Tag Archives: sociopath

Am I A Sociopath Magnet?

Normal Fills the Bill Just Right

So, what is it that brings them sniffing around…? Sociopaths need normal people; people who do what normal people do when they’re in love and believe they’re in a relationship with another regular, normal person.

sociopath magnet attract con man users narcissists

The thing is these, users need people who: Love, give, believe in relationships, and make efforts to build a relationship. People who are up for a compromise rather than an argument. People who trust. Gorgeous normal souls who are magnanimous as well as monogamous.

The predator can sense Individuals who are responsible and these other characteristics: A sense of adventure, those who’ve experienced loss, have had disappointments, have successes, are genuine, and real, and who stay when the going gets rough because that’s what normal does. Sociopaths need us. Not the other way around. So are we a sociopath magnet…? Or human…?

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Many Misconceptions Float Around About How This Happens

Here Are Some of The Inaccurate Ideas About How This Happens

That we’re plagued by low self esteem
We’re codependent
We allowed it
They’ve been enabled by us
We’re stupid

Sociopath Magnet: Do Sociopaths Look for People with Low Self-Esteem?

This is the same principle as in a world where rape victims are blamed for being raped because they’re pretty, or they smile, or they wear a sexy dress, or they breathe while being female.

No, they do not “look for” people with low self-esteem… They need us to hold up their lives. Sociopaths do not look for people with low self-esteem. These weaklings look for strong people, not weak people. It’s an absolute fact that being preyed upon by con men, user sociopath can cause people to end up feeling incredibly weak and low and without a doubt experiencing trauma and a very specific PTSD that requires specific healing.

And, yes, that feeling is part of why people “stay.” And sometimes that feeling remains within someone’s life for a very long time. In no way does feeling low give any monster permission to use, deceive, and defraud us.

Are We Co-Dependent: Is That Why They Use Us?

Nope. That’s not it either. I’ve got one thing to say about that: They are the dependent ones. They are the ones with zero boundaries. There is nothing about us that gives anyone permission or the right to deceive us, lie to us, steal from us, and worse. Nothing about us invites them or allows them to use our lives for their own devious purposes.

Anyone can be duped by these monsters. I’ve done recovery sessions with people who’ve been seduced and sucked into true love scams who are Licensed social workers, police officers, an immigration attorney who got ensnared into marriage for a green card by a sociopath, mental health specialists, pastors, and psychologists. All of them, just like we were ensnared by a sociopath, scammer, narcopath, narcissist, narc – whatever you want to call them, monster.

That Old Chestnut: Women Blamed For Being Used

Blaming the target of a crime, masquerading as a relationship, is ridiculously common; especially if that target was a woman the blame falls at her feet. This harkens back to the dark ages, which it seems, unfortunately, is apparently still the era we’re in.

The very idea of a “sociopath magnet” implies it’s the targeted prey who are at fault for the predators actions and our subsequent fall down the rabbit hole. So not true.

This is the same principle as in a world where rape victims are blamed for being raped because they’re pretty, or they smile, or they wear a sexy dress, or they breathe while being female.

This thinking echos tales in classic literature like, “Tess of the d’Ubervilles“, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame“, and “The Scarlet Letter” in which the woman is to blame for the nasty things bad men do.

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And, Yes, There Are Female Sociopaths

When using the word narcissist, if that person is a user, a conman, a person who lives by deceiving others, a scammer, a scumbag – that’s a sociopath. They are male or female. And still, there’s nothing we do to attract them aside from having a pulse and being normal.

Not only are we misunderstood in this nightmare, but so are the fundamental intent and motivation of the predator. It’s often said what they want is “control”… What is that?

Remember they’re looking for personal gain and survival. They’re looking for a place to sleep, a car, money, a respectability facade, someone to rape maybe. Control? To control what? To get what? Credit cards, addresses, food, a couch, a shower, the internet, access to countries, a place to hide out… They’re motivated to gain immediate and fundamental survival needs.

Are We Enabling the Predatory Sociopath?

When someone says something mean we take it to heart by way of a natural chemical response in our bodies. In other words: we don’t react the way we do because we’re codependent, enablers. We react the way we do because we’re human.

