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3 Reasons Narcissistic Sociopaths Tell Stories

We Think They’re One Person: They Know They’re Another

In other words they want to hide who they really are. Because – they do know that who they really are isn’t the guy we think they are. And that guy they really are, isn’t a guy we’d stick around for.

And then – on the other hand – these stories are a dip into who they really are – and this is intentional on the part of the sociopathic nutbag. You see, it gets exhausting hiding the things they’re really up to, and they don’t give a poop about our feelings anyway, so they feel it out. This is a way to monitor their own safety and how hooked we are as well and that is the lynchpin of a sociopathic dumb-dumbs survival: their safety and being able to take and use (us) more.

These stories are a foray into showing us a snip and a bit in case – just in case – we won’t mind who they really are, or a particular habit they have. Afterall, things would be so much easier for them if we didn’t mind who they really are and the grosser and more inhuman things they do. And so, stories serve three purposes that all feed into us staying “in” no matter who they are or who we think they are. The stories are a kind of test to see what we can tolerate.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Gotta Make Sure We Side With Them

Sociopaths Tell Stories of Preempt the Truth

We tuck it away under that rug in that little corner of our mind where many strange bits of their behavior are gathering.

When they launch into a bit of a story, they’re talking with a purpose we might not register. They’re telling a version of some part of their life. It could be a retelling of some hideous things they’ve done with a pretty mist over it so that their story makes us think they didn’t do something hideous.

They do this when a fact about them might be coming to our awareness that they know would blow up the scam, such as something about kids they have or another wife, or an arrest.

This is to preempt the truth… so that when or if we do hear the truth, we’re on their side and won’t believe the truth no matter the source.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

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It’s Everywhere

Real Life Example: The day before I told the sociopath I’d married to leave, a woman in another country sent me a FB message, “Do I know you?” – Nope, sure didn’t. But I’d come to know her very, very well. The man I was married to had been living with her for four years. She and their eight-month-old baby. At the same time she sent that message to me, she tapped one off to him, asking him who I was. Somehow she’d put parts of two and two together and come up with very fishy. She decided to ask her partner – my husband – who the heck I was. That very night the sociopath – my husband who I knew as childless, single and once divorced, told me about his four, 4, four children – for eight hours, until the wee hours of the morning.

Why did he suddenly tell me ten months into our marriage about his four kids…?

Because the woman who messaged me had one of his kids. And because he knew that she also knew about another woman in the same town who had three more of his kids. The loser nut-bag needed to get his version in before the other woman and I talked. But that version was far from the truth. It was only enough truth to preempt the snip of truth the woman in Europe who messaged thought was the truth…but wasn’t.

The Real Truth I did talk with that woman in Germany and we became very good friends. a few years later, I visited her and met her (and biologically his) gorgeous little child, whom I love to this day. – What she and I both now know is, these four children have at least 8 other siblings. Two of those 12 are the same age as the one I’ve met. Yes: the woman who messaged me lives in a town with two other kids the same age as hers fathered by this nutbag. Those three children all have different mothers. None of them know they have half-brothers or sisters, yet live in the same city. One of those babes have three older sibs also fathered by this nutbag. Potentially, all six of these kids in the same small town, four girls and two boys, could go to high school together, end up on the same swim team… or date or marry each other. – This is just one of the kinds of things they try to hide, cover-up, and lie about.

Sociopaths Like To Talk About Their Exploits

Sociopaths Tell Stories as a Way to Talk About Themselves

Just like normal humans, sociopathic monsters want to talk about their day or wax poetical about something they did last week, or years ago if it’s especially cool to them. The problem is – they can’t really talk about the truth of the horrible things they did.

They can’t stand around the water cooler when their co-worker asks, “Hey man, did you see American Horror Story last night?” and then answer, chest-puffed and smirk in place, “See it!? I lived that s**t!! I gave some chick a rufie and dragged her over to the back of the…”

There is no normal guy hearing this at the water cooler who’s going to respond to that gruesome reality with, “Wow cool!! Does your girlfriend know?” – That would be another sociopath’s response. And so, in order to rattle on about their exploits, they tell stories about things someone did to them, or that someone else did to someone else… But here’s the decoder key: They’re the “someone” in their story. The “someone” who did the bad thing. They’re talking about what they did to someone else, or to several someone else’s.

