These creatures infamously talk up a storm.
It’s a trademark of a narcissist or sociopath.
Contact is their full-time work to ensnare,
entrap, and keep prey locked in place.
Gaslighting. That confusing babble that oozes from their gobs nonstop. This tirade of conflicting and hurtful and ridiculous nonsense, unfortunately, spins us up off our feet and into a frenzy of trying to “talk about it”. We want to talk it out and resolve their concerns. So kind of us; so normal.
Continue readingWe all know the pull and draw.
We feel ourselves over-reach, jump all-in, and wonder at it.
Then conclude it’s all part of being swept off our feet.
And indeed it is. But… why does it happen?
Let’s find out exactly why.
We all have a power of influence; we each and all affect people around us. We’re not usually aware of how we affect other people, but we’ve all been aware at some time or another that others affect or influence us, which results in a particular emotional effect or response within us.
Absolutely anyone can be ensnared by this unseen aspect and quality of a life-stealing pathological predator.
What I call the sociopath effect is in reference to that intangible pull that is the predominant element that draws us to them. It’s an invisible “something” that instantly grabs us in.
That thing we call charisma, charm, that thing… that inexplicable power of influence is inherent in every sociopath. In other words, it isn’t a “skill”, it’s just there. This is what I’m calling the sociopath effect. – I’d say it’s what we think of as coercive control.
What is recovered for you?
So how can something intangible, invisible… something you can’t see, hear, smell, touch or taste affect us enough that we fall (walk, run, dance happily as if we just won the lottery) into this kind of trap? Well, because things that don’t reach the physical senses do reach other senses. Really. There are entire systems based on this reality. Let’s think of it in other scenarios.
How about relating to regular people in general… or meeting a new person. We get a vibe, yah? I imagine we’ve all had the experience of realizing some people make others feel good when they’re around. Maybe you’re one of thsoe people… There can be something about some of us that makes other people feel at ease or uplifted in their presence. There are other people who aren’t so fun to have around; they might be the last on the party invite list because, well, they’re kind of a downer. – We all have a power of influence.
Everywhere we go all day, there’s a “vibe”, or influence we feel from the people around us and fomr the physical spaces we walk into. Whether when we encounter a new person, or walk into an apartment we’re thinking of renting, a house we’re considering buying, a gym, a church, or even into a restaurant, we have a “feeling”. Thse things translate into what we “like” or “don’t like”. You could think of it as a kind of protection.
Someone who is a pathological parasitic predator, that monster we call a sociopath or a “narcissist”, has a stronger more intense, deeper effect on people than others. It’s a natural, wired-in part of their survival… but we’ll get to that.
First, let’s recognize that an invisible, untouchable, formless, tasteless “feeling” sends us a signal. Can you recall how meeting someone, or walkign into a new neighoborhood park a thought popped into your mind, like: “Ah, I like this place.” Or maybe, “Hmmm, I’m not wild about this place.” Those thoughts are the result of a feeling that our bodies process into an idea or appraisal. The deal is, we might not realize that first there was a “feeling” or “vibe” that inspired hte conclusion or thought.
Walking into that new restaurant, maybe we can recognize what it is we like or dislike about the space. As an example, I for one, don’t feel comfortable inside restaurants that cover the walls with mirrors.
Don’t know why that is, it just is for me. The feelings we feel about a restaurant, and about people around us in a response to them, are drawn out of our own life
Discomfort in mirrored rooms doesn’t apply to every single person, some might really like the feeling of mirrors while they eat dinner. The discomfort around mirrors while I eat is inside me. It’s a condition in my life, based on me as a person… my own life experiences, beliefs, and thoughts that make “me” be me.
There are some things we nearly all respond to in the same way. Most of us enjoy a sunset for its beauty. Most of us would respond with feelings of pleasant surprise and some excitement if we were to receive an unexpected and hefty tax refund
Other things affect us each a bit differently and vary depending on our immediate circumstances or inner conditions such as our likes, dislikes, and our dreams, or hopes; even our sense of failures or disappointments in life.
Without getting too complicated, let’s look at a simple scenario describing our responses as they vary depending on us, our life, and our in-the-moment situation.
Our life at the moment that we encounter something determines the response we have to that person, place, or thing.
Mood and internal “life condition” or life-state in general, and in specific, along with our actual circumstances at the moment all fall into how we respond, or how we feel the power of influence from whatever it is we encounter.
