We think it’s love but fall into a world of hell. A hell that for all its pain, we can recover from.
True love scam as a reality – beyond scary movies and television shows – is coming into focus like never before. How bizarre it feels to know something’s wrong, something needs to be fixed but you can’t pinpoint what it is or name it.
Finding yourself in a relationship nightmare as I did in 2012, you likely whipped out your laptop or smartphone to google away for answers. This search for information begins for most of us when you’re feeling that something’s wrong, yet you can’t put your finger on it, and nothing you do changes it, or makes things better.
Would you like to help others to know that they aren’t alone? To let them know that they aren’t crazy? To inspire them and give them the courage to break free?
By being a part of the next SOS Partners project, you’ll be changing lives and shifting how the world views the dynamics of predator and prey.
Every day another person realizes that they’re in danger and begins to break free. Your own horrific experience can serve some good in helping others and in bringing this surreal reality to light.
Turn Our Suffering to Support for Others
By sharing your story you can help thousands of men, women, families, and children giving them the chance to discover they are not alone. Giving them the chance to untangle the real truth about their isolating and terrifying situations.
If you’d like to consider being a part of the SOS Partners project, simply fill in the form below to be emailed the brief describing the SOS Project and how you can be a part of changing someone else’s world through your own experience.
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Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach upholding coaching industry standards and ethics, I strive to inform, educate, co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. We decide what winning is. We win.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Sociopaths have sex, a lot. Sociopaths have sex for only two reasons. Love’s got nothing to do with it. So what is it exactly?
Sociopaths have sex – or refuse to have sex for precisely two reasons. Pretty much for the same two reasons they do and say anything and everything they do or say. The reality as well as the rumors of great sex with a sociopath fall short.
Sociopath Lovers Fake It: They Do Not Love or Like or Care
There’s no “love life” with a narcissistic sociopath. We genuinely think we feel love for them and perceive their feelings toward us as love (at least in the beginning). They know that they don’t love us, and they know that we don’t know that they don’t love us.
They depend on us not knowing. We assume it’s real because, well that’s what normal people do. We don’t know there’s an option for evil predator rather than really amazing person.
Predatory parasites swoop in and make grand declarations of love and devotion. Here’s the deal any presentation of emotional interest or caring or attraction that the overwhelmingly amazing person you can’t believe you were lucky enough to meet makes: is fake.
We believe the relationship is real… until we don’t. The weirdness and the danger of sex with a sociopath is one of the holes in the picture-perfect life we thought we were building. This becomes one of the very painful pieces that lets us know things are very, very wrong.
In other words, sociopaths (narcissists) have sex as a useful means to get what they want, or for their own entertainment. Having sex brings us in, bonded, and right where they need us. And their own personal fun can run a gamete of variations and is essentially what their entire life is about: themselves.
2 Reasons Sociopaths Have Sex: None of Them are “Love”
To bait and hook targets.
For their own entertainment.
Sociopaths initiate sex with prey or reject targets sexually as the circumstances require. They don’t have sex with anyone unless they need to to get things, or want to for their own fun.
The Sociopath’s Aversion to Sex
These pathological users commonly reject their target’s sexually once the “relationship” is established. This happens a lot, especially within marriages or live-together scenarios, and comes with a bag full of excuses.
It’s another paradox in the madness; a sociopath refusing or rejecting prey in the sex department has the effect of keeping us at their side and trying even harder.
The refusal to engage sexually with us also arises from nay sociopaths’ chronic boredom. Out of their lack of connection and because after the marriage or the move-in the sociopath’s main goal has been completed. They’ve nabbed a roof, a bed, an address, a retreat, a home base, a legal foundation, and coverage for access to money, cars, and green cards.
The House Hop
They aren’t sticking close to hearth and home. Along with no attachment emotionally to anyone in their lives, a higher than average testosterone level and a profound need for distraction compel them sexually and like all things for the sociopath, there are no limits. Sociopaths have no sexual or any other boundaries.
Though they’ve tapped someone for some major gains, they are constantly focusing their attention on gaining other things, like more money, more of anything and everything. They cannot not be what they are.
For this reason, on the top of their to-do list is securing a place to live before we begin to see through them too deeply and before we kick them out. Sometimes this backup joint already exists and the unbelievable truth is they live with two or more women (or men) at the same time. In other instances, the next place they hop is a new spot, a new conquest, fresh prey.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Kissing is very intimate and sociopaths are not truly able to be intimate. Though some prey may be given the “pleasure” of being kissed by the sociopath who ensnared them; sociopaths avoid kissing many of their targets.
The sociopath (the narcissist) has no interest in being intimate and more so, has no physiological capability to be intimate or feel or express intimacy or love. They have no idea what intimacy is beyond getting inside people’s lives to make use of them.
Kissing is deeply personal and intimate. We see it in the movies, that age-old trade rule that sex workers won’t kiss because it’s the one thing they preserve for real intimacy rather than their work. The sociopath’s narcissism – and inability to be intimate – never takes a vacation, not even during sex.
Sociopaths love to make sex videos. The digital evidence that remains in their hands makes so many of us panic at the end; terrorized that the nut-job might post these online or give them to our family, or somehow use them against us.
In most cases those images are long-lost. Dumped, deleted, in a phone they don’t have anymore; and are of such lame quality and “production value” that no one can make out what’s going on or who’s in it anyway.
The taping is yet another way to remove intimacy, to further objectify the target. This distance and non-intimacy are the sociopath’s true feelings. We are objects to sociopaths.
Intimacy in sex is absent and faked by sociopaths. It’s buried in the request for “special sex” Super intimate because it’s things they’ve, “never done before with anyone.” Liars.
True story: one day a normal person and a narcissistic sociopath were on a “date”. The sociopath was hunting and honing in on this new target – the normal person. The normal person was feeling butterflies and asked a flirty early-days normal date-question, “What’s your ‘type’, what kind of women do you like?” The answer from her charming snake-of-a-date was one of those bizarre head-spinners when a sociopath tells the truth: “Any woman with an a$$-h*le.”
Sociopaths Love Anal Sex and Can’t Abide Condoms
There’s absolutely no positive, genuine, emotional care or attraction or depth from a sociopath towards their prey. So, there’s no difference for them between males or females or children or dogs or cats for that matter. Yes. Sociopaths have sex with adults, kids, and animals if they feel like it. Nothing is off bounds.
The absence of boundaries and the absence of love or care or intimacy anal sex is high on the sociopath’s list as sexual activity with its impersonal aspects. Additionally, they’re notorious for not wearing condoms – ever – with anyone they have sex with – and that means a whole heck of a lotta people.
Sex With a Sociopath Is Ultimately Horrific
When anal sex is demanded or expected by the sociopath, a lot of other things often go along with this. It can be forced, rough, coerced, or bribed.
