Closure with a sociopath isn’t something to hold our breath over. So many of us crave closure; an apology. An explanation. An end to the ending.
This is a guest post by a true love scam recovery reader. she decided to write the apology she wanted from him. She shares that letter here… Here’s what she wrote for herself, to free herself with her own apology — the one that will never come from a sociopath – and if it does– they’re lying.
By E.R.
The Imaginary Apology from the Lying Sociopath
From E.R. to us: This is the apology letter I wrote to him, right after my break down. I sent it to him, asking him to read it to me. He never did. Instead, I gave him another 6 months to hurt me. It’s hard to accept that I still have loving feelings for someone who only hurt me. I think I just need some time.
Dear E,
I’m so sorry for the pain I caused you. I did not think of the consequences to you from my actions and my choices.
I couldn’t lose your help, so I kept hiding secrets to keep you around. I’m sorry. I thought you’d never know certain things and that it would be enough for you to be happy. I’m sorry I pushed this too far.
I apologize for everything I did and still do to you…
I apologize for hiding that I had a FB account, the first lie you found out and forgave…
I apologize for:
Rejecting you many times as a friend on my FB after you found out
Hitting on Sandra in front of your eyes and for not admitting it
Asking you for money
Promising I would pay you back when I knew I would never do that
Forgetting your birthday
Switching off my phone without caring about you
Cheating on you with Pauline
Telling her exactly the same things I said to you
Making plans for the future with her while I was with you
Putting pressure on you to bring me to Europe – and then…
Canceling after you planned the trip so I could be with Brie
Cheating on you with Ava
Cheating on you with all the womenI never told you about
Making you beg me for answers I should have begged you to listen to
For making you look like a fool with everyone who saw me with other girls
Not using condoms and giving you two diseases
Teasing you about your body shape
Promising you many times that I would change
What I did with Kate
Bringing her to your home
Contacting Rosanna and hiding it from you
Not giving you the attention and love you deserve
Wasting two years of your life waiting for love I do not feel and cannot give
Blaming you for my troubled life
Sucking up your savings
Not celebrating your birthday
Never buying you a present, flower to show appreciation for you
Searching for Ava again as soon as you left
Saying that I am single
Chatting and for texting with girls in an intimate way
I apologize for Marilyn
Letting you live my lie
Not being the man I told you I was
Leaving you behind with such pain in your heart
Contacting Pauline again yesterday
Manipulating you and playing with your vulnerability
Blaming your pain on you and telling you that you enjoy feeling like a victim
Moving on so fast and so easy
Telling you that I loved you
Making you fall in love in with me
Not being able to change for you
Not writing this letter myself
I apologize, Sheldon
Thank you E.R. for sharing the rough steps along the way of healing.
We End It: They Don’t
Sociopaths offer no closure. They are unable to love and have no feelings of remorse. An apology is something they will never make. They feel no regret, shame, or guilt. There’s only one thing they’re sorry for: that they didn’t get more from us. Closure is ours to find.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
After the sociopath, we’re left with many things. Mostly super icky things. We need to find the good after the sociopath walks out.
After the sociopath walks out we’re each left with a basket of garbage and rubble we need to turn to great good for ourselves.
We might be left with some good things we can spot right off the bat; definitely, we’re left with some not-so-good things that require persistent and courageous attention.One of those such things that I haven’t gotten a grip on yet is fat.
I’m not a woman who strives for Skinny-Minnie. The opposite: the idea of being too thin freaks me out. Seeing so many size-two and under tiny, little boyish-waifs who refuse to eat pasta, bread, French fries, cheese – no nuts unless they’re raw, organic almonds. It’s exhausting.
Certainly, they eat no butter, bananas (too much sugar content), or heaven forbid – ice cream – at least not in public, I can’t handle that. Ice cream…? Who doesn’t need ice cream once in a while?
Find the way back to you. Get them out of your bones.
Rapid and scary weight loss is part of the ride out of hell after a sociopath. First I dropped two clothing sizes practically overnight after the monster checked out. Then gained those and two more.
Yes, count ‘em, that’s an upswing of four clothing sizes. Yikes, so I’m carrying around an extra two-sizes of behind. Let’s say two and a half. I don’t know my weight in numbers; I don’t have a scale. I find them brutally demeaning. I weigh heavy, meaning I can carry more weight than I look like I do.
PTSD and Sustained Trauma Make Us Ill
Many of us are left with our health torn apart after the sociopath walks out. Do what works. Bit by bit life gets better after the sociopath walks out.
I also battled being sick a lot after the sociopath, so there were days – weeks at a time that I skipped exercise because of migraines, outbreaks on my hands of blisters that bloom with stress, or a cold, which I started getting every three to four months v.s. once in three to four years pre-sociopath.
The Return to Exercise and Health
As chub-lade and sluggish as I am, I barely make it through a yoga class. I tried. The teacher kept singling me out to ask if I was alright, as my belly fat blocked me from bending and gyrating myself into a crescent side twist. Under her yoga-perfect scrutiny, my size grew alarmingly.
My now super-huge thighs and extra-fat feeling knees left me unable to rest in child’s pose. At every solicitous query into my okay-ness I wanted to knock her in the head. Or scream, No. I’m not okay. I’m fat! – And out of breath. And nearly collapsing to the floor.
Heavy and Lumpy
After the yoga class humbling, I tried walking for exercise outdoors. Embarrassingly, I feel too fat to walk! There’s a rolling sensation from ample ass and back-side through my hips and groin and thighs rendering a rhythmic, lumpy duck waddle.