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Like Us, Narcissistic Sociopaths Like to Talk About Their Day

They like to talk about their accomplishments, but a sociopath mixes and matches their stories. They create an amalgamation of the lying and the slightly real parts of their lives.

They do this as they yammer about things they did to someone, and mix in snips of truth and lies from another part of their life, folded in under a new headline. The changes in the story make them sound bigger, better, and more amazing.

The Story That Keeps on Growing

We might hear them tell a story to other people that we’ve heard from them before. But: the story is falling out of their gob in a different version than they told us. This is super-de-duper common. When there’s an embellishment or different twist to the story as they blab away in front of others while we stand by dumbfounded, the last thing we’re going to do is jump in and say he’s telling his story wrong! No, we smile. We put on a smile outside while our head spins inside.

We’re magnanimous by nature as normal humans, admittedly some of us are more magnanimous than others, but all of us tend to be in a social setting. It’s called manners. And while under the influence of a sociopath? We absolutely follow social protocol and tuck the oddness of the enhanced tale away and under some little rug in a corner of our minds where many strange bits of their behavior are gathering. This is beyond our control; it’s the natural effect of a parasitic predator.

Here’s on that happened to me: The nutbag told a part of his past in which he’d started a stunt school. The funding was via a government grant. He said to me he got 4-million dollars to build his stunt school. In front of another person, I heard him say he got 4.5-million. In reality, he got one-million. Filed the application in fraud because he knows nothing about stunts or teaching them. – The program was closed in a matter of months when three 18-year-old young men died playing games and performing hijinks under his tutelage. – No charges were made.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Toss Out Bait with Their Tall Tales

Narcissistic Sociopaths Tell Stories to Discover What They Can Get Away With and What to Hide

Things like, “You know Greg, right…? I found out when he was married to Shelia he got some other chick pregnant…” Then they close their mouth; they stop talking and wait. They’re waiting to see what we think of “Greg”.

Do we judge him and feel for “Sheila”, or do we say something like, “You know stuff happens, that’s life.” — Which makes them think, “Well, maybe she won’t flip out when she finds out about that other ‘ho who just had another kid of mine.” – They need us not to “flip out” and stay “in”, so they can keep taking.

Whatever the Story, It’s About Themselves

Maybe they say, “This guy at work and his wife are swingers! Can you believe people do that…?!” He’s waiting to see if we say, “Yeah, sure! I’ve kind of always wondered about what that’s like.” Or, “Euuwwwhh! That’s so gross!” He’s (or she is) fishing to see if we’d go along and join in, or if we’ll let them do it without us. They need to find out what they can get away with.

They need to know what is an absolute deal-breaker that cuts through the fog of the DMT of “love”. — “At my last job this woman told people I embezzled money from the fund. I didn’t do it. She did it. She tried to blame me because she was jealous of my promotion and wanted my job. I was helping her and she used my signature to…” And we’re off the races.

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Why Do Sociopaths Change, Mix-Up, and Forget Their Lies?

This flexi-world they live in comes out of their complete lack of emotional connection to anything. They’ve got no emotional nostalgia, memory or value for anything that goes on in their lives aside from how it connects to them getting things, using, getting away with it, looking like the good guy, or getting caught or not; there is no sentimentality, romanticism or wistfulness about anything in their lives.

The narcissistic sociopath feels no remorse or shame for the harm they bring to others. They might wish they’d lied better, taken more, got more, used more. They might think, I wish I coulda screwed them both over instead of just that one idiot. That’s as poignant as their nostalgia gets.

To the Pathological User’s Mind, They Have Done and Do No Wrong

Sociopaths – and every sociopath is a narcissistic sociopath by the way, and narcissists are sociopaths – they don’t want to face what we see as the normal consequences of things they’ve done. The truth is the narcissistic sociopath doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong.