The normal person is usually put in a situation where they feel this option is the last resort as far as making a connection with what we still believe is a true husband or boyfriend, girlfriend, or wife. Instead, the outcome is sadness, isolation, rejection, depression, shame, disappointment, despair, and health problems.
Sociopaths, Gender Fluidity and Child Abuse
Sociopaths are happy to – and diabolical enough, to have sex with anyone, male or female yet, we can’t really call them “bisexual” or “pansexual” since all sexual interaction is without true positive emotional bonding, like, love, care, or concern or connection; it isn’t based in a healthy attraction but in the goal of self-survival and ensnaring another target or simply for a high.
Sickening to say, but there are no age or family relationship barriers as far as who a sociopath might see as a likely sex object or entice or force into sexual activity. – Do all sociopaths do this… how can we know the answer to that? What we do know is better safe than sorry.
See Sociopaths – “Narcissists” – For What They Are
Learn what a sociopath really is. Accept it. Take it in. Know it in our bones. View their actions, and words from their tiny sick little mind. Let’s appreciate how amazing we are as fully functioning humans. Once we understand this we can spot a sociopath from a zillion miles away. Stay sociopath-free – forever.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Is love all we need? It might be… if we’re talking about a relationship with a puppy. So many things make our world, but most of all it’s our beliefs that shape our experiences.
We hear a lot of things about relationships, about marriage, and what makes them work; “love” is always the bottom line: “If you love each other.”
We also hear: relationships are hard work. And stories of love at first sight, or being swept off our feet. We’ve all heard the adage that says love conquers all, and have been told that all couples fight.
When things go wrong we’re counseled by well-meaning friends or family with things like boys will be boys. And you still might hear that a woman’s place is in the home. And when things are really rough someone might tell us, you made your bed, now lie in it. – To my way of thinking, “love” somehow got lost in here.
“Unconditional” Loves Makes Room for Bad Behavior
It’s said that true and real love is meant to be unconditional, as well as some who say the legal contract of marriage is phooey and, that it’s only a piece of paper.
There are so many expressions describing the experience of love, let’s look at more of them: we fall into it; we’re crazy in it. Sick with it, and: all’s fair in love and war.
If you think about it, you’ll come up with a barrel full and more of these platitudes floating around. We’ve all heard all of them. We all absorb them unconsciously, or believe them all the way.
I have to say, personally, none of these sentiments cause me to want to be hit by cupid’s arrow. A really important question to ask ourselves is: How do our beliefs about love help us and how do they cause us to suffer?
What Do These Metaphors Mean About Our Expectations in Relationships?
Relationships are Hard Work
Are they? Is this a fact..? I coined a slogan long ago from my own experience in relationships: when it’s right, it’s easy. – Isn’t this just as valid? – What’s “right” has to be factored in. We won’t get “easy” if we want different things when it comes to the big questions in life like where to live, how to live and having kids or not.
Honestly when it comes down to it things won’t last if we have different ideas of what’s funny, or favorite foods or eating styles. Vegan vs. fast food is not going to have many happy meals together. A smoker vs. a runner is going to have a short lap around the track at best.
This is kinda romantic and yes, there can be a primal pull to someone, an attraction that goes deep, but actual l.o.v.e…? Not so much. That would take more time. Guess who wants us to think the real deal happens in one instant?
Swept Off Our Feet
Yes! That adrenaline rush and that floaty feeling like our feet left the floor and our head is full of clouds. That sounds very unstable. Like being out of control…and it is just that. This isn’t the time to jump into a commitment. It’s time to take a step back. It usually signifies something isn’t quite right, or isn’t really for us.
What Truly Conquers All in Life?
If only love conquered all. We love our dolls when we’re little; that doesn’t stop them from getting dirty or lost. Our goldfish captures our hearts; they still stink up the glass bowl and die anyway. Never being defeated by loss or grief, or life’s ups and downs, now thatconquers all.
It’s Noble and Poetic to Stick Around No Matter What
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wand’ring bark, Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken. Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle’s compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me prov’d, I never writ, nor no man ever lov’d.
Every Couple Fights
Do they…? First of all, what constitutes a fight? Screaming? Throwing things, ignoring us, calling us fat? Wwho would do that…? What the heck is there to fight about? In my experience, when it’s right it’s easy. There’s nothing to fight about.
Boys Will Be Boys
Really…? We know who likes this one. This palliative phrase echos another historical era, like when people thought the earth was flat, and believed if we walked far enough we’d fall off the edge. Boys need to eventually be men. And men and boys will be held accountable. If they are subhuman as a pathological user then, bye-bye.
A Woman’s Place is in the Home
Hey, I love home. Home is where the heart is. And as women we have a place outside the home too. Again, the earth is no longer flat and girdles are not required.
You Made Your Bed
Life is about creating what ever we want. We’re never stuck in any one place. This is from those flat-earth and earlier beliefs. When women were property and even as near to now as the 1980’s when women had to fight to get a bank loan to by a house on their own.
Our Beliefs About Love Create Our Experience
It’s Only a Piece of Paper
As if marriage is unimportant and the legalities and life changing effects therein are “only a piece of paper”. Nope. A marriage certificate is not “only a piece of paper.” In legalities alone there are many, many binding alterations to our life. Those are in place until we divorce them. That nightmare-ish process is another can of legal worms, and includes myriad little pieces of paper I’m sure most of us hold in high esteem.
And then in real life terms being a wife or husband is entirely another realm than boyfriend territory even if you live together. Anyone who’s been married knows the experience of that something that kicks in that makes everything different. This is a life bond.
Marriage, from an emotional or spiritual and legal stand point is far beyond a piece of paper, even if we don’t know that until we experience it.
This sentiment is a bizarre notion. To me it signifies a free hall pass to any and all (bad) behavior within a relationship. Nope. Not a good idea.
Unconditional acceptance is for babies, actual infants, not grown men and women. Pathological predators depend heavily on our concept of this kind of love in order to use us. To me unconditional love is reserved for babies and puppies, so to speak.
We’re “Crazy In Love”
The pathological predator, a sociopath is incapable of feeling love. Love is nothing to a sociopath. We are their prey. They are dependent upon us. There’s no love going on here.
This expression about how it feels to love is natural. It can seem whirlwind and so exciting and we’re crazy about them! What we’re discovering is that there are situations that are full of chaos, trauma and legitimate fear. This is not “crazy in love” this is the trauma of being involved in anyway with a pathological user.
In the aftermath of this mess, when we talk about our feelings to others, they’re cool at first – maybe. Typically at a certain point things flip and we get a sense hat they think we’re crazy.Being entangled into a fake-latioinship by a sociopath feels like crazy and we start to think we’re crazy. We aren’t crazy. Recovery from crazy is possible.
