Tag Archives: love scam

Marriage Fraud: The Green Card Scam

Marriage fraud is many a liar’s dream.
Access to the USA
gives them a new place to hide.
Protect yourself legally from their hijinks.
Break free and clear safely.

passport2

Marriage fraud: conning someone into marriage for a green card is no big deal to a life-stealing predator like a sociopath.

Sociopaths (narcissists) have no problem lying, they do it all day long. Telling lies that cross into committing criminal acts to gain what they’re after is a-okay with them. Lies are normal and boundaries don’t exist to them.

The cross-over between truth and lies is blurred into nonexistence. Yet, be fully aware that they do know that they’re lying. The reality is that the sociopath’s (narcissist’s) entire life is a made-up fabrication with extremely small fumes of truth in whatever they’ve told you about themselves. So, marriage fraud for a green card scam is an incredibly common sociopath-con. 

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Marriage Fraud is a Piece of Cake for a Sociopath

The information and experience reflected in the article are based on a marriage fraud that took place in 2013 in the USA. The monetary amounts mentioned for applications and processing may have changed. During the years 2020 and 2021, immigration into the USA is likely at a halt.

In my experience, I observed that green cards are handed out to married couples fairly easily. The application process with USCIS seems intimidating when you’re going through it, but getting the green card isn’t as difficult as urban myth leads us to believe.

The US Government Sides with You

USCIS holds the position that American citizen deserves to have their spouse living alongside them in the United States. They want our application to work out. Getting a green card can be quite simple.

We’ve all heard stories of the couple who fought for years to be together in North America. What we don’t hear about are the hundreds of couples who get a green card in three to four months with no trouble at all.

Conditional Adjusted Status: The Two-Year Green Card

You might need or want to check with an immigration attorney. You might have realized that it’s rare to find an immigration lawyer who is addressing the needs of the U.S. citizen rather than the immigrant. There is one that has been referred to me years after my case. They’re in Texas but work with U.S. citizens anywhere. www.codiaslaw-com

That first “green card” is technically called being given, conditional adjusted status. This allows the qualifying immigrant to live and work in the USA for two years. In order to stay legally in the U.S. beyond that two-year period, another application process is required and is filed six months before the first green card expires.

As a legally married couple within the U.S., the citizen and the immigrant spouse start the two-year conditional adjusted status process by filing USCIS form I-458. If the immigrant fiance is outside of the U.S. and you’re not yet legally married, there’s a different process.

Marriage Fraud is Not Uncommon: USCIS Knows How to Spot It

USCIS officials know that marriage fraud happens. There are specific things that signal that one of the parties didn’t marry the other “in good faith”. They are things like an age difference, marrying quickly, and other rather obvious ideas. Follow this link for a list of several of the red flags that USCIS employees and officials look out for. – And yes, those window clerks are on the alert as well as the interviewers.

USCIS Interview Questions

The USCIS interview is basic and pretty much what one would think. In times past they’d show up at your shared home to see that you did indeed live together. This hasn’t been the case for ages. Now you go together to the immigration office and sit in a room with a stoic officer of USCIS.

The couple is asked things like what are each other’s favorite foods, where they went to college, their favorite pet’s name, how they met, and what they wear to bed. Seemingly random questions that reveal the involvement and indicate a personal life together. – They aren’t only listening to the answers. They read the room, as they say. You are being scrutinized.

If USCIS suspects fraud they alter the interview. They’ll get into more specific and probing questions. They might take each spouse into separate rooms to question.

ICE Has an Online PDF About Marriage Fraud

It states: Marriage fraud is: Neither victimless nor limited in scope, the crime of marriage fraud is anything but a trivial matter. Types of marriage fraud include: A foreign national defrauds a U.S. citizen who believes the marriage is legitimate.

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Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Each Word Has Significance

Further consequences: US citizens who enter into fraudulent marriages assume great personal liability. The foreign spouse may gain access to sensitive, personal information including, but not limited to, bank accounts, safe deposit boxes, retirement and investment accounts, personal identity information, and family heirlooms.

Ten Years Permission to Live in the USA

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Before the two-year green card expires another application, form I75-1, and more fees must be filed by our scamming spouse in order to remove conditions from their green card so that they can stay for ten more years and during that time take citizenship.

That’s the big enchilada the con man immigrant is shooting for.

This application cost was $700 in 2012. The is paperwork that the immigrant files on their own. A part of the application process is proving that they married you – the US citizen – in good faith. In some cases even after a divorce from the US spouse, the conditions on their status may be removed and the application approved for their ten-year green card.

