologically incapable of feeling it – and they despise us for having it. It amuses them to use us because we do feel it. There is no discussion or any kind of “working things out” with a sociopath. No Contact is the only way to be free and feel good again.
He’s in prison. I think I scared the living shit out of him by reporting him in the first place. Since he’s been in, absolutely 0 contact to me. Not one letter, or phone call(kinda hard bc I did change my#), just dead silence. I’m only concerned bc he tried to kill me that night and i know when he goes quiet, that isn’t necessarily”lucky”. I’ve blocked anyone associated with him on all social media. So there’s no way he can”spy” even if he wanted to. Everything has changed with security measures on my side. At this point I think he’s aware I’m not one to be screwed with. If he DID try to initiate ANY form of contact, that’s added time on his sentence, and he’s already in for 5. Somehow, knowing I can’t trust him, the bars are what’s saving my sanity right now. He’ll get out someday and that’s where I KNOW I can never lower my guard or even get comfortable now! He’s not listened to protection orders before. No respect for the law or anyone for that matter. Just curious here, does this ever end?
But why would they not hoover? even after 4 years? since break up no hoovering ever?
Count yourself lucky!!! ☺ Congratulations on getting away! The Hoovering is about trying to get more and making sure we don’t expose them. The sociopath must have known he could get no more and wasn’t concerned about what you might say about him or being turned into authorities by you. — You made a clean get away!
Thank you dearly for your reply , i appreciate it. He discarded me 3 years ago and i am still looking for answers, ur blog is helpful lifesaving!! I did exposed him in his family so im not sure if he wasnt afraid of that. But out of the blue i wasn’t dressed appropriately and i looked to often in the mirror and there the break up started after he roughly imposed engagement on me which i felt was tooo fast. But i never ever heard from him , i do feel lucky but i read they alwatys hoover its been 3 years no hooveriing . I would love to know what was his motive?> I never gave him money neither sex cause im religious . He was a cop btw.
Sociopaths have many different prey at any one time. Each target has a different value or role they play in the sociopaths changing game – that is to say they have an idea of how they want to be perceived as ” respectable” and a general consistency in chosen arena of scam: business, entertainment, politics, super spy – whatever fantastical notion they have of themselves. They need targets who are public and hidden. Some for money, some for sex some for respectability, some for low life drugging and being rauncy, some full blown, some kind of back burner — All at the same time. It may be you were on hold as a respectable front, but you offered the why he never Hoovered: you never gave him anything. If he never got anything of real benefit from you – you were not really a loss in his eyes. Therefore no need to Hoover. Remember these are crimes – not relationships. He didn’t love you or any of his women or men – or his family – they cannot. — It’d be surprising if he was really a cop – or if he could sustain any career for long that was fully legitimate. Whatever they tell us is a lie. Anything we think we know about them is not even the tip of the iceberg.