It’s natural that we don’t see the full scope of what they’re thinking and doing. Based on our nature as normal humans, we hold out for proof of how bad they are. We then ask them what they’ve done or why sometimes we get the truth out of them. If we do get the truth we don’t recognize it because their world is so different than ours. – But mostly we get stories.

Bait and Hook: Bait and Hook

Think of everything a narcissistic sociopath says is bait. Every word out of their mouths is to see how far they can go, to see what they can get away with, to hide how they really feel, what they really are, to use, to take, to get away with taking, using, being what they are… to feel out if we’re seeing through them, to feel out what we’re going to do about it.

What we’re going to do about it is go zero contract and become non-threats. Take in the simplistic mind of a sociopath. Take in a surprising perspective that sets us free. Be sociopath proof, user-proof, and free.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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2018_01_29 2023_11_02

We’re Not In Denial

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We’re not in denial.
As my dad would say, that’s a river in Egypt.
But seriously.
No one deliberately stays here.
We don’t remain in the clutches
of a slimy sociopath on purpose.
Our goodness caught their attention,
our goodness sets us free.

Denial is a word that’s tossed around to represent a state of mind we’re supposedly in. And that explains how this nightmare went on for so long, or started in the first place. There are those who would say we were in denial and so the surreal, horror show continued to run through our lives as if we allowed it. These people who say this could not be more wrong.

We’re not in denial. No. In short, what happened is: we were deceived and bamboozled. This means we did not have full information.

There isn’t an even playing field. Firstly, none of us had full information that these creatures even existed. Secondly, we were lied too. Thirdly, normal people aren’t looking for a lie. We automatically trust; that’s one of the beautiful things about us all. And fourth, and most significant of all, we’re under the spell of the pathological predator.

Truth Scarier Than Fiction: We Heal From Truth, Not Lies

We were scammed pure and simple by a serial liar, user, taker, abuser life thief. The chasm between our intention and the pathological narcissistic user’s true intention only becomes clear over time.

It’s revealed by bits-and-pieces. We didn’t deny anything… except them and what they wanted, once we did see through it and take in the full horror of their true black heart.

Knowing the real deal truth is how we recover.

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Denial is Not in the House: a Monster Is

When we’re ensnared by a sociopath, there‘s a clashing of two worlds a great collide of two different brains, the mind of a sociopath (you might be calling them a narcissist) and the mind of a regular, normal, iambic brained person: you or me.

The pathological predator and users do their best to let us believe rather than a clash, that together we’re the best match on the planet. The best fit that any two people could ever be.

This is how they survive. The ability to bring this influence upon others is wired into their DNA. I call it the sociopath effect.

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It Takes as Long as it Takes

Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view. This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim blaming and just plain wrong.

We see this match made in heaven situation isn’t quite the case, as soon as is humanly possible. In no way do we leap to the conclusion that this person is a psychopath the first time they don’t call us back or are unreachable.

Not only can people not see something they don’t know is in existence such as users who are pure evil, these exist in the movies, not real life.

Our human body and physiology are amazing. It’s designed to keep us safe. In trauma, our bodies and minds protect us, and so let the truth be seen in bite-sized pieces so that we don’t lose our sanity.

After true love scam our eyes are wider open than most. And we know more than most; certainly more than people who tell us we allowed it and we’re in denial. Let your body do its thing.

The very, very courageous take on recovering, healing, seeing what the real-deal is in pieces. Take it in in bits that you can take… It takes as long as it takes. Tell those blamers and shame-ers to step off.

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PTSD is Normal After a Narcissistic Sociopath

We’re not permanent victims scarred for life. We’re not to blame for being snagged and conned by a lying sociopath who gives us every excuse in the book for why they do this. These are not the only two options. — Though – sometimes — it seems to be as we try to find our way out of the maze.

There are piles of mainstream answers to this hideous crime. Including that we, as targets invited it through our past abuse issues or our relationship issues and that we stayed because we were in denial.