This is a very common concept and something many of us believe, or the people around us believe. Here’s teething though: they are a sociopath. They will be one with or without us. There’s nothing about us that gives anyone permission or the right to deceive us, lie, steal, and worse.

Nothing about us gives anyone permission, or invites them, or allows or enables them to do this anymore than having a car gives someone permission to steal it or enables them to take it. And if they do take our car, in no way is it our fault.

Taking things from people is universally recognized by anyone, anywhere, in any culture, and in any country on the planet as a crime.

Therapists Can Have it Wrong

You’ll read many articles here and there on Psychology Today, calling them a “narcissist” and stating that this is your fault: that you need to reexamine what you’ll accept in a relationship or your “relationship standards”: THEY ARE WRONG. Wrong. Plain wrong. Here’s why…

Therapists are not trained in what this really is. – This is newly discovered and you are a part of that discovery. Trust that you, as prey of a predator who lived this surreal bizarre nightmare – likely already know far more about what this is than any therapist you could find.

There is no textbook that talks about the reality of this entrapment and the hell we go through under their spell. The therapy paradigm: the job of being a therapist is also off. kilter to support you. It is this: you as the person who entered their office (or Zoom) are ow this patient/client and it is their job to identify what is “wrong” with you and to “fix” it. – One problem with this is: There is nothing wrong with you.

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Stupid…? The Parasitic Predator: Yes, Us: No

A sociopath does not hijack someone’s life to make use of them because that person is stupid. The predator looks for capable people. After all, they need to make use of us to hold up their life.

The sociopath themselves is quite aware: these are not relationships: they are crimes.

Sociopath Magnet? Phhhhfft

We are not the ones responsible for their inhumane and demon-like behavior. The very idea of a sociopath magnet implies it’s the targeted prey who are at fault for the fall down the rabbit hole. So not true.

Being blamed for trusting a man we later discover deceived us is more trauma. Targets too often are blamed by people we turn to for support: spiritual leaders, family, community leaders, and authorities who say they’re there to “protect and serve”. We’re looked at as if it’s our fault, especially the more emotional we are in the moment of reporting.

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Emotions and Reactions to Being Used and Deceived are Legit

A response in the way of “feelings” is normal for normal humans. When someone says something mean we take it to heart by way of a natural chemical response in our bodies. In other words: we don’t react the way we do because we’re codependent, enablers. We react the way we do because we’re human.

Do we still believe the earth is flat? Of course not. All theories, discoveries, and insights evolve. This information about the reality of the human race evolving. Let’s step it up. Have the confidence to declare what we know. We’re grown folk. We can do it. After all, a tiny child pointed out that the Emperor wore no clothes.

Sociopaths, Narcissists, Con Men, Pathological Users, Narcs, Narcopaths Can Only Be What They Are

As hard as that is to take in, it’s true: There are monsters walking among us. These monsters depend on regular people. Being a regular person is all it takes for a sociopath to aim their bait at us, the constant and persistent contact some call love bombing. Sociopaths do this all day long: it’s all they can do.

A sociopath – and maybe you’re using the word narcissist – needs credibility, so normal people trust them for one reason and one reason only: so they can take whatever they need and want.

A defrauding, abnormal-brained con man can’t not be what they are! They need normal, good people to trust them in order to: give them credibility, and seeming normalcy so normal people trust them.

So they can take and use those who trust them and then walk away as it wears thins and falls through. They know this day will arrive and live in fear of it, and more fear of what will occur in the aftermath. – Believe it or not, they fear us.

No One Can Recognize a Red Flag Waving for Something We Don’t Know Exists

No one can know these monsters exist until they know. And yes, those targeted by them trust them, believe them, and feel that they love them. In actuality, this isn’t love that we feel… we believe it is, we call it this, we yearn with it.

In truth, we just don’t have a word for what it is, other than maybe hypnotized or infused with venom that scrambles the soul.

The sociopath isn’t who they say they are – it takes time to discover this. We’ve been seduced and mesmerized – and if you don’t believe this can happen – just tell that to Madison Avenue and the whole basis for the world economy.