As a way to look at this, let’s say we come across a tiny puppy wandering around the parking lot of the Trader Joe’s we just pulled into. The sweet little-thing is rambling anxiously between and under cars sniffing at the ground; poochie looks lost, and scared, and hungry. We can see that it has no collar on. What happens to us?
Curiosity awakens. We’re feeling bad. We might worry. Our emotions, these feelings inspired by the lost, little doggy, might form into words in our head, or even out loud we might say, “Oh, my goodness! This dog is lost!”
And unless we’re scared of dogs or super allergic, or just really, really don’t like dogs – and probably even if we don’t, especially like dogs – we instinctively feel emotions that compel us to take action on the doggie’s behalf.
Depending on other factors in our life, and our circumstances, we “do something.” That “something” varies depending on us, and our momentary life situation.
For example, if we have our baby in the car, and our three-year-old holding our hand, we probably do not approach the dog or follow it around the parking lot trying to help it.
This doesn’t mean we aren’t concerned deeply about the pooch, but other factors, more critical things, such as the care and safety of our babies take precedence over going after the lost dog.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Both eBook and Paperback
If on the other hand, we see that lost doggie, but we’re in heels and a skirt, and on our way to a business appointment immediately after grabbing a Trader Joe’s ready-made chicken salad sandwich, we might signal the security guard in the parking lot to let him know about the dog, and then trot on in the store
We might take a minute to also tell the store manager about Mr. Puppy once we nab that sanny and before stepping in line to pay and get on out to our meeting.
That dog stays on our minds for a while. We’re concerned, but our own life and impending appointment are more significant at that moment… so the influence of the wandering Bowzer takes a back seat.
Another scenario could be: We’re on our own, and have lots of time on our hands, our car is parked around the corner in a free-parking zone with no limits.
We’re unfettered, unencumbered, and leisurely with time on our hands and our coin purse and phone in our coat pocket. In this case, we might let the concern and feelings about the dog come to full bloom, compelling us to take an hour coaxing that cute, fuzzy-faced woofer into our arms so we can find its home through a process of other personal efforts.
The little guy in our arms lets us know he appreciates us with licks and tail wagging, that doggy connects and bonds equally with us as we do with him.
We don’t notice all the things affecting us in our surroundings. That would be much-too-much, and completely overwhelming.
It’s a matter of personal issues, circumstances, and even our core beliefs, and personal interests that play into what we notice, and how it affects us, and where that takes us in altering or dictating our response at that moment.
Every person or place or thing has a power of influence. Some is seemingly mild, like that shy kid who sits in the back of the room and no one notices. Or the happy guy who always smiles and waves.
We all know of the power of influence of celebrities, who by the way are humans. Some of us are into some of these idealized humans, and some of us aren’t, but I’ll tell you a quick story about a certain famous person that kind of blew my mind. This illustrates the power of influence.
True story: One day I was shopping at Whole Foods in Beverly Hills. I was in the produce department, on the far end, with my back to the entrance of this corner of the store.
Sorting through rutabagas and carrots I paused, lifted my head, and then as if in slow motion found myself turning away from the root vegetables. My body led me, my head pivoted first, the rest of me following.
The underwater sensation slowly subsided; my eyes cleared, my vision came into focus and revealed a person. A person on the other side of the room, just walking into produce near the fragrant lemons and limes.
At the same time, I could half-see and sense that every shopper in the room had turned the same direction I had, as collectively we each and all registered who was standing there: The one and only: Mr. Sydney Portier.
One of the most amazing, kind-hearted, and gorgeous humans on the planet. Famous for his legendary and Oscar-winning films and his generosity as a human being. His autobiography, The Measure of a Man, is moving and memorable.
Now in his 90s, for those who don’t know who this is, please click the links above to get a glimpse. There that day, among the potatoes and parsnips, I was in awe; the entire room was.
The room was filled with pure wonder; I felt warm, and a kind of joy rise up, and in my case, based on me, who I am as a person, and my own life, I went to speak to him. No one else approached him.
As we chatted, his warmth embraced me and we stood as equals in human exchange. This isn’t because I’m an Oscar winner or a renowned anything. I felt like an equal to Mr. Portier because that’s part of the power of his influence on others. He exudes and extends an embracing, calm warmth of humanism. He imparts dignity towards others.
The room gradually shifted back towards a level of normal activity, but it took a bit. Even now, I can feel that moment when I conjure the memory, I bet others there that day can too.