How about we look at it from another direction? From our eyes. Let’s stop letting people outside the experience define what happened. Let’s look at it from the eyes of the prey of a sociopath.

This perspective takes a whole different set of words to define it. – Not for the sake of frivolous semantics, but because of a very real variance in meaning.

We Are Not in Denial: We’re Amazing

You see, definitely more fanciful descriptors – these come from the influence of watching many Johnathan Strange and Dr. Norell episodes on late-night Netflix binges that stopped my anxious brain from thinking in the early days of recovery and rocked me to sleep, and still reflect the real-deal of being in one of these hellish circuses of a true love scam… the day-time-wide-awake, hall-of-mirrors-nightmare of living hijacked by a sociopath.

Unless someone’s been dragged by their heart and soul through this, they have no idea. None. None of us “in it” are in denial, or willfully resisting seeing what they are.

To think that anyone could imagine or imply that we’re willfully and knowingly, in the mess we’re in and choosing to ignore it means they have no clue. We’re each in something we can’t possibly recognize: who knew what a sociopath was before all this?

No One Can See Something We Don’t Know Exists

For anyone who’s not been hijacked by a sociopath, these descriptors might sound absurd. It may be what inspires, ohhhh… hmmm, yes. She’s in denial. – And other wholly off the mark, and utterly compassionless, and just plain rude remarks from onlookers and others, who we might think would know better.

To those under the spell, these are quite accurate descriptions that bring about our freedom. With this look at things, we feel less crazy. We might let out a sob of relief, Oh, my god! That’s it! That’s exactly what it is!! – And a little slip of hope eeks through the fog of the sociopath-madness we’re trapped in.

There’s a Mesmerizing that Leads People to Drink the Kool-Aid

I realize what I’m about to say here isn’t popular to say… It’s a contemporary popular belief that humans make choices about well, everything. Here’s a hard fact: none of us are with a sociopath by direct or informed or conscious choice.

We do get away from them by choice. And this’s an important part of this circumstance. Somehow most of the world focuses on wondering how we stumbled into it, why we stayed, ie: How could we have been so stupid?

therapy ptsd narcissistic abuse recovery Jennifer Smith

Decide Your Understanding of This Event

Let’s be real here, let’s not base our understanding of what we’re experiencing – the how’s and why’s of it, in the ideas and perceptions from something else: namely the ideas and perceptions of those who’ve not experienced it.

This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim-blaming and just plain wrong. – And, come one now… Most of our judge-ie acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, friends or family didn’t know this existed until we walked into it. So, come on now… They aren’t suddenly experts.

The Traits That Attract a Sociopath To Us: Save Us

The very same goodness of heart that makes us attractive to a sociopath is what we then flip – and bring to life exponentially – to get safely and completely away. There, there is the real thing.

It takes a colossal effort. Courage, wisdom, persistence, patience, bravery to break from a kind of bondage; from an entrapment so immense it can’t be understood unless it’s been experienced.

Know This: If someone says it’s your fault, let them know they’re out of step; that evolution of humankind has progressed. Victim blaming is over. No, we’re not in denial. We’re believers in love. We believed that this involved love – until we didn’t. And now that we don’t – watch out. When we see it for the crime it is, there’s no place for the scamming-scum to run.

You Have to Live Through It to Understand It

The break-away from a sociopath is intense and so life-shattering it can never be understood unless you too are an escapee. – And that my friends, does not signify a weak victim, a codependent-door-mat, a denial or any such nonsense.

It signifies some of the hugest power, determination, and strength on the planet. We are awesome. We’re superheroes. We’re our own angels.

You Can’t Deny Something You Don’t Know Exists

Nope. We’re not in denial. If you don’t know this phenomenon exists, you can’t see it. And fortunatley when in it and after, our glorious bodies innately know a human can’t handle the monumental stress that comprehending this entails all one go. So – yes – clarity is meted out in doses only a beatific human of great empathy and love could handle.

Even tiny doses of what we went through would break anyone else. No, denial is nothing more than a river in Africa. A raging, pernicious river that every life stealing, narcissistic con man needs to be thrown into without a life jacket.