sexual abuse in a relationship Archives

Binding prey is a 24-hour
a day job for predators.
Pathological predators and parasites
are the slimy creatures
we call narcs and narcissists
and indeed, they are sociopaths.

We think we’ve found a perfect match. A relationship made in heaven. This fades as we discover something else is happening here.

This time – don’t believe their ridiculous words. Go with your gut. Grab that uneasy feeling and hold onto it. That off the ground feeling is in fact where the truth lives.

Binding prey is paramount to a predator’s survival. Sex, for a sociopath, is a tool, a very important tool. Because binding prey is reliant on sex. And though the word on the street is that sociopaths are great at sex, this – like everything else about them, is a buncha hooey.

Most sociopaths are quite bad at sex. (“Narcissists” if that’s your terminology of choice for the pathological user who hijacked your life.)

The real thing is: using sex as a tool to bind other humans so that you can make use of them for your own purposes is not allowed to be called: being great at sex. – No, it’s a crime. It’s called misrepresentation, fraud, and coercion; it’s rape.

Binding and Winding is The Sociopaths Way of Life

Sociopaths – you might call them a narc, a narcopath, or a narcissist – all spend the hours of all their days binding prey. And they all have lots of people they’re ensnaring at one time.

It’s necessary that they keep a flock of prey; real people who think they are this person’s girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse, or partner.

None of us are any of this. We are not girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, or spouses. We aren’t finances. No matter how much we felt it, no matter how much lived as if we were that from our side of things… We are each and only prey. Not one of us deserved this. We didn’t make this happen. – It’s them and what they are.

Look into unique guided recovery sessions here

Pathological Predators: People Who Make Use of Others

The predator keeps a grip on what we could call, birds-of-every-feather. There’s the party person, the public-respectability-facade-spouse person. And the side-dish house-mouse who cooks, cleans, does laundry, and waits at home.

There are so many people in the lives of the user; the causal friends they date, the finances. And then there are the people who open a business with them or work for them or give them a job. And those who unwittingly provide the cash-ola they go on benders with.

They’ve always got the down-low raunchy person who they let it all out with. Usually – okay – let’s be real: always, there is more than one person who fills each of these roles for the pathological user, all at one time.

Binding Prey: Withholding Sex and Intimacy

Any of us relegated as live-in prey within the sociopath’s realm, we know the real deal. We know that behind the pretty face of it, that inside the house: We sleep in separate rooms.

The thing is: There is no sex. And this in itself makes sex a tool that binds prey. Most of us are left sad and hurting wondering wtf! when a sociopath withholds sexual intimacy. There’s a reason they stop the sex. There’s a reason it makes us sad.

Again, in our way of normal thinking, we first look to ourselves. We reflect on ourselves as the reason they turn away and sleep down the hall.

Or on the couch. Or in the kids’ room. We feel deeply wounded that it’s something about us that has them not wanting us. And our natural feeling and thinking and our natural trusting conclusions are encouraged by them.

Normal Looks For Solutions and Takes Responsibility

As normal people, we look for a magnanimous, generous reason that takes any fault away from the person we don’t yet know is a sociopath. Being refused and rejected in sexual intimacy causes harm. It leads us to think we’re the problem and this becomes a double helix of trauma.

Stand tall. You’re a part of this revolutionary discovery. We’re the grass roots leaders of changing the face and story of sexual abuse.

This is normal. And rubbish. We are not at fault… They’re the cause of every drop of everything that’s wrong. Their reason for being with us is not for the reason we’d imagine in a normal relationship.

They know this isn’t a relationship in the way we naturally assume it to be one. We assume responsibility for being rejected as if all the things that are tilted, off, weird, strange, odd, full of holes, make us feel like we’re not on solid ground, and the constant confusion is our own fault.

They’re all for this because this buys a pathological user lots more time to make more use of us.

If this article helps, sessions go further.

We Look for Explanations for Their Abnormal Sexual Rejection

As normal people, we take responsibility for all the parts of our relationship. – This is normal. We know in our heart of hearts it can’t just be us. It’s reasonable to look for answers. Considering that there may be something going on with them is what comes next for us.

For me, in my search to explain, find answers, bridge the chasm between his bed and mine and relationship build, Googling along I found something called: sexual anorexia. It’s also called intimacy anorexia. Sociopaths do not have sexual anorexia, which includes sexual addiction and refusal to have sex with primary partners, they’re simply sociopaths.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Recovery coaching unique to you

When We Think We Know: Think Again

In my story with this predator that I married, thinking that sexual anorexia or intimacy anorexia was the reason he slept in another room brought a shift. I vaulted into another kind of pain and deep, deep sadness.