Immigration Directors and Officials

USCIS and ICE see tons and tons of marriage fraud and green card scams. Even with this experience, officials aren’t immune to a sociopath’s charms. Additionally, the effect of the sociopath is so all-encompassing that the U.S. spouse under the sociopath effect will defend the sociopath right through the red tape and scrutiny of USCIS, all the while believing their spouse and in their love.

Green card scammers attempting to gain entry into the U.S. are committing a crime. As a target of their fraud, you’re not accountable for the scammer’s crime. – We are responsible for letting USCIS know about the immigration fraud as soon as we realize what has happened.

A Green Card Represents a Golden Ticket

Marriage fraud and green card scams are carried out in choice-target countries. One destination very high on the list is the UK though with Brexit, that may change since access to all of Europe will no longer be included. Here’s support for marriage scammers in the UK. Holland is another country of choice, as is Canada.

The bottom line is a green card scammer wants a passport to a country that takes them to a richer, riper, more free country. Or out of the country where people are after them.

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Once Married, They Just Might Own Your Stuff

In several states, once we’re married, what’s theirs is ours and what is ours is theirs by law. When married to a scammer, this is a horrifying reality to see. There’s deep sorrow, grief, and loss as a target of marriage fraud.

Once we realize it was a scam rather than a romance we’re better off knowing their real intention, but it’s a hard experience. The way you end the marriage in a legal sense is important. You’ll want to legally end the marriage choosing between a divorce or an annulment.

Report the Scamming Sociopath to USCIS

USCIS is aware that a U.S. citizen can be conned. But when they call things suspicious: You’re both under suspicion. Therefore… cover your bases. I’ve known of the couple being rejected with a letter that implies they’re both in on it when it was anything but the situation.

In my case, USCIS tried to stall the process. They’d given us an interview that is used when they suspect fraud. He did get his green card, and then I’d seen enough as well and I kicked him out just a few months later.

Report, Report, Report

Report to USCIS immediately if you discover that the love isn’t real. Even though it’s your word against anyone else’s be sure to report. Without fail, report the scam to USCIS. – USCIS knows this happens, it’s okay to report you’ve been scammed and it’s for your safety to do so. The lying scumbag will never know that you reported them, that is to say, USCIS doesn’t tell them.

Make your report by writing a letter to the officer who interviewed you and to the director of the immigration center where the interview took place. In your report give them complete information.

You might need or want to check with an immigration attorney. You might have already realized that it’s rare to find an immigration lawyer who is addressing the needs of the U.S. citizen rather than the immigrant. There is one that has been referred to me years after my case. They are in Texas but work with U.S. citizens anywhere.

Changes in Circumstances Must Be Reported

For example, the green card holder is meant to report any address change, they will not do this when they leave your place. You can include this information. Even if you don’t know where they went, be sure to give the date that they left your home.

If things are missing, let them know what was stolen. Be as detailed as you can be in dollar amounts, property, jewelry, and the debt you’ve been left with. You can also report to their country, the one they hold a passport for, the one on their birth certificate. Consider reports to the FBI, CIA, Interpol, the IRS, and tax boards in other countries.

Speak From the Heat: Be Straightforward and Clear

  • State that you were in love when you got married
  • Be open in that this person did not marry you “in good faith” 
  • If they moved out, tell them so and give the date that they left
  • Give any address or contact information we have on our runaway scammer
  • Let them know you no longer agree that this person should have access to or that conditional adjusted status in the United States
  • Tell them anything you feel is pertinent such as indirect and direct evidence of their criminal behavior, fraud, other marriages, children; or anything you’ve discovered.

Their Fraud is Not Our Crime: We Owe the Immigrant Nothing

Contrary to what we’re made to think and to what a sociopathic green card scammer will tell you: you will not be held accountable for them. You’re not going to be in trouble. You don’t have to pay their rent and feed them. You owe them nothing. You’re not responsible for their crime.

Information to Report to USCIS on the Scamming Sociopath

Even if you don’t have all f this, give them what you have. If you can make or have copies of their driver’s license or IDs and information, give those as well (and keep copies for yourself).

