Holiday hoovering is painful and a lie. The importance of no contact becomes crystal clear as the temperature drops, leaves fall and the seasonal decorations and eggnog lattes come on the scene.
Holiday hoovering is happening! Read all about it: Here we are again in the thick of the holiday season. It arrives in songs about sleighbells in the grocery store, decorations, and television commercials, nowadays sadly, well before the last Halloween ghost has faded away and the last lone foil-wrapped chocolate witch is eaten.
Hidden traits, under the mask, behind the charm lurks the real-deal Monster. The sociopath-demon comes into view. Then he slips to hide behind a curtain of pretty only to flash a thigh of evil.
Hidden traits cover what at first blush in a true love scamming sociopath appears charming. They seem kind. Gentle. Genuine. Unique. Incredible. And so sincere our hearts hurt.
The predator can come across so devastatingly moving we’re humbled in openings into views and moments in life we’ve never seen before; under their uncanny power of influence, we reach what seem to be realizations about ourselves, about them – about how to be human – that endear us more deeply to them.
Honeymoon Hoovering
In the “honeymoon” phase with these creatures in tiny, brief, weirdly intimate moments with the sociopath, there’s a shimmer, a quiver that lasts no more than mere seconds.
This bone-deep shiver is subtle and unfamiliar so that if we notice it at all, we feel the ground move under our feet.
Our brains freeze, while we watch a small moment of confusion that feels like hours waggle and wave in front of us, like the way you can see heat waves radiating in the air. And then, it vanishes and we think maybe that oddness didn’t happen at all.
Knowing the truth sets you on the path to a restored life.
In stunned awe, an elevated in-and-out-of-focus sensation overtakes us – an infusion of imaginings washes through us, and we wonder: what is this…? And because we’re just people, regular normal people…we only have our normal real-life experiences to measure this new-whatever-it-is by.
Later as the odd things build up our friends might start to make comments. Or we might even begin Googling. Maybe a few things we’ve heard or read, or something a friend said slides into place and makes sense…and right back out again.
While we’re good and tied up under their spell, nothing offers a real answer that seems possible: and so we do what humans do: we come up with one. We create an explanation for the odd stuff. This is normal. Humans need cognitive harmony. We need the world around us to match up with what we believe in, feel is right, and what is accepted and expected. – Our bodies do this for us.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
The millisecond flare of doubt is so quick – and we’re interpreting from our own goodness – with no clue that something as vile as a sociopath walks the earth. It’s no wonder we can’t see it for what it is… until we do.
If we could revisit those times – we might more easily see that gaping slit in the fabric of reality, that: opening to hell. A black cavernous infinite hole into the pits of despair. The place they truly live; the thing they truly are.
We Can’t Recognize Something We Don’t Know Exists
It’s said we can see only what we know. And so it goes that the inhabitants couldn’t see the ships of invaders into North America on the shore because no one had known such a thing existed – until a Shaman divined them shimmering from mirage into a shape.
An unrecognizable something. An unknown – assumed good and even God-like from their own benevolent perspective giving the strange-strangers the generosity of benefit of the doubt.
They had to learn the hard way that these shiny beings, rather like them, but entirely unlike them in these gigantic fantastical floating vessels, emerging up and toward them from the watery horizon as if delivered by the unseen beneficent powers of life were not benevolent, but were bearers of rage, disease, and destruction.
We do finally see them, the hidden traits and all. The thing is like the shamans, and like any human… We can see only what we know. Then, we pull one thing up from the inner realms of recall and place it next to the other, grab this other shard from that corner of our mind and then connect the dots.
Hidden Traits Lurk Not Far From their Sickening Surface
Sociopaths live in a paradoxical reality – a contradictory flip-flopping and internal push-me-pull-you in reaction to who’s present or what’s going on around them in a constant attempt to stay hidden, stay unrecognizable to keep people trusting them and keep getting the things they need to survive.
Sociopaths are unstable. Their world is house-of-cards fragile. Their posing is easy to topple. Here are five hidden traits of a sociopath that are their Achilles heel. – Traits we know well, though we might not have named them if we’ve lived through the nightmare of knowing one. And in the case of a sociopath – knowing one – truly is knowing all.
The constant fear of being caught. Alternating with flamboyant confidence in fooling people with their bragaddociousness.
Mentally inflexible. Are greatly startled by unfamiliar situations causing them to flail and change course or alter previously stated beliefs or convictions. And can hold onto a point of contention like a wild dog with a bone.