We “Fall Into” Love
Fall…? Remember falling…? Like from childhood. Falling, was bad. It hurt. It was a loss of control, an absence of safety. A lack of choice. An accident. Traumatic. Falling happened to us, we didn’t decide to do it. How is this related to love…? Does this concept need to be a part of our ideas about how we love?
I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to be sickwith anything. I get it, that longing that aches and is the pain of wanting someone. Especially if they go out of town, or already have a girlfriend or boyfriend, or they don’t seem to notice us. But – uhh – that was high school.
All’s Fair in Love …and War
Where the heck did that come from? Come on. No. It isn’t. Personally, I think there’s nothing fair whatsoever in war. And I firmly believe that all is meant to be fair in love unless you’re meaning it’s fair to lie. Nope: that’s not fair at all. That’s criminal.
Why Isn’t Love Enough?
The nasty pathological predator counts on our surrender to love, our complete trust in love combined with our lack of understanding that this kind of predator exists and what that means.
They depend on us buying into the idea that we’re blinded by it; that it’s enough, that love doesn’t question, that it never dies, that if it’s “true”, it lasts forever and until death do us part. In reality with a pathological predator, such as a narcopath (a sociopath), it was never there and we typically only know that after they’ve parted us from our health, money, property, sanity and dignity.
Are There Other Ways to Conceptualize and Live Out Love?
How many concepts of love can you think of? There’s a fool for it, and that other person is our better half. We’ve all heard what’s his name from that movie say:you complete me. – Sorry Tom, but that’s just not our job.
Make a list of as many ideas stuffed into little idioms or platitudes that you can think of. Then think baout how they contribute to confusion or maybe pain. Then check out the TED talk below for some great ones and alternatives for new ways to think about and experience love.
What If We Think About Matters of the Heart a New Way?
What if we thought of love differently? For example, as something we partnered in? Or stepped or walked into rather than fell into? If we turned the popular concepts we live from into new thinking, such as: we collaborate in love? That we create it, build it. Grow into it and within it. Choose it and harmonize in it. Imagine if those feelings of love could be enough if we thought of them in a new way.
Here’s a great TED Talk discussing how we think of love and how this shapes our experience of love, Just like with all things in life: from our perspective, our expectations, our beliefs that determine and give us the fortitude and wisdom to conquer all.
Ms. Catron works with words and language and talks about how we think of love as a form of madness, and metal illness, and it’s full of violence and we fall into it, and are smitten by it as a vengeance from an angry God. What if instead, love were a collaborative work of art?
Love Is How and What We Make It
The pathological predator, a sociopath is incapable of feeling love. Love is nothing to a sociopath. We are their prey. They are dependent upon us. There’s no love going on here.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Why are sociopaths called antisocial? These freaks love to party and hang. They chat and charm and dance and joke. Why do we call them “antisocial” when they need other people.
Why Are Sociopaths Called Antisocial?
Sociopaths are called antisocial because – hold onto your hats – there’s more than one meaning of the word antisocial! In their case, it doesn’t mean being shy or reluctant to be with others in a group setting. Amazing. Who’d a thunk it.
One of the myriad roadblocks to realizing just what it is we’re facing is misinterpreting or not understanding the meaning of this little word: “antisocial”.
Defining What the Antisocial Is In A Sociopath
This little four-syllable word – that people assume they already know the meaning to – trips people up. It’s natural to think it doesn’t make sense because the guy or gal in their living nightmare is very “social” rather than “antisocial” and doesn’t like parties or have many friends or some such.
This notion that you know what the word means -as applied to this kind of deceptive and ruinous human without a conscience – keeps far too many people from investigating more deeply into who and what it is they have gotten entangled with.
So then, in turn, they look to the other concepts floating around online and on social media to explain this person’s heinous behavior. Most commonly landing on “narcissist”.
Add in these other terms out there: narc, narcopath, and the narcissist in all its varieties, well, this falsely assures far too many people for too long that they’re only in love with a “narcissist” when in fact… It’s much, much worse. And more confusing, because some definitions and platitudes out there are related to a sociopath yet described under the name “narcissist”, and other describing factors are 100% off the mark. Very confusing… and delays recovery.
Here it goes, here’s a definition of this sticky little word antisocial from the Oxford English Dictionary – the most massive, most amazing dictionary on the planet. There are two definitions.
Opposed to sociability; averse to companionship.
Opposed to the principles on which society is constituted.
Definition number one above, of the word “antisocial”, is the one we’re most familiar with. It’s the one that gets us saying, no they can’t be a sociopath because they have friends. And also we think, she’s really fun at BBQs! Or, yeah but he’s around people all the time. They love going out! So, they can’t be an “antisocial psychopath”. – I get that. But there’s more.
Definition Number Two Describes the Sociopath
Definition number two pertains to the clinical term related to a sociopath, an antisocial psychopath, or a person of antisocial personality disorder, as defined by the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition).
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Antisocial Psychopaths Are Sociopaths aka Psychopaths
As described by David Porter, MA, LAD: “The term antisocial may be confusing to the lay public, as the more common definition outside of clinical usage is an individual who is a loner or socially isolated.
The literal meaning of the word antisocial can be more descriptive to both the lay public and professionals: to be anti-social, is to be against society; against rules, norms, laws, and acceptable behavior. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder tend to be charismatic, attractive, and very good at obtaining sympathy from others; for example, describing themselves as the victim of injustice. …
Antisocials possess a superficial charm, they can be thoughtful an dcunning and have an intuitive ability to rapidly observe and analyze others, determine their needs and preferences, and present it in a manner to facilitate manipulation and exploitation. They are able to harm and use other people in this manner, without remorse, guilt, shame, or regret.”
~ Theravive, by David Porter, MA, LAD (They also think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.)
Modern Languages Come from Latin: Anti Means: Against
Our words for medical diagnosis and terminology as well as a huge part of our everyday English language come from ancient, toga-wearing people who spoke Latin in ye-olde-school, ancient Rome. Lots of beginnings and endings and even middle sections of our words are Latin.
The beginnings of words are called: “prefixes”; here’s a bunch: anti, post, sub, pre, non as beginnings. You can probably think of some right off the bat: Substitute, post-trauma, predetermined, nonexistent. Interested in language, read more about Latin roots, suffixes, and prefixes.
Also here are some endings you know in everyday language but might not have known that they’re Latin. We call these “suffixes”. Here’s a few: ment, as in “supple-ment”; ify, as in ver-ify and ident-ify; ation, as in perfor-ation and restor-ation; able, as in “cap-able”. There are tons.
Anti is a word straight out of Latin and Rome. If you put the word anti into Google Translate and select the translation from English into Latin, you know what you get? – Anti.
Anti in English is anti in Latin. In old-school Latin anti means: to be or to go against (something), to be outside (of something), or opposed (to something).