  • The con man or woman’s full name
  • Give their “A” Number, the number assigned to them by USCIS
  • Copies of or numbers from any birth certificate, passports from any country, driver’s licenses from any country or state
  • Social Security numbers or other state or country IDs
  • Their car’s license plate number and State
  • VIN number of their a car and the car make and model
  • A recent full-face photo, and a full-body photo
  • Bank account numbers and the bank name or routing number
  • All addresses you’re aware they use or have used
  • And all versions of their name
  • List the telephone numbers you’ve known them to have (or use)
  • Give their Facebook page link, Twitter handle, Insta, or anything you know about
  • List other social media or websites they have
  • Report the names and contact information of friends/girlfriends/boyfriends, finances, or other wives or children

Turn In Every Bit of Documentation You’ve Got

Basically, you’re going to report absolutely everything you’ve got that could possibly lead them to him or her. – If you don’t have much don’t worry, give them what you do have.

Let USCIS know the date that he or she moved out. Be straightforward in declaring that you feel they did not marry you in good faith. Report the filing date and the status of your impending divorce or annulment. Give them the contact information of the attorney handling your divorce or annulment process. Here’s a link to USCIS: www.uscis.gov.

You want to be sure to make your feelings and position clear. There’s nothing more you need to do. You will not be punished. You will not be arrested or be held responsible for the fleeing a conman spouse.

Report For Your Own Well Being

Please know that you’re making these reports out of a sense of what you feel is right and for your own protection. Decide what’s right for you. Keep in mind though that these people – these patholgoical predators – could have been up to things we have no idea about while we were married to them.

Separating ourselves and legally extricating ourselves from culpability, implicit guilt or any legal responsibility to whatever that might be is essential. While USCIS can’t arrest them for theft or for defrauding us, the information you report, and the statement you make leave you free and clear. The attempted fraud and other relevant information are attached to their permanent file following them everywhere they go in the world.

Green Card Fraud is a Crime

Scamming USCIS is no small crime. The more information we give, the clearer we can be, with copies of previous annulments, divorces, or attempts at adjusting immigration status before their green card scam using us, the better.

If they try to get another U.S. green card, or if any country’s authorities have any future reason to look into them and the history will be there. The day will come when our international true love scammers will be criminally caught out.

Loss and More Loss: Recovery Is Resolving Every Loss

Our deepest loss will be our trust in – well – a lot of things for a while. We lose our hearts, a piece of our soul. And things. Things that mattered to us. And we recover. We are renewed.

After making the report – that’s it. USCIS will not tell us if they investigate, apprehend or arrest or deport the marriage-frauding, green-card-scamming fiend. They can’t by law. The good part is this: We know we followed through. We took the steps to protect ourselves.

And hopefully, your reports will weigh down the movements of the monster with facts and a paper trail of their malevolent, diabolical acts. Hopefully, you’ve taken some of the flexibility and range out of their criminal life-stealing, soul-raping madness. And best of all you can recover fully. Each of us extracting ourselves from these creatures is truly a superhero and our own angels.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2015_08_30 2022_11_05

Yeast Infections, Candida and Con Men

The stress and trauma do more
than sap our confidence.
It can ravage our health… both in men and women.
Candida fungus grows and grows to make more
exhaustion and “sad” on top of the PTSD.

As annoying as yeast infections are, what brings them on and keeps them roiling does far more than make us itchy. Let’s not get hung up on the very icky word “fungus”. – And don’t think men are exempt! Candida lives within all of our bodies, its home is the intestinal tract.

Candida is indeed a fungus, though we often hear candida referred to as a bacteria. And yes, men and women alike can suffer from too much of this little gem that keeps sour systems running smoothly, in addition, for the ladies… Ooooh my, the thing behind infamous bothersome, seemingly unending “yeast infections” is actually this darling fungus, Candida Albicans or candida, for short. 

Candida is Normal: Too Much Candida Makes Us Sick

Woman sick with candida

We need candida in our system, as with most things, there’s a proper balance for optimum conditions.

It’s the overpopulation of candida that causes problems. Too much of this charming fungus and as women, we’re buying so much Vagisil we wish we’d bought stock.

And to make things more complicated… and yet – more simple, there is a whole bundle of symptoms, discomforts, and diseases that can develop from candida fungi aside from the good old yeast infection. Let’s find out how to manage this mess and get things back in balance.

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Candida Overload Feels a Lot Like PTSD

Most of these troubles candida causes play a part in the PTSD orchestra too: depression, fatigue, irritability, inability to concentrate, indecision, foggy brain, I-can’t get-up-off-the-couch syndrome, and UTIs. So that means a double dose of each of those.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Home to The Intestinal Tract

Candida lives in our intestinal tract, we need it in a certain amount for good health. There are good candida levels and bad candida levels. When the candida overpopulation hits a certain high we crash super low.

Why does this matter right now!? We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, and we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now.