We all have a “vibe” – A power of influence; all people, places, and things have an effect or an influence on us and on others. That’s normal.
The stun gun of coercive control is the inherent power of influence that ensnares and binds prey in the blink of an eye. Did you know they don’t have to try? It’s a quality they possess inherently, like our eye color: we’re born with it. Some do hone it.
The sociopath has an uncanny, abnormal, and very strong power of influence. They simply do. It may come from their laser focus on gaining prey.
Their cellular level primal need to hook as many people as possible to add to their resources never leaves them. They need us for legitimacy, respectability, and for basics such as food, sex, places to live, laptops, phones, presidencies, and cash.
Their need for us isn’t casual; it’s literally their survival. And it’s the only way their brains are wired. That’s all that’s inside their noggins and hearts.
The need sociopaths have for us is unbelievable. They’re entirely dependent on hooking us. At all waking moments, they’re singularly focused and determined to do this. This makes for a very powerful pull, an incredibly intense power of influence on those they beam in on.
For all that intensity of need for us, sociopaths, however, do not connect “back” as a puppy or Mr. Portier would. They need us like a parasite needs a hot-blooded warm body to live off of.
A sociopath wouldn’t have the innate response to a lost puppy that we do or to another person as we do. Their “connecting” is entirely different; there is no genuine human connection or bonding that we expect and know as normal. They don’t give off “connection”.
There is no reciprocal bond of human connection or interaction with a sociopath. Our brains don’t register this consciously. Our minds and then our bodies respond by being over-concerned and over-solicitous – just as we do with the lost puppy – but for very different reasons.
It’s natural that we want to draw out the shy person, the reluctant puppy. You can bet when the person not yielding “connection” is a guy we think is our soul mate, and that (not) soul mate happens to be a sociopath, we’re not going to sit back, we’re going to bend over backward. That’s normal. To stay, to give, to try, to build, to fix is normal.
The lack of connection from the “other” causes us to reach further out to connect. This is another natural human element and function that the mere presence of a sociopath makes use of and hijacks for their own benefit.
And, it happens naturally without very much effort or sometimes no effort on their part. Yes. They are not genius manipulators. They’re a particular type of being with its own power of influence.
When we meet them we’re immediately all-in. We’re swept up in what we think will be an amazing life. A life that’s more amazing than anything we could ever imagine. A life beyond anything on our own. We feel we need them.
We feel like they are the answer to our dreams and more. There’s an overwhelming feeling that we need them. We kinda feel we’d die without them.
All of this is the sociopath effect. The effect of a narcissist – a sociopath – simply “is”. It emanates from them and infiltrates us like a poison vapor. This is what coercive control is: unseen, not felt in the beginning as anything other than the amazingness of this amazing person you’ve met. This same element is what makes it so hard to break away.
The feeling that we need them is 100% across the board a commonality with every person ensnared by a sociopath. This is a part of what I call: The Sociopath Effect.
The feeling we need them simply is, because of what they are. – When we’re caught up, ensnared, the “click” has happened: we truly think we will not have the life we now, or any kind of life without them, and that we have what our life is now because of them.
Here’s another true story about a friend of mine. He’s a Grammy, Oscar, Platinum, and Gold record album holder. He’s got a 40-plus-year career as a renowned musician.
Under the spell of a nasty little female sociopath, posing as his manager, he now feels that without this (unrecognized) sociopath in his life he will: Stay in bed all day, get fat, be depressed, make no money, lose everything, be a nothing, and have nothing. – In fact, all this is what’s happening under her influence.
In reality, the sociopath knows nothing about building a musician’s career. She has no connections, or abilities to help anyone aside from herself. Like any sociopath she’s a sub-person pretending to be a whole-person, pretending to do a job.
On these last few coffee shop gigs to somewhere in Indiana, where the seats are $20 each he’s not making enough to cover the flight there. This man, under the grip of a tiny female sociopath, pays for all the travel, hotel rooms, meals, and incidentals out of money he doesn’t have. And the point of a tour – income – is submerged in debt and no funds to pay himself on any single “tour”.
He fired his money manager of 25 years; the man who made his bill payments did his taxes, and kept his finance in the black. The sociopath maneuvered this firing and is now in charge of his money – or more to the reality of the situation, in charge of his mounting pile of debt. This fraudster is spending and stealing his money.