It’s disheartening living in stretchy jeans (in a size I abhor) and long-sleeved tee-shirts in a world where women wear skinny jeans and tiny body-skimming tops that show their exercised and tanned arms and short or long sundresses – called town gowns – year-round.
Fatty-Fatty Two by Four
And sometimes, alone, at home where no one can see me, I think I’m still beautiful and wonder why it matters. Then someone asks me to go to a concert or a show – and I say, “No.” – Because I truly have nothing to wear.
I’ll not buy a little black dress to cover this. It would look so bad to my eye that I would crumple and cry before I got out the door. And heels make the impression of a huge, lumpy olive on top of a spindly toothpick. Horrible aesthetics. Sigh.
The Bright Side
I console myself that I have nice feet and a good pedicure in year-round sandal country. Killer hair too. Sorry to be so superficial, but every bit counts right now. But, neither of those are health risks.
I know, I know, we might say all of this is ego, or superficial. Maybe. But I feel it all in quiet agony. And – the thing is – I feel my body freezing up; I used to do all this close-to-impressively-advanced yoga, and walk, and feel like a dancer, a swan – able, competent.
Health Matters Most
What if the roots of some serious illnesses are developing here? High blood pressure and high cholesterol or heart disease or diabetes. Surely it’s best to lose weight. But… dieting? It makes me nervous. It makes me eat… more.
So on a significant day for me, I took myself in hand. December 4th marks the day I began practicing the Buddhism I practice with SGI… something to celebrate.
But, on this year when December 4th came around, I was bedridden with a cold; it looked like a dismal day of defeat. I decided this would not be the case. I vowed that despite outward appearances, despite not feeling like moving, I decided today would be the day I became an athlete.
A yoga-lete, I coined the name – unless that already exists somewhere out there – because I want to live my life doing yoga and walk-jogging and hiking. So, that day I got myself together. I’ve heard so many times that you can “walk yourself fit”. So. Here I go. I will let nothing stop me. Start where I am and walk it off. Grateful for moving.
I went for a 30-minute walk in the neighborhood avoiding people. I ignored my rolling rear-end. At a mid-height garden wall, I lifted my legs and used it to stretch. I said, “I’m an athlete; a yoga-lete.
This is the first day of being an athlete.” The following day I said, “This is day two of being an athlete; a yoga-lete!” – and did some stretches. I felt good keeping my word to myself and said, “It may not look like it, but I’m a yoga-lete.”
The next morning, I woke up smiling. Looking forward to how cool it’ll be to see my tummy shrink back into its proper place.
On that day – Day three – I went for a 30-minute walk, more vigorous, though nothing truly athletic, but outside, where people could see me. I passed The Peninsula Club on South Santa Monica Blvd, and witnessed a man and woman climbing out of a Ferrari. He lifted her with a hand leveraged in his.
He looked typical Beverly Hills with jeans, a Kitson-perfect tee-shirt, and the right hat and sunglasses. She looked ridiculous-ish. She was über slender, short, as is the norm here in HollywoodLand, but made tallish in extreme platform heels of 5 inches giving her feet the flexibility of a horse hoof.
She wore all black. A short black dress, her black hair in a meticulous up-do. Dark, updated, Breakfast at Tiffany’s sunglasses, and because it’s winter in Beverly Hills – a black fluffy wrap held close around herself, clutched in her hands in front of her rail-thin body.
As we can all now recognize a sociopath when we see one – we can read people in general. The “read” evoked involuntary laughter – after she walked by. She had her head held as if in mockery of a high fashion model’s fish lip, sunken cheek haughtiness as if to telegraph “I’m so beautiful.”
Vapid, empty, like a cutout paper-doll. She took it all so seriously walking the same attitude; one foot placed directly in the path of the previous step, the far-apart, inner edges of her thighs only striving to meet.
She rolled forward in awkward rotation, roiling from her hips and back-side as I did! – So. Wow. I walk like a faux-fashion model without even trying!
Day 4. I did a two-mile walk exercise video with closing yoga stretches in my apartment hosted by Leslie Sansone. I even broke a sweat. I’m an athlete. I’m a yoga-lete. I’m a fashion model, yoga-lete walkin’ It off after the sociopath walks out. We’re pretty awesome…
And, you know what? Now neuroscientists have proof: diets don’t work. Eat intuitively. Live intuitively. Trust out lives. Here’s a TED Talk about this…
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Sociopaths, narcissists as in the pathologically narcissistic, the pathological users and liars, predators don’t think as we do. Their hearts are colder than ice; harder than stone. The trouble lies within their brains.
Sociopaths are known for their charm if you like that particular sociopath. Then, along the way, there’s that hairpin turn to nightmare behavior. This D.I.Y. Guide to a sociopath’s brain and psyche cracks the code. So… what’s going on in those heads of theirs?
Sociopaths – the pathologically narcissistic, the predatory parasitic user – don’t think as we do because they can’t. The vast chasm of difference between “normal” and “sociopath” is found in the brain.
Sociopaths Have a Brain That Works Very Differently than Ours
These pathological users can act in ways we’d never imagine. Making use of others is their normal.
Sociopaths’ and psychopaths’ brains don’t work a bit like ours. It’s confusing and frustrating to try to build relationships with them because they’re missing the building blocks of bonding.
We get caught up in our own emotional reactions to what’s happening between us and them. We go to emotions and to talking things out to correct conflict and confusion and to bond. We “feel” our way through life.