Narcissistic Abuse is a Whole Body Experience

Stress makes candida. Sugar increases candida. Hormones grow candida. Processed foods are a buffet for candida. Caffeine stimulates candida. Alcohol is a party and all the candida shows up and makes more candida. Why does this matter right now!? 

We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, and too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now. We can fix it. If we don’t, we’re headed for trouble.

Candida and PTSD Have the Same Symptoms

Candida comes with the same things that come with PTSD: sadness, confusion, fatigue, foggy brain, depression, and anxiety. Candida overgrowth causes serious conditions and illness in addition to yeast infections.

Candida Growth Zooms From…

  • Hormone Changes
  • Alcohol
  • Sugar
  • Caffeine
  • Antibiotics
  • Grains and simple carbohydrates, potatoes, pasta, pastries
  • Processed food
  • Prepackaged food
  • Preservatives
  • Non-organic foods grown with Round Up and chemicals
  • Grief
  • Stress
  • Trauma
  • And con men, the trauma and stress of narcissistic abuse

Hormones on the Monthly and Hormones from Trauma

Every monthly cycle as our hormones swing, candida grows. The antibiotics we take for related yeast infections and UTIs cause more candida to grow. Candida levels remain high and continue to escalate month to month, stress to stress.

And good-old candida lives off the things we tend to live off of when under PMS or stress, like sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. Like any proper organism, candida is driven to self-perpetuate. That’s one big reason we crave these goodies. Our body is begging for it.

Conditions and Illness from Candida Overgrowth

  • Depression
  • Exhaustion
  • Anxiety Allergies
  • Lethargy
  • Confusion
  • Chronic Fatigue
  • Weepiness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of vitality
  • Sadness
  • Nail fungus
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Heart Failure

How to Reduce Candida

It’s essential we kill off candida and get healthy. You might lose weight on this cleansing, restorative diet. If you lose too much, eat more! If foods aren’t okay on this list, don’t eat them. Maybe consult a great doctor, especially a classical homeopath or a nutritionist.

  • Eat foods that naturally contain prebiotics and take supplemental probiotics
  • Eat foods containing probiotics and consider supplemental probiotics. This link goes to my favorite
  • Start walking
  • If taking antibiotics as a medical prescription, take prebiotics at alternate hours
  • Seek and use alternate holistic health practices
  • Begin to drink eight glasses to twelve glasses of water a day
  • Lay off sugar
  • Lay off alcohol
  • Lay off the junk fast food and processed food

6-Week Candida Cleanse Diet 

This is a strict all-out-kill-the-candida suggested diet. It is hard to maintain unless we eat close to this already. It isn’t necessary to go this extreme unless we’re really, really sick with candida.

Eat Healthfully for Reduced Candida

You’ll want to add in greens, and more greens… they’re delish even for breakfast! Here’s a list of the amazing greens available and there are plenty more of them I’m missing.

  • Spinach
  • All chards, red and green
  • Kales, baby, Italian and all
  • Turnip greens
  • Beet greens
  • Collard and dandelion greens

And then more of what we call cruciferous veggies:

  • Cabbage, red and green
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels sprouts

And more beautiful natural foods that naturally balance and nourish our bodies!

  • Avocado
  • And all lettuces
  • Vegetables without high sugar: reduce carrots, beets, and peas
  • Grapefruit whole and fresh-squeezed juice
  • Lemons and limes

Cooking and salad and dressing oils:

  • Olive oil
  • Avocado oil
  • Coconut oil
  • Almond oil

Greens are a Prebiotic Signalling Our Immune System to Reset and Strengthen

All these greens are super important. They’re known as prebiotics, trigger our immune system, and keep candida from overgrowing in the first place. Eating plants triggers our immune system to strengthen itself. Another surprising prebiotic is raw sauerkraut. Wheat flour can be substituted for coconut, almond, cassava, and tapioca flour. Crackers that are not candida makers can be found in brands such as. Flackers, and Jilz.

  • As far as meat-eating: if you can swing the price, eat grass-fed, pasture-raised and wild-caught, all-organic
  • Dairy: stick with pasture-raised eggs, goat milk yogurt, imported French butter, as in made in France, and eat only northern European cheeses
  • All or any nuts, aside from peanuts and cashews

Beverages that Support Health and Lower Candida

  • Water, water, water…Fresh lemon juice in water daily
  • Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water, one tablespoon to two tablespoons
  • Water: 8 glasses a day (did I say water?)
  • Green juices, especially lower natural sugar so, without apple, carrot or beet
  • Grapefruit juice, freshly squeezed or eat the grapefruit itself
  • Herbal teas

Modify this as you like, and remember killing off Candida – unless we also take Candex – makes us feel sick! Irony. It takes several days to detox, let the candida die off, and the headaches, flu-like symptoms, and fatigue to lift.

