Wondering if you’ve got a sociopath spouse? Odd things going on, stories not matching up? Walking on eggshells? That’s how it was for all of us…
Sociopath spouse in the house? This is difficult to see and a hard realization to land on. What’s amazing is how common it is to wind up with a sociopath spouse. If you’re calling them a “narcissist” keep reading: there’s only one monster. What we call them matters less than knowing what that monster truly is and how to save ourselves.
This predicament of finding ourselves entangled with a sociopath spouse is not something that happens because there’s something wrong with you. It happens because these monsters exist. And absolutely everything is wrong with them.
Narcissist or sociopath? Sociopath or narcissist..? Or just narcissistic? Please… know what you’re truly facing.
Narcissist or sociopath…? There’s a feeling for many people that a “narcissist” isn’t a sociopath. The category of NPD is thought by lots of people to be different and “better” – meaning not as bad as a sociopath.
It’s normal to hope that someone is not “as bad” as something that’s really horrific. I get that! – But there’s more to it.
To arrive at a real understanding of these escapes and in recovering what you’re facing, you have a better chance of restoring your life.
If you’re wondering about and spinning over someone you’re calling a “narcissist”, you’re best off thinking of them as a sociopath in order to find answers and stop the spinning.
Because while one is annoying and no fun and sometimes mean and icky and can be hateful (a narcissistic person), the other (what you might call a narcissist and the sociopath) is ruinous and can be fatal. – Yes, fatal as in, we could end up dead.
Then to add another confusion, there’s the word, “narcissistic”. That’s different again. A human who has some narcissistic glitches is not usually a narcissist as in the kind that is a sociopath. I know that’s confusing. However, coming to terms with what is what and the terms we use to refer to them for the purposes of restoring lives and our freedom from both or either is critical…
Not knowing the “narcissist” you’re scared to death over is actually the same thing as a sociopath or that a “narcissistic person” is like a day at the beach by comparison to them is detrimental to resolving questions. It prolongs the pain.
A Hard Road Against Mainstream Thought
It’s convenient to fall into what prevails out there in the now-massive information pool available online. It’s easier to imagine that these heinous creatures, this “narcissist” has a “childhood wound”. It’s nicer and more of a human way of thinking to imagine that they’re jealous of us. – And it’s perfectly human to imagine and believe that it’s your “codependency” or low self-esteem that holds you there.
But I’m here to tell you, those things are not true. These beliefs are causing you more harm. Those beliefs are prolonging entanglements with people of zero humanity who wouldn’t mind if you bled out on the floor while they had their lunch.
They Can’t Be That Bad
The fact that we look for good and can’t imagine they could be as bad as it seems like they are is a testament to how gorgeously good you are inside and out. Wanting to see – and seeing – good before evil is because you are made of “good”. Having to step into a place to see that another human is truly bad is difficult for us, especially when this person is someone we’re married to or have a child with, or have spent the last six years or six months of your life with.
The idea of a “narcissist” who has self-esteem that apparently our own, so much so that they only pretend to love, is somehow more “relatable”. Why is this…?
The Wounded Soul
With this explanation, it seems simply then as if the meanie in your life is a human with human problems. We think of them as like us. With this explanation of a “narcissist” who is wounded, has faults like anyone else that can be “fixed”, you can believe that somewhere deep down they also really do love you.
I understand this is more comforting than taking in the reality of a sociopath. If this is where you are with it, that’s okay. But I invite you to go further. To open up to these new ideas that will explain things so that you’re no longer exhausted with the effort of shoving an explanation into place… Answers that don’t fit so that you’re dead tired and still confused…. and still hurting.
Another Confusion: Narcissistic Glitches Are Not Pathological
There are people who are self-focused – narcissistic – sometimes and only about certain things. They can have narcissistic glitches that we snag ourselves on when we’re in their lives.
Their narcissistic glitches do indeed arise from their lives during childhood or as learned behaviors linked to insecurity, and fears or unmet needs as children. These “self-oriented” tendencies affect others and leave them on the outside of a mutual relationship.
This is the person I refer to as someone who is narcissistic. They have narcissistic glitches. This is non-pathological: they’re a person with narcissistic sticky bits, but a normal person who loves, likes, and cares. It hurts a bit sometimes – or often – to be loved, liked, and cared for by them.
Pathological Means It Is a Part of Their Mental Condition
A pathologically narcissistic person is a sociopath and exhibits behavior that is involuntary, and pathological, meaning it’s a result of their brain. The way they think and see the world is out of their hands. And behind their thinking is pure and total self…narcissism. They have no room in their consciousness to care about or for other people.
This pathologically narcissistic person is full of delusion and is pure narcissism. There is room for nothing else in their closed-circuit-of-self-house-of-cards lives. They cause ruin, tear people’s lives apart, and do the things we call: love-bombing, gaslighting, devaluing, discarding, ghosting, hoovering, and smearing.
Someone who is narcissistic but non-pathological might gaslight as in the y might deny that they said something mean about your new haircut or how you look in that dress – or that as your parent, they told your sister that you’re lazy behind your back.
They might lie to us. They call us names or make fun of us, however as compared to the pathological sociopath/narcissist it’s quite different. They are not a fraud. Their behavior and effect upon people around them are light years apart from a sociopath aka pathological narcissistic person: the defrauding con man – or woman – who drags us through love scams.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Unless you willingly and deliberately walk into knowing what you’re escaping or recovering from, you stand a chance of staying in pain, confusion, and more hell for many days to come.
Turning away because of the word “sociopath” and its full meaning regrettably slows restoration and healing. It delays the restoration of our lives. Without taking in the real deal we can miss a life of happiness and remain in either a life under the spell of a sociopath – or under the thumb of a narcissistic person. – Or both.
Clear As Mud: Filter the Gunk
The thing is, unfortunately, confusion mounts with the ever-growing collection of online materials and social media written about narcopaths, narcs, sociopaths, narcissists, and even psychopaths. If you feel lied to, or deceived, if they use more of your money than theirs if you feel confused, uncertain, or sense something is wrong, have fear, discover they use another name sometimes or are physically or sexually used or sexually rejected… think of them as a sociopath.
Outright Evil Is Out There
As normal, limbic-brained whole humans, we had no earthly idea that our new dream man or woman was someone who ensnared us.