We’re seduced daily by advertising, magazines, reality shows into spending thousands of dollars on iPhones, Lexus, and undergoing surgeries for Kardashian-like-lips.

Nobody is Stupid Here

A woman or man trusting, investing emotionally, and believing that the person standing in front of them, who they share meals with, a bed with, a life with, truly loves them… That’s normal. Not stupid. It isn’t enabling.

We’re normal whole humans and have every right to be exactly what and who we are. Here’s what’s absurd and not okay in the slightest: Blaming regular people who didn’t know these dirt-bags existed for that monster in disguise not being trustworthy, and for being a criminal and a deceiver and for harming them.

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If We’re Alive and Breathing: We’re Prey

If we’re human sociopaths, con artists, users look at us as prey. If we’re breathing we’re a likely target, until we know the truth of what they are.

And more… These great human qualities of trust and kindness, of sticking in with people we love even when times are tough are why humankind still exists on this planet.

They’re innate and remarkable, essentially involuntary traits; they’re so second nature we notice our trust and interconnectedness less than we notice our own heartbeat or breath going in and out. Our beautiful human essence, our humanity is taken for granted.

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These are Crimes of Deception: They Commit the Crime: Not Us

In these crimes these awesome, normal, human hard-wired characteristics of trust, believing in love, bonding more in a crisis, even when our loved one is the source of the crisis are branded as a weakness and a fault. The blame for the sociopath’s invasion is laid at our feet. Is this right…? Is this fair…?

No one can help anyone going through this if their beliefs and thoughts about this phenomenon are that it was their fault for being used and hijacked and deceived. That’s so much B.S. That’s the old blame-the-woman-who-got-raped angle rather than the laying responsibility at the feet of the rapist. Please, do not perpetuate or buy into this nonsense.

“When highly praised by others there’s no hardship one cannot bear. Such is the courage that springs from words of praise… When praised one does not consider one’s personal risk and when criticized one can recklessly cause one’s own ruin. Such is the way of common mortals.” ~ Nichiren Daishonin, The True Aspect of All Phenomena

Take No Responsibility for a Sociopath’s Inhumanity

A sociopath is a sociopath is a sociopath. We didn’t make them. We don’t let them. They’re going to remain sociopaths no matter what we do or don’t do. There is no sociopath on earth that heeds any boundary.

Take responsibility for learning what they are, for realizing by contrast how amazing we are, and for our full recovery. When we know sociopaths exist, and what that really means we can forever sidestep them.

Here’s the truth: We’re all possible prey of these beasts as long as we’re human. Sociopaths – antisocial psychopaths, are responsible for these fake relationships that are truly crimes, not the people they target.

Someday Recognizing a Sociopath Will Be a Skill We All Have

The day will come when enough people gain this skill and discerning wisdom, the destruction and ruin sociopaths make will be lessened. As we get stronger in our humanity, their dark influence diminishes.

This increase in humanity gives their existence the only value I can imagine it to have. There’s nothing more evil in the world than at any time in history. It has simply risen to the surface for all to see.

We want to be sure to remain human and humane. Stand up for goodness, humanity, and kindness. Demand it. Be it. We are awesome.

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Sociopaths Secretly Love the Holidays

The Break Up: Lying to Save Your Life

There’s Nothing Wrong with Us

after the break up from a sociopath Find recovery and answers with Jennifer Smith www.truelovescam.com

Everything you’re feeling and thinking is normal. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with us. There is everything wrong with the antisocial psychopath who just walked out the door. We’re in post-traumatic stress, PTSD. This is with good reason… we’ve been in a sustained attack.

Sociopaths (what so many people call a “narcissist”) take our material possessions and rape and pillage our hearts, our emotions, our lives, and our souls. In the aftermath of a sociopath, it’s time to give ourselves the loyalty, the benefit of the doubt, and care that’s been siphoned off by them – for their own personal gain – until we’re wrung out.

Take this to the ending you want. We decide what winning is.

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After the Break Up We Become the Power

When I saw the monster I had married; when I knew hard facts in addition to the sickening feeling in my gut, the truth tore wide open. Small-huge words came out of my body on an exhale: “I want you to leave.” It felt like the only sound in the whole universe at that moment.

