how to know if it's love bombing Archives

Love bombing is an explosion of contact.
It’s how the life-jack happens.
How do we stop them from getting inside our lives.

Love bombing is the first tool sociopaths pull from the identical tool-kit they each come with. They’re all alike and yet, they each think they’re unique and über special.

Sociopaths are special for sure, special cases of wrong-doing, life-ruining parasites. Every love bombing destroyer starts things off the same way. And it seems like heaven. Things rapidly – or maybe slowly – take a pitch for the worse. All these rides into hell follow the same five stages.

It all begins the first millisecond a sociopath makes contact with a person. Any person.

At each new encounter, the predatory sociopath looks into the crowd with one thought: which person can I hook.

This is the first point: they can’t not do this. They’re also really lazy and like to do a little as possible in order to get whatever they want.

They do give a scan around the room for who might be (from their point of view) the easiest to draw into their web.

However, not one bit of this “assessment” covers or considers whether someone is stupid or “codependent” or or low on self-esteem or not. They’re looking for whoever it is that finds them cute. Th person who stays in the conversation, and responds when they say something. Contact.

The fact is, every single amazing, normal-human one of us can be scammed. Every one. Even the cynic. No one is exempt. It’s really a matter of the prey’s life circumstances…not a position in life or economic, but more profound things.

What would it mean to get your life back?

There are answers that fit

This Isn’t a Love Match

Our humanity is what sociopaths take advantage of. Sociopaths – or that “narcissist” are looking for good people . People who are first of all easy to access. Then beyond that anyone is viable possible prey. In order to support their revolution lives they do well with people who are open, secure, up for an adventure, looking for something new in their lives, ready to make changes, are optimistic, and have had loss, understand grief, are forgiving, loving, and believe in second chances, believe in love, and invest in and treasure friendships and relationships. – Nice people. Good people. It’s your natural human goodness that they twist to hold up their lives.

Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious-face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey.

Unseen conditions come into the equation: timing, our state of mind, emotional awareness, our self-perception, our internal life condition, our mood, and deep inner-realm-things in the moment of meeting a sociopath.

And more than anything, it matters greatly if we’re attracted to them or not. If we aren’t they overlook us. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with a person who’s scammed but there’s everything wrong with a sociopath. We are not weak or stupid. We’re human. They are the opposite on all counts.

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Love Bombing is Contact: Everything Depends on Contact

When a love-bombing sociopath meets a new person they shiver in excitement – it makes them seem so energetic and charming. It takes the right (wrong) combo of things going on in our lives and most importantly, we need to think they’re kinda cute. In some cases, we don’t think they’re cute instead, they keep at us with contact until we cave.

The initial moment of contact is everything. And the contact keeps the hook in. Sociopaths look for normal human, good-hearted people.

Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.

Sociopaths are monsters. (Even when you call them a “narcissist”.) They want you to trust them so they can use you and take from you. It’s not that any one of us is particularly special, or specifically any one thing or another… this is what they attempt to do to any and every human they can draw in. They lie and scam and take from anyone and everyone. Their scamming-ground covers love, business, the religious realm, absolutely in every arena and in every moment of every day, everywhere they go.

Realize what we’re up against: a being with an entirely different brain than ours. They do not think like we do, as in literally they do not think in the same way we do. They have their own interpretation and perspective and awareness that does not include anything we understand as normal. They don’t experience any human interaction in the way we do. Fortunately, their love-bombing technique can be easily diffused.

How to Disarm a Love Bombing Sociopath

Go old-school, old-fashioned dating rules with a contemporary touch-up. You might not like this. But – it’s a sure-hit way to diffuse a love-bombing sociopath.

1) Limit Texting to Logistics: “I’ll Be There in Five”

Limiting text time side-steps the false feeling of deepening a relationship. Relationships don’t develop in Whatsapp messages, Snapchat, or cell phone chat. Relationships happen through spending time together – over an extended time – as in calendar time, not over three days of hours and hours of texting back and forth.

When things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us. Later, after things bottom out, a scary I-will-get-you-face, and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels.