Eating Methodology That Naturally Regulates Candida

An excellent diet for great health and minimal candida growth is the Plant Paradox, by Dr. Steven Gundry. For a great current blog written by a Plant Paradox diet devotee, as she makes grocery and shopping finds, and creates recipes and hacks, you might want to follow along! Keep in mind Dr. Gundry’s “plan” isn’t easy to stick to, it takes truly altering your life in a few ways from grocery shopping, to recipes, to cooking methods, to the zooming grocery bills. But: it works.

Another similar and helpful method of eating is referred to as FODMAP. Both Plant Paradox and FODMAP reduce intestinal bloating and acid reflux. FODMAP could be a bit easier to take on and likely has fewer changes to what you might eat now than the Plant Paradox.

Make Things Tastier Than Tasty!

Use calm herbs like parsley, rosemary, tarragon, dill, oregano, thyme caraway, and citrus juices or zest to flavor foods.

Avoid “sweeter” vegetables as you embark on the candida clear-out such as corn, beets, carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, peas. They can be eaten once in a while, once you get things in the candida department sorted.

Eating sugar… added sugars, well, my friend, sugars are not our friends. Avoid table sugar, molasses, honey, agave, maple syrup, jelly, jam. or any sweetener.

And please put these aside for now: white rice, brown rice, white potatoes, pasta, popcorn, pastries, white flour, white rice, caffeine, alcohol, vinegar, hot spices, and fermented drinks, including kombucha and beer.

Making these changes is a challenge! It can be tedious. Do your best day by day. You might feel sick as the candida “dies off”. To avoid feeling so sick you’d rather go eat a box of donuts because you feel so sick as the candida dies off, try Candex.

Candex Kills Off Candida

To support candida reduction and ease feeling sick take Candex. Candex kills the candida, even if you’re finding diet changes difficult. It is fantastic. Follow the bottle dosage directions. It’s at Whole Foods and online.

Some people take activated charcoal to absorb the dying candida and avoid feeling sick. There are kits, and herbal candida cleanse products out there. Look for them and choose as you feel is right for you… My favorite is Candex.

Magical Boric Acid

When I first heard that boric acid kills candida via a vaginal suppositry I was well incredulous… Because of the word “acid”. Turns out it’s legit! Boric acid is inert as an acid in the way we think of battery acid or acid that eats away at something (our skin!) or causes burns.

Boric acid is a remedy for candida and vaginal yeast for a long, long time. Well before the chemical insertable thingys or current M.D. or Gyno is giving out. A quick Google brings boraic acid pusppositories in options galore fomr Amzon to several vendors!

Boric acid vaginal suppositories are available for purchase. They are solid, oval-shaped capsules that a person inserts into the vagina. They become liquid as they warm up to the body’s temperature. To treat a Candida infection, the CDC recommend using caginal suppositories containing 600 mg of boric acid each… 

Boric Acid for Yeast Infections Effectiveness,https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325518#:~:text=Boric acid vaginal suppositories are,mg of boric acid each. MedicalNewsToday

Take Probiotics and Prebiotics

There is a simple candida spit test. This reveals candida overgrowth. In the morning before eating, drinking, or brushing your teeth, spit into a clean, clear glass of about 4 ounces of clean drinking water. Hold up the glass and take a look.

If you’ve got a clump of floating white mucous – you’ve got too much candida. “Legs” will trail from the cloud to the bottom of the glass. If the trails have granules, little white nobs – you have lots of candida overgrowth. There are other candida tests as well.

If you’re really looking to ramp up into a full-on health makeover, there are a lot of options, one example is found in this award-winning, Saveur Best Food Blog. It was a winner in the special diet category. It’s a beautiful blog with innovative plant-based recipes: My New Roots. A votres santé mes petites!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Have you heard the podcast?

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2014_12_07 2023_08_31

Con After Con: Movies, Books, Television

Con after con, we’ve got novels,
films, plays from comedies to dramas talking about it.
Entertainment replete with stories
of con men and women
out doing and undoing the normal “guy” or “gal”.

When a con man – a sociopath – gets the best of you – your impulse s to tell someone or several someones. You have too… It’s part of recovering. Personally, I told lots of people. Most people were amazed. All people eager to listen – to a point.

