Tag Archives: my husband left me and i want to die

Walk it Off After the Sociopath Walks Out

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After the sociopath, we’re left with many things.
Mostly super icky things.
We need to find the good after the sociopath walks out.

After the sociopath walks out we’re each left with a basket of garbage and rubble we need to turn to great good for ourselves.

We might be left with some good things we can spot right off the bat; definitely, we’re left with some not-so-good things that require persistent and courageous attention. One of those such things that I haven’t gotten a grip on yet is fat.

I’m not a woman who strives for Skinny-Minnie. The opposite: the idea of being too thin freaks me out. Seeing so many size-two and under tiny, little boyish-waifs who refuse to eat pasta, bread, French fries, cheese – no nuts unless they’re raw, organic almonds. It’s exhausting.

Certainly, they eat no butter, bananas (too much sugar content), or heaven forbid – ice cream – at least not in public, I can’t handle that. Ice cream…? Who doesn’t need ice cream once in a while?

Find the way back to you. Get them out of your bones.

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PTSD Weight Plummets

Rapid and scary weight loss is part of the ride out of hell after a sociopath. First I dropped two clothing sizes practically overnight after the monster checked out. Then gained those and two more.

Yes, count ‘em, that’s an upswing of four clothing sizes. Yikes, so I’m carrying around an extra two-sizes of behind. Let’s say two and a half. I don’t know my weight in numbers; I don’t have a scale. I find them brutally demeaning. I weigh heavy, meaning I can carry more weight than I look like I do. 

PTSD and Sustained Trauma Make Us Ill

Many of us are left with our health torn apart after the sociopath walks out. Do what works. Bit by bit life gets better after the sociopath walks out.

I also battled being sick a lot after the sociopath, so there were days – weeks at a time that I skipped exercise because of migraines, outbreaks on my hands of blisters that bloom with stress, or a cold, which I started getting every three to four months v.s. once in three to four years pre-sociopath.

The Return to Exercise and Health

As chub-lade and sluggish as I am, I barely make it through a yoga class. I tried. The teacher kept singling me out to ask if I was alright, as my belly fat blocked me from bending and gyrating myself into a crescent side twist. Under her yoga-perfect scrutiny, my size grew alarmingly.

My now super-huge thighs and extra-fat feeling knees left me unable to rest in child’s pose. At every solicitous query into my okay-ness I wanted to knock her in the head. Or scream, No. I’m not okay. I’m fat!  – And out of breath. And nearly collapsing to the floor.

Heavy and Lumpy

After the yoga class humbling, I tried walking for exercise outdoors. Embarrassingly, I feel too fat to walk! There’s a rolling sensation from ample ass and back-side through my hips and groin and thighs rendering a rhythmic, lumpy duck waddle.

It’s disheartening living in stretchy jeans (in a size I abhor) and long-sleeved tee-shirts in a world where women wear skinny jeans and tiny body-skimming tops that show their exercised and tanned arms and short or long sundresses – called town gowns – year-round.

Fatty-Fatty Two by Four

And sometimes, alone, at home where no one can see me, I think I’m still beautiful and wonder why it matters. Then someone asks me to go to a concert or a show – and I say, “No.” – Because I truly have nothing to wear.

I’ll not buy a little black dress to cover this. It would look so bad to my eye that I would crumple and cry before I got out the door. And heels make the impression of a huge, lumpy olive on top of a spindly toothpick. Horrible aesthetics. Sigh.

The Bright Side

I console myself that I have nice feet and a good pedicure in year-round sandal country. Killer hair too. Sorry to be so superficial, but every bit counts right now. But, neither of those are health risks.

I know, I know, we might say all of this is ego, or superficial. Maybe. But I feel it all in quiet agony. And – the thing is –  I feel my body freezing up; I used to do all this close-to-impressively-advanced yoga, and walk, and feel like a dancer, a swan – able, competent.

Health Matters Most

What if the roots of some serious illnesses are developing here? High blood pressure and high cholesterol or heart disease or diabetes. Surely it’s best to lose weight. But… dieting? It makes me nervous. It makes me eat… more.

So on a significant day for me, I took myself in hand. December 4th marks the day I began practicing the Buddhism I practice with SGI… something to celebrate.

But, on this year when December 4th came around, I was bedridden with a cold; it looked like a dismal day of defeat. I decided this would not be the case. I vowed that despite outward appearances, despite not feeling like moving, I decided today would be the day I became an athlete.