This is a musician who collaborated and hung with every chart-topper, his peers. And now, he’s eating his own future under the power of influence of a sociopath; bound in the spell of the sociopath effect.
Just like some of us may not be drawn to saving a lost puppy, or affected by the aura and presence of Mr. Portier, not all of us are drawn in by anyone particular sociopath or another unless the timing is there and circumstances line up.
There’s an infinitesimal and specific moment in time when a particular sociopath can hook us. They know that… because of this and the 100% eventual fail-rate of all entrapments, they need to hunt 24/7; and because, they have no capacity to do anything else, or survive any other way.
In addition to the timing, circumstances, and our life itself, in order to fall into a sociopath’s influence, we need to find them attractive, or interesting, or see them as a potential business partner, or as a dream mate.
Otherwise, we might come across a sociopath in the park, or at the coffee shop, or any-old-where and they wouldn’t hit our radar or land that bulls-eye they need. If they don’t “hit-the-spot”, we find them disarmingly creepy rather than disarmingly charming. We’ve bypassed many a sociopath before the one that brought us here.
When one hits the bullseye, it happens instantly. The nut-bag who hijacked me was introduced to me by a friend through a three-way conference call. In the previous months that I’d been dating a few men, wanting a long-term relationship, none of them panning out. I was also in the process of finding a new project to work on, and looking for a new lodger through Airbnb.
The idea was, I could work on this guy’s project and he could be my new temporary lodger because he was visiting LA, he wasn’t a resident of the USA. These were my circumstances.
While my friend dialed in the nut-bag, I Googled him and up sprang images. One image went straight to the heart of my undoing. As I looked at his luminescent, pulsating-with-goodness-image, I was overcome with emotions.
They were the effect and influence of him clicking into my life, which immediately caused my brain to form the thought, ”I can’t work with him, he…. he… he’s my husband!” Bingo. Hook, line and sunk. His work was done. More to the point: He had no work to do. It happened for him. This is the way it works for most scams. They really aren’t sure what will work or when.
Unless someone has had this experience they can’t understand this. The best many people around us can do is conclude that this happened because we’re 1) codependent, 2) stupid, 3) missed red flags, 4) were in denial, 5) have low self-esteem, 6) don’t know how to pick boyfriends, 6) are attracted to losers, 7) like bad-boys, 8) are idiots, 9) need help, 10) toxic people magnets, 11) like drama, 12) should have known better.
And now that it’s ended and we’re a mess, that we’re: 13) crazy, 14) depressed, 15) suicidal, 16) were the problem, 17) are stalking them, 18) can’t move on, 19) need to let it go, 20) are ruminating, 21) are obsessed, 22) need Xanax or anti-depressants, 23) should start dating someone else to forget them, 24) are nuts, 25) have changed, 26) are no fun anymore.
We’ve been put through changes, and at the moment we might not be much fun, but none of the rest of those things are true. Not one of them. Nothing from numbers 1 through 24 is why this happened, or what we now are.
We cannot take responsibility for the inhumanity of a sociopath or narcissistic user. There’s nothing about us that gives them permission to use us, deceive, lie, steal, take from us, smear us, or destroy us. Nothing about us made them what they are.
We can’t do could not have said or done anything that would change what they are. Our right to be who we are is unalienable; we have every right to be just as we are; normal, perfectly imperfect, gorgeous humans.
Often while we’re caught up in being normal humans (imagine that) and having “feelings” in response to what they’re doing in a certain moment, we’re off track.
As our feelings then naturally turn to a thought, and then a belief, and then these thoughts and beliefs lead us to other conclusions about this moment, and about other scenarios with them, we are way, way, way off track. And the sociopath profoundly benefits from our not finding the correct track or the accurate way to view what’s truly going on.
While we’re busy feeling bad about something they’ve done or not done or said or not said to us, a hot-mix of feeling ashamed, embarrassed, sad, vulnerable, self-conscious, discarded, treated badly, abused rushes through us.
All mistaken as far as understanding what’s really going on. All inaccurate because he’s not – or she’s not – what we think they are or motivated by our specific feelings. He’s a sociopath deliberately using and taking advantage. He knows what he is.
Our feelings are inspired by the narcissistic users’ callous and careless behavior; their neglect or broken promises and lies turn to thoughts and then beliefs about ourselves, our life, our value, and about the “relationship”
This can feed into feelings of low self-esteem, or a belief we aren’t “good enough”; all from misinterpreting the dynamic between “normal” and “sociopath”.