Easily distracted. Fixated on one target then distracted by another and anotherfrom moment to moment juxtaposed with an underlying unwavering fantastical “goal” derived from their grandiose perception of themselves and follow an improvisational rather than planned approach to the “goal”.
No nuance of emotion. Swings between highs and dark lows with their home-based state of mind is a vapid, bored nothing.
Believe other people’s lies. Their world is lies. If presented with a lie from someone else rather than act on it or call it out as a lie they go along with it as a reality. – The more fantastical the lie the more they buy into it.
Use the Sociopaths Weakness to Break Free Forever
Use their myopic minds against them for our safety. Let’s transform the experience. Let’s make use of it. We cannot be defeated by it. Because for all our compassion and empathy — isn’t it useless or even harmful without wisdom…?
Let’s embrace ourselves with compassion. Understand there’s much to stand up for: our very lives, our goodness. Humanity. We must win always, just as the sun outshines the night sky stars to bring us a bright and lovely day.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Love bombing is an explosion of contact. It’s how the life-jack happens. How do we stop them from getting inside our lives.
Love bombing is the first tool sociopaths pull from the identical tool-kit they each come with. They’re all alike and yet, they each think they’re unique and über special.
Sociopaths are special for sure, special cases of wrong-doing, life-ruining parasites. Every love bombing destroyer starts things off the same way. And it seems like heaven. Things rapidly – or maybe slowly – take a pitch for the worse. All these rides into hell follow the same five stages.
It all begins the first millisecond a sociopath makes contact with a person. Any person.
At each new encounter, the predatory sociopath looks into the crowd with one thought: which person can I hook.
This is the first point: they can’t not do this. They’re also really lazy and like to do a little as possible in order to get whatever they want.
They do give a scan around the room for who might be (from their point of view) the easiest to draw into their web.
However, not one bit of this “assessment” covers or considers whether someone is stupid or “codependent” or or low on self-esteem or not. They’re looking for whoever it is that finds them cute. Th person who stays in the conversation, and responds when they say something. Contact.
The fact is, every single amazing, normal-human one of us can be scammed. Every one. Even the cynic. No one is exempt. It’s really a matter of the prey’s life circumstances…not a position in life or economic, but more profound things.
Our humanity is what sociopaths take advantage of.Sociopaths – or that “narcissist” are looking for good people . People who are first of all easy to access. Then beyond that anyone is viable possible prey. In order to support their revolution lives they do well with people who are open, secure, up for an adventure, looking for something new in their lives, ready to make changes, are optimistic, and have had loss, understand grief, are forgiving, loving, and believe in second chances, believe in love, and invest in and treasure friendships and relationships. – Nice people. Good people. It’s your natural human goodness that they twist to hold up their lives.
Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious-face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey.
Unseen conditions come into the equation: timing, our state of mind, emotional awareness, our self-perception, our internal life condition, our mood, and deep inner-realm-things in the moment of meeting a sociopath.
And more than anything, it matters greatly if we’re attracted to them or not. If we aren’t they overlook us. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with a person who’s scammed but there’s everything wrong with a sociopath. We are not weak or stupid. We’re human. They are the opposite on all counts.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared and hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Love Bombing is Contact: Everything Depends on Contact
When a love-bombing sociopath meets a new person they shiver in excitement – it makes them seem so energetic and charming. It takes the right (wrong) combo of things going on in our lives and most importantly, we need to think they’re kinda cute. In some cases, we don’t think they’re cute instead, they keep at us with contact until we cave.
The initial moment of contact is everything. And the contact keeps the hook in. Sociopaths look for normal human, good-hearted people.
Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.
Sociopaths are monsters. (Even when you call them a “narcissist”.) They want you to trust them so they can use you and take from you. It’s not that any one of us is particularly special, or specifically any one thing or another… this is what they attempt to do to any and every human they can draw in. They lie and scam and take from anyone and everyone. Their scamming-ground covers love, business, the religious realm, absolutely in every arena and in every moment of every day, everywhere they go.
Realize what we’re up against: a being with an entirely different brain than ours. They do not think like we do, as in literally they do not think in the same way we do. They have their own interpretation and perspective and awareness that does not include anything we understand as normal. They don’t experience any human interaction in the way we do. Fortunately, their love-bombing technique can be easily diffused.
How to Disarm a Love Bombing Sociopath
Go old-school, old-fashioned dating rules with a contemporary touch-up. You might not like this. But – it’s a sure-hit way to diffuse a love-bombing sociopath.