There’s only one type of person a pathological user would have no interest in. The person who fully, profoundly, and calmly accepts that sociopaths (narcissists) exist and knows what that means.
That this was a human-looking being who could hypnotize us just by saying “hello” and we’d fall into a maze of a colossal dark and hideous chaotic whirlwind of a nightmare in which we suffer loss beyond description… Voila, the “sociopath”.
For our purposes of living it, understanding it, and recovering, healing, and side-stepping a “narcissistic person” is one thing – and a “sociopath” is another. There are vast differences between the two and lots of confusion about which is what. I admittedly get hot and bothered about it.
A lot of this is a language, a vocabulary problem. “Narcissistic” is an adverb or adjective. Like that’s a fantastic dress! Or, you did that beautifully! Or that was a misogynistic comment. – It adds detail as to how something is done, or in this case to qualify someone’s behavior. — “Narcissism” indicates an ideology or mental state or philosophy. Such as all “ism” words: optimizations-ism, pessim-ism, -professional-ism, rac-ism. Plenty more, can you think of some “ism” words that represent an ideology? — “Narcissist” is attempting to be a noun. A noun by definition is. name for a person, place, or thing. Great. The problem is the coining and use of this word carries an extremely muddled definition. This is not working well as a noun. For instance, if I say “car”, is there any confusion about what I refer to? Aside from not having further details, (adjectives and qualifiers that tell us the brand or fuel needs or color of the car) we all know what a car is. If I say “fish”, aside from further details (adjectives and qualifiers that tell us the variety or size or color of the fish) we all know what a fish is. When the word “narcissist” is used the confusion and misunderstanding are colossal: and dangerous. Misleading. Inaccurate. And does not help anyone.
The DSM IS Not Written For Us
I understand the words and references to a “narcissist” either covert, overt or malignant… come from the DSM. That’s nice and makes sense as a place to turn… at first. And these are sociopaths.
But consider this: the DSM is written by scientists. It’s an ever-evolving work of findings from studies. imagine a bunch of nerds found a slew of cockroaches and categorized them by differences in antennae length and wingspan. I mean so what if one roach has a shinier little eye than the other…? At the end of the day: they’re all roaches!!!!
The Experience We Have Is The Proof Of What They Are
Additionally, imagine they’ve never come upon one of these hideous revolting insects personally. Do the meticulous and tedious results of their measuring and sorting make anyone of these revolting creatures, not cockroach when we come across one in our kitchen?
That would be a huge no. Covert, overt, malignant narcissists have the influence and effect of sociopaths when we find them in our lives. They are in fact sociopaths.
This sociopath a brain that leaves them with no ability to connect or care and therefore leaves them minus a conscience. – A narcissist…? A regular nonpathological narcissistic person has a conscience.
Personally, I have not ever based my own experience in the bowels of freaking horror-show-real-life-hell on the clinical research findings.
Findings meant for the diagnosis of personality disorders mainly for the purpose of making prison sentences, prescription drugs, social services, and all out of the compulsion of scientists and researchers to do their thing… which includes the ongoing need to meet application parameters for grant funding and make the requisite detailed and non-experiential based conservative diagnostics of that questionable person.
I don’t think you’re best served by doing this either. The DSM and all those splinter categories of overt, covert, cluster B. They don’t help us. They aren’t written for us. They muddy the path out of hell.
Recovery and Restoring Lives Can Be Lonely
To be honest, it’s lonely and exhausting to keep harping on about how significant this difference is for restoring our lives after a hijacking by a con man who is a sociopath and dripping into psychopath territory when they get pleasure from observing others’ pain. – Not to add more confusion, but fundamentally a sociopath and a psychopath are in the same mental circumstance… The word sociopath is a colloquialism for psychopath… Which is an antisocial psychopath or antisocial personality disorder.
What we need is truth. We cannot heal from anything else. We need to know the truth of what we’re facing. Yes, these terms like narc are much easier to say than the much uglier truth behind the word: sociopath, but they muddy the situation.
But when I check my website’s stats sometime in the evening and see that eight people in Romania and three people in Malta have been reading my website that day along with the 8,000 others from around the globe… I know I have to keep it up.
For goodness sake… These people kill people who think they love them. This is a sociopath, and if the person you’re calling a narcissist fits this – they are a sociopath – an antisocial psychopath.
A part of the problem in understanding for the purposes of safety and freedom is language. Words. Just plain old not realizing the meaning of words. Nouns, verbs, and their meanings and applications.
Calling someone who is actually a bona fide sociopath (as in a noun; the name of a person, place, or thing) and calling them a narcissist (noun again) is a fairly natural thing to do. This happens for some very reasonable reasons all of which can be dispelled and rectified for a cleaner, faster, better more accurate understanding, and recovery:
Sociopaths are narcissistic – that’s the verb; to be narcissistic.
Sociopath is a big scary word!
The technical medical term: antisocial psychopath is even scarier!!
People trip up on the word, antisocial, out of misunderstanding what that means in this context.
A Sociopath is Pure Narcissism
Sociopaths are 100% self-focused and self-centered. This is narcissism all the way. The thing is, a sociopath is far more narcissistic than any “narcissistic person” could be.
A sociopath (lump narcissist in there) has an abnormal brain and will never ever be remotely human in any recognizable way. – Though we think they look human in a super cute way when we meet them.
This sociopath a brain that leaves them with no ability to connect or care and therefore leaves them minus a conscience.
Another sticking point is that we may not all be shown the horrors of what they really are when we’re entrapped by them… However, their full capacity of harm, destruction, and bottomless evil is there, nonetheless.
Keep in mind, narc or narcopath are more euphemisms, colloquialisms, slang – made-up words to handle the nightmare more easily. Kinda like a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down.
Knowing What We’re Facing Matters
When a sociopath (a narcissist) it’s mixed up with the concept of a narcissistic person, it dangerously dilutes our understanding and leaves us without answers, in pain, suffering, and stuck in trauma and the inevitable post-trauma. What we need is the truth. We cannot heal from anything else. We need to know the truth of what we’re facing.
Yes, these terms like narc are much easier to say than the much uglier truth behind the word: sociopath. These are words that are easier-to-handle, but muddy the situation. Aren’t things crazy enough…?