ASPD and Antisocial Psychopaths Refer to Con Artists, Scammers, and Yes: Killers
So…antisocial psychopaths or persons of antisocial personality disorder, don’t mind parties at all, they kinda thrive on being social and any place with lots of people, including online, is the prime hunting ground. They need us and others so, so much.
Sociopaths are called antisocial because they function against and outside of normal, expected behavior. These people do things without thinking twice that we’d never even conceived of doing, much less do and behave in an anti- (against) social- (society) manner. Their behavior goes against the grain of what’s okay. And boy-howdy… Don’t they…?
So let me ask you… Does it help to get to the bottom of your bizarre, painful, and dire situation to think of them as just a narcissist? Or would there be more life-saving, pain prevention, and protection in diving in and stripping things down?
Ponder the realities and consider if this view would get more done for your safety and recovery: Looking at it from the point of view that this person will do anything they can think of doing in order to make use of you, or to get whatever they want, and to have things their way and to not be stopped. – That my friend is a sociopath: they function outside of and against the expected and accepted norms of society.
We Win
They need us. We do not need them. This is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. The number one concern is that you clear the fog and protect your life. They have been through this break-up many, many, many times before and will again and again long after they’ve ridden off into the sunset.
As we explore removing them from our lives and then restoration: we don’t need to pretend they’re normal; they know what they are. – That said, keep your discoveries to yourself and end the entanglement safely. They need us; we don’t need them.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
If you’re Googling for answers. …and confused or uneasy about someone you’re dating, …if you’ve started wondering what’s wrong it’s likely you’re dating a sociopath…dating a narcissist.
I’m going to get right into it here. There are very specific traits every sociopath shares. If you call this person a “narcissist” and see these traits, maybe pull back a bit on what you feel you know, and plug in a stricter view of them with parameters that fit a sociopath… I know that’s a big and scary word. Paradoxically, it can make things simpler. So, how do we know if we’re dating a sociopath?
First of all, most of us – let’s admit – begin a new romantic possibility, by looking online for things about this person we just met. That’s good, but not enough to detect a sociopath.
Here’s why: when we’re dating someone who is a pathologically narcissistic person – a sociopath – we see the good things. Believe it or not, the bad things about them don’t show up or aren’t seen as bad.
Tune in to yourself in this search. If there’s a tugging in your gut – that gut feeling that something is wrong – this means there’s something wrong. If you’re looking up things that brought you to this article, yes – that person you’re dating or maybe now not dating is one of these creatures.
But most of us won’t end a romance at this point. We usually want to know more, that’s just human. It’s not necessarily a bad human quality, it is after all, born of the same human inquisitiveness that got us to the moon and discovered penicillin. And at the end of this dating fest – if it goes badly enough, it’s the same natural human quality that will eventually activate our escape from this person.
What Do Sociopaths Do in Relationships?
In the beginning it seems magic. There’s an unexpected, unhinged kind of compatibility.
They want to see us often or text or talk once a day or more
We find them interesting and are impressed with what they do or talk about
It seems they have a good job, are respected, maybe have a-lotta money
Or they drop things that lead us to assume they do
The reality is, most times when someone is talking about dating a “narcissist”, the person they’re facing is a sociopath. That’s fine. However, the information out there about a “narcissist” mixes together accurate ideas about a non-pathologically narcissistic person, and extremely inaccurate ideas about this very scary pathological one. This leads to problems when that person is actually pathologically narcissistic…a sociopath.
When dating a sociopath or when wanting to know if you’re dating a person who’s much more than “just a narcissist”, the best way to make this determination is to think of them as a being a sociopath…to look at them through this lens in order to see them clearly.
Dating a Sociopath (a Pathological Narcissist) Goes…
The person who promised so much breaks those promises
Super confusing and heartbreaking… they’re strange or get weird about sex
They tell us we can’t be a part of some part of their life
They have days they’re grumpy for no reason
Their mood changes up to down, nice to mean, or active to flat on the couch
And something feels off, uneasy, unsettled and unsettling
Somewhere in your mind, you wonder if they’re lying
Sociopath / Narcissist, Po-tay-to / Po-tah-to
Dating a sociopath… dating a narcissist. You say po-tay-to, I say po-tah-to. Why does it matter? Why do I talk about this much? Because being unclear in this can prolong the “relationship”, which prolongs the pain, and inhibits recovery. It can interfere with safety of you and any children that are part of the picture.
Here’s one example: If you think of them as a “narcissist’ and read all about that, then you might believe they have a narcissistic wound. – This will lead you down a garden path of empathy for the “narcissist” who is in fact a sociopath, who has no wound, but has an abnormal brain – and would sooner watch you bleed out on the floor while they eat their lunch than give you money to take care of your child.
People have fallen into calling them “narcissists” for lots of reasons. One reason is that the word “antisocial” as in “antisocial psychopath” the technical name for a sociopath, trips them up. So, read here to find the answer to why sociopaths are called antisocial.
And of course, the other reason for shying away from the much bigger words sociopath or psychopath is because it’s hard to believe this infinite evil exits. I’m so sorry for this. This is the hardest part to take in. The first moment this reality came to me, is one I’ll never forget.
And now, you feel deceived though you still might have no “proof”
If questioned, they act as if nothing happened and like we’re still chill
You feel fear
You think maybe they’re mentally unstable
Something very wrong is going on, but you can’t put our finger on it
Dating a Sociopath (a Pathologically Narcissistic Person) is Fixable: They Are Not
By the way, did you know that it’s against mental health professional guidelines to diagnose someone underage – someone 18 or younger – as a sociopath aka a psychopath? That’s how serious it is. It’s the last thing a therapist or psychiatrist wants to officially diagnose anyone with.
This diagnosis, this condition of this abnormal and under-functioning brain of the sociopath is permanent. It’s a very strong statement for a therapist or psyche professional to make. This diagnosis is one that many licensed mental health professionals are not willing to make.
I’ve known of cases where they feel the person in question is a sociopath, but not be willing to give testimony to this in court in abuse cases that could save a child from visitations or a spouse from sharing custody. – There are of reasons for this. The point is you need to know.
Dating a Sociopath, Dating a “Narcissist” is a Life of Hell
Sociopaths are very different than we are. They actually have a different brain – they process human relations completely differently than we do. They look at other people as objects. People are merely utility devices to use and to take things from or to use to get their kicks from…in a really bad way.
Sociopaths don’t ever change. They cannot. And they wouldn’t want to if they could, they like being sociopaths and know what they are.
Sometimes they’ll tell us they’re a sociopath. They don’t mind if you know this. They care what you do because fo this knowledge. And most times this sickening intimate uttering does not send people running away, its isn’t usually what snaps the spell, but becomes a part of the coagulating weirdness.
Things can only go from bad to worse to much, much worse. They’re nice, then harsh then not as nice, then harsher. Call you names and some pull out the violence. They take anyone they can get their hooks into through five stages of true love scam…always and only.