And low self-esteem or not, in no way, does any amount of “low self-esteem”, depression, or anything else about us gives anyone permission to defraud, con, assault, use, coerce, steal, or take from us, or any one-drop of the rest of the sickening things they do to others.
With the combined sociopath effect phenomenon, and our normal-human characteristics, and beliefs we already carry they slide into a position of power and influence above ourselves. All normal under the sociopath effect.
There’s a day the sociopath expects from the first “hello”. The day when enough “weird”, enough lying, enough confusion, and glimpses of their lack of care is revealed so that we pull back, and roll up the red carpet of normal relationship-building. The day they fail and bail.
We were not loved and then betrayed, but ensnared, deceived, and used. We were never devalued and discarded. Discovering how to see the real truth is essential for healing. A voyage of crossfading misinformation, pain, self-doubt, and all the other soup of trauma and PTSD for the truth. Decode. Reframe the nightmare. Be free.
The podcast, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
True Love Scam Recovery on Medium
On Facebook
Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com
Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.
True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.
2019_03_14 2024_09_24
Narcs, narcissists…
Sociopaths care so little (meaning not at all)
and take so much.
They take our things but leave things behind, like herpes.
There is help and hope.
Herpes brings a heart-breaking and emotional huge hit… And it always means: someone gave us herpes. And here we’re talking about yet another piece of our lives that changes because of these dirt-bag predator sociopaths… A gift that keeps on giving.
These losers ignore our birthdays but leave behind the gift of their old junk, disaster, despair, confusion… and STIs. We can and must throw away their pieces of trash and the rubble of old guitars and weird sex toys, resolve our losses and truly heal and recover all the way.
While herpes isn’t exactly cocktail party conversation it’s a good bet at least one in every six people standing there sipping a mai-tai or an Aperol spritz has herpes. Look around at work and count off six people. One of them has it.
Do the same with your family and relatives or a group of friends. – They might not be talking about it, but they’re dealing with it. – Oh, and that flat-mate with a cold sore…? That’s herpes.
Herpes comes along with feelings of shame and sadness. You’re not alone in thinking you’re ruined or “damaged goods”.
Pretty much anyone who contracts herpes goes through this. And it feels so bad when we’re sick with it. – My idea is that we can put this shame and self-devaluing aside in favor of a little more logic and calm and self-compassion.
Herpes is a virus. The first time we get sick from it feels a lot like the flu – only kinda worse. There’s no throwing up, but you might run a fever and have a horrible headache.
Herpes affects our emotions big-time. We feel depressed, exhausted, worn out, sad, hopeless, lethargic, unable to think, can’t focus – cause yah, we’re sick, and we feel just super bad.
Sound familiar? These are a lot like post-trauma emotions. Yikes. – Go to bed. Sleep. Don’t think about serious things or try to make any decisions at this time. Chill. Grab your Teddy bear.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
The key thing is, herpes is passed from contact with someone else’s herpes outbreak. Yep and yuck. There’s no way to get it or give it aside from body-to-body contact.
Though, they do warn that herpes can come along and hop on over to our place in someone’s bodily fluids and saliva making condoms our friend. we know male sociopaths usually refuse to wear condoms. We know they lie about anything and everything, we know they don’t care. So.
For sure, It does not come from toilet seats or locker room floors. It doesn’t come from sharing a hairbrush or by hugging.
Herpes comes in two versions: Herpes I and Herpes II. – The essential difference is one of them is on the face the other is in our underpants. The first one, around the mouth, is commonly called a “cold sore”.
Even babies can have them because even a baby can get herpes if say, an adult or older kid with herpes sore on their mouth kisses the baby. I have a friend who innocently and at first unknowingly gave her baby Herpes Simplex Virus I just this way.
Herpes II is more adult. It goes on when we get down to it while one of us has an active herpes outbreak. Intercourse or soft skin such as tongues making contact with a herpes blister or sore transmits the virus.
Saliva and bodily fluids are said to pass the virus from one person to another as well. – And we get it immediately, like in a few days from contact. There’s just no way that nasty little painful, blister thingy is not going to be passed along.
Herpes is most contagious when sores are open and wet when fluid from the herpes blisters is oozing. Here’s the little-known factoid: herpes can also “shed” and get passed to others when there are no sores and your skin looks totally normal.
It’s now known, that people can get herpes from saliva rather than someone who’s an active sore. For some people, the virus can live in your body for years without exhibiting symptoms.