Our dreamy interpretations of their flirty texts are a danger zone. Texting is a trap sociopaths hope we fall into. We easily believe there’s a whole lot going on between us with zero effort on their part therefore, texting puts us right where they want us. Texting doesn’t make a relationship under even the very best of circumstances.

Be aware, that text that we think is for us alone is likely for about five or six other targets at the same time. – Yes. Many all at once, always.

Use texts for simple communication only. Such as, I’m running late. Or, the address is 639 Wonderland Drive. Parking on the side street
Use phone calls – from him – to let him ask you out. Yep. – Do not call him. Later, call him one time to every three or four times he calls you
Skip the trend or tendency to use phone time as “a date”. Three-hour conversations are bait-and-hook marathons for predators. It builds false bonds
Long phone odysseys, even with someone normal are merely imagined bonding. When limited to phone-contact-only under normal circumstances it leads to break-downs and break-ups

2) One Date Per Week Per Person: Without Protracted Phone Calls or Messaging – Which is Contact – in Between

Limit dating time. Sociopaths move fast. Toxic people, predators, narcissists, sociopaths (all the same thing), want the romance to swell into a crescendo of “deep commitment” and very often, cohabitation within one to four weeks.

In order to get the keys to our pad, they need to see us often, alone, and maintain heavy contact. Say, “no” to daily contact. – Have other things to do. Override that yearning weird feeling towards them if that’s stirring in your gut. (That’s the hook, the instant coercive control.)

Make your own life the center of your attention. Please don’t fall into the popular disingenuousness of “...we’re just hanging out.” With a normal human, that’ snot good enough and with one of these pathological users, they are never just “hanging out”… They’re working on hooking prey every single moment. – They aren’t in the room, on the phone or in the chat for the reason we are.

3) Date in Groups and Be Active: Later, When Gatherings 100% are Safe

Sound nuts…? Wait until this guy or gal turns out to be a sociopath, then nuts will take on actual meaning. Here’s the thing… Why in the world – really – would we ever go out in the evening to dinner, a movie – a walk on a deserted beach – with … a stranger??

I know. I know. It’s done all the time, it seems okay… It’s normal. Americans meet online, or in a bar or at a party and easily exchange numbers, information and go on a date – alone – together – solo. It is a part of our culture. But – why…?!

Dating in the U.S. used to be about spending time in groups, and still is in France or Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Spain, Denmark. In these cultures, each person is known quite well by at least two or three others in the group. Even then it takes time – time spent with the group – before anyone would consider a solo, alone-time date.

Sociopaths need privacy. Sociopaths separate us from the group. From family. From friends. If we only go for group dates, a sociopath will bail by date three. Isolation is key to a sociopath’s success at hooking targets.
So, get a group of your friends – go bowling, hiking, to art walks, free concerts, day time fun things that reveal people’s true character and personality through group interaction. A sociopath can’t hold up as a real functioning person in a group, because they aren’t.
Ask friends what they think of him. Take their answers to heart. Trust friends.

And another point about when you are in company… refrain from pouring out lots of personal information. When you’re meeting someone new, hold off on telling them your life story, even if they prompt you to. Instead, talk about other things.

Telling the story of your childhood or past relationships – especially hard ones – isn’t a way to court or woo or a get-to-know-you method, these personal things are potentially shared when you already know someone quite well.

4) Online Research: Who is This Guy We’re Dating?

Aside from a background check which can be inaccurate, I’m talking about your own home-done sleuthing.

What is this guy’s name? Who are his friends? Look through their Facebook pages objectively. Google him. Verify any posting related to him; trace its origin because every sociopath plants “a good reputation” and “super achievements” online.

Special Rule Number 5 to Detect a Love Bombing Sociopath

5) The Eyes Give Away a Sociopath

Sociopaths are shape-shifters. Truly, the faces of predators change as their “success” with prey goes through ups and downs, and because of this we can spot them.

Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey. On the other hand, when things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us.

Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.

There are good reasons to take a page out of tips on dating: It’s Just a F***ing Date, by Greg Behrendt.

We will not be scammed. We, my friends, will thrive! They’re a zombie-empty-shell of made-up stories and lies. We are real. And we can be who we want to be – sociopath free!!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.