Don’t we need the fog and confusion to clear, though the reality is harsh? Clear is kind as Brene Brown says. Let’s sort through this hideous maze as simply as possible.
Narcissistic Person vs. Sociopath vs. What the Heck is Going On?
The term sociopath feels harder to swallow and is used far less often than the word narcissist. The word sociopath sounds so much more horrific and ominous, but… a narcissist is a sociopath.
This sociopath has a brain that leaves them with no ability to connect or care and therefore leaves them minus a conscience (this is the thing so many call a narcissist). – A narcissistic person – a regular non-pathological narcissistic person has a conscience and feels love.
Some of them more so than others, true. But unless they cross the line into living off of others by deception, they are not of this abnormal brain that makes a sociopath (narcissist).
Now please, don’t let the spell we fall under drag you into thinking the person you call evil also loves us. Not even because one day they seemed like they did. Not because of that one time you laughed together. That’s part of the spell and part of the effect of what’s called cognitive dissonance. Please take a moment to search my site for this article and read more about how it’s normal to feel or think that they must have loved us even a little. Why Do We Believe the Lies of a Sociopath If we’re calling them evil, think of them as a sociopath.
Narcissistic Person or Sociopath Litmus Test Made Simple
Chances are if we call him or her a monster, evil, or the devil, or a demon we’re confronting a sociopath (narcissist). Clinically a sociopath has a specific under-functioning brain that cannot be repaired at this time in the history of humankind.
The bottom line though is this: whatever we call them, we don’t want them. We’re not doctors, we don’t want to be doctors or psychologists or neuroscientists – we do want to be happy. Where the difference between these two – a narcissistic person and a sociopath (narcissist) comes into play for us is in our lives, rather than in mental health medical books.
Narcissistic People Range from Unpleasant to Hell-ish
If you’ve read about a covert narcissist or a malignant narcissist, consider them sociopaths. From our experiential situation, they are. Realize the DSM is not written for us.
Narcissistic people (the nonpathological – not the sociopath aka narcissist, narc, narcopath) have a snarky way about them. They can be nice or nasty one minute to the next, in front of anyone, to anyone, anywhere. The narcissistic person varies in levels of self-absorption. Some are only petty and annoying once in a while, while some seem loony in the extent of their unflinching “me-ness.”
Narcissistic People Do Like Certain Attention or Acknowledgement
Sometimes, it’s like no one else is in the room except the narcissist and their audience of self-approval. Each conversation is a land mine and always reverts back to them. It’s always a sad, frustrating, hard time talking with a narcissistic person. It’s frustrating and can be lonely and hard.
It’s tough to be relaxed or feel okay to say things to them naturally, as one would to a friend, to family to a partner or coworker or boss, or neighbor.
There’s a Difference Between Michael Scott from “The Office” and Leo’s Character in “Catch Me If you Can”
Each narcissistic person has their unique way of being a pain in the derriere; that’s French for the caboose, our behind or rear-end. Each individual narcissistic person, who is what we used to simply call a dysfunctional person, isn’t especially predictable one to the other.
However, when you know a particular narcissistic person well you can begin to guess when their moods will shift from tolerable to caustic to mean. How they manifest caustic and mean varies depending on the individual narcissistic person.
Examples of a Narcissistic Person
Here’s an example, let’s say a neighbor draws you into a conversation when she sees you getting the mail. You’ve learned to avoid her because it usually goes something like this… Like a slap in the face. Every time.
The Narcissistic Ne: Nice day isn’t it?
You: Yes, lovely.
The Narcissistic Neighbor: I don’t know what to think about that so-and-so-in the news lately.
You: It’s horrible isn’t it? We need to look into new policies or laws to stop it.
The Narcissistc Neighbor: Well, don’t talk to me about that, that’s not my concern!!
Here’s a different narcissist, two seconds into a conversation with a big grin they say:
Narcissist Neighbor: So, hey, Bob, you believe in God, don’t you, Bob? Come on, Bob, don’t you know there’s no God? This is the age of Nihilism, Bob.
You: Great. — And you walk away. You already know not to be dragged into their particular brand of antagonistic narcissistic glitches.
Narcissistic People Have a Chip on their Shoulders
Narcissistic people control the household, everyone is held hostage to their whims and expectations that revolve around themselves and their intense opinions.
If we have a narcissistic parent we might find as we get older there’s a much sweeter world out there where we don’t all have to agree that Siamese cats are ugly or that eggs can’t be digested in the morning.
Eventually, later in life, we realize, if we’re lucky, we aren’t inherently, eternally rotten for ruining their 38th birthday by falling off our training bike at age four and breaking our arm.
Or for robbing them of their “best umbrella” because the friend we loaned it to one rainy day after school twenty-five years ago never returned it.
Narcissistic Person vs. Sociopath (Narcissist) vs. Happy
Narcissistic people are impossible to please in certain areas, they make less than great mates, and can be rotten friends. They can be “okay” to spend time with if we go where they want to go for dinner and agree with them all night.
At worst they make misery everywhere. When someone has nothing invested in any type of relationship with them things are easier. If we’re not particularly close to them they can be fun and seem “okay”.
On the other hand, not experiencing or finding proof of some of these horrible things they do can keep us in and trying to make things work longer.
They can be funny or intelligent or not, their personalities vary. A narcissistic person isn’t usually aware they offend others or make them feel marginalized. Conversation with a narcissistic person is sprinkled with the narcissistic person’s acerbic and self-centered awareness. If they’re drinkers or yellers or violent… it’s so much harsher.
A sociopath (what you might call a narcissist), on the other hand, is using you. Using you entirely for their own purposes and is quite clear this is what they’re doing. They want your money, your beauty, your respectability, and trustworthiness to borrow for a cover for who they are.
The sociopath, the pathological user is using your “normal” to take things, gain things, and make use of you. They’re not who or what they first seem to be or say they are.
There Aren’t Enough Words
While some words used to describe a sociopath and a narcissistic person are similar – the depth and breadth of the manifestation of their narcissism are light-years apart.
You could say sociopaths want control over prey and as targeted prey we do feel controlled… But, on a deeper and more real level, what they want is purely to get away with what they’re doing and to keep taking as long, and as much as possible. This does happen when we don’t understand their fundamental thinking and motivation and concerns.