So, it could be really hard to know when you got it or who gave it to you. But let’s be real: we know. We know.
The herpes virus is pretty sneaky just like the dirtbag. The virus dies fast-fast outside the body – holding hands, coughing, and sneezing doesn’t pass it. – It is though, part of the chickenpox and shingles family.
Sadly, herpes is a virus that then lives in our body – forever. We may not have break-outs forever or be sick from it forever. Really. As time goes by the virus can become dormant and not bug us at all! Truly!
And guess what…? The statistics say that one in six people has herpes. That’s only the people who have reported it to a doctor or gone to a doctor for a diagnosis. So, between you and me, don’t-cha-think this figure is likely a bit higher? – In my test group of six, three had herpes. Seriously, I polled friends.
There are a few ways to suppress the herpes virus. It hibernates somewhere in the base of our spine where it nestles after we’ve contracted it.
There are three highly recommended ways to reduce how often we get sick from herpes and to help suppress the virus into remission.
There’s also traditional western chemical medicine. Sometimes a combo of all this may be preferred. Some report feeling iller from the chemical drugs prescribed by an M.D. than from the actual outbreak of herpes. You decide.
Homeopathic medicine is amazing. Homeopathy causes our bodies, spirits, and minds to heal. – It causes our bodies to remember perfect health. Each remedy has many uses.
Each remedy has more than one ailment it can address. Every single remedy is made from a single natural compound such as platinum, or a cashew nut or from a spider or a tree bark.
Homeopathy is the main form of medicine practiced in the U.K., New Zealand, Australia and Brazil, Germany, France, and throughout western Europe. It was founded and established by Dr. Samuel Hahnemann in Germany in the 1800s.
You can find homeopathic remedies in a limited range at Whole Foods, other natural health stores, and anyone can order any remedy of any dosage or strength from Hahnemann Labs in the Bay Area in the USA.
For genital herpes, some commonly used homeopathic remedies are Nitric acid, Thuja Occidentalis, Causticum, Medorrhinum, Silica.
Here’s a recommended round of remedies, from Josette Calabrese, to be taken once or twice each for up to three days at the outset of a herpes break-out to stop it, reduce the severity and ultimately suppress the herpes virus for good.
The camphor is first in the cycle and has the effect of clearing the outbreak and essentially clear the slate. Here’s Josette Calabrese’s article about homeopathy for treating herpes.
There are chemical antiviral medications by prescription only from a regular western medical doctor. We call the kind of treatments and principles behind western medical M.D.’s allopathic medicine. This medication for anyone without insurance is going to cost a bit, and it’s packed with side effects and the effect of making some people feel sicker. Hmm. Find what works for you.
The virus is suppressed by L-Lysine and can come to the surface and activate with too much Arginine. Lysine and Arginine are amino acids, an element of proteins naturally occurring in foods.
So – this is another reality that hits some of us from these hijackings. There’s so much to understand, and manage, new ways to think about what went on, and lots of health care that never crossed our radar before from extreme weight loss, weight gain, PTSD, candida, and yeast infections… Geez-Louise.
You can do it. We can win. You’re human: gorgeous inside and out and imperfectly perfect. Carry on. Embrace your life with compassion. Love yourself. Time to thrive.
The podcast! Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
True Love Scam Recovery on Medium
True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook
Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com
Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.
True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.
07_08_2018 2024_10_05
Con after con, we’ve got novels,
films, plays from comedies to dramas talking about it.
Entertainment replete with stories
of con men and women
out doing and undoing the normal “guy” or “gal”.
When a con man – a sociopath – gets the best of you – your impulse s to tell someone or several someones. You have too… It’s part of recovering. Personally, I told lots of people. Most people were amazed. All people eager to listen – to a point.
Quite a few had been in relationships with sociopaths themselves but didn’t realize it. Most were sympathetic, but empathy (really feeling it) was nowhere in sight. Who can know what this madness is…?
Then there was that just didn’t get it at all. They had questions, like: How did you fall for that!?… Like it was a joke; kinda laughing or incredulous. And Didn’t you know he was a scammer?
And one of my favorites when I’d say we met and married within seven days, OooOOOohhhh, while they nod their heads. As if that makes hijacking my life in deceptive crime, okay, and clearly: My fault. – Wrong. But none the less everyone was interested in the story and that’s why there are so many such stories in our pop culture and media.