We Are Normal Through and Through
And that’s normal… and really great, except these narcissistic pathological users aren’t normal and don’t care what we feel, so it doesn’t help us at all.
Sociopaths and psychopaths do not have the brain capacity to feel any social or personal positive connection or bond. We can look into their eyes searching for a connection and find nothing but empty, or worse. – This is also likely that person you might be calling a ‘narcissist”.
Though in human skin and bones, they’re empty and hollow aside from destructive forces and utterly devoid of humanity. This is really difficult to realize, to see, to take in, to accept, and to understand.
Whether we call them sociopaths, malignant narcissists, con artists, scammers, covert narcissists, liars, or users – they’re all alike. It’s incredibly hard for us to imagine the vast emptiness inside their heads.
Without any human connection, they have only one thing going on in their upstairs hamster wheel of a brain: survival.
The way a predator, a parasite such as a sociopath survives is like any parasite, they live through the efforts of others and off of others. They know this about themselves. They count on us not knowing this.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
We, as normal humans who do bond and care, have limbic brains. This is the brain of a mammal. A mammal is an animal – including us humans – that gives vaginal birth. Yah! I know, right! This includes in part cows, bunnies, dogs, cats, monkeys, elephants, dolphins, and whales. Each of these, including humans, bonds, loves, nurtures, creates family groups, and can even bond with one another.
Antisocial psychopaths are referred to as a sociopath, sometimes a narcissist or a psychopath. The sociopath has what’s called a “reptilian brain”. Think of creatures with a reptilian brain, such as snakes, lizards, and crocodiles.
They lay eggs, do not create a family, and even eat their young both before or after the eggs hatch. – There are a few exceptions here, but this is to give an idea of the fundamental difference that matters: no nurturing, no parenting, no bonding, no pairs, or family group.
Sociopaths Can Only Be Sociopaths
What the sociopath is wired by their brain to do in order to live, to survive, to exist has the effect of destroying others. They know this. It doesn’t faze them. This sounds farfetched unless you’ve been in it.
There’s Really No One Home: Aside From Evil
Sociopaths are without any bonding capability, therefore they’re without genuine concern or care for any human or for any animal though they pretend to have either or both.
They have no moral, ethical, or spiritual concern for others or for the effect on others as fall out and as deliberate effect. imagine if you can: they have no conscience. – They do however make use of our conscience and our emotions and normal bonding impulses to prolong their parasitic stay in any person’s life.
With this primal urge to survive, which we all share, when the brain doesn’t bond or care then what’s left in these simple creatures is spartan. It’s purely and the only motivation to make use of other people, to take whatever they want, and get away with it. – There is nothing else there.
A narcissist is the same thing as a sociopath, and a sociopath is in reality a psychopath. Sociopaths are all alike. I settled on the term “sociopath” because it’s more palatable than “psychopath” and has much more meaning as to their real nature than “narcissist”.
If you’re thinking of them as a covert, overt or malignant narcissist or borderline, please shift how you think of them through the concept of a sociopath and things will make more sense. – These DSM categories are irrelevant at best to those solving the crimes of a life invasion.
Collectively, these vast wastelands of humanity do not “feel” or experience any of the normal emotions that we do. Not at all, no matter how hard they pretend to. And definitely no matter how much we project our experience of human emotions onto them. – In fact, it’s this assumption that they feel like we do that causes us further harm and pain.
Sociopaths Do Not Feel The Way We Do
All the very normal human emotions we experience aren’t felt by them. We assume these emotions are felt by them. This is from our world. They do not feel any of these feelings in the way we do.
Limbic Brained Normal: Trust, Bonding, and Connection
We, on the other hand, have limbic brains; the brain of a mammal that bonds, cares, and makes connected family groups.
Their reptilian brain is a primal self-survival brain. We walk into what we think is a friendship or relationship with our limbic brain. Essentially, we’re jumping like little puppies expecting things to be good. This then is where the real trauma lives when ensnared by a sociopath. We can heal our traumatized brains.
Sociopaths aka psychopaths and some of the ones you might still be referring to as a narcissist, genuinely do not like others or feel part of a group, they have no love for their parents, no love for their children, no love at all. These parasites can be disarmed before they start.
D.I.Y. Guide to the Inside of the Dark-Dark Noggin
A Sociopath’s or a Pathological Predator’s Behaviors are Identical and Predictable
They don’t really tell much about their lives other than highlights of being used or heroic things they’ve done
They try to show themselves as humanitarians, fighters for justice, or do-gooders
Surprisingly, they are naive
They get restless and bored
Predators give the impression of being sincere and humble
When meeting someone new they want to hear about the other person
Agree with us to inspire our trust and feelings of intimacy
They create a forced “we”; create an “us and them”
Go through periods of hyperactivity contrasted with heavy downtime. There’s a significant reason for this and it’s not because they have PTSD or are bi-polar or other malarkey
When threatened personally that their toys will be taken, they experience trauma and lash out
There’s Still More
Say one thing then another
Tell tall tales of being used by others
Some “play dead” like a kid; talk about death, dying, or suicide
Say odd things that are in reality when they’re telling the truth of how they feel
Hesitate before responding, looking at us in a paused mode
Give inappropriate or disjointed, off the mark response in emotional situations that call for empathy, sympathy, or compassion such as someone’s death, accident, or illness
Have hidden sexual activity; hedonistic, BDSM, sex industry, pedophilia, porn
Employment is sparse, shortlived, or a long-term professional setting or claim they have their own business; under the surface, all is fraud
Though sociopaths – because of the inherent sociopath power of influence – can have a huge scope of influence in politics, law, criminal justice, and religious settings
Careless with material possessions yet seem attached to some items to obsession
Can be very entertaining and hold sway with a crowd, paradoxically quite hermit-like
They can sound and seem like two different people in different situations
Have the ability to morph age-wise, genderwise
A sociopath can cross over, shift in what they seem to be in terms of where they’re from, their economic status, and more
Sociopaths Have Different Brains Than Normal People
National Geographic made an informative video about antisocial psychopaths aka sociopaths in our midst.