Quite a few had been in relationships with sociopaths themselves but didn’t realize it. Most were sympathetic, but empathy (really feeling it) was nowhere in sight. Who can know what this madness is…?

Then there was that just didn’t get it at all. They had questions, like: How did you fall for that!?… Like it was a joke; kinda laughing or incredulous. And Didn’t you know he was a scammer?

And one of my favorites when I’d say we met and married within seven days, OooOOOohhhh, while they nod their heads. As if that makes hijacking my life in deceptive crime, okay, and clearly: My fault. – Wrong. But none the less everyone was interested in the story and that’s why there are so many such stories in our pop culture and media.

Fact or Fiction: Everyone Loves a Good Story as Long as It Isn’t Happening to Them

In addition to stories of cons in the news constantly, our entertainment is swollen with con stories. Many of them based on true stories. And yet at a real-life, personal level the one scammed can come into question and – we ourselves can hold onto doubt. We run thoughts through our minds like, Did I do something to make it happen? Here are the answers to both: Anyone can fall for a con. No one can recognize a con man and fall for the con! We did nothing to “make it happen”.

Tales from Real Life or Pure Non-Fiction: Con After Con

con artists sociopath in movies books

It’s a common thought that writers can only write about what they know, so how come so many writers are very aware of cons and yet life targets and prey have another shock and often find the real betrayal in the face of this horrific trauma at the hands of a conman?

Keep in mind, if a friend you’re confiding in isn’t empathetic they are not “bad” – just unaware – and, at this time, not right for you to tell your story to or look to as a shoulder or a rock.

Please, sweet girl or guy – move on to someone who is empathetic, sympathetic, non-judgmental and loves you, as your support person while discovering the surreal reality and resolving your losses and in restoring your gorgeous self.

Discover lightbulb moments.
Find your way back to you.

Antisocial Psychopaths: From Killers to Con Artists

Scary stuff and some laughs involving the scariest creatures on earth. They’re here everywhere: Both Sociopaths and Psychopaths are born with the same abnormal brain landing them in the mental health category “antisocial psychopath”, ASP. The psychopath has an extra bit that overrides the rest: They love other’s pain.

And don’t be fooled this Halloween… a covert, overt, or malignant narcissist is a sociopath within our experience of them, just not in that DSM, medical manual – ’cause that thing isn’t written for us. It’s written by researchers who like to categorize things into many splinter descriptions.

It’s constantly changing. It’s for prison sentencing determinations, drug prescriptions and social services allotments. For us, we need to get to the root of their motivation and how they’re alike vs. how they’re each dissimilar for our recovery and freedom.

A Classic Comic Film Example of How a Con Artist Thinks

In the Steve Martin, Michael Caine comedy classic: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, the first 13 minutes of the film reveals the utter truth about con artists. At 11 minutes and 52 seconds in, we hear the kernel of a con artist’s functioning affably, nonchalantly voiced by kind, goofy, and lovable funnyman, Steve Martin.

See Steve Martin on The David Letterman Show on YouTube

As the audience we have seen both Michael Caine and Steve Martin set up and pull off mini-scams, The two men are strangers to one another, both passengers on a train to a village in France populated by notoriously wealthy inhabitants.

Michael Caine has observed Steve Martin’s scenario scamming a woman out of an abundant meal in the dining car using a story about his sick grandmother. Finally, they meet in a private passenger car. Michael Caine hiding his own true-scamming-self feels out Steve Martin – con man to con man:

Mr. Martin, a “regular, good-hearted guy”
entering the train compartment where
Mr. Caine, a “dapper nobleman” reads a newspaper:


Mr. Martin:   …Forgot I had a first-class ticket. (Opens blinds.) That bother you?
Mr. Caine:      No.

Mr. Martin:    (Blithely singing) “I love to love you in the night…”

Mr. Caine:      I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation in the dining car.
  My condolences to your grandmother.
Mr. Martin:    Hhuuuh? Oh! (Chuckles.) Oh Ha… Right.

Mr. Caine:      Didn’t you say she was taken ill?

Mr. Martin:    I tell ’em what they wanna hear if it gets me what I want.

Mr. Caine:      Rather a shabby trick isn’t it?

Mr. Martin:    I can tell you’ve got a lot to learn about women.

Mr. Caine:      Yes, I’m afraid I am a bit naive when it comes to the weaker sex.

End Scene. – And Con Man 101 Class.