Why? Why can’t they just be normal? – Connectors between segments in their brains are missing so that they can’t feel or process emotions as we do. Sociopaths – psychopaths – don’t feel the emotions we feel. They have a very limited set of emotions, none of which are comparable to ours. They don’t understand our emotions and never will.
There are lots of differences in our brains and in how they see the world compared to hoe we see the world because of this missing but. They’re missing care and connection, and so they’re missing a conscience. We have a conscience because we care. They have other differences, for example, in dating a sociopath or dating a what you’ve been calling a narcissist, you might notice that they don’t process the meanings of words the way we do. They even lie when they don’t need to.
Here’s a very detailed YouTube video with Dr. Hare, a leader in research and studies on the antisocial psychopath.
We End the Damage They Can Bring to Our Lives
If you’re on this website wondering if you’re dating a sociopath, please don’t wait looking for proof from them…you’re here because you already know. Trust your gut.
Your suspicion, your fear, confusion, and self-doubt is proof. We already know. Please, embrace your own life. Protect yourself. Find out how to leave them. Go no contact.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
We’re not in denial. As my dad would say, that’s a river in Egypt. But seriously. No one deliberately stays here.
We don’t remain in the clutches of a slimy sociopath on purpose. Our goodness caught their attention,
our goodness sets us free.
Denial is a word that’s tossed around to represent a state of mind we’re supposedly in. And that explains how this nightmare went on for so long, or started in the first place. There are those who would say we were in denial and so the surreal, horror show continued to run through our lives as if we allowed it. These people who say this could not be more wrong.
We’re not in denial. No. In short, what happened is: we were deceived and bamboozled. This means we did not have full information.
There isn’t an even playing field. Firstly, none of us had full information that these creatures even existed. Secondly, we were lied too. Thirdly, normal people aren’t looking for a lie. We automatically trust; that’s one of the beautiful things about us all. And fourth, and most significant of all, we’re under the spell of the pathological predator.
Truth Scarier Than Fiction: We Heal From Truth, Not Lies
We were scammed pure and simple by a serial liar, user, taker, abuser life thief. The chasm between our intention and the pathological narcissistic user’s true intention only becomes clear over time.
It’s revealed by bits-and-pieces. We didn’t deny anything… except them and what they wanted, once we did see through it and take in the full horror of their true black heart.
When we’re ensnared by a sociopath, there‘s a clashing of two worlds a great collide of two different brains, themind of a sociopath (you might be calling them a narcissist) and the mind of a regular, normal, iambic brained person: you or me.
The pathological predator and users do their best to let us believe rather than a clash, that together we’re the best match on the planet. The best fit that any two people could ever be.
This is how they survive. The ability to bring this influence upon others is wired into their DNA. I call it the sociopath effect.
Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view. This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim blaming and just plain wrong.
We see this match made in heaven situation isn’t quite the case, as soon as is humanly possible. In no way do we leap to the conclusion that this person is a psychopath the first time they don’t call us back or are unreachable.
Not only can people not see something they don’t know is in existence such as users who are pure evil, these exist in the movies, not real life.
Our human body and physiology are amazing. It’s designed to keep us safe. In trauma, our bodies and minds protect us, and so let the truth be seen in bite-sized pieces so that we don’t lose our sanity.
After true love scam our eyes are wider open than most. And we know more than most; certainly more than people who tell us we allowed it and we’re in denial. Let your body do its thing.
The very, very courageous take on recovering, healing, seeing what the real-deal is in pieces. Take it in in bits that you can take… It takes as long as it takes. Tell those blamers and shame-ers to step off.
We’re not permanent victims scarred for life. We’re not to blame for being snagged and conned by a lying sociopath who gives us every excuse in the book for why they do this. These are not the only two options. — Though – sometimes — it seems to be as we try to find our way out of the maze.
There are piles of mainstream answers to this hideous crime. Including that we, as targets invited it through our past abuse issues or our relationship issues and that we stayed because we were in denial.
How about we look at it from another direction? From our eyes. Let’s stop letting people outside the experience define what happened. Let’s look at it from the eyes of the prey of a sociopath.
This perspective takes a whole different set of words to define it. – Not for the sake of frivolous semantics, but because of a very real variance in meaning.
We Are Not in Denial: We’re Amazing
You see, definitely more fanciful descriptors – these come from the influence of watching many Johnathan Strange and Dr. Norell episodes on late-night Netflix binges that stopped my anxious brain from thinking in the early days of recovery and rocked me to sleep, and still reflect the real-deal of being in one of these hellish circuses of a true love scam… the day-time-wide-awake, hall-of-mirrors-nightmare of living hijacked by a sociopath.
Unless someone’s been dragged by their heart and soul through this, they have no idea. None. None of us “in it” are in denial, or willfully resisting seeing what they are.
To think that anyone could imagine or imply that we’re willfully and knowingly, in the mess we’re in and choosing to ignore it means they have no clue. We’re each in something we can’t possibly recognize: who knew what a sociopath was before all this?
No One Can See Something We Don’t Know Exists
For anyone who’s not been hijacked by a sociopath, these descriptors might sound absurd. It may be what inspires, ohhhh… hmmm, yes. She’s in denial. – And other wholly off the mark, and utterly compassionless, and just plain rude remarks from onlookers and others, who we might think would know better.
To those under the spell, these are quite accurate descriptions that bring about our freedom. With this look at things, we feel less crazy. We might let out a sob of relief, Oh, my god! That’s it! That’s exactly what it is!! – And a little slip of hope eeks through the fog of the sociopath-madness we’re trapped in.
There’s a Mesmerizing that Leads People to Drink the Kool-Aid
I realize what I’m about to say here isn’t popular to say… It’s a contemporary popular belief that humans make choices about well, everything. Here’s a hard fact: none of us are with a sociopath by direct or informed or conscious choice.
We do get away from them by choice. And this’s an important part of this circumstance. Somehow most of the world focuses on wondering how we stumbled into it, why we stayed, ie: How could we have been so stupid?
Decide Your Understanding of This Event
Let’s be real here, let’s not base our understanding of what we’re experiencing – the how’s and why’s of it, in the ideas and perceptions from something else: namely the ideas and perceptions of those who’ve not experienced it.
Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view.
This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim-blaming and just plain wrong. – And, come one now… Most of our judge-ie acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, friends or family didn’t know this existed until we walked into it. So, come on now… They aren’t suddenly experts.
The Traits That Attract a Sociopath To Us: Save Us
The very same goodness of heart that makes us attractive to a sociopath is what we then flip – and bring to life exponentially – to get safely and completely away. There, there is the real thing.
It takes a colossal effort. Courage, wisdom, persistence, patience, bravery to break from a kind of bondage; from an entrapment so immense it can’t be understood unless it’s been experienced.