As my words hit his comprehension, the once handsome face of this conman “husband” went stone-blank. It was kind of funny seeing him at a loss, knowing his scam was blown up. It was also terrifying. I stayed still, calm, quiet, and watchful.

Surprisingly Calm In the Face of Absolute Danger

He sat at his desk – his throne of operations looking as if he were deep in thought over some important point. Heavy quiet filled the space. I had become the power in the room. He was now the hunted.

My life, my mind instantly and automatically shifted itself into a primal realm I’d never known before. – I recognized this space of beyond-bizarre for what it was; this was his normal. A world without a floor, without limits and of life and death, and of infinite evil.

The Truth Breaks the Mesmerized Devotion

How it Went Down: After the break up from the sociopath – meaning when I saw many shocking things three days in a row, culminating in me telling him to leave – I had an abrupt and total break of any and all positive or affectionate feelings for my faux-husband, – The entire jerry-rigged universe he made with me blew sky-high. All good feelings I had for him blasted to smithereens. In a three-day span, the spell he held me under was irrevocably broken. I woke up to myself. I was very fortunate. – For him, the end came unexpectedly – too abruptly and before he was ready, leaving him in the lurch. He’d been planning to take off because I was merely for a US green card as it turns out. But his timing was off. He hadn’t anticipated me. He wasn’t prepared: he had no ready jumping-off place, no prepped and willing prey to fully move on to – or more to the point no one readied to move in with for a place to sleep. And because of me, he also now had no vehicle, no credit cards, and was going to have his green card revoked, and potentially be deported. He was furious and panicked. A cornered wild animal.

Breaking Up With Evil

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Five women’s true stories as told in their own words. From being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

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The End Always Arrives in True Love Scam

After the breakup moment, I saw true things I hadn’t seen before, sharply in focus. He sat at my desk — in my Aeron chair, in my home. His only possession, his sleek, new MAC Airbook – not even truly his, but bought for him by another woman-of prey, living in South America while he was here and married to me.

She thought that he lived with her – there. And was here for work. And here to get them a place to live and bring her and the baby over to join him! — This globe-trotting scammer had more than a baker’s dozen of us all “believing” all at once different versions of who it is he was in our lives… And what his life was.

He’d moved in with m… I’d turned my whole place around to accommodate him. My home became his adopted Head Quarters. – His “Scam Central” of the moment. Turns out all this is a common situation when we’re ensnared by a pathological parasitic predator, and in truth: they have no home.

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A Sociopath’s (Narcissist’s) Prey Is Their Survival

This was my home now his hijacked lair. He leaned back in my chair, swiveling in deliberation as he calculated who to Facebook, email, and Instagram. Which chat room or Meet-Up to join.

Sending his venom and lies and deception virtually every possible waking moment to scourge up more victims – while he lived in a fake relationship with me, eating my food and using me for a cook, a laundress, and shelter. This was all he had; this was all he was.

I was his Internet Provider. His Grub-Shack. His Shower & Shave Pit Stop. His On-the-House-Boarding-House. (Other people were his Sex-Doll. This I, fortunately, did not suffer.) I began to remove each little drip of benefit to him in staying. But, he was stymied. He stalled his departure for ten gruesome, blood-chilling days.

A Bevy or a Gaggle of Prey is Required for The Sociopath

He had no other bait hooked deeply enough to be able to jump into their home. There were a few prospects, in a few different locations – none were Move-in-Ready. So, he hibernated, sleeping for three days and nights. Then he sprang into action.

Usually a night owl, he lingered in a morning laze under blankets, lounging on my Sixpenny down filled sofa texting, and watching videos on YouTube so this was an abrupt change, striking my heart with cold fear and watchfulness.

One morning I watched him. Since it was clear he was on his way out the door I let in a glimmer of amusement mixed in with that fear, standing observing him… and as if I wasn’t even there he slithered out the door, shaved and shiny-faced at 7:46 am. Silently, stealthfully: he was alert, coiled, and ready to strike.

Sociopaths (Narcissists) are Shameless and Relentless

Though he knew the game was up, he didn’t give up. Apparently what he was doing up so early was car shopping: in other words, trying to get a car loan. no-go. He was denied, He actually haphazardly left the paperwork out. I checked to make sure he wasn’t trying to use my name on anything and saw that he’d been denied a loan.