A yoga-lete, I coined the name – unless that already exists somewhere out there – because I want to live my life doing yoga and walk-jogging and hiking. So, that day I got myself together. I’ve heard so many times that you can “walk yourself fit”. So. Here I go. I will let nothing stop me. Start where I am and walk it off. Grateful for moving.

I went for a 30-minute walk in the neighborhood avoiding people. I ignored my rolling rear-end. At a mid-height garden wall, I lifted my legs and used it to stretch. I said, “I’m an athlete; a yoga-lete.

This is the first day of being an athlete.” The following day I said, “This is day two of being an athlete; a yoga-lete!” – and did some stretches. I felt good keeping my word to myself and said, “It may not look like it, but I’m a yoga-lete.”

The next morning, I woke up smiling. Looking forward to how cool it’ll be to see my tummy shrink back into its proper place.

On that day – Day three – I went for a 30-minute walk, more vigorous, though nothing truly athletic, but outside, where people could see me. I passed The Peninsula Club on South Santa Monica Blvd, and witnessed a man and woman climbing out of a Ferrari. He lifted her with a hand leveraged in his.

He looked typical Beverly Hills with jeans, a Kitson-perfect tee-shirt, and the right hat and sunglasses. She looked ridiculous-ish. She was über slender, short, as is the norm here in HollywoodLand, but made tallish in extreme platform heels of 5 inches giving her feet the flexibility of a horse hoof.

She wore all black. A short black dress, her black hair in a meticulous up-do. Dark, updated, Breakfast at Tiffany’s sunglasses, and because it’s winter in Beverly Hills – a black fluffy wrap held close around herself, clutched in her hands in front of her rail-thin body.

As we can all now recognize a sociopath when we see one – we can read people in general. The “read” evoked involuntary laughter – after she walked by. She had her head held as if in mockery of a high fashion model’s fish lip, sunken cheek haughtiness as if to telegraph “I’m so beautiful.”

Vapid, empty, like a cutout paper-doll. She took it all so seriously walking the same attitude; one foot placed directly in the path of the previous step, the far-apart, inner edges of her thighs only striving to meet.

She rolled forward in awkward rotation, roiling from her hips and back-side as I did! – So. Wow. I walk like a faux-fashion model without even trying!

Day 4. I did a two-mile walk exercise video with closing yoga stretches in my apartment hosted by Leslie Sansone. I even broke a sweat. I’m an athlete. I’m a yoga-lete. I’m a fashion model, yoga-lete walkin’ It off after the sociopath walks out. We’re pretty awesome…

And, you know what? Now neuroscientists have proof: diets don’t work. Eat intuitively. Live intuitively. Trust out lives. Here’s a TED Talk about this…

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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Yeast Infections, Candida and Con Men

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The stress and trauma do more
than sap our confidence.
It can ravage our health… both in men and women.
Candida fungus grows and grows to make more
exhaustion and “sad” on top of the PTSD.

As annoying as yeast infections are, what brings them on and keeps them roiling does far more than make us itchy. Let’s not get hung up on the very icky word “fungus”. – And don’t think men are exempt! Candida lives within all of our bodies, its home is the intestinal tract.

Candida is indeed a fungus, though we often hear candida referred to as a bacteria. And yes, men and women alike can suffer from too much of this little gem that keeps sour systems running smoothly, in addition, for the ladies… Ooooh my, the thing behind infamous bothersome, seemingly unending “yeast infections” is actually this darling fungus, Candida Albicans or candida, for short. 

Candida is Normal: Too Much Candida Makes Us Sick

Woman sick with candida

We need candida in our system, as with most things, there’s a proper balance for optimum conditions.

It’s the overpopulation of candida that causes problems. Too much of this charming fungus and as women, we’re buying so much Vagisil we wish we’d bought stock.

And to make things more complicated… and yet – more simple, there is a whole bundle of symptoms, discomforts, and diseases that can develop from candida fungi aside from the good old yeast infection. Let’s find out how to manage this mess and get things back in balance.

More lightbulb moments than imaginable.
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Candida Overload Feels a Lot Like PTSD

Most of these troubles candida causes play a part in the PTSD orchestra too: depression, fatigue, irritability, inability to concentrate, indecision, foggy brain, I-can’t get-up-off-the-couch syndrome, and UTIs. So that means a double dose of each of those.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

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Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

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Home to The Intestinal Tract

Candida lives in our intestinal tract, we need it in a certain amount for good health. There are good candida levels and bad candida levels. When the candida overpopulation hits a certain high we crash super low.