But what the thing is here… Both of them, both characters in Dirty Rotten Scoundrel’s played by Steve Martin and Michale Caine are con men. And they team up, and con one another and a woman comes into the picture and she’s con artist too… and

For fun: Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman,
Alan Arkin, directed by Zach Braff,
cast members of a bank robber caper movie, “Going In Style”,
interviewed by The Guardian

Films and Novels

Films: Con Artists… People Who Aren’t Who They Say They Are and Can and Do Kill, but Killing Isn’t their Main Jam

  • Paper Moon, Starring Ryan O’Neal and Oscar winner, nine-year-old, Tatum O’Neal
  • The Grifters, starring Annette Bening, John Cusack
  • Academy Award-winning, The Wolf of Wall Street, starring Leonardo DiCaprio
  • The Sting, starring Robert Redford and Paul Newman, 70’s magic
  • For Julia Roberts fans, there’s the 80’s thriller, Sleeping with the Enemy
  • Catch Me if You Can, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks
  • The Talented Mr. Ripley, starring Matt Damon, and the late Philip Seymour Hoffman
  • Big Eyes, starring Amy Adams
  • Black Mass, about Whitey Bulger, played by Johnny Depp
  • Fracture, with the gorgeous Ryan Gosling, in an incredible performance, and the ever-perfect-psychopath, Sir Anthony Hopkins

Episodic Television Chock Full of Sociopaths

  • Dirty John, the first season is based on a real-life situation in Newport California
  • Succession
  • Sneaky Pete, with Giovanni Ribisi
  • Game of Thrones, King Joffrey
  • The character Smurf, played by Ellen Barkin in Animal Kingdom
  • Peaky Blinders, though they tone it down, show them “loving” and you love them all.

Films and TV with the Psychopath Bent

  • Joker, Joaquin Pheonix, playing the most current psychopath
  • American Psycho, starring Christian Bale, on the psychopath end of Antisocial Psychopath
  • The Silence of the Lambs, a classic, of the Chianti and fave beans and Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster
  • Mindhunter
  • Dexter, though in real life Dexter would not genuinely love anyone

Norman Bates, from Bates Motel, is often confused with a psychopath… He isn’t. He’s schizophrenic and psychotic.

Documentaries Showing the Effect and Ruin of Sociopaths

  • FYRE, The Biggest Party That Never Happened, Netflix: an amazing non-romance scam that shows us everything we went through objectively
  • Gringo, The Dangerous Life of John McAfee, on Netflix: about security software developer and gazillionaire, John McAfee
  • Leaving Neverland
  • Surviving R Kelly, Netflix: this one is definitely haunting, I thought of it for three days after; view with caution and the stop button handy
  • Holy Hell, on Netflix: still out and bout functioning as a predator, another self-appointed guru, and spiritual leader; only Andreas (or whatever name he’s using today) can show you God
  • Wild, Wild Country, on Netflix: Bhagwan Shri Ragneesh who now days goes by Osha. Yah, I grew up in Oregon, these orange garbed followers were everywhere
  • Bikram, on Netflix: a Beverly Hills-based “hot” yoga instructor and self-appointed guru, prosecuted for sexual harassment and rape

Know any great videos or books?

Books Centered on Sociopath Characters

  • Tess of the D’Ubervilles, written by Thomas Hardy
  • East of Eden, written by John Steinbeck
  • The Lodger, written by Marie Belloc Lowndes – This one’s a psychopath
  • Match Stick Men, written by Eric Garcia also a film with Nick Cage
  • Catch Me if You Can, written by Frank W. Abagnale
  • The Talented Mr. Ripley, written by Patricia Highsmith

Watching These Can Be Upsetting or Informative

As you can and want to, watch anything that helps you sort through the crazy and come to terms that these kinds of people exist. That they’re like this and will be for the foreseeable future. They aren’t here for the same reason we are.

Once we get into accepting and profoundly understanding their quite simplistic motivation that is unrelated to our interpretations most often… We can be free. When we know what they are and recognize them we’ll not fall into their hypnotic vortex. We won’t be lunch. The predator moves on to other things. – We win.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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As a certified coach upholding ICF standards and ethics, I strive to inform, educate, co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. We decide what winning is. We win.

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What a Conman Wants More Than Anything on Earth

More than anything on earth, they want us to shut up.
They need us but they don’t want us.
They need things like citizenship or all our money.

To survive they need us to believe they’re normal.

These creatures need everything we’ve got. And to get all that we’ve got what they need above all else is for us to just shut up. Sound too simplistic because of how bad you feel when they lie, gaslight, and turn hot and cold?

Well, there is more to it… They first – and for as long as possible – need us to believe them. And to “trust them”. Along with that bit of malarkey, then they get to take from us and use us… for food, a place to sleep, and permission to walk the earth.