Know This: If someone says it’s your fault, let them know they’re out of step; that evolution of humankind has progressed. Victim blaming is over. No, we’re not in denial. We’re believers in love. We believed that this involved love – until we didn’t. And now that we don’t – watch out. When we see it for the crime it is, there’s no place for the scamming-scum to run.
You Have to Live Through It to Understand It
The break-away from a sociopath is intense and so life-shattering it can never be understood unless you too are an escapee. – And that my friends, does not signify a weak victim, a codependent-door-mat, a denial or any such nonsense.
It signifies some of the hugest power, determination, and strength on the planet. We are awesome. We’re superheroes. We’re our own angels.
You Can’t Deny Something You Don’t Know Exists
Nope. We’re not in denial. If you don’t know this phenomenon exists, you can’t see it. And fortunatley when in it and after, our glorious bodies innately know a human can’t handle the monumental stress that comprehending this entails all one go. So – yes – clarity is meted out in doses only a beatific human of great empathy and love could handle.
Even tiny doses of what we went through would break anyone else. No, denial is nothing more than a river in Africa. A raging, pernicious river that every life stealing, narcissistic con man needs to be thrown into without a life jacket.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Fearless and free is the opposite of where we land after a sociopath. Long after the loser is gone we might have a lingering fear. This is the opposite of what we want to be, which is: happy as a lark!
Fearless and free is a place we make our way to… Are we still shaking and quaking long after they exit? Our freedom is really, really in our hands. Become fearless and free. And start singing our favorite tune!
There are two reasons why we might still be fearful: one maybe we still know too much about what the nutter is up to at this point in time – the other is not having a handle on what a sociopath really is and what that means – which causes the first.
We can restore our beautiful selves, with a renewed awareness of how amazing we are, new knowledge about life itself and the freedom to be fearless in love.
If we know what he or she is doing, where he is, or who his current main-scam is we know too much. If we know what they’re telling others about us this very week or month… we know way too much – Essentially we’re still in contact. And this means we are not yet fearless or free.
They know when we’ve truly cut them off, and they know when we haven’t. They feel it. Cut them loose completely. In case this has gone unnoticed, we’re the ones who end it, they do not. Only “no contact” stops them and sets us free.
After the masquerade is over, we’re “broken up”, separated, divorced – when the initial shock of ptsd is long past, but we have lingering fear we want to ask ourselves – why?
Though we may not be calling him or texting – if somehow we’re aware of his status and actions – sorry to say but – this constitutes “contact.” We can’t heal or recover while still in contact. This is a roadblock to healing.
For super-duper clarity, read here, What is No Contact? Here’s one tidbit: we’re checking his Facebook page… We’re still in contact, but for a brief period in the aftermath that canned normal for us to do.
How Do We Know What the Nut Job Sociopath is Up To?
Let’s be for real’s here, examining the source of the things we know about his or her doings. Is this info we come across on social media or wherever it might be directly from them… Posted by them? His Facebook? Her Instagram? — If we wanna get better, there comes the day we gotta get a hold of ourselves and get off their social media.
Their Co Called Friends Are Not Our Friends
We also can ask, ourselves, is the source of info about him or her coming from someone we still contact who has contact with him or her?! YIKES. Please consider this… Why are we still in touch with his “friends”?
Even if they were our friends first – sad to say but their trauma and entanglement with the predator means we’re at risk and wide open to the sociopath if we stay in touch with them.
Fearless and Free Includes Closing Every Opening to Them
Sad to say but we really must block them. Remove ourselves from the sociopath’s reach including portholes and windows and doors ajar through our friends who are now ensnared by them, and certainly from all “friends” the pathological user introduced us to. And finally, wherever it’s originating where ever we’re getting the news of his whereabouts – end it.
No Contact is about Freedom and Safety
Block whatever that source is in all our devices, on FB and everywhere. Get a new phone number, block his or her number and the phone number of anyone connected to them.
Sociopaths, and those pathological users some call a narcissist always have to move on, as in leave and change locations, change areas of town and maybe countries. Every scam and love fraud they undertake eventually blows up.Cutting our connection to them weakens their connection to us.
They know when we’ve truly cut them off, and they know when we haven’t. They feel it. Cut them loose completely. In case this has gone unnoticed, we’re the ones who end it, they do not. Only “no contact” stops them and sets us free.
Breaking Up With Evil, Book 1, Caryn: Flat Our Wrong
We’re Our Own Angels
We make the ending of this story… Healing and overcoming lingering fear after a sociopath is very much in our own hands. Find a perspective on the madness that lands things on the right side of “good”.
It’s critical that we begin to take in what a sociopath really is. We can’t allow sentimentality, romanticizing, or misplaced forgiveness to keep us bound to their harm.
Stand up. Take our lives back. Renew. Become whole and better than before. Give this to ourselves. – No one else can. And – we can. We truly are our own saving grace. Decide our lives are valuable enough. Claim them. Be fearless and free.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Sociopaths hate us and at the same time need us so desperately. As any parasite, they can’t live without a “host”.
Narcissistic users know in their “heart-of-hearts” (so to speak) that we are the ones with the real power. We’re resilient, mentally flexible, and have nuance emotionally.
We have the advantage of being fully-real people who can love and feel, with our souls rooted in compassion. With an unseen bond with one another. This is a potent elixir for the ills and sorrows of life and the stuff human kindness is made of.
This gorgeous human magnificence is exactly the stuff absent from the brain, heart, mind, and soul of the most narcissistic predator of all predators: the sociopath or psychopath, no matter how they got here.
The psychopath’s and the sociopath’s abnormal brain renders them loveless and without conscience.
Something a bit tough to take in is that sociopaths fear us even as they use us. They know that we can ruin them with exposure. And – they never, ever can understand our world. They’re flying blind. The results of their actions are uncertain and unknown to them.
When they sense that we know what they are, their constant fear – normally tucked away under the obtuse, criminal boldness born of their abnormal brains, turns to rage. It’s then their rage that exposes them further as they operate in frenzied improvisational reaction moment to moment.
Everything about the sociopath is a duality, a contradiction, and plays out in an endless tightening cycle of ruin. Their very own limited brains and closed circuit of self is the very thing that gives them away. So, sociopaths hate us, and sociopaths need us.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control by Jennifer Smith
The very qualities within us they hijack and make use of for their (temporary) personal gain, are the same qualities about us that lead us to see through them, to leave them, and to heal and recover, stronger, wiser, and more humane than before.
This makes sociopaths hate us even more. They simply have no capacity to comprehend our world or our emotions. We, on the other hand, can understand theirs and so, by understanding how their minds work, render them ineffective in their scams and harm.
So, sociopaths hate us. Even the day we met. Once we see through them the hate is let out of the cage. And so, all along and finally more so in the end, sociopaths are their own undoing.