Why does this matter right now!? We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, and we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now.

Narcissistic Abuse is a Whole Body Experience

Stress makes candida. Sugar increases candida. Hormones grow candida. Processed foods are a buffet for candida. Caffeine stimulates candida. Alcohol is a party and all the candida shows up and makes more candida. Why does this matter right now!? 

We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, and too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now. We can fix it. If we don’t, we’re headed for trouble.

Candida and PTSD Have the Same Symptoms

Candida comes with the same things that come with PTSD: sadness, confusion, fatigue, foggy brain, depression, and anxiety. Candida overgrowth causes serious conditions and illness in addition to yeast infections.

Candida Growth Zooms From…

  • Hormone Changes
  • Alcohol
  • Sugar
  • Caffeine
  • Antibiotics
  • Grains and simple carbohydrates, potatoes, pasta, pastries
  • Processed food
  • Prepackaged food
  • Preservatives
  • Non-organic foods grown with Round Up and chemicals
  • Grief
  • Stress
  • Trauma
  • And con men, the trauma and stress of narcissistic abuse

Hormones on the Monthly and Hormones from Trauma

Every monthly cycle as our hormones swing, candida grows. The antibiotics we take for related yeast infections and UTIs cause more candida to grow. Candida levels remain high and continue to escalate month to month, stress to stress.

And good-old candida lives off the things we tend to live off of when under PMS or stress, like sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. Like any proper organism, candida is driven to self-perpetuate. That’s one big reason we crave these goodies. Our body is begging for it.

Conditions and Illness from Candida Overgrowth

  • Depression
  • Exhaustion
  • Anxiety Allergies
  • Lethargy
  • Confusion
  • Chronic Fatigue
  • Weepiness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of vitality
  • Sadness
  • Nail fungus
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Heart Failure

How to Reduce Candida

It’s essential we kill off candida and get healthy. You might lose weight on this cleansing, restorative diet. If you lose too much, eat more! If foods aren’t okay on this list, don’t eat them. Maybe consult a great doctor, especially a classical homeopath or a nutritionist.

  • Eat foods that naturally contain prebiotics and take supplemental probiotics
  • Eat foods containing probiotics and consider supplemental probiotics. This link goes to my favorite
  • Start walking
  • If taking antibiotics as a medical prescription, take prebiotics at alternate hours
  • Seek and use alternate holistic health practices
  • Begin to drink eight glasses to twelve glasses of water a day
  • Lay off sugar
  • Lay off alcohol
  • Lay off the junk fast food and processed food

6-Week Candida Cleanse Diet 

This is a strict all-out-kill-the-candida suggested diet. It is hard to maintain unless we eat close to this already. It isn’t necessary to go this extreme unless we’re really, really sick with candida.

Eat Healthfully for Reduced Candida

You’ll want to add in greens, and more greens… they’re delish even for breakfast! Here’s a list of the amazing greens available and there are plenty more of them I’m missing.

  • Spinach
  • All chards, red and green
  • Kales, baby, Italian and all
  • Turnip greens
  • Beet greens
  • Collard and dandelion greens

And then more of what we call cruciferous veggies:

  • Cabbage, red and green
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels sprouts

And more beautiful natural foods that naturally balance and nourish our bodies!

  • Avocado
  • And all lettuces
  • Vegetables without high sugar: reduce carrots, beets, and peas
  • Grapefruit whole and fresh-squeezed juice
  • Lemons and limes

Cooking and salad and dressing oils:

  • Olive oil
  • Avocado oil
  • Coconut oil
  • Almond oil

Greens are a Prebiotic Signalling Our Immune System to Reset and Strengthen

All these greens are super important. They’re known as prebiotics, trigger our immune system, and keep candida from overgrowing in the first place. Eating plants triggers our immune system to strengthen itself. Another surprising prebiotic is raw sauerkraut. Wheat flour can be substituted for coconut, almond, cassava, and tapioca flour. Crackers that are not candida makers can be found in brands such as. Flackers, and Jilz.

