Sociopaths and Sex: There is No Intimacy

The best sex ever. No sex at all.
Painful torturous sex.
You sleep in one room, they’re in another.
Refusal to wear condoms. No eye contact…
Despair.

Sociopaths and sex. This is a profoundly confusing element of the true love scam. For some, they find the sex better than any they’ve ever had. For most, this goes south just like all the other pieces of the entrapment by a pathological person in what we first perceive and believe to be a relationship with someone normal.

Naturally, as normal people embarking on a relationship, sex is on the list of things that matter most to establish and maintain a relationship.

Sexual interaction in marriage is so important that historically it’s listed as a spouse’s duty. This is in fact, in the Bible in the book of Paul, Corinthians. Sex with your spouse was a marital duty referred to as, conjugal duty.

This conjugal duty was so critical and key to a proper marriage and to the marriage contract it was called a conjugal debt. You in essence owed your spouse the physical sexual act if not intimacy and joy along with it.

This is how important it was to people in the lifetime of Paul. – Not much has changed in terms of the importance of sex in marriage or a relationship…

Contemporary Views on Sex in Relationships

While we no longer consider sex a debt or duty to be meted out or paid, we do still hold that a marriage without sex is not much of a marriage.

Unless one is ill or there are other extenuating circumstances, we all desire, expect and cherish sexual intimacy with a spouse or partner. Sex is the glue that takes us deeper and stronger as partners. Sexually intimacy makes our committed and married relationships distinct from friendships.

There’s also a very real condition that normal people can have known as intimacy anorexia or sexual anorexia which involves having a hard time with true intimacy and possibly engaging sexually outside their relationship. This is not what sociopaths struggle with.

We now believe (rightly so) that we’re each allowed to engage in sexual intimacy with our spouse as we feel up to it and have the freedom to say, “no” at any particular time. We have developed social parameters and laws around marital rape. Demanding, forcing, coercing, or threatening a spouse to be sexual is not at all okay.

Being sexual with a partner is based on our love for them, and because we’re attracted to them. Because we care. It bonds us more deeply.

The pathological on the other hand, don’t care. They’re not attracted to us emotionally or physically and don’t love us. Sex with them binds us more deeply… Unbelelivabley so does sexual rejection by them.

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Withholding Sex

Sociopaths withhold sex with primary prey in particular spouses or live-together prey. This is their normal. They aren’t interested in us or attracted either physically or emotionally.

Counter-intuitively, spouses and key live-together prey who – naturally – think they’re in a real relationship, don’t break up or leave when rejected sexually. Instead, under the influence of the predator’s uncanny influence, the prey try harder to please the sociopath in all things when rejected sexually.

Over time, surely just as lab rats discover by repetition which lever to push to get the cheese, these beasts notice sexual rejection keeps their prey hooked and yields more of other things… Like cars, money, gadgets, phones, vacations, better dinners, and fewer questions, or no questions. This is the sociopath’s goal.

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Sex, But No Love

There’s no love, like, care, desire or connection, or building a real relationship. These are not possible for a sociopath. They cannot bond, connect, care, love, or like any person outside their own bodies. This is what defines a sociopath. This is the pathology.

Sociopaths and Sex

Sex to the pathological is a binding tool or for their own animal enjoyment. Many are pedophiles, or into BDSM and other torture sexually. These pathological parasites keep a “sex doll” within their ensnared prey or/and make use of sex workers. Otherwise, sex is a binding tool to maintain prey.

Sadly, the pain of this sexual rejection is profound. It strikes an inner core of self that we don’t go around being aware of in an ordinary day, year… or lifetime. It’s effect is devastating. A piece of freeing ourselves from the pain is found in becoming aware of what their true intention. Their real purpose in anyone’s life is about themselves. Taking in and accepting that they have are not here for sincere caring reasons and have as inordinate – abnormal – effect on people is key to repairing and restoring your life.

Sociopaths and Sex or No Sex, Are Your Fault

The pathological, in efforts to avoid sexual contact and get us to stop asking about it, hurtle blame at our feet. Nothing new there… Some popular phrases they toss in our direction imply that we’re whores. The sociopath alludes to sex as dirty or bad.

They typically mention in a roundabout way – or directly – that a desire for sex is ungodly, or immoral, or something that women, in particular, are not supposed to want.

Female sociopaths use sex as a carrot or a lure on male prey. They also use sex as a tool to nail prey with domestic violence or rape charges. And the female sociopath can use, oops – I’m pregnant as a ploy to hold onto money, property, and a lifetime of child maintenance payments.

Sex is Normal: They are Not

It’s normal and natural to desire sexual intimacy. When we question why we’re not having sex, the pathological come up with gaslighting-galore to protect themselves, and get us off their back. This has an emotional effect on us as normal humans who don’t understand we’re looking at a sociopath of bringing up feelings of shame, blame, and humiliation.

The bottom line is, when we ask a sociopath “why”, “why not” or challenge them on any of the things they do or say, they need us to shut up. Their need is that we stay hooked in under their spell.

It’s necessary for them that we don’t see what they are, but remain locked in place. They need us to continue taking actions – based on our emotional responses and lack of comprehension of the reality of what they are – that result in benefit them.

This is what the lies and what we call gaslighting are all about. These are the is the only reasons the sociopath is ever in the room yapping at us or on the other side of any text.

Break Free of the Sociopath

If you’re still in one of these sad and confusing entanglements, take a deep breath. Sit back and observe next time they side-step conjugal duties. Let them sleep in that other bedroom or on the couch they’re so fond of. Watch.

You’ll begin to see more as you step back into a stance of internal patience and observation. – You’ll notice that sex or no sex, there is no intimacy. No connection. Nothing real aside from you. This can take you to the moment that breaks the spell.

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.