Antisocial in this context is Latin medical terminology referring to their abnormal brains. it means they behaveoutside of the expected or the accepted social behaviors and norms. It’s got nothing to do with being uncomfortable or shy socially.
Sociopaths aka psychopaths are within this category, but the full-blown psychopath is more focused on the entertainment they feel at other’s pain than on scamming a place to sleep. Watch it here.
We might not all experience all of the kinds of horrific things a sociopath can potentially do, say, their darkest thinking may not be seen by all of us, in many cases, they are not shown to all of us. Some of you have the “relationship” crumble and end without a harsh word between you. – This is great you were spared and yet this also becomes a stumbling block to seeing what they are.
Easy-Peasy: Criminal is Their Normal
A sociopath will claim to be a great parent, especially on FB. Steal money or possessions from a spouse, friend, or stranger. Have affairs with married people. Impregnate and abandon. Hide money from a partner. Lie to authorities. “Cheat” while in a “relationship”. For a sociopath aka narcissist, immigration and marriage fraud are as ordinary as it is for them to have us do the laundry and pay their phone bill.
It’s a possibility they have two phones – or more – and keep those hidden. Or pretend one or the other phone is for work because they’re so big and important. If you noticed they don’t genuinely pay their own way financially, even if they work, the work is fraud. They use a different name. Hide where they go, and the things they buy.
Their World Is Nothing Like Ours
What we think we know about the sociopath who hijacked us is usually not nearly the tip of the iceberg. Don’t wait to find out more. Go no contact.
Sociopaths separate groups of people and their “second” family, along with their second or third or fourth alias, alternate versions of their names or completely different identities.
These pathological users will fake illness. Leave for days. Stop talking, or talk so much our eyes cross. They marry only for houses, cars, property, and borrowed respectability. Sociopaths aka narcissists use online social media and dating sites to fish for prey. Primary prey suffers pain and confusion when the sociopath-predator withholds sex. Change phone numbers frequently.
They make bold claims about glorious accomplishments. Promise many things. Place their prey in the position of being liable for their crimes. These are criminals: read more about that in this NY Times story on one of the latest sociopaths put behind bars.
Let’s Withdraw the Magnanimous, Generous Credit we Give these Beasts
We tend to give the sociopath’s machinations and ability to lie more flattering significance than it’s worth. We imagine their ploys require “intelligence”.
We think what they do requires some kind of genius because they’re doing things we’d never think of doing in a million years or ever dare to do if we could think of it.
In reality, they can do what they do because they don’t care. I don’t mean they decide not to care. Deciding not to care would require the ability to care and then to weigh and discern caring more about one thing than another. They don’t have “care” for others in their lexicon of emotion.
When there’s no concern or consideration for other people, no sense of responsibility, no obligation to society, family, friends, humanity, or any living being other than self allowing one to carry out any action to gain a desire – is this intelligence or genius? Or is it simply a kind of diabolical freedom? When caring is absent, what’s left?
~ Jennifer Smith
Sociopaths Fake Next to Everything
Sociopaths avoid work. Pass STDs. Demand a partner to stop practicing a religious faith. Ruin others with lies. Lie in court. Lie to immigration. Block wives, and girlfriends from their social media.
Abandon their children. Scam and lie to their children. Obtain fake passports. Use fake IDs. Never have a real address.
Use two or more Facebook accounts with different identities. Control and abuse children just as they do adults. Claim fame that doesn’t exist.
Use someone else’s social security number. Fake their educations. Cheat through school. Leave others holding the bag for their debts.
What Sociopaths Don’t Want Us to Know About Them
Sociopaths don’t like us to know their vulnerabilities and darker secret behaviors. and Their genderless sexuality and promiscuous nature. In reality, for these omnisexual, asexual creatures, anyone will do as a sexual “partner” since there is no love or emotional connection.
There is a concerted effort to hide their alcohol use, porn, prostitution, and gambling or drug use. It’s important for the pathological predator to hide their deep fear of being discovered as what they are because the fear is connected to what it is we’ll do when we see what they are. They huge fear of losing their prey, though they know every false connection will eventually end from the moment they’ve said “hello”. namazon
Violence, Secrets, and Things We Can’t Imagine
They try to keep their violent behavior under wraps – at least in the beginning. Their bar fights might become stories you hear about how someone attacked them. They’ll do their best to hide their stealing and criminal records. Sociopaths separate their “second” and “third” families and any social groups associated with each as best they can. They hide their assorted aliases, identities, and alternate versions of their names.
These pathological users can act in ways we’d never imagine. Making use of others is their “normal”. This can be hard to see even when we feel they’re lying, not completely honest, and we feel suspicious of them.
Things we might be missing are that they act out in impulsive violence. and have uncontrollable rage. They defraud governments and agencies. Embezzle funds or property. Blackmail. Commit forgery. Sell drugs. Pimp. And, really and truly couldn’t care less.