  • As far as meat-eating: if you can swing the price, eat grass-fed, pasture-raised and wild-caught, all-organic
  • Dairy: stick with pasture-raised eggs, goat milk yogurt, imported French butter, as in made in France, and eat only northern European cheeses
  • All or any nuts, aside from peanuts and cashews
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Beverages that Support Health and Lower Candida

  • Water, water, water…Fresh lemon juice in water daily
  • Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water, one tablespoon to two tablespoons
  • Water: 8 glasses a day (did I say water?)
  • Green juices, especially lower natural sugar so, without apple, carrot or beet
  • Grapefruit juice, freshly squeezed or eat the grapefruit itself
  • Herbal teas

Modify this as you like, and remember killing off Candida – unless we also take Candex – makes us feel sick! Irony. It takes several days to detox, let the candida die off, and the headaches, flu-like symptoms, and fatigue to lift.

Eating Methodology That Naturally Regulates Candida

An excellent diet for great health and minimal candida growth is the Plant Paradox, by Dr. Steven Gundry. For a great current blog written by a Plant Paradox diet devotee, as she makes grocery and shopping finds, and creates recipes and hacks, you might want to follow along! Keep in mind Dr. Gundry’s “plan” isn’t easy to stick to, it takes truly altering your life in a few ways from grocery shopping, to recipes, to cooking methods, to the zooming grocery bills. But: it works.

Another similar and helpful method of eating is referred to as FODMAP. Both Plant Paradox and FODMAP reduce intestinal bloating and acid reflux. FODMAP could be a bit easier to take on and likely has fewer changes to what you might eat now than the Plant Paradox.

Make Things Tastier Than Tasty!

Use calm herbs like parsley, rosemary, tarragon, dill, oregano, thyme caraway, and citrus juices or zest to flavor foods.

Avoid “sweeter” vegetables as you embark on the candida clear-out such as corn, beets, carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, peas. They can be eaten once in a while, once you get things in the candida department sorted.

Eating sugar… added sugars, well, my friend, sugars are not our friends. Avoid table sugar, molasses, honey, agave, maple syrup, jelly, jam. or any sweetener.

And please put these aside for now: white rice, brown rice, white potatoes, pasta, popcorn, pastries, white flour, white rice, caffeine, alcohol, vinegar, hot spices, and fermented drinks, including kombucha and beer.

Making these changes is a challenge! It can be tedious. Do your best day by day. You might feel sick as the candida “dies off”. To avoid feeling so sick you’d rather go eat a box of donuts because you feel so sick as the candida dies off, try Candex.

Candex Kills Off Candida

To support candida reduction and ease feeling sick take Candex. Candex kills the candida, even if you’re finding diet changes difficult. It is fantastic. Follow the bottle dosage directions. It’s at Whole Foods and online.

Some people take activated charcoal to absorb the dying candida and avoid feeling sick. There are kits, and herbal candida cleanse products out there. Look for them and choose as you feel is right for you… My favorite is Candex.

Magical Boric Acid

When I first heard that boric acid kills candida via a vaginal suppositry I was well incredulous… Because of the word “acid”. Turns out it’s legit! Boric acid is inert as an acid in the way we think of battery acid or acid that eats away at something (our skin!) or causes burns.

Boric acid is a remedy for candida and vaginal yeast for a long, long time. Well before the chemical insertable thingys or current M.D. or Gyno is giving out. A quick Google brings boraic acid pusppositories in options galore fomr Amzon to several vendors!

Boric acid vaginal suppositories are available for purchase. They are solid, oval-shaped capsules that a person inserts into the vagina. They become liquid as they warm up to the body’s temperature. To treat a Candida infection, the CDC recommend using caginal suppositories containing 600 mg of boric acid each… 

Boric Acid for Yeast Infections Effectiveness,https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325518#:~:text=Boric acid vaginal suppositories are,mg of boric acid each. MedicalNewsToday

Take Probiotics and Prebiotics

There is a simple candida spit test. This reveals candida overgrowth. In the morning before eating, drinking, or brushing your teeth, spit into a clean, clear glass of about 4 ounces of clean drinking water. Hold up the glass and take a look.

If you’ve got a clump of floating white mucous – you’ve got too much candida. “Legs” will trail from the cloud to the bottom of the glass. If the trails have granules, little white nobs – you have lots of candida overgrowth. There are other candida tests as well.

If you’re really looking to ramp up into a full-on health makeover, there are a lot of options, one example is found in this award-winning, Saveur Best Food Blog. It was a winner in the special diet category. It’s a beautiful blog with innovative plant-based recipes: My New Roots. A votres santé mes petites!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Have you heard the podcast?

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
© 2025 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

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