This is why thinking of a sociopath without incorporating a narcissist, a narc, and a narcopath into the same umbrella and then all on its’ own a narcissistic person is a roadblock to restoring and recovering and healing and learning skills to be pathological predator and user free forever.
What People With Narcissistic Glitches Are and Are Not
Narcissistic people – the ones who are non-pathological, yet have narcissistic hiccups – are not pathological liars. Pathological liarscannot not lie. Pathological means it comes from the way their brain works; it’s their biology rather than a choice.
Nearly all they say and all they say they are is a lie. It means lying even when they don’t have to. They also know they lie and aren’t bothered by it one bit. A non-pathological person, even one with narcissistic glitches, would have trouble with lying.
Non-Pathological Narcissistic People Are Not This…
The people we know who are at times irritating or even hurtful because of their narcissistic glitches are very different from those who are pathologically narcissistic. If someone is doing these things, they are a sociopath (narcissist for those still using that term).
Entrap people through deception to live off them financially
Hijack people’s lives to sustain their own facade
Mimic and fake emotions to seem normal
Have criminal minds devoid of humanity
Sociopaths are Dangerous
Sociopaths are technically referred to as antisocial psychopaths, or as being of or havingantisocial personality disorder. They are 100% pure and only: narcissism. There is no room in their body or brain for consideration of anyone outside their own skin. They think they’re better than anyone on the planet. – Again think of this as the narc, narcopath, narcissist: they are a sociopath.
A sociopath is a whole different nightmare than a non-pathologically narcissistic person. – If you’re having a horrific nightmare experience, you might reconsider who or what you might really be facing and how you think of them. Information about a no-pathological narcissistic person won’t be any help and can in fact be a hindrance to your recovery and restoring your life.
Sociopaths – the pathologically narcissistic – are far worse. At the top of the list and at the bottom and all through it is that they can never change. Some are savvier and have garnered more tricks for tapping our human emotions so they can use us than others. at the end of the day, and from the first hello, they’re more dangerous than I’d ever really hope you know.
Sociopaths Are Missing the Human Chip
Their brains are missing the element that registers feelings of love, like, care, concern, or compassion for anyone. Anyone. – They are incapable of positive bonding feelings. Zero.
If we think they have a heart we’re missing some of the puzzle pieces. We’re buying into the mask, which is natural and what they count on.
The sociopath’s mask is largely held in place by our own great goodness. It’s glued up there to their sickening faces by our understanding of the world as a place of only goodness. We have a very hard time seeing evil and accepting that evil exists. That’s normal. And there is far more good than evil and good does win.
Sociopaths Are Constant Liars: It’s a Pathology
Pathological lying isn’t lying sometimes, or on some occasions, or to some people; it’s lying all the time to everyone about all things because that’s how they’re wired. Sociopaths are pathological liars, even if we don’t yet see it.
And in addition, this means they believe lies others tell them and behave as if the lie were true. We can maneuver them when we understand that in their heads: lies are real and real is made up.
And I’ve said way too much already for one little article: but much of the time they’re actually telling the truth, but we can’t understand it as such because we’re pure goodness as normal humans who don’t know monsters exist.
Non-Pathological Narcissistic People Do Not Have an Abnormal Brain, Sociopaths Do
Sociopaths have an abnormal brain. This can be seen in brain scans of children as young as three years of age. Their cold behavior stands out as young children. The portion of the brain that registers any positive bonding emotions doesn’t function.
They feel no love, care, concern, compassion for any person. Not their mom, their dad, their, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandparents, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, or their own children. Not strangers, coworkers, or neighbors.
The sociopath-brain leaves a sociopath experiencing the same lack of care or connection to the postman as to their own mother or children. The younger they are the less experience… and so they’re less skilled at conning typically.
They learn more about scamming and conning from each target and improve their bag of knowledge about what affects normal humans as time goes by.
Sociopaths Characteristics and Limitations in a Nutshell
The very presence or contact with a sociopath destroys lives; we might not see all this at the moment, but it becomes evident in the direction our lives go in. Our lives become darker. Our ruin continues in a spiral downward and deeper. We fall further from our own real selves and our true potential as time goes by. Disasters, illness, bad things ensue.
Every target is not shown the full resume of the sociopath who hijacked them. Don’t wait for more proof. Read more about what sociopaths are here. 20 Characteristics of a Sociopath.
Sociopaths Know They Are Sociopaths
Yes, sociopaths know that they are sociopaths, maybe they don’t use the word, but they know what they are. Narcissists though aren’t aware of their narcissism. Sociopaths are.
Terms like narc are much easier to say than the much uglier truth behind the word: sociopath. These are words that are easier-to-handle, muddy the situation. Aren’t things crazy enough…? Clarity is kindness. Let’s sort through this hideous maze as simply as possible.
They all have a varied combo of this and hide it, we won’t necessarily ever see any or all of this in the con man who hijacked us. And, geez, that’s great because it’s horrible and shocking to find out about.
On the other hand, not experiencing or finding proof of some of these horrible things they do can keep us in and trying to make things work longer. And, even if we do see some of this, we have doubts that they could really be a sociopath or that the things we find are as bad as they really are.
All Sociopaths Do Things We Might Not Find Out About
Sociopaths have but hide: Other identities, different names, alternate FB accounts, have secret kids, wives, husbands, divorces, and annulments.
Crimes such as forgery, blackmail, fraud, false claims, nonpayment of taxes, porn, scary sex habits, hidden money, debt, prostitution, violence, assault, rape, gambling, jail time, pedophilia, heavy alcohol use, and drug habits and lots more of this ilk.
Remember: You may not be shown all of this or discover all the hideous dark deeds of the sociopath whose spell you’ve been drawn into. That’s okay. We don’t need to see and know it all. In fact, heck – that’s super traumatic. It does not mean, however, that they are not a sociopath.
Sociopaths live off of other peopple as parasites. – Even when they have a “job”, and this can be confusing. They live off people’s perceptions of them. They have no constructive or nurturing human emotions.
Any expression of care, like, love; the connection is faked. They mimic normal humans to create trust and bonding with people they target for the purpose of taking from them.
Normal human emotions of fear, hope, guilt, shame, love, like, empathy, care, compassion, desire, need, magnanimity, charity, concern are the sociopath’s entryway to taking and using. Then taking more. Using more, then smearing the people they just used to make themselves look like a victim.