Sociopaths Want Us to Shut Up

It’s when we start to see the odd things, the weird stuff, the lies that they want us to shut up. Meaning they don’t want us to challenge them, ask them any questions like, where are you going? Why didn’t you come home last night?

This is so that they can get all the things they need and want while they keep doing whatever they want to do. Like us, they need shelter. They need money, cars, and someone who will defend them to others when the p**p hits the fan at various points in time.

For this, they need to get us to believe they’re normal. They cling to their goal to keep what they are hidden and keep on taking so tenaciously it’s almost awe-inspiring – until it’s frightening … and eventually, laughable.

You Might be Calling A Sociopath a “Narcissist”

Sociopaths are con men, con women, con artists, scammers…criminals. Beyond getting us to like them and be quiet, a scammer’s main need from any specific prey varies. It depends on the circumstances and situations they have going on in their lives that we likely won’t know about, and others they tell us a huge story about.

Paradoxically these pathological users can happily live in a box on the side of the road while they wait for something cozy to jump onto.

Some need a place to stay more than others. Some want political recognition, and they all need a respectability facade, we serve as hall passes and entreé to groups of our friends, maybe to what they see as big-money, or property, or just super good drugs, or just hard-core and depraved sex.

They do whatever they think they need to do to get whatever it is they want.

A con man wants what a con man wants because a con man is a sociopath. Even if we call them a “narc”, “narcopath”, “narcissist”, or a malignant narcissist. It’s amazing to think this is real. We can hardly believe it, and sadly many others won’t believe us when we talk about it.

Take back your life

Sociopaths Need Normal, Strong, Amazing People

Each target or prey holds a key to an aspect of what the con man wants including a good breakfast once in a while. We each fit nicely into their needs like candy in a row on a vending machine. Our presence is a piece of their survival, otherwise, they wouldn’t give us – or any of their other prey – the time of day.

Sometimes the function of a target is to lend the sociopath credibility. The façade of a family and children is popular with sociopaths – so popular, that most have more than one all at the same time. Some targets are a main-line money supply. Others are access to a country or a group of people.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

A Sociopath, a “Narcissist” Tries It On With Everyone

A sociopath juggles targets, all of whom are part of the supply chain for food and shelter, an internet connection, a shower, a bed, and a gym membership.

They need all the mundane basics, as well as any material possession they need, laptops, phones, watches, cars, entrée to private nightclubs and VIP social settings, fundraisers, wine tastings at the German consulate, or the best meth around.

More Than One At a Time: Scamming By the Dozens

These heinous rapscallions covet anything they think fits their persona of “cool” or “good guy”. They covet any person who can get them inside the velvet ropes of any realm.

Paradoxically these pathological users can happily live in a box on the side of the road while they wait for something cozy to jump onto. – The reality of what they are is hard to take in and difficult to fully comprehend in a deeper way than with our “intellect”.

Sociopaths, Narcs, Narcopaths Want Anything and Everything

You name it, they scam it. An address is a number one priority, even if the address they use is not where they live… in fact all the better. You might have experienced that scamming an address for IDs and mail delivery for things such as Passports and for other faux business purposes, is Con Man 101.

Maybe you’ve witnessed how much they like to be untraceable. There’s often more than one phone, email, or social media account. You’ll find variations of their name – or brand new ones they’re using all at once with different prey.

We might not see all these bits of their reality. They sure hope not, because when we do we don’t do what they need most which are for us: to shut up. Con men, narcs, narcopaths, covert narcissists aka sociopaths have delusions of their own importance and glamour.

Know this: all and any gender of sociopath is no different. All here applies to all of them.. There are some special features to female sociopaths. Read here: 3 Dangers of Female Sociopaths.

They Promise Many Things: And “Real” is Never on the List

They’ll promise us the moon to get what they want. The fact is, promises a narcopath – meaning a sociopath – or narc (if you’ll them that) are bait and remain unfulfilled.

They hang like popped balloons on a limp, dirty string. Yet they keep us hanging on for so much longer than we want to as a part of the inexplicable influence of a sociopath.

Their driving force never falters. Their ambitions never wane. Memorize and keep in mind always the real inner workings of a con man or con woman – or con person – when faced with getting away from them.

While there’s pretty much no such thing as a “narcissist”…It doesn’t matter what you call them – what matters is that we understand what we’re truly facing. This is a difficult discovery. What matters is that we know what truly motivates them – and what that means – and how to break away safely and recover fully.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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