Though I thought I’d found an answer, geez Louise… What an answer!! My mind raced: Wow. Is this my life? I’d look at him while he jabbered at me, and think: Does my husband have sexual anorexia..? And wonder: How can I bring it up? How can we work through it…?

Questioning and Seeking Takes Us Further

And thankfully I had another thought – a question. This was a saving grace. It left space open to observing rather than diving into working on things. The question was: Do I want to do this…? As I asked myself this question and watched him, he did what every con-artist-user does: He revealed himself to be something beyond even sexual anorexia.

Sex is used to bind prey in the dark and winding, unending vicissitudes of isolated, lonely pain.

He showed instead something unanswered and so strange. At that time as I watched him, it was still indefinable for me… I didn’t know about the reality of psychopaths. I did know the answer to his coming home later and later and then snoring in another room had not been found. So, I kept watching and looking for other answers.

The sadness in this discovery – a discovery I believed to be real for him, was incalculable. The span of time that I did believe this and the destruction he brought in that time was unbelievable. – Don’t worry, my writing about this won’t give sociopaths any new tricks. I’m writing about it for us: They already know about it.

Our Nature and The Sociopaths’ Nature: A Lethal Mix For Us is Survival For Them

These nut jobs have no sexual anorexia or intimacy issues in the scope of something normal. They withhold because they’re not interested in sex in any normal way. Period. Nor are they interested in us in any normal way. Period. Sex for a sociopath, a.k.a. an antisocial psychopath is not at all what it is for normal people.

Sex to the pathological users – and all things and all people – are for their own entertainment or to serve the purpose of bringing them the things they want… Everything they get is taken through deception. Additionally, sex for the sociopath is a psychological release; a high… You know the happy ending.

In heterosexual predatory situations, in which a female sociopath is preying on a normal human male, they are aware that normal human men are easily bound in and mesmerized when they exude sexuality and an interest in sex; by making sexual innuendos, by dressing in sexy clothes, by pretending that they are lusting after the man, and can’t get enough of the man and etc…and by having sex with them. Sorry – but it’s fake. Let’s face it, regular normla men can be pretty delighted to realize this woman will go for anal sex, for porn, for three-somes…for anything and everything. Sure they do, just as male sociopaths do. If a female sociopath thought a man they were preying upon was pious and expected a virgin, they’d play that role. – You may have been treated as as sex doll, just as male sociopaths use some prey as sex dolls: they also both withhold sex from other prey if they want to as a way not to get rid of prey, but to bind them. I’ve had male clinets who were sex dolls, those who were framed for rape, and those who were totally rejected sexually with the same kinds of excuses male sociopaths give to female prey to get out of sex. – Both male and female sociopaths don’t use condoms. Females do this frequently in order to gain a baby… Babies equal money and property to them. (They also don’t mind having abortions if that’s the direction they go; there’s also the morning after pill.) Indeed all sociopaths have no limits. Many use lots of drugs, some don’t. All sociopaths have sex with any gender and will do anything. Literally: sociopaths will be or can be sexual with any gender, any age, any species with equal ease. – In actual fact: male and female sociopaths are mentally identical. They are identical because they have the same abnormal brain that is the root of this pathology. – Sociopathy is not “about power”: it’s about taking and using and doing whatever they please. Sociopaths believe everything belongs to them. Their goal is to get your stuff. To use you. And don’t forget: they can’t NOT behave this way. They do not love, like, or care or have any actual emotional attraction to anyone. – Sociopaths despise us. They use sex for their own entertainment, and to bind prey. – Check my other articles about female sociopaths here on my website.

Binding Prey and Rejection Leads Us To Try Harder

For us normal humans, being rejected by them once we’re in this “relationship” dynamic leads us to try harder, to yearn to please them in the weirdest, strangest feeling.

The rejection ignites a desire within us to please them more in every way, in general. We embark on a natural and driven attempt to make things better. There is a feeling of being pulled to please them.

It feels like crap. And we do it. This is normal. You recall that constant duality of “doing” and feeling unhinged at the same time. And so, the pathological lying-user gets a cleaner house, fresher laundry, a better dinner… And most of all: we keep quiet…

Treading more softly, we expect less and don’t bug them as much… And this – this – our shut-mouth – this is what they’re really after. They want us to not bug them so they can do and be what they are: Despicable predatory, parasitic deceivers from hell.

Coaching that takes you
beyond the pain into real healing.