Sociopaths Are 100% Pure Narcissism: Which Means Evil
Sociopaths are entirely self-absorbed and have a myopic view that they’re separate from others; better than others by a zillion miles, and that they deserve whatever they take from anyone, and that we as their prey deserve whatever they do to us.
They tell stories that paint themselves as victims in business, at work, by lovers, strangers, by “haters”…
Essentially – they’re nuts. They’re charming and deluded monsters. They carry out new ploys on a whim and constantly have a stable, a collection of multiple targets, sociopaths are always looking for more targets.
Sociopaths who do hold actual jobs stay in them on the backs of others and do little aside from taking credit for other’s accomplishments and ideas and attempting to make themselves look amazing. These use others for every aspect of their survival.
Sociopaths Are Improvisational
They’re improvisational, they’ll switch main prey suddenly if something changes, or they come up with a different idea. They do impulsive things to protect themselves.
These scumbags will put themselves at risk of being arrested or caught by impulsive things they do that are attemps to keep themselves safe. Such as murder soemone to keep that person quiet. They cross lines – or walk a very fine line between legal and illegal like balancing a tight rope wire.
What they say and do is to get what they want. It’s a lie or misleading. Even when they let out bizarre snips of truth about themselves. This is also to pull empathy by seeming vulnerable, or pulling out trust by seeming to be able to admit weaknesses such as, I try to have empathy, I just don’t.
We Were Ensnared By Criminals
They’re life-long career scammers. It’s how they live. They’re often addicted to a drug, alcohol or porn or gambling. They hide this. An antisocial psychopath, the sociopath is genderless in horrifying reality.
They hide this. Sex as love or connection in a real relationship is not part of their lives, sex is a control tactic and as an animalistic release.
They’re life-long career scammers. It’s how they live. They’re often addicted to a drug, alcohol, or porn, or gambling. They hide this. An antisocial psychopath, the sociopath is genderless in their full horrifying reality. They need to hide this.
Chances are, many of us who thought we were breaking up with something or someone we called a narc, a narcissist, or a narcopath may find more answers in reading up on escaping an antisocial psychopath, a sociopath.
Dysfunctionally narcissistic people are sporadically or suddenly mean, unpredictable, and miserable to be around.
Pathologically narcissistic creatures are sociopaths: they leave ruin and destruction through deception (fraud) while attempting to hide under the façade of a normal.
The sociopath mimics normal human emotions in attempts to gain trust and then take from and make use of any and every person they can ensnare. They leave destruction and ruin in their wake. We can break free, heal, and be whole again. I promise.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Holiday hoovering is painful and a lie. The importance of no contact becomes crystal clear as the temperature drops, leaves fall and the seasonal decorations and eggnog lattes come on the scene.
Holiday hoovering is happening! Read all about it: Here we are again in the thick of the holiday season. It arrives in songs about sleighbells in the grocery store, decorations, and television commercials, nowadays sadly, well before the last Halloween ghost has faded away and the last lone foil-wrapped chocolate witch is eaten.
Like the Cat in the Hat, the troublemaker comes back. Hoovering. What’s a person to do?
Hoovering is annoying and scary. The threat of hoovering is beyond the imagination of anyone who hasn’t been in this kind of nightmare. Anyone leaving a relationship replete with narcissistic abuse knows that in the end, things get scary. We can put an end to hoovering.
The “narcissist” – that is to say, the sociopath – lets out a side of themselves that might be our first glimpse at their genuine absolute wack-o-self. It’s all in the name of attempting to keep us locked in and to be sure we aren’t getting them in trouble.
Emotional abuse is a part of life with a narcissistic user. This is what life is if we’re ensnared by them.
Emotional abuse comes in many flavors. It always comes along with an entanglement with a narcissistic user, the predatory sociopath.
When a normal person and a sociopath mix, the collision of the normal-human brain, and the sociopath’s brain there’s inevitable harm to the normal person while it’s just another regular day to the sociopath.
The focus of the pathological user is to make use of us. They don’t care about what concerns us.
Our feelings are not anything they can feel or understand… Their work is to be sure we’re hooked, and that we don’t comprehend what they are or the reality of their intention in our lives. They don’t care how we feel… They care what we do because of how we feel.
Emotional Abuse and Sociopathic Users are a Package Deal
Once we’re involved and in love, the fallout of the mix of a normal human and a sociopath is trauma, shock, and only harm to us and not at all hurtful for them.
This mind-bending, confusing, collision of a sociopath and a normal person can make us think there’s something wrong with us. There is not. There’s something very very wrong with a sociopath.
Emotional Abuse Signifies This is Not an Ordinary Relationship
As normal, gorgeous humans, we think we’re in a real relationship. Naturally, we do what normal people do in real relationships. The sociopath does not.
Their odd behavior, unresponsiveness, and sometimes outright meanness trips us up – we try, we try to make things better: as anyone would in a relationship.
In the beginning, a sociopath gauges what matters to us. They fulfill that. As the weeks go by, they discern what we won’t tolerate or forgive, what will keep us trusting, even when they become neglectful or mean. They innately know, or simply guess until they get it right and discover which behavior of theirs will bend us to their will most effectively.
In reality, we’ve been hijacked and kidnapped without realizing it. We’re not with a normal person, sociopaths have abnormal brains.
As a sociopath goes about their day in the world they present a false self, even the barista or car wash attendant isn’t seeing a real person.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
We try to keep things harmonious, humans need harmony within their lives and relationships. If both people were normal, both people would contribute to harmony within the relationship, this is not the case with a sociopath.
They lead us to feeling convinced we did something to make it happen, or that it didn’t happen, or they ignore us.
While we pitch in and spend a lot of effort self-reflecting, wondering if “it’s our fault,” and trying to make things right, work out the kinks, adjust our perception of what a relationship – this relationship – should be, and continue to relationship-build, it takes a while to notice, we’re doing it alone.
We don’t get anywhere trying to make things good. There’s always a particular moment when it hits us: something is very wrong here, and normal isn’t working to fix it… because they aren’t normal.
Sociopath’s Minds Collide with Ours
Once hooked in, we’re in a kind of hypnosis in a cloud of confusion. As the whirlwind of good stuff begins to wear off the crazy begins we’re twirling on a merry-go-round emotionally.