There’s no way under the sun that they don’t give themselves away. The same limitations in their brain biology that makes them want what they want, and do what they do lead to giving themselves away.
Sociopaths Hate Us and Fear Us: The Sociopath’s Weakness
The thing they can’t get around is the constant fear of being unmasked. This and their limited minds make them predictable. They need to appear nice and upstanding to combat their fear of being caught, yet in the heat of discovery unplanned, improvised things they say and do bring them down.
Their predictability, mental limitations, transparent lies,and ranting leave gaps and leverage for our escape from these monsters. Sociopaths hate us for being what we are – human – and paradoxically hijack our humanity for their survival.
There are moments when no matter the position of the body the soul is on its knees.
~ Victor Hugo
Climbing Up Out of The Abyss of the Sociopath’s Hatred
Ten months after marrying the man of my dreams the winding, hairpin turn, dead-drop roller coaster ride of disengaging my life from his ruination jerked into motion.
I felt every grueling, gut-punch, every head snap. Fear never left me. Grief slept and woke up with me each morning. Grief and loss are part of PTSD after a sociopath. – My grief wasn’t over lost love, but the loss of something I had thought was real. – Yours will be too.
Using our normal human point of view will take us on and on in misery, living in hurt, mistrust, and confusion under a false understanding of what happened and why and of how amazing we are.
Any care or concern for him vanished in one heartbeat. Seeing the truth behind his pretty face, I held no illusions or mistaken feelings that even a tiny breath of my life with him had been real. There had been no mutual moment of anything. He did his best to make me believe a deep vein of true love ran between us even during the ten days it took him to move out.
Those hideous moments flipped on a dime to his blatant contempt for me. As harsh as the hatred for me was – it was the truth. His fake sugar-candy sweetness, softness, and humility no longer soothed me; his false kindness was evil in disguise and held more danger than his open plots and insults.
A turn of the lens and the answers fall into place.
We can find value in this hell. Scrape this burning trip through pain for all the wisdom we can. Promise yourself you’ll win rather than be pulled under or scarred. Sociopaths need us to hold up their house-of-cards lives. We don’t need them.
Our brain has a center that lights up like a Christmas tree when we feel love or concern. Sociopaths’ brains do not register these feelings. They ain’t got no Christmas tree. We genuinely light up in love, joy, kindness as well as sorrow and grief. They think our emotions are ridiculous, a waste of time. Useless. They use our emotions to get what they need – so they falsely think they are in charge.
They don’t care what we think, how we feel, what we want, or need – unless it places them in a position of being exposed or loosing things they’ve taken.
Sociopaths are classified as “antisocial psychopaths”, and the last thing we want to bedoing is dating one, or marrying one. They’re sometimes now referred to as having an “antisocial personality disorder,” which is not a fixable disorder. Some people call them narcissists, as borrowed from another medical, mental health classification: a malignant narcissist.
The description of a malignant, covert, or overt narcissist is, in essence, describing a sociopath. For our purposes, consider a malignant narcissist a sociopath. We aren’t doctors, insurance companies, and social services; that’s who those definitions in the DSM were written for. Base your escape and recovery on your experience, not a medical manual.
Antisocial Psychopaths Do Their Best to Seem Normal
Sociopaths mimic our emotions as best they can – which is truly not very well or we wouldn’t be reading these pages. They steal the contents of our hearts and our wallets, they borrow and hijack our lives and remain bereft of compassion and love as a desert is of water.
When it comes down to it – their only power is that we didn’t know what they were. When we see them behind the mask, they know it’s time to go. And they know when we’re seeing through long before we could imagine they do.
Pathological predators want (need) to look like the good and respectable “victim,” take our money and anything else they can, have a kid here or there, feel like they are King or Queen… and move on before being caught. Or before their boredom overwhelms them.
We Win When We Accept That They Exist
By understanding their primal, reptilian brain we can make that “going” cleaner and easier for ourselves, there are “break-up musts” when it comes to escaping a sociopath – even if you call them a narcissist.
That said: do not tempt a sociopath’s rage. It’s easy to ignite their erratic defense mechanisms. Do not underestimate the danger that a sociopath is. Without internal, self-inspired stops or controls of any kind on what they do, or say.
Entanglements of Darkness
The dark places they can take their rage is a places we never want to see. Their rage is born of the fear that they’ll be caught or have things they’ve taken, taken away. They never want to lose prey or the things they take.
It’s really important that we not argue with them, challenge them, or threaten them. This leads only to more pain and risk for ourselves.
They don’t care what we think, how we feel, what we want, or need – unless it places them in a position of being exposed or losing things they’ve taken. When you see what they are, do this: zip it. Stay silent. Get them out. Or go yourself. Hold onto what we are as gorgeous, glorious humane humans.
We Are Awesome and Our Own Angels
Use the sociopaths’ weaknesses to leverage them out of our lives and minimize the damage. Find real freedom, heal from the crime it was – there was no relationship. All the incredible innate and natural traits we possess as normal humans that render us their prey are also our saving grace.
Without our emotions we can’t build a life, love our children, or care for the real people in our lives: husbands, wives, moms and dads, our kids, or even see the beauty of a sunset. Since we’re full of complex emotional capacity, we can use intense difficulties or suffering to create depth and value.
Stand up! See the sociopath for what he or she is! The way to heal from what really went on is to reframe the entire debacle from the viewpoint of a sociopath’s mind.
Using our normal human point of view will take us on and on in misery, living in hurt, mistrust, and confusion under a false understanding of what happened and why and how amazing we are.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Love bombing is an explosion of contact. It’s how the life-jack happens. How do we stop them from getting inside our lives.
Love bombing is the first tool sociopaths pull from the identical tool-kit they each come with. They’re all alike and yet, they each think they’re unique and über special.
Sociopaths are special for sure, special cases of wrong-doing, life-ruining parasites. Every love bombing destroyer starts things off the same way. And it seems like heaven. Things rapidly – or maybe slowly – take a pitch for the worse. All these rides into hell follow the same five stages.
It all begins the first millisecond a sociopath makes contact with a person. Any person.
At each new encounter, the predatory sociopath looks into the crowd with one thought: which person can I hook.
This is the first point: they can’t not do this. They’re also really lazy and like to do a little as possible in order to get whatever they want.
They do give a scan around the room for who might be (from their point of view) the easiest to draw into their web.
However, not one bit of this “assessment” covers or considers whether someone is stupid or “codependent” or or low on self-esteem or not. They’re looking for whoever it is that finds them cute. Th person who stays in the conversation, and responds when they say something. Contact.
The fact is, every single amazing, normal-human one of us can be scammed. Every one. Even the cynic. No one is exempt. It’s really a matter of the prey’s life circumstances…not a position in life or economic, but more profound things.