It followed then that one afternoon he tried to work me over again for a car. If it weren’t so scary, from another angle it was hilarious and pathetic. Of course, I had a feeble story to tell him about how sorry I was, but “no”. And that it was “impossible” because of something I had done. Hilarious. I was maneuvering him out of my life.

His words of disgust towards me spat like poison from his gob and in a few text messages after he stormed out the door… So be it… as long as I could see that this was driving him out because there was nothing here to get, I could take his stupid words.

Fabricated Stories Cover Real Desperation

Then, on the final day, realizing there was nothing at all here for him and that the ship was about to be submerged he finally put me through a test to be sure – specifically – that I wouldn’t turn him in to the authorities. That I wasn’t angry or going for revenge. That I wasn’t planning to come after him for stealing my jewelry, money, and art, and: that I wasn’t going to get USCIS, U.S. Immigration running after him like a dog catcher with a net.

I realized this was happening before he opened up with his performance. I went along with his improvisation. I soothed him, as he (fake) blubbered and sobbed…

Waterworks Signal the Sociopath’s Desperation

Liquid slicked down his face in sheets. It was meant to be tears. He wove a sob story about his father. This gruesome demon’s back story on his dad had been that his father had beaten him so badly, so often, and been so mean to him and unfair in his treatment of him compared to his other siblings that he’d left home to France at the age of 12, all on his own to get away from his dad.

Now suddenly, this same dad had a dream that made him reach out… A dream that entailed a premonition of his son in jail in the United States caused his dad to suddenly call him after ten years of not speaking..? A miracle!! Really? So how the heck did daddy have his cell phone number? Surely phone number 510 within the last ten years.

The Coupe de Grâce

When he dropped this punch line, my dad had a dream (sob, sob, hand covering face) his son in jail in united states (bend over, sob, lift his head to peek at me), I almost laughed out loud. He was gauging what I’d do when he left. He was attempting to see how safe it was for him to leave.

Everything the pathological parasitic predator says or does is about them. They’re totally absorbed in the need to do whatever they want or need to do, and in not being stopped. This singular focus is unwavering and is present in their consciousness at all times.

Behind that desire and need is the driving force of their very survival. Sociopaths are primal. Raw. They live in a space we have never been – because our world is safe unless we live in a nation of oppression, extreme poverty, or a war zone.

Lying To Save My Life

I let him think he was safe. He wasn’t. I gently said in a near whisper of shock and dismay and concern for his safety (ha), Oh, that would never happen, and stroked his back. I was maneuvering him out of my life. It worked.

Within seconds he was up out of that chair, face as dry as could be, with no physical or emotional signs of anguish or tears. He said, I need some air, and walked out the door; he was gone until sometime in the wee hours of the morning. this indicated to me that the felt secure that I wasn’t a threat and was back to his usual prowling. – hunting down a place to hop off to so he could make a run for it while I still “loved” him!! hilarious.

When the Goodies Are Gone: the Sociopath Moves On

The most significant thing I did was lie. And lie more. I told him I couldn’t pay the internet bill. Without the internet, his main-line source of hunting prey was over in this joint!

The next day he had new suitcases, a new SUV, and $1,000 cash in his sweaty fist. The next day while I was at work he called my cell phone. I didn’t pick it up. I knew this was his exit.

He wasn’t there when I got home. Crooked, tangled empty hangers hung in the closet. Chests of drawers gaped loose like sad drooping hungry mouths. He was gone. The stillness was chilling. …Then the real terror came.

Terror Sets In

The aftermath of a sociopath struck with a vengeance. I didn’t know I’d felt safer while he was under the same roof: because with him in my home, I knew where he was. Now he could be anywhere: following me, watching me… I felt like he could turn the doorknob at any minute even after I had the locks changed that very afternoon.

But I had to handle a truck-load-of-serious, move fast, and could not collapse in relief or grief or fear or despair. I didn’t have time to say, “What the bleep was all that?!” – I had to protect and save my life.