We discover if we question them about specific unpleasant or odd things they’ve done, the sociopath gets mad. They lead us to feel convinced we did something to make it happen, or that it didn’t happen, or they ignore us.
A sociopath wants us to stay locked in their spell. They know that an emotional reaction from us is a sign we’re “still in”. They truly do not care which of our emotions makes us stay.
Narcissistic users bent on coercive control to attain their personal gains show rage and even violent behavior if he or she thinks they’re losing their grip on getting the things they want. They like to keep what they take. Though not all sociopaths use physical violence within every predator/prey circumstance, some are incredibly violent.
Normal and Chaos or Trouble Make Us Bond More Deeply
Being in love with a sociopath – what you might call a narc, a narcissist, or “your nee”, isn’t a casual connection. – It isn’t a connection at all as much as a parasite embedded in your life.
While we think it’s a real relationship, we’re all the way in. We want the fairy tale to stay perfect. We hang on tenaciously even as we feel it shifting and disintegrating under our feet. Naturally, when things aren’t building or developing in a relationship, you’re worried about connecting on a deeper level, maybe going to counseling together.
Concerns about maintaining a home, paying bills, not wanting to break up a family, or fearing for our own future all keep us “in”. The things that string us along are subtle and hard to grab a hold of; sociopaths trap us in ordinary conversation by activating our normal emotional responses.
As decent, normal human beings when someone talks we feel we’re meant to listen. When someone asks a question we’re socially, culturally, and innately programmed to give an answer. Never diminish the complete wrongness of any abuse. – Sociopaths are naturals at bringing what amounts to abuse into our lives because they don’t value us, or care for us. There’s absolutely no human connection from this alternate-human and ourselves.
Narcissistic Users, Sociopaths Don’t Care Which Emotion Hooks Us
Our response to their actions is a sign we’re hooked. That’s all they need.
Emotional Distractions:
Says or does things that bring up the emotion of humiliation within you
Laughs at you
Puts you down
Calls you names
You feel guilty for things they say
Diminishes your feelings
Their presence and personality leave you thinking maybe you’re crazy
Takes things, money, plans, or privileges away from you
Treats you very well in front of other people
Accuses and blames you for their plans and “work” going wrong or failing
Talks about a past girl/boyfriend who did things “perfectly”…better than you do.
Intimidation and Isolation:
Making us afraid by using looks or gestures.
Slams doors, breaks things, throws things
Yells, scolds, orders you about
Hounds you until you decide to not do something you’d planned
Talks about killing and violence
Shows weapons to you in text messages or in person
Tells you who your friends can be
Keeps you from or wedges an emotional separation between you and your family
Creates an “us” and “them” existence
Seems to be jealous of your time and seems to want attention from you
Uses his jealousy to justify rules and limits or conditions they put upon you
Limits where you can go, when and when you must be home
Texting or calling at intervals to make sure where you are
Rules about or insinuating when we can or can’t go out
Limits or tells you what you can read, watch
Has rules about your social media or phone time
Blocks you from their social media
Avoids meeting or seeing your family
Keeps you from their family or their family seems just as bad
Has friends they won’t let you meet, places they won’t let you go with them
Holds up a “friend” as an authority about your relationship ought to be
Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming:
Belittling your ideas, feelings, opinions
Denying that things important to us, matter
Dismissing or ignoring or making fun of or being angered at what’s important to us
Comments and sets of circumstances that cause you to think everything’s your fault
Insulting how we take care of the home, kids, or spend our time
Telling you things are going wrong because you don’t trust them
Using intimidation or belittling to keep us quiet about what concerns us
Coercion and Threats:
Threaten to commit suicide, talk about dying
Threats to report us to authorities
Making us drop charges against them
Sociopaths pretend illness to get out of expectations, events, and conversations
Making or carrying out threats to harm, hurt or leave us
Telling us we get something only if we do something specific
Coercing us or charming us to do illegal or reprehensible things
Financial Monitoring:
Takes your money
Making you ask them for money
Puts you on an allowance
Comments negatively and criticizes you for what you spend money on
Takes credit cards beyond their limit
Opens new credit cards; coerces you to open credit accounts or does so in secret
Their money and its source are a mystery
Borrows money from you and doesn’t pay it back
Takes out loans or borrows money without you knowing they’ve done this
Keeps secret credit cards or bank accounts
Keeps their income or access to family income from you
Uses outbursts of rage to keep you from talking about bills
Is enraged or dismissive when you try to talk about financial matters or bills
Male Privilege and Cultural Advantage:
Treats you like a servant…even in jest
Behaves like the King or Master of the castle
Makes big decisions, family decisions without you
Uses proclaimed beliefs about how women against you
Defines men’s and women’s roles or husband and wife roles in a restrictive way
Female Privilege and Cultural Advantage:
If you were a real man you would – blank
Threatens domestic abuse charges
Stages domestic violence
I’m a woman, so you need to: financially support me and the baby
Sexual Abuse and Emotional Manipulation:
Bargains with sex
Forces you to be sexual with them
Hides their STD’s
Belittles you for wanting intimacy
Puts you down or dismisses you for wanting sex
Refuses sexual intimacy
Has other husbands, wives, secret kids
Pathological Predators Use Our Emotions for Their Gain
They lie about all things, always hiding what they really are. Every moment of their life is a lie. Everyone they know is someone they’re scamming.
They aren’t a real person, not even to the barista or the car wash attendant. The sociopath is constantly putting on a presentation. When we stop believing them, no one is there. No one human that is.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Feeling like users, narcs, and sociopaths gravitate to you? Is it possible to be a sociopath magnet? Some would have us think so. Know the real deal.
Sociopath magnets are not specifically or particularly you or me… The thing is: Anyone will do. Think of it like this: A sociopath is a predator. They do need to grasp someone in their clutches, draw a subject into their vortex in order to survive. And because of this, they hunt all the time.
Any rudimentary predator within the animal kingdom on any planet knows where and how to find dinner. This is nothing special. It’s wired into their DNA. They arrived out of the box this way: They are not geniuses.
Normal Fills the Bill Just Right
So, what is it that brings them sniffing around…? Sociopaths need normal people; people who do what normal people do when they’re in love and believe they’re in a relationship with another regular, normal person.
