Sociopaths’ sex lives are rumored as “great”.
In real life, they’re a hotbed of lies and cognitive dissonance.
Sociopaths’ sex lives are integral to their game. In other words, sex is a major tool in the sociopath’s kit. Not to mention what a tool every sociopath is if you’ll pardon the pun… Sociopaths sex lives are robust, filled with many, many, just a whole-lotta people that they’re preying upon, and all at the same time.
Continue readingSleeping solo while Mr. Wonderful
snores in the next room?
Tired from relentless sexual attention?
She’s claiming she’s a virgin?
Wish they’d stop with the camera already?
Sociopaths’ sexual traits are hard to fathom. The matrix of any normal romantic relationship is the physical expression of love. The thing is, in these situations, from their side of it, love’s got nothing to do with it.
If you’ve been in it you’ve seen that people without a conscious and a heart aren’t having loving relationships that play out well or nicely. Let’s win by using this experience to expand our own humanity.
The thing is, there isn’t anything going on with one of these characters originating in a pure purpose or from a relatable kind of motivation. Not unless we include eating, sleeping, and using the facilities. This is where they stop being anything close to wholesome or normal.
Nothing a sociopath or that person you’re calling a narcissist or narc does is motivated by, inspired by, or grounded in the same things we care about or consider important. This is incredible to take in. And there’s nothing more confounding and painful in these faux-lationships than the sexual traits of a sociopath. If you’re recognizing these traits in the narc or narcissist, consider thinking of them as a sociopath for deeper understanding and an expanded change of healing and freedom.
There is resolution and full restoration.
What is recovery for you?
Dr. Robert Hare is famous for putting together the “sociopath checklist“. The now well-known list of 20 characteristics of an antisocial psychopath, the sociopath aka psychopath.
Dr. Hare’s list is developed from his own years of clinical research of mainly imprisoned sociopaths. There are a lot of them behind bars.
However, his list is missing personal detail. And rightly so, since his list isn’t based on living with one, dating one, marrying one, or having a child with one of these surreal beasts.
Neither did Dr. Hare suffer the economic disaster of sharing a life with one under the umbrella and spell of their influence and fraud. And I’m guessing he didn’t sleep with one, because – if so – Dr. Hare’s sociopath checklist is missing a few things.
Reluctant Virgin: Some sociopaths claim sexual inexperience or innocence or (fake) religious beliefs to hold off on sex and keep from having sex. This can be a great ploy for the female sociopath to entice prey into a marriage with a “virgin bride”. This false stance works equally well when claimed by the male sociopath and is commonly used by any sociopath or narcissist.
Another element of pain within this setup is that the normal woman or man that they present this lie to then feels really badly about themselves and shame or embarrassed for wanting sexual intimacy. – It also makes the normal and deceived person try harder to make the relationship work. This “trying harder” doesn’t go unnoticed by the predator.
The nut job pathological user simply wants out of having sex with us; they have though definitely noticed that this false claim of sexual reluctance and innocence tames and subdues their prey.
After all, which of us normal people can go against someone’s religious beliefs or sexual inexperience, when both of these are socially and culturally touted as “good”? We’re not going to balk at that but try to meet it. – So much malarkey.
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Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
The Producer: Make no mistake, even while playing the reluctant virgin with one target, the very same sociopath might be the producer in the bedroom with another target.
Taking photos and videos of themselves, and of the person they’ve roped into their spell who’s sprawled spread-eagle, or backside-up, or in some other compromising and irregular position much to their own surprise is the order of the day for the sexual “producer”. These escapades often include the introduction of forced consumption of drugs or alcohol.
They Like The Backside of Things: Male sociopaths have a thing for anal sex. Not all of us are shown this “delightful” (not) trait. Many of us are shown this either in practice or the wishes they directly express or we suspect it.
Are Against Homosexuality: Oh, good gravy… What’s that phrase about protesting too much? Well, they do it. Male sociopaths proclaim to be “against being gay” or that they don’t “believe in” homosexuality. They say that they think it’s a sin, a “choice”, and anything else to put it down and play it down and scandalize it.
These sentiments might not be expressed often, but always emphatically. And they tell stories about it. And ask questions about it. More like they’re fascinated by it… and do it.
Have Sex With Any Gender: Unbeknownst to us, they are out there, doing it with pretty much anyone of absolutely any gender under the sun. In essence, sociopaths are genderless themselves.
Any Age Fills the Bill: Children, adults, teens, older, elderly… it matters little. Any person is viable prey.
So Many, So Many People All at Once: Sociopaths are very, very busy ensnaring prey. It is literally their job. And sex is the number one tool to bring in and land prey. In any given week the number of people they’re sexually active with is potentially unlimited. And then in some cases, they seem to sit home and remain sexually-solo in front of their laptops.
Sex is a Binding Tool: These people need us. We don’t need them. Sexual encounters mean something to us and also, quite conveniently for the sociopath, have an actual physiological effect on us that inspires a deep bond within us towards the person we do it with. – They don’t bond, they bind.
These freaks take advantage of our normalness. This combined with their innate and natural power of influence, and our lack of understanding that they exist and what that means: we’re bound. Sex is a powerful binding tool.
Sex Is Not Out of Love: They don’t love anyone. Really. This is so hard to take. These nut bags are not “attracted” to anyone.