Sociopaths try to cover up that they know what they’re doing. These creatures know that by being what they are, others are hurt.
Sociopaths, Even if you Call them Narcissists, Narcopaths or Narcs, Need Others to Believe Them
Here’s the best part: they need us. And they know they do. Their success is dependent upon us not knowing any of this. And they don’t have a chance of using others or surviving unless we believe them and believe they’re at least within some range of normal. Maybe normal but troubled.
Recognize them for what they are. Put aside our emotional investment and connection.Shut down the sociopath’s ability to use and abuse. Exit stage left or get them gone. Go no contact, trust our gut! We are our own angels! We are Super Heroes!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
True love scam on the internet is like true love scam in person. Except it’s laughably easier for the life-hijacking monsters hidden by a computer screen.
True love scam on the internet happens a lot. Predators live on dating apps. – We’ve all been warned. We might think the warnings would be enough. They aren’t – and there’s a good reason for it: we’re human. It’s human nature to trust. It’s human nature to dream. It’s human nature to hope. – We’re allowed to be what we are.
Everyone hopes and dreams of a great and beautiful relationship with one true love. – And true love scams on the internet are all about using that from dating sites and chat rooms to good old Facebook.
Internet Love Scam: Shopping for Prey Online
Internet dating sites and apps of all kinds are big box stores to a predator of every kind. Video game and chat room chats are full of trolling sociopaths, narcissistic users, psychopaths, narcopaths, narcs, and predators (that’s pretty much all the same kind of creature). Instead, maybe go outside, take a walk. Get some fresh air.
The con man or con woman is using our beautiful human nature against us. Diabolical. The true love scammer on the internet is using our goodness, our hopes, or trust. These online scammers piggy-back onto our dreams to invade and rage through our lives as fast and far as they can, taking as much as they can. – Even if it’s just our soul.
Predators Hide Behind a Fake Profile Through a Computer
It’s much easier for them because we can’t see their face. We invest meaning in what they say from our perception of life; from trust, decency, and our beliefs, our desires for the future, for a family, for a partner, and for love. – These predators lie in person and lie online.
Who are these schemers? We’re talking about people with no empathy, with criminal minds who are on a wholesale hunt for goods: pawns, prey, victims – meaning you and me – or your sister or mom or neighbor – or brother.
Like a kind of fishing trip from a Barco-lounger they throw out a net and come up with vulnerable subjects in their catch. Online predators can cast out to a few hundred or a few thousand tries at one time. And yet, they make each of us feel so special. I call that bizarre hand that they can reach into our should and twist them the sociopath effect.
Love Scam is Love Scam is Love Scam
Though on the love scammer’s end it’s an easier game than an in-person scam – which by comparison is intimate and very messy – it still plays out in five stages of love scam. And just like when it happens face-to-face when it’s over we wonder if it even really happened.
The creep on the other side of the screen can be anywhere in the world. There’re no love scenes, no love-making, no mixing of lives, no screaming, and no tears. Far fewer questions and any questions are much more easily side-stepped. No nightly curfew. No expected Saturday night date.
Looking for real answers? Find your way back to you.
Triangulation Isn’t As Deliberate As We Think
There’s much less chance of being busted by their other girlfriends, boyfriends or fiancees or wives, or husbands. That makes things messy when that happens and it’s not as intentional in person as some of us think. In person, it’s really just their lack of emotional concern or connection that leads them to leave that other lady’s number out in plain sight.
On the Internet, it’s even easier. The monster only has to type out a buncha of hooey.We don’t truly know their name, we don’t know where they live. – We have no idea who they are. Really.
Why do we believe the lies of a liar? Because we are awesome, gorgeous, glorious humans. Their brain is different than yours or mine. Let’s get on the other side of the equation. What does a true love scam on the internet entail?
Our Own Desires and Dreams Are Allowed
A true love scammer on the internet takes all those sweet desires and traits and tangles them around our hearts and throat strangling our lives. They’re playing our dreams all in digital messages. The breadth of the damage varies: it could be solely emotional; it could reach into our bank accounts. The depth of the damage is always, always soul-searing.
Do something good for ourselves; anything but fall for the monster on the other side of a computer screen, no matter how upstanding and honest he looks, cause more than likely that photo they sent you isn’t who’s tapping away on the other side.
Expect them to paint themselves as a victim or in need of something. They will ask you for help. When it comes time to meet they may or may not be available. If not they’ll be so, so, so sorry. Depending on their type of scamming method you may never meet them.
Left spinning in a could of confusion, we wonder if we dreamed it. While they take off with our trust, our hearts, and sometimes lots of our money. There’s no way around it: every one of us goes through PTSDjust the same as if it all happened in person.
No One Needs Our Money: There is No Payroll Crisis or Ransom Note
Avoid conversations in chat rooms or video game rooms that go beyond talking about and being in the game itself – never give out our real email or number. And please – don’t open emails from people we don’t know.
There is no Nigerian Prince that needs money from a random woman in the US. There is no guy or gal who lives somewhere and wants a long-distance relationship with someone they never meet.
Or really, really wants to meet, but they’re just too busy. And is so gonna meet you one day, but they’ve been banned from our country. For sure, they’re gonna send you a ticket to come to meet them… HmmmHm.
Internet or In Person
There is something we can monitor easily. The person right in front of us. Us. Watch for the signs we’re falling for a sociopath. It is a tell-tale over-the-top emotion and a drastic throwing of caution to the wind when we are under their influence.