The thing is these, users need people who: Love, give, believe in relationships, and make efforts to build a relationship. People who are up for a compromise rather than an argument. People who trust. Gorgeous normal souls who are magnanimous as well as monogamous.
The predator can sense Individuals who are responsible and these other characteristics: A sense of adventure, those who’ve experienced loss, have had disappointments, have successes, are genuine, and real, and who stay when the going gets rough because that’s what normal does. Sociopaths need us. Not the other way around. So are we a sociopath magnet…? Or human…?
Many Misconceptions Float Around About How This Happens
Here Are Some of The Inaccurate Ideas About How This Happens
That we’re plagued by low self esteem
We’re codependent
We allowed it
They’ve been enabled by us
We’re stupid
Sociopath Magnet: Do Sociopaths Look for People with Low Self-Esteem?
This is the same principle as in a world where rape victims are blamed for being raped because they’re pretty, or they smile, or they wear a sexy dress, or they breathe while being female.
No, they do not “look for” people with low self-esteem… They need us to hold up their lives. Sociopaths do not look for people with low self-esteem. These weaklings look for strong people, not weak people. It’s an absolute fact that being preyed upon by con men, user sociopath can cause people to end up feeling incredibly weak and low and without a doubt experiencing trauma and a very specific PTSD that requires specific healing.
And, yes, that feeling is part of why people “stay.” And sometimes that feeling remains within someone’s life for a very long time. In no way does feeling low give any monster permission to use, deceive, and defraud us.
Are We Co-Dependent: Is That Why They Use Us?
Nope. That’s not it either. I’ve got one thing to say about that: They are the dependent ones. They are the ones with zero boundaries. There is nothing about us that gives anyone permission or the right to deceive us, lie to us, steal from us, and worse. Nothing about us invites them or allows them to use our lives for their own devious purposes.
Anyone can be duped by these monsters. I’ve done recovery sessions with people who’ve been seduced and sucked into true love scams who are Licensed social workers, police officers, an immigration attorney who got ensnared into marriage for a green card by a sociopath, mental health specialists, pastors, and psychologists. All of them, just like we were ensnared by a sociopath, scammer, narcopath, narcissist, narc – whatever you want to call them, monster.
That Old Chestnut: Women Blamed For Being Used
Blaming the target of a crime, masquerading as a relationship, is ridiculously common; especially if that target was a woman the blame falls at her feet. This harkens back to the dark ages, which it seems, unfortunately, is apparently still the era we’re in.
The very idea of a “sociopath magnet” implies it’s the targeted prey who are at fault for the predators actions and our subsequent fall down the rabbit hole. So not true.
This is the same principle as in a world where rape victims are blamed for being raped because they’re pretty, or they smile, or they wear a sexy dress, or they breathe while being female.
When using the word narcissist, if that person is a user, a conman, a person who lives by deceiving others, a scammer, a scumbag – that’s a sociopath. They are male or female. And still, there’s nothing we do to attract them aside from having a pulse and being normal.
Not only are we misunderstood in this nightmare, but so are the fundamental intent and motivation of the predator. It’s often said what they want is “control”… What is that?
Remember they’re looking for personal gain and survival. They’re looking for a place to sleep, a car, money, a respectability facade, someone to rape maybe. Control? To control what? To get what? Credit cards, addresses, food, a couch, a shower, the internet, access to countries, a place to hide out… They’re motivated to gain immediate and fundamental survival needs.
Are We Enabling the Predatory Sociopath?
When someone says something mean we take it to heart by way of a natural chemical response in our bodies. In other words: we don’t react the way we do because we’re codependent, enablers. We react the way we do because we’re human.
This is a very common concept and something many of us believe, or the people around us believe. Here’s teething though: they are a sociopath. They will be one with or without us. There’s nothing about us that gives anyone permission or the right to deceive us, lie, steal, and worse.
Nothing about us gives anyone permission, or invites them, or allows or enables them to do this anymore than having a car gives someone permission to steal it or enables them to take it. And if they do take our car, in no way is it our fault.
Taking things from people is universally recognized by anyone, anywhere, in any culture, and in any country on the planet as a crime.
Therapists Can Have it Wrong
You’ll read many articles here and there on Psychology Today, calling them a “narcissist” and stating that this is your fault: that you need to reexamine what you’ll accept in a relationship or your “relationship standards”: THEY ARE WRONG. Wrong. Plain wrong. Here’s why…
Therapists are not trained in what this really is. – This is newly discovered and you are a part of that discovery. Trust that you, as prey of a predator who lived this surreal bizarre nightmare – likely already know far more about what this is than any therapist you could find.
There is no textbook that talks about the reality of this entrapment and the hell we go through under their spell. The therapy paradigm: the job of being a therapist is also off. kilter to support you. It is this: you as the person who entered their office (or Zoom) are ow this patient/client and it is their job to identify what is “wrong” with you and to “fix” it. – One problem with this is: There is nothing wrong with you.
A sociopath does not hijack someone’s life to make use of them because that person is stupid. The predator looks for capable people. After all, they need to make use of us to hold up their life.
The sociopath themselves is quite aware: these are not relationships: they are crimes.
Sociopath Magnet? Phhhhfft
We are not the ones responsible for their inhumane and demon-like behavior. The very idea of a sociopath magnet implies it’s the targeted prey who are at fault for the fall down the rabbit hole. So not true.
Being blamed for trusting a man we later discover deceived us is more trauma. Targets too often are blamed by people we turn to for support: spiritual leaders, family, community leaders, and authorities who say they’re there to “protect and serve”. We’re looked at as if it’s our fault, especially the more emotional we are in the moment of reporting.
Emotions and Reactions to Being Used and Deceived are Legit
A response in the way of “feelings” is normal for normal humans. When someone says something mean we take it to heart by way of a natural chemical response in our bodies. In other words: we don’t react the way we do because we’re codependent, enablers. We react the way we do because we’re human.
Do we still believe the earth is flat? Of course not. All theories, discoveries, and insights evolve. This information about the reality of the human race evolving. Let’s step it up. Have the confidence to declare what we know. We’re grown folk. We can do it. After all, a tiny child pointed out that the Emperor wore no clothes.