They Make No Eye Contact: During sex forget about long, loving eye gazing. Even in daily life the sociopath rarely looks us in the eye. When they do it’s because they’re gleaning info about how to snag and pass as normal people “better” in order to make more use and for longer of real and normal people
During sex, they might look at us, or in our direction, but truly their million-yard stare is aimed off who-knows-where into the distance. Some of us are given a deep and scary stare that goes right through us.
Withhold Sex: Unbelievably, while they need sexual contact with their prey in order to ensnare them into one-on-one personal love scams, they don’t really like this sex. The sociopath, seen as so sexual and “so good at sex”, has no actual desire to knock boots with us.
It’s extremely common that the sociopath, both male, and female, withdraws sexual activity from primary prey once we’re established in their lives. that is once we’re months into a “relationship” where we live together.
What’s happening is that as soon as we’re locked in after that first solid few weeks, their sexual capacity and quota are going to other places to bind other newer prey. They don’t like to do more work than needed. In light of this and as a common-sense aspect in anyone’s life: they need to put their time and attention where it brings them benefit.
And omg, does this sudden slide into being rejected or ignored sexually make us sad! It confounds us. It leaves us – naturally and bizarrely – finding signs of true love in small things, such as in the way they make us coffee in the morning. Or layout our workout clothes. Or kiss the dog goodbye before they go out. Uuuuhhhhg. This is a natural and normal human response to declare markers of their affection in other places when they turn off the sex.
Do Not Wear Condoms: When they do get down to it they aren’t wearing a sheath. The nutter I was married to carried condoms with him everywhere. In his pocket were gold foil-wrapped Trojans.
To my knowledge, he never unwrapped one and applied it to his body. And I talked with three of the women he was preying upon, so that confirmed at least four of us all at once. There were more. There are always more.
STDs Are Another One of Their Secrets: If (when) they get one we won’t know unless we get it from them or are contacted by someone else who did. These nutbags just are not going to tell us. So many surreptitious STD exams go on in their world. They know they have an illness, they don’t care if we get it.
Sociopaths Can’t Keep It Up: Well, yah… I mean, realize, they aren’t genuinely into it in an emotional way. They don’t experience “attraction” in the way that we do. So… Once the excitement of entrapping someone is over, things can go pretty limp.
Viagra Is Their Middle Name: So many of them just can’t do it or keep things up without chemical aids. Viagra is common. Then there’s the darker side including MDMA, GHB/GBL, or something to knock us out such as a roofie cocktail, maybe weed laced with ketamine so that they can do things that should not ever be done to anyone or so that we don’t notice there was no sex.
Threesomes: And polyamory or swinger parties. Open marriages, swaps. Polyamory. (Eye roll.) The introduction of these things by telling us a story about other people who do this is bait. It’s a way to talk about what they do and have done and to monitor how we feel about it. They want to feel us out to see if we might join in. They want to discover if they need to keep these habits of theirs under wraps or if they can admit to it and we’ll still stay hooked.
Sleep in Another Room: They abandon our bed. There are excuses they make for leaving the “couple bed”. Or not. They just do it. It happens in the case of primary prey, meaning us who see ourselves as the spouse or domestic partner. Those of us in these live-in or marriage roles are mostly sleeping solo. Sex is withheld or severely modified down to next to nothing. Be glad about this. Be glad. This is the best it could be for your emotional, mental and physical health.
Porn, Morning, Noon, and Night: Good gravy. We might see this. Maybe we discover it after they’re gone. Sometimes we’re asked to partake in it, however, usually, it’s their private, secret – obsessive – sexual activity. Within the realm of porn, anything goes and the sociopath will have a specific penchant. MW, MM, WW, kids, animals, “shemales”, ladyboys with all the options and whatever their “thing” is.
BDSM, Debauchery, Degradation: Bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism, h.i.d.e.o.u.s form of making use of others and for getting off on harming others. There are some who ask to be pooped on, peed on, and Heaven’s to Betsy, whatever else they think of. This dynamic is often induced with the aid of varying drugs or alcohol.
Prostitutes: They can easily go to them. They can easily sell themselves if it’s their thing. Being an “escort” is an easy-peasy job for them. It’s all about pretending anyway.
In all of this, there are only a few variations. The truth of it is, every sociopath is alike in motivation, thinking, beliefs that “everything is theirs” and that supreme sense of their own amazingness.
These people of psychopathy vary one from the other only in a few ways. They vary in: how much drug use, how much violence and when, the depths of their sexual deep-end, the law-book crimes in their repertoire, the number of kids, spouses and fiances and significant others they have at any one time or tucked in their “past”.
Also if they gamble or not (seems to be an either-or), how many places they live at once, how many towns, cities, or countries they function within. You get the scene here. This stuff isn’t a maybe, it’s how much.
As hard and gross and sickening as this is to take in, I hope that for each and every one of us reading this there’s some validation in seeing that you’re not the only one with this experience. We weren’t “devalued” though we felt that way. We weren’t “discarded” though it can seem so and hurts. The reality is: the sociopath failed and bailed.
The jig is up. It ends. We see through them, or we ask so many questions they falter in their confidence that they can carry on the fraud. They end it or we do because these things can’t last. These are crimes of deception rather than relationships. Their reason for being here is not the same as ours.
Let’s win by using this nightmare to serve the function of leading us to expand our lives. Embrace and deepen our own amazing capacity for bonding, love, and trust. We’re connecting, beautiful, and good inside and out. Wrap your own sweet self with compassion.
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