Let’s stay away from internet dating. Keep loving ourselves. Get out. Take classes (online). How about a walk? Reconnect with family. Stay in touch with good old friends even if they live far away.
There’s so much you could do! Start a book club. Finger paint. Do something good for ourselves…anything but fall for the monster on the other side of a computer screen, or that swiped right. No matter how upstanding and honest he or she looks because more than likely that photo they sent you isn’t who’s tapping away on the other side.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Sociopaths are identical and predictable. Truly understanding the characteristics of a sociopath changes everything.
It likely sounds dramatic, an impossibility, and maybe a bit like fear-mongering to say with calm confidence, oh that guy? He’s a sociopath. Or, she’s a sociopath. – The breaking news is, it is neither dramatic nor impossible.
It’s practical and sensible. It is scary. However, calmly knowing sociopaths exist and are real and what that means is huge key to how we unwind the damage of the sociopath-effect and unplug their influence.
Aren’t Sociopaths Only In the Movies?
I wish. The fact is, a sociopath is a real thing. A common reality. There are humans all around us who function from sociopathy. …And to confuse things even further, many people call them narcissists.
Though sociopath is a big scary word, the characteristics of a sociopath are really tiny and limited. And distinct.
There’s a good reason for this, a sociopath is a sociopath because they have a brain significantly different from the regular brain, that is from yours or mine.
Their brains under-function, so that they have no sensation or experience or feeling of connection. No sense of caring, genuine consideration, love, or even like for people outside of their own body. This pathology gives them very specific and unbelievable traits and qualities.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Pathological vs Non-pathological
By now you’ve heard the word narcissist and maybe call the person who hauled you through hell a narcissist. The thing is a “narcissist” is most often a sociopath. If you’re thinking of them as a “narcissists” read about and research sociopaths for real answers.
There’s lots of material and many memes and so many Insta accounts that talk about the more mundane narcissistic person who is not pathological and who is not a scammer. If you found yourself in a life where you were working harder than you’ve ever worked to keep your life and their life afloat only to find it constantly sinking, you were ensnared by the pathological narcissist…. that is, a sociopath.
No Conscience, No Concern For You Or Anyone Else
Sociopaths are 100% narcissistic. They’re in your life for a reason that is not normal or genuine in any way. There’s no one more narcissistic on the planet than the sociopath… the antisocial psychopath aka sociopath or psychopath. Read here about why the clinical terminology uses the word “antisocial”.
Look for Narcissistic Abuse Unwound on your favorite podcast platform!
Sociopaths Are Real: And Simplistic in Nature
Though sociopath is a big scary word, the characteristics of a sociopath are really tiny and limited. And distinct. There’s a good reason for this: a sociopath is a sociopath because they have a brain significantly different from the regular brain… yours or mine.
Their brains are structured so that they have no sensation or experience of feeling any bonding, love, care, or consideration for other people — or animals. – They do pretend to.
The attachment or interest they display for others is where we begin to feel horrified because it’s not like ours. And it’s not good.
Other people hold no meaning to them aside from using that person for the sociopath’s personal gain. This means they’re what’s commonly called a con man or con artist, or scammer. And they come in male or female versions.
Brain Scans Reveal the Sociopath, “Narcissist”, Psychopath Brain
There’s hard science to demonstrate the difference in their brains. Brain scans by neuroscientists reveal the portions of the brain attributed to feeling love, and compassion just doesn’t function.
There’s nothing we can recognize as normal once the mask hits the floor. So what is going on inside of them? There’s basically nothing there. Where love would be there’s white noise. The connection between themselves and others isn’t made of concern or care.
There’s Nobody Inside To Connect With
Though they can create what we first feel is intimacy and deep interest in us, calling what they put out towards us a real “connection” isn’t quite the thing. This is because they see us as an object to grab-and-smash; something like a natural resource they hold the rights to.
They truly believe that they have every right to make use of humans as you or I would make use of a vacuum cleaner or a blender to get something done.
The thing is, we care more about the well-being of our vacuum cleaner than a sociopath does about us or any other human. They make use of others in absolutely any way they like. The word, “exploitation” comes to mind.
This is really hard for us to believe. It’s humanly impossible to absorb in one single moment the reality that there are people who look human, just like us, but are missing the “humanity chip”. Taking this in is a process.
We Are Not Responsible for The Predator’s Inhumanity
People without a conscious are bereft of good as if they’ve scorched the very roots of goodness within their own lives. They aren’t “choosing” to not care; this in itself would come from a place of caring. They have no place of caring within them. These are people who embed themselves into people’s lives to take, to use, and to do whatever they want. This is their real “work” whether they have an actual paycheck or not.
Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery
How Do Sociopaths (aka Narcissists aka Psychopaths) Do What They Do?
When individuals operate without a conscience they are able to do horrible things we would never dream of doing, and there is no moral compass or guilt feelings to stop them.
In order to hook, use and take from targets, (that would be you or I, just regular people) every sociopath uses the same little tricks and misleads and lies. This takes effect in one-on-one relationships, in romantic or work situations, towards religious leaders or politicians; anywhere you find and admire or like someone who is a sociopath this hook will take hold.
Where ever there’s a sociopath in a group, a family, or an organization. The predator gets busy in a true love faux-lationship or superior-acolyte in any setting. The arc of hell and the crazy plays out in five stages. Always, and also in every one of these set-ups.