Sociopaths Often Refuse to Have Sex

Sociopaths put up a front. They say they can’t be intimate because they have trust issues. Some attempt to explain it away by telling stories of an inability to trust because of past betrayal, or being abused.

This is also often their explanation when we discover that they’re “cheating” and realize their sloppily hidden rampant porn use. They hide this all so pathetically poorly.

Our natural and inherently normal trust lets the sociopath off the hook for months or even years. They have no idea what trust is. This time – don’t believe their ridiculous words. Go with your gut. Grab that uneasy feeling and hold onto it. That off-the-ground feeling is in fact where the truth lives.

Stop the room from spinning. There’s more to know.

We Search For Answers: They Know They’ve Bound Us

We try to find a reason behind the abnormal sexual rejection. They come up with more flimsy and ever-changing reasons for their physical withdrawal from us: Religious beliefs, or health problems, they say it’s us, or they say nothing at all.

The thing is, binding prey was the goal. The sociopath doesn’t need to be binding us with sex. We’re already hooked… They’re very busy binding new prey sexually. The creature is busy having sex with many other women and men. As many as possible. They keep this hidden as much as they can.

Binding Prey: Forced Sex, Bartering, and Threats

The second way that these rotten beings spin their madness binding prey using sex as a tool is horrific and cruel beyond any words. This almost became my story, twice.

My guess is that two of the people I dated in my life, way previous to the sociopath I married, would surely have gone down this road. I didn’t know the word sociopath or psychopath, but I knew danger was buzzing and extricated myself before they got their hooks in.

A psychopath is a sociopath and vice versa. They are both antisocial psychopaths medically. This means they have abnormal brains in their heads. Every thought, word, and deed comes from their abnormal brain. And our not knowing this buys them more time while we suffer in rejection, sadness, pain, and trauma.

They’re Different Than Us Biologically: Yep for Reals

These abnormal brains have them living a life of zero limits as far as what they’ll say or do to get what they want. They have zero genuine regard for anyone outside of themselves. The delineation between psychopaths and sociopaths is found in the depths to which they enjoy others’ pain.

The more they enjoy others’ pain, the more likely they are to use brutal sex to bind prey. Sex is used in bartering for money, allowance, food, permission to go somewhere or see someone, or whatever the psychopath is focused on.

Sexual acts become a bargaining chip, blackmailing leverage, and pure punishment for non-existent crimes. Sex is used to bind prey in the dark and winding, unending vicissitudes of isolated, lonely pain.

This reality of a sociopath can seem incredible to think of as real. But lthink of this… Mental health professionals are not allowed to give the official diagnosis of “antisocial psychopath” to anyone under legal age. Because that’s how serious it is. That’s how permanent it is. And how real it is.

Nothing About This is a Relationship: These are Crimes

The real reason is: they don’t have any emotional connection to us. They do not care for us or about us. There is no love from a sociopath or that person you might be calling a narc or a narcissist but is really a sociopath.

There is no love for anyone. Not a soul. Sex for a sociopath is an unlimited carnal impulse and has the effect of being a tool in order to make use of others as they please – nothing more.

And in real life, this heinous crime can bring on cancer, autoimmune diseases, and of course, STDs are visited upon prey. For anyone who finds themselves pregnant, this is a harrowing dilemma of its own.

It’s normal to try and to stay.
Narcissistic abuse recovery.

Real Humans Stay and Try

As regular normal humans, when there’s a break-down in the connection between ourselves and our partner, we crave and need an explanation that offers hope for change. Maybe while searching, like me you’ll come across the condition of sexual anorexia. If you do, as I did you’d naturally think: we’ll get through it together.

We believe that then, working together on the issues or problems, things will be amazing. Connection will be restored and deepened. This is how normal humans do it.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound Podcast

No One Thinks to Leave Before Trying

There’s not a single one of us who has ever been told When you’re in a relationship at the first sign of something you don’t like, end it. Not a single one of us has heard the advice: if things are not perfect, walk out. – So please, stop telling people who find themselves in these hijackings, You should have left.

Be 100% sure this is not what you say to yourself. This is not your fault, you are not to blame… They are monsters and nothing about us makes them one. It takes as long as it takes to break the sociopath-spell.

Normal is Far From This Narcissistic Pathology

There couldn’t be more of a clash between any two things on earth like there is between a sociopath and a normal human. The existence of this kind of human and our differences are only just beginning to come to light.

Stand tall. You’re a part of this revolutionary discovery. We’re the grassroots leaders of changing the face and story of sexual abuse. As we break up with evil, one by one by one of us, we’re changing the world to a place of true humanity and peace.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

The podcast, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.