Sociopaths, Narcissists, Con Men, Pathological Users, Narcs, Narcopaths Can Only Be What They Are
As hard as that is to take in, it’s true: There are monsters walking among us. These monsters depend on regular people. Being a regular person is all it takes for a sociopath to aim their bait at us, the constant and persistent contact some call love bombing. Sociopaths do this all day long: it’s all they can do.
A sociopath – and maybe you’re using the word narcissist – needs credibility, so normal people trust them for one reason and one reason only: so they can take whatever they need and want.
A defrauding, abnormal-brained con man can’t not be what they are! They need normal, good people to trust them in order to: give them credibility, and seeming normalcy so normal people trust them.
So they can take and use those who trust them and then walk away as it wears thins and falls through. They know this day will arrive and live in fear of it, and more fear of what will occur in the aftermath. – Believe it or not, they fear us.
No One Can Recognize a Red Flag Waving for Something We Don’t Know Exists
No one can know these monsters exist until they know. And yes, those targeted by them trust them, believe them, and feel that they love them. In actuality, this isn’t love that we feel… we believe it is, we call it this, we yearn with it.
In truth, we just don’t have a word for what it is, other than maybe hypnotized or infused with venom that scrambles the soul.
The sociopath isn’t who they say they are – it takes time to discover this. We’ve been seduced and mesmerized – and if you don’t believe this can happen – just tell that to Madison Avenue and the whole basis for the world economy.
We’re seduced daily by advertising, magazines, reality shows into spending thousands of dollars on iPhones, Lexus, and undergoing surgeries for Kardashian-like-lips.
Nobody is Stupid Here
A woman or man trusting, investing emotionally, and believing that the person standing in front of them, who they share meals with, a bed with, a life with, truly loves them… That’s normal. Not stupid. It isn’t enabling.
We’re normal whole humans and have every right to be exactly what and who we are. Here’s what’s absurd and not okay in the slightest: Blaming regular people who didn’t know these dirt-bags existed for that monster in disguise not being trustworthy, and for being a criminal and a deceiver and for harming them.
If we’re human sociopaths, con artists, users look at us as prey. If we’re breathing we’re a likely target, until we know the truth of what they are.
And more… These great human qualities of trust and kindness, of sticking in with people we love even when times are tough are why humankind still exists on this planet.
They’re innate and remarkable, essentially involuntary traits; they’re so second nature we notice our trust and interconnectedness less than we notice our own heartbeat or breath going in and out. Our beautiful human essence, our humanity is taken for granted.
Read here about real recovery. Guided recovery sessions filled with lightbulb moments. Find your way back to you.
These are Crimes of Deception: They Commit the Crime: Not Us
In these crimes these awesome, normal, human hard-wired characteristics of trust, believing in love, bonding more in a crisis, even when our loved one is the source of the crisis are branded as a weakness and a fault. The blame for the sociopath’s invasion is laid at our feet. Is this right…? Is this fair…?
No one can help anyone going through this if their beliefs and thoughts about this phenomenon are that it was their fault for being used and hijacked and deceived. That’s so much B.S. That’s the old blame-the-woman-who-got-raped angle rather than the laying responsibility at the feet of the rapist. Please, do not perpetuate or buy into this nonsense.
“When highly praised by others there’s no hardship one cannot bear. Such is the courage that springs from words of praise… When praised one does not consider one’s personal risk and when criticized one can recklessly cause one’s own ruin. Such is the way of common mortals.” ~ Nichiren Daishonin, The True Aspect of All Phenomena
Take No Responsibility for a Sociopath’s Inhumanity
A sociopath is a sociopath is a sociopath. We didn’t make them. We don’t let them. They’re going to remain sociopaths no matter what we do or don’t do. There is no sociopath on earth that heeds any boundary.
Take responsibility for learning what they are, for realizing by contrast how amazing we are, and for our full recovery. When we know sociopaths exist, and what that really means we can forever sidestep them.
Here’s the truth: We’re all possible prey of these beasts as long as we’re human. Sociopaths – antisocial psychopaths, are responsible for these fake relationships that are truly crimes, not the people they target.
Someday Recognizing a Sociopath Will Be a Skill We All Have
The day will come when enough people gain this skill and discerning wisdom, the destruction and ruin sociopaths make will be lessened. As we get stronger in our humanity, their dark influence diminishes.
This increase in humanity gives their existence the only value I can imagine it to have. There’s nothing more evil in the world than at any time in history. It has simply risen to the surface for all to see.
We want to be sure to remain human and humane. Stand up for goodness, humanity, and kindness. Demand it. Be it. We are awesome.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
The sociopath test is simple. So are sociopaths. What they are is limited, specific, and predictable. We can easily determine if we’ve met one. We can spot them a zillion miles away once we become fully aware of the sociopath test.
Is there an accurate sociopath test? You bet there is. The sociopath test is done at home, so to speak. The signs of a sociopath are clear and distinct. Sociopaths – even though you might be calling them “narcissists” – are limited, simplistic, predictable creatures.
Holiday hoovering is about the sociopath’s need to restock. They replenish their stores using our sentimentality of the season as a trap. For us, it’s annoying, disturbing, and dangerous. It can land as back to square one. Let’s side-step that malarkey.
Holiday hoovering puts a bitter twist and a gut-wrenching anxiety into our holiday season. For us, holiday hoovering is torture. The sociopath – or the “narcissist” if that’s the word you use for them invests in holiday hoovering. It’s necessary; it’s to assure their future.
…And then there’s the boomerang. That “old friend” who pops back up…The Holiday hoover or boomerang can land as back to square one. Straight in the figgy pudding. Let’s side-step that malarkey.
Co-parenting in even the best of divorce circumstances is a juggling act with some dropped balls. In the ideal co-parenting set-up both parents are amiable and respectful.
No one says anything nasty about the other parent, and exchanges run smoothly and easily in cooperation. Both adults are focused on the well-being of the children whether visitation is court-ordered or voluntary.
Trauma response is real. It’s also normal. There’s nothing wrong with us. In fact, our bodies are protecting us. Go with it.
We’re truly amazing! Trauma response is normal, valid and to be honored. When our eyes are at half-mast, and it’s only 11:00 am. That time in the afternoon when our brain is mush… and by afternoon, I mean 1:04 pm. The wish from deep in our bones to curl up with Netflix or just nothing and do nothing but sleep…