This Is The Only Way It Goes
There’s no deviation from this pattern of hook and use and break-away. It might be carried out over five days or 50 years with any particular morsel of prey — but there’s no variation in the way a sociopath functions or affects prey.
Everything they do and say is in an effort to make use of those around them is for their survival. We are their livelihood. This survival is dependent upon us believing they’re normal. This is not easy for us to see. It takes time and taking in a new perspective to see this thing we never imagined existed.
Our experience with them is traumatic and so is coming to terms with what they are. Not all trauma is bad!
Sociopaths are Identical, Predictable and Severely Limited
So many give credit to the sociopath as a master manipulator, a genius liar. I beg to differ. It’s time to look again from another angle, so we can stop giving them the power. They claim to be amazing and talented geniuses — and we do at first see them as masterly wizards of manipulation and at the antics that they pull.
Sociopaths are the antithesis of loving and giving; they only take and as the fallout of their taking, destruction is all they bring to the table.
In reality, sociopaths have very limited thinking. They are severely limited, have specific thinking and feelings, and have no other way to think or feel.
What they feel as raw emotions is desire or need, and then glee when they get what they want, anger when it’s threatened or taken away, rage when their scam is being seen through or put to an end, and fear. They have a great fear of being exposed which fuels endless rage at being caught or exposed.
How Would the One You’re Wondering About Do On This Test?
Answer these very basic questions that lead to an estimation of whether someone is a sociopath aka a psychopath… or that person you’re calling a “narcissist”. I
After all, never forget, understanding what you’re facing isn’t about diagnosing them… this discovery serves the purpose of finding your safety, keeping your sanity, and restoring your well-being.
They Lose it When They Lose
If they’re at risk of exposure they lose it; when exposed they risk not getting what they want or getting away with it they become wild-cornered animals.
They frantically and erratically hop from one tactic to another trying to get their house of cards back in place. They come up with elaborate stories, fake illnesses, disappear, kill, cry spontaneous sheets of tears… rage and threaten and blackmail (like, if I lose, I’ll leave the United States…). The nearer they are to losing it all, the more they lose it.
The profound fear they live with is one of the things they don’t want us to realize about them. If their fear was not incredibly deep, why would they rage so when we get close to the truth?
Confusion is The Vibe
The reason we feel so confused is that this is nothing like anything we’ve known before. And… It isn’t anything we can see by using the way we normally think to look at it.
The whole mess is a fake-lationship. A faux-lationship. We think we’re in a real relationship; the sociopath knows it’s not a real mutual human relationship.
Sociopaths do their best to embed themselves into people’s lives in order to take, use, make use of us, and do whatever they want in that person’s life. Making these attempts and making this effort is how they spend every single day; this is their “work”. It’s how they survive.
This Kind of Con Brings Post Traumatic Stress
As a confused and hurt person trying to find answers, to decipher what’s going on, understanding the characteristics of a sociopath lets us see from an angle that supports our understanding. This also saves our mental and emotional – as well as physical – health and allows for healing.
It’s not easy to fully comprehend and takes time to see it, but the fact is, we’re nothing more than a piece of equipment or an object to the sociopath. Beyond that, we’re despised and held in contempt.
This is so hard to grasp because we’re fully human. We love and support those we love; we don’t view them as expendable resources. Sociopaths are the antithesis of loving and giving; they only take and as the fallout of their taking, destruction is all they bring to the table.
A Sociopath Can Be Anywhere: The Park, A Party, at Work
Because pathological users are anywhere we might be, we need to learn how to recognize them. Their real power when you think about it is that we can’t recognize them and so not be affected by them.
Sociopaths exist in every social, regional, and economic realm. Most crave riches with insatiable desire. Paradoxically they can handle living in a box on the side of the road until the next target with a nice warm nest comes along. Why…? It’s the result of having no emotional connection to things, people, or places.
Without any emotional connection aside from holding someone up to measure if that person – seen as an object – fits into their needs – and every one of us has something they need – sociopaths are isolated and isolating in their effect.
Pathological Parasites Are Anywhere We Might Be
Predatory parasites dwell in trailer parks in Wyoming, on ski slopes in the Alps, in board rooms across the world, within the profiles of online dating sites, at church, in bars and clubs, in the grocery store, at the dog park.
Sociopaths hunt prey in the workplace, on Facebook, in chat forums, at a party. We can meet them at the grocery store, in line at the post office, getting gas or through friends.
It’s said one-in-25 people are sociopaths and are either male or female. We’ve all heard the phrase: hiding in plain sight. We’ve got to change how we “see” – our “sight” – they’re plain as day.
20 Characteristics of a Sociopath
Fun, charming, and entertaining. Super polite when meeting new people
Display impressive knowledge or skill at something. This proves to be limited or fake
Have a primal perception as far as what concerns us, what we need, and depend upon; this is used to make false promises, to make deals, and to blackmail
Are easily offended. They fluster and bluster when offended and lash out
Lie about all things – except those odd moments they tell the truth
Believe they’re better than everyone. Express misogynistic, racist, homophobic, or other prejudice and hatred
Crave a good reputation
Crave status, power, possessions, money, yet exist at any level of society
Have delusions of fame and importance, though they might live in the Metro station
Mimic our authentic emotions and social mannerisms as best they can
Have no capacity for care, concern, or love, though it sometimes seems they do
Think of themselves as victims and can cry fake tears at the drop of a hat
Are sexually promiscuous and often simultaneously avoid sex with a primary prey; someone they’ve put in place as a primary “partner”
Do any horrible, illegal, or immoral thing they want to do and to absolutely anyone.