1) Limit Texting to Logistics: “I’ll Be There in Five”
Limiting text time side-steps the false feeling of deepening a relationship. Relationships don’t develop in Whatsapp messages, Snapchat, or cell phone chat. Relationships happen through spending time together – over an extended time – as in calendar time, not over three days of hours and hours of texting back and forth.
When things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us. Later, after things bottom out, a scary I-will-get-you-face, and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels.
Our dreamy interpretations of their flirty texts are a danger zone. Texting is a trap sociopaths hope we fall into. We easily believe there’s a whole lot going on between us with zero effort on their part therefore, texting puts us right where they want us. Texting doesn’t make a relationship under even the very best of circumstances.
Be aware, that text that we think is for us alone is likely for about five or six other targets at the same time. – Yes. Many all at once, always.
Use texts for simple communication only. Such as, I’m running late. Or, the address is 639 Wonderland Drive. Parking on the side street
Use phone calls – from him – to let him ask you out.Yep. – Do not call him. Later, call him one time to every three or four times he calls you
Skip the trend or tendency to use phone time as “a date”. Three-hour conversations are bait-and-hook marathons for predators. It builds false bonds
Long phone odysseys, even with someone normal are merely imagined bonding. When limited to phone-contact-only under normal circumstances it leads to break-downs and break-ups
2) One Date Per Week Per Person: Without Protracted Phone Calls or Messaging – Which is Contact – in Between
Limit dating time. Sociopaths move fast. Toxic people, predators, narcissists, sociopaths (all the same thing), want the romance to swell into a crescendo of “deep commitment” and very often, cohabitation within one to four weeks.
In order to get the keys to our pad, they need to see us often, alone, and maintain heavy contact. Say, “no” to daily contact. – Have other things to do. Override that yearning weird feeling towards them if that’s stirring in your gut. (That’s the hook, the instant coercive control.)
Make your own life the center of your attention. Please don’t fall into the popular disingenuousness of “...we’re just hanging out.” With a normal human, that’ snot good enough and with one of these pathological users, they are never just “hanging out”… They’re working on hooking prey every single moment. – They aren’t in the room, on the phone or in the chat for the reason we are.
3) Date in Groups and Be Active: Later, When Gatherings 100% are Safe
Sound nuts…? Wait until this guy or gal turns out to be a sociopath, then nuts will take on actual meaning. Here’s the thing… Why in the world – really – would we ever go out in the evening to dinner, a movie – a walk on a deserted beach – with … a stranger??
I know. I know. It’s done all the time, it seems okay… It’s normal. Americans meet online, or in a bar or at a party and easily exchange numbers, information and go on a date – alone – together – solo. It is a part of our culture. But – why…?!
Dating in the U.S. used to be about spending time in groups, and still is in France or Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Spain, Denmark. In these cultures, each person is known quite well by at least two or three others in the group. Even then it takes time – time spent with the group – before anyone would consider a solo, alone-time date.
Sociopaths need privacy. Sociopaths separate us from the group. From family. From friends. If we only go for group dates, a sociopath will bail by date three. Isolation is key to a sociopath’s success at hooking targets.
So, get a group of your friends – go bowling, hiking, to art walks, free concerts, day time fun things that reveal people’s true character and personality through group interaction. A sociopath can’t hold up as a real functioning person in a group, because they aren’t.
Ask friends what they think of him. Take their answers to heart. Trust friends.
And another point about when you are in company… refrain from pouring out lots of personal information. When you’re meeting someone new, hold off on telling them your life story, even if they prompt you to. Instead, talk about other things.
Telling the story of your childhood or past relationships – especially hard ones – isn’t a way to court or woo or a get-to-know-you method, these personal things are potentially shared when you already know someone quite well.
4) Online Research: Who is This Guy We’re Dating?
Aside from a background check which can be inaccurate, I’m talking about your own home-done sleuthing.
What is this guy’s name? Who are his friends? Look through their Facebook pages objectively.Google him. Verify any posting related to him; trace its origin because every sociopath plants “a good reputation” and “super achievements” online.
Special Rule Number 5 to Detect a Love Bombing Sociopath
5) The Eyes Give Away a Sociopath
Sociopaths are shape-shifters. Truly, the faces of predators change as their “success” with prey goes through ups and downs, and because of this we can spot them.
Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey. On the other hand, when things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us.
Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.
We will not be scammed. We, my friends, will thrive! They’re a zombie-empty-shell of made-up stories and lies. We are real. And we can be who we want to be – sociopath free!!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