In addition to stories of cons in the news constantly, our entertainment is swollen with con stories. Many of them based on true stories. And yet at a real-life, personal level the one scammed can come into question and – we ourselves can hold onto doubt. We run thoughts through our minds like, Did I do something to make it happen? Here are the answers to both: Anyone can fall for a con. No one can recognize a con man and fall for the con! We did nothing to “make it happen”.
It’s a common thought that writers can only write about what they know, so how come so many writers are very aware of cons and yet life targets and prey have another shock and often find the real betrayal in the face of this horrific trauma at the hands of a conman?
Keep in mind, if a friend you’re confiding in isn’t empathetic they are not “bad” – just unaware – and, at this time, not right for you to tell your story to or look to as a shoulder or a rock.
Please, sweet girl or guy – move on to someone who is empathetic, sympathetic, non-judgmental and loves you, as your support person while discovering the surreal reality and resolving your losses and in restoring your gorgeous self.
Scary stuff and some laughs involving the scariest creatures on earth. They’re here everywhere: Both Sociopaths and Psychopaths are born with the same abnormal brain landing them in the mental health category “antisocial psychopath”, ASP. The psychopath has an extra bit that overrides the rest: They love other’s pain.
And don’t be fooled this Halloween… a covert, overt, or malignant narcissist is a sociopath within our experience of them, just not in that DSM, medical manual – ’cause that thing isn’t written for us. It’s written by researchers who like to categorize things into many splinter descriptions.
It’s constantly changing. It’s for prison sentencing determinations, drug prescriptions and social services allotments. For us, we need to get to the root of their motivation and how they’re alike vs. how they’re each dissimilar for our recovery and freedom.
In the Steve Martin, Michael Caine comedy classic: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, the first 13 minutes of the film reveals the utter truth about con artists. At 11 minutes and 52 seconds in, we hear the kernel of a con artist’s functioning affably, nonchalantly voiced by kind, goofy, and lovable funnyman, Steve Martin.
As the audience we have seen both Michael Caine and Steve Martin set up and pull off mini-scams, The two men are strangers to one another, both passengers on a train to a village in France populated by notoriously wealthy inhabitants.
Michael Caine has observed Steve Martin’s scenario scamming a woman out of an abundant meal in the dining car using a story about his sick grandmother. Finally, they meet in a private passenger car. Michael Caine hiding his own true-scamming-self feels out Steve Martin – con man to con man:
Mr. Martin, a “regular, good-hearted guy”
entering the train compartment where
Mr. Caine, a “dapper nobleman” reads a newspaper:
Mr. Martin: …Forgot I had a first-class ticket. (Opens blinds.) That bother you?
Mr. Caine: No.
Mr. Martin: (Blithely singing) “I love to love you in the night…”
Mr. Caine: I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation in the dining car. My condolences to your grandmother.
Mr. Martin: Hhuuuh? Oh! (Chuckles.) Oh Ha… Right.
Mr. Caine: Didn’t you say she was taken ill?
Mr. Martin: I tell ’em what they wanna hear if it gets me what I want.
Mr. Caine: Rather a shabby trick isn’t it?
Mr. Martin: I can tell you’ve got a lot to learn about women.
Mr. Caine: Yes, I’m afraid I am a bit naive when it comes to the weaker sex.
End Scene. – And Con Man 101 Class.
But what the thing is here… Both of them, both characters in Dirty Rotten Scoundrel’s played by Steve Martin and Michale Caine are con men. And they team up, and con one another and a woman comes into the picture and she’s con artist too… and
For fun: Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman,
Alan Arkin, directed by Zach Braff,
cast members of a bank robber caper movie, “Going In Style”,
interviewed by The Guardian
Films: Con Artists… People Who Aren’t Who They Say They Are and Can and Do Kill, but Killing Isn’t their Main Jam
Norman Bates, from Bates Motel, is often confused with a psychopath… He isn’t. He’s schizophrenic and psychotic.
As you can and want to, watch anything that helps you sort through the crazy and come to terms that these kinds of people exist. That they’re like this and will be for the foreseeable future. They aren’t here for the same reason we are.
Once we get into accepting and profoundly understanding their quite simplistic motivation that is unrelated to our interpretations most often… We can be free. When we know what they are and recognize them we’ll not fall into their hypnotic vortex. We won’t be lunch. The predator moves on to other things. – We win.
Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com
Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.
True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.