Our humanity is what sociopaths take advantage of.Sociopaths – or that “narcissist” are looking for good people . People who are first of all easy to access. Then beyond that anyone is viable possible prey. In order to support their revolution lives they do well with people who are open, secure, up for an adventure, looking for something new in their lives, ready to make changes, are optimistic, and have had loss, understand grief, are forgiving, loving, and believe in second chances, believe in love, and invest in and treasure friendships and relationships. – Nice people. Good people. It’s your natural human goodness that they twist to hold up their lives.
Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious-face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey.
Unseen conditions come into the equation: timing, our state of mind, emotional awareness, our self-perception, our internal life condition, our mood, and deep inner-realm-things in the moment of meeting a sociopath.
And more than anything, it matters greatly if we’re attracted to them or not. If we aren’t they overlook us. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with a person who’s scammed but there’s everything wrong with a sociopath. We are not weak or stupid. We’re human. They are the opposite on all counts.
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Love Bombing is Contact: Everything Depends on Contact
When a love-bombing sociopath meets a new person they shiver in excitement – it makes them seem so energetic and charming. It takes the right (wrong) combo of things going on in our lives and most importantly, we need to think they’re kinda cute. In some cases, we don’t think they’re cute instead, they keep at us with contact until we cave.
The initial moment of contact is everything. And the contact keeps the hook in. Sociopaths look for normal human, good-hearted people.
Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.
Sociopaths are monsters. (Even when you call them a “narcissist”.) They want you to trust them so they can use you and take from you. It’s not that any one of us is particularly special, or specifically any one thing or another… this is what they attempt to do to any and every human they can draw in. They lie and scam and take from anyone and everyone. Their scamming-ground covers love, business, the religious realm, absolutely in every arena and in every moment of every day, everywhere they go.
Realize what we’re up against: a being with an entirely different brain than ours. They do not think like we do, as in literally they do not think in the same way we do. They have their own interpretation and perspective and awareness that does not include anything we understand as normal. They don’t experience any human interaction in the way we do. Fortunately, their love-bombing technique can be easily diffused.
How to Disarm a Love Bombing Sociopath
Go old-school, old-fashioned dating rules with a contemporary touch-up. You might not like this. But – it’s a sure-hit way to diffuse a love-bombing sociopath.
1) Limit Texting to Logistics: “I’ll Be There in Five”
Limiting text time side-steps the false feeling of deepening a relationship. Relationships don’t develop in Whatsapp messages, Snapchat, or cell phone chat. Relationships happen through spending time together – over an extended time – as in calendar time, not over three days of hours and hours of texting back and forth.
When things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us. Later, after things bottom out, a scary I-will-get-you-face, and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels.
Our dreamy interpretations of their flirty texts are a danger zone. Texting is a trap sociopaths hope we fall into. We easily believe there’s a whole lot going on between us with zero effort on their part therefore, texting puts us right where they want us. Texting doesn’t make a relationship under even the very best of circumstances.
Be aware, that text that we think is for us alone is likely for about five or six other targets at the same time. – Yes. Many all at once, always.
Use texts for simple communication only. Such as, I’m running late. Or, the address is 639 Wonderland Drive. Parking on the side street
Use phone calls – from him – to let him ask you out.Yep. – Do not call him. Later, call him one time to every three or four times he calls you
Skip the trend or tendency to use phone time as “a date”. Three-hour conversations are bait-and-hook marathons for predators. It builds false bonds
Long phone odysseys, even with someone normal are merely imagined bonding. When limited to phone-contact-only under normal circumstances it leads to break-downs and break-ups
2) One Date Per Week Per Person: Without Protracted Phone Calls or Messaging – Which is Contact – in Between
Limit dating time. Sociopaths move fast. Toxic people, predators, narcissists, sociopaths (all the same thing), want the romance to swell into a crescendo of “deep commitment” and very often, cohabitation within one to four weeks.
In order to get the keys to our pad, they need to see us often, alone, and maintain heavy contact. Say, “no” to daily contact. – Have other things to do. Override that yearning weird feeling towards them if that’s stirring in your gut. (That’s the hook, the instant coercive control.)
Make your own life the center of your attention. Please don’t fall into the popular disingenuousness of “...we’re just hanging out.” With a normal human, that’ snot good enough and with one of these pathological users, they are never just “hanging out”… They’re working on hooking prey every single moment. – They aren’t in the room, on the phone or in the chat for the reason we are.
3) Date in Groups and Be Active: Later, When Gatherings 100% are Safe
Sound nuts…? Wait until this guy or gal turns out to be a sociopath, then nuts will take on actual meaning. Here’s the thing… Why in the world – really – would we ever go out in the evening to dinner, a movie – a walk on a deserted beach – with … a stranger??
I know. I know. It’s done all the time, it seems okay… It’s normal. Americans meet online, or in a bar or at a party and easily exchange numbers, information and go on a date – alone – together – solo. It is a part of our culture. But – why…?!
Dating in the U.S. used to be about spending time in groups, and still is in France or Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Spain, Denmark. In these cultures, each person is known quite well by at least two or three others in the group. Even then it takes time – time spent with the group – before anyone would consider a solo, alone-time date.
Sociopaths need privacy. Sociopaths separate us from the group. From family. From friends. If we only go for group dates, a sociopath will bail by date three. Isolation is key to a sociopath’s success at hooking targets.
So, get a group of your friends – go bowling, hiking, to art walks, free concerts, day time fun things that reveal people’s true character and personality through group interaction. A sociopath can’t hold up as a real functioning person in a group, because they aren’t.
Ask friends what they think of him. Take their answers to heart. Trust friends.
And another point about when you are in company… refrain from pouring out lots of personal information. When you’re meeting someone new, hold off on telling them your life story, even if they prompt you to. Instead, talk about other things.
Telling the story of your childhood or past relationships – especially hard ones – isn’t a way to court or woo or a get-to-know-you method, these personal things are potentially shared when you already know someone quite well.
4) Online Research: Who is This Guy We’re Dating?
Aside from a background check which can be inaccurate, I’m talking about your own home-done sleuthing.
What is this guy’s name? Who are his friends? Look through their Facebook pages objectively.Google him. Verify any posting related to him; trace its origin because every sociopath plants “a good reputation” and “super achievements” online.
Special Rule Number 5 to Detect a Love Bombing Sociopath
5) The Eyes Give Away a Sociopath
Sociopaths are shape-shifters. Truly, the faces of predators change as their “success” with prey goes through ups and downs, and because of this we can spot them.
Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious face that falls in place when they think they might lose prey. On the other hand, when things are going well, a cunning-victory face makes them seem “happy” to see us.
Later, after things bottom out, they’ve got that scary I-will-get-you-face and even a creature-in-hell-face takes over when their world of lies unravels. By the way, these are their real faces.
We will not be scammed. We, my friends, will thrive! They’re a zombie-empty-shell of made-up stories and lies. We are real. And we can be who we want to be – sociopath free!!
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