Think their prey (partners, spouses, girlfriends, etc.) should be grateful
Take pride in their scams and run several scams simultaneously
Believe everyone deserves whatever it is that they do to them
Smear their targets and prey; loudly, publicly, online in court
Have outbursts of rage, that can be physically violent.
Since their state of mind is based on the limited and abnormal brain that makes someone a sociopath, there are more characteristics that are identical sociopath to sociopath.
You wouldn’t be the only one to discover porn, beyond porn – and their participation in shocking sexual practices. They avoid paying taxes, skip paying child maintenance altogether in cases of divorce, and cheat at absolutely everything. Even if they seem successful career-wise, you’ll find they don’t do their own work if you scratch the surface. Even with seemingly legit employment they ultimately live off of others’ lives, others’ efforts, finances, respectability, and magnanimity.
Discovering the Reality of a Sociopath is Trauma in Itself
In the world of psychology, they’re called antisocial psychopaths, or sociopaths. And lately as having an antisocial personality disorder. This newer contemporary term diminishes the damage they do and casts them in the light of hapless wrong-doer.
They’re not innocents suffering from a disorder. They know they cause harm. With pleasure and pride, they do terrible things to people. – Another delay in finding what we’re really facing is getting hung up on terminology and ideas of “narcissists”.
Bragadocious: Sociopaths Talk a Lot, a Super-de-Duper Lot
Sociopaths can’t help themselves from bragging. They like to chatter about the things they do. . These elaborate boasts represent their made-up life. It’s all lies. The traits and tricks of a sociopath never waver.
They’re consistent with all their prey whether in pursuit for ten days or we’re captive for ten years or 30 years. It’s the same for each of us from the first “hello”, to the way they break up with us.
In popular culture, movies, and books sociopaths are referred to as con artists or con men. In real life, they are strictly Mr. Hyde with a very shallow cover of Dr. Jekyll.
Lies Are Real, And Real Made Up
Sociopaths lie easily. Lying is normal for them. They feel no guilt or shame about lying. If one lie doesn’t work they whip out another one. They know they lie. For the pathological, lies make up what’s real, and real is made up. How’s that for mind-bending?
Since they are not connected to the world, to their own life to anything through emotions in the way that we are, sociopaths forget what they say one moment to another moment, and can only manage the moment in front of them.
Consequently, we can lie to them, they can know that we’re probably lying, and yet, they act on the lie as if it’s the truth.
Lying is Due to Their Pathology
The sociopath (or that person you might be calling a narcissist) lies in a way that’s called “pathological”. This means that lying comes as a result of their brain. In other words, they can’t not lie.They do not get better or change.
They make off-handed comments that reveal their inner workings. Knowing the characteristics of a sociopath exposes them for what they are and includes eventually, being able to see them as boring and even laughable.
At this point in time in the history of humankind, there is no known “cure.” They wouldn’t want to “get better” or “be better” if they could. They enjoy every minute of what they are. They adore themselves while knowing full well that they’re monsters.
The sociopath’s ruse is deception upon deception. Since people are seen as objects, they are disposable to the sociopath. It’s hard to say, but not all allow their prey to live to tell the tale.
The characteristics of a sociopath include pride in the things they do. They consider nabbing prey an achievement. They’re boastful and feel great, and an exaggerated gleeful accomplishment in scamming, lying, taking, stealing, using, and worse.
Remember the exciting, exhilarating start to all the mess? Recall when they have that grin…and are sparked and energized? – It’s an exhibit of the glee and sense of pride they feel for capturing you.
They make off-handed comments that reveal their inner workings. Knowing the characteristics of a sociopath exposes them for what they are and includes eventually, being able to see them as boring and even laughable. Only when we don’t recognize them or we believe them do we find ourselves ensnared.
Power of Influence: Truth and Lies
In these flashing moments of truth our heads spin. The truth always stands out. But in the confusing, bizarre world of the con, actual truth only cuts a fleeting crack in the lunacy and looks like lunacy itself.
A sociopath’s influence has us doubt the truth, and be soothed by their lie. Sociopaths influence us in such a way, that it’s natural for us to defend and protect their lies.
It’s All Traumatic
All in all, anytime we spent in the presence of a sociopath, wasn’t what we thought it was. There’s never any mutual moment aside from maybe sitting down to eat because both of us want a good dinner.
Any limbic-brained person in the presence of a sociopath in any dynamic such as a personal relationship of love, of family members, of neighbor and neighbor or boss and employee or coworker… they all involve sustained trauma and harm and a period of PTSD in the aftermath.
Why they’re at dinner with us, is not the same reason we’re at dinner with them. We were targeted and hijacked for the sociopath’s own use.
We Can Recover After Breaking Up with a Narcissistic Sociopath
The most devastating thing a sociopath creates is disunity. Disunity from self and from others we love…from others in general. Even a sense of separation from others we don’t know shrouds us as our life shuts down and closes into a very small thing centered on them and appeasing them. We end up in a spinning place of off-kilter confusion, more than walking on eggshells.
Like any normal human would without positive connection and unity, in isolation and separation we get lost. We can bring ourselves back. We reunite with ourselves, with all and everyone around us. Recovering from this trauma takes non-judgemental support and encouragement.
With accurate and true information and understanding of what a sociopath is – and what we are as gorgeous, loving humane, human beings, we can heal and get our lives back. We can trust again, laugh again, and love again.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