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Nothing Matters More Than Our Safety

Sociopaths count on our fear of them. I could sway him in much stronger measure than his darkness could reach me. When we don’t believe anymore – they shudder with fear, because in essence, without us and others believing them: they do not exist.

I took steps to take care of myself on every front immediately, the practical, legal, spiritual – and for mental, physical, and emotional health. A sort of super-human capability took over my body and piloted me through each hour, each day that followed. – And I will tell you, I did this without a penny of livable income or savings.

After the Break Up, This Is What I Did Immediately

Self-Care, Safety, Support, Action, Protection

Had my door locks re-keyed

It came to my mind that I needed, on a fundamental level, to more deeply value and “protect my life”. The next morning I took practical action. I called a locksmith to have my door locks changed. He couldn’t do what I needed but gave me a name to call. He stayed on the phone with me without me asking a single question.

He, on his own, volunteered to tell me which locks to get, to save money by re-keying, what the prices should be, and over and over, he said this: “It’s for your protection”, “I’m thinking of your protection”, “I want you to be protected.” – The locksmith he recommended..? Guardian Angel Locksmith in Los Angeles.

These Guardian Angles came to my door in a white van. In 20 minutes I had all new locks. I felt so, so, so much better. There aren’t words to describe the relief.

Here’s the thing though: That night and longer, did I still sleep with my keys and handbag? Did I still carry all my important ID documents with me, and my laptop and a change of clothes? Did I still shake in a panic that I’d see him, or think he was watching me a hundred times a day? Yep. – And I slept like that until I didn’t.

Got a solid definition of an antisocial psychopath’s mind and memorized it

I instinctively knew to look at things for his reasoning rather than mine. I took on understanding – discovering – how a sociopath’s mind works. – Playing out his actions and crazy words from the point of view of his mind – not mine.

The truth revealed itself hour by hour… It was clear that I could have been anyone to him. Replaceable and faceless. I was a piece of equipment to him. I was interchangeable and replaceable. I developed a deeper and deeper understanding of the sociopath-brain and became stronger and stronger as a result. We have the power. They need us, not the other way round.

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After the Break Up Begin to See, Isn’t What We Thought It Was

Taking in the premise that there was not at all in any way, ever a real relationship kept me sane. This kept me away from, why me?!, How could he do this to me?!, How could I have been so stupid?!

I had shaky moments and hours and days – but always went back to a particular and unique “reframing” that I made up out of thin air and gut instinct… this freed me and brought dramatic discoveries about what a sociopath is and about how amazing we are as real humans.

Got support filing annulment papers with an amazing attorney

The annulment process was too overwhelming to take on. Self-serve divorce or annulment might be doable for dissolving a normal marriage – not in this case – not in the aftermath of a sociopath.

An annulment is more complicated; it requires specific proof of fraud. I would not settle for anything but annulment. Divorce was too good for him and not good enough for me. I hired an attorney – who I found through a co-worker.

I was so fortunate and so grateful! — That may not be everyone’s situation — the point is this: let people know what you need. Support might be there in unexpected ways from unexpected sources. Open your heart. And yes, a family member paid for the annulment process in full.

Sought guidance from a support person in my faith

Whatever your faith is – make use of it… This is what I did: I called a leader in a support capacity in SGI. I hadn’t met her more than 3 times in passing. We spoke by phone. I was too spun-out in a state of high-high trauma to tell her my circumstances. I could barely speak coherently.

Plus I knew the details were not important. I said something like: I’m in a serious, serious situation. I’m terrified. There are legal issues. It’s really, really serious. I have no idea what to do, but I have to handle really serious things. I can’t make any mistakes. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do any of it.

She said: “Chant that everything you do is the best thing. – No matter what action you take, chant with determination that, this action is the best thing.”

It worked. It saved me. It was hard. I trusted my life. I was kind to myself. – Follow your faith. Embrace your own life.

Talked with my brother and sister daily

There was no one like me to book sessions with. Otherwise, I would have! Instead, I talked to my brother and sister. They had no idea that this was a thing, but they believed me. No judgment.

Did I have these deeply functioning relationships with my siblings already in place? Nope. Before this crisis, I talked with my brother about six times a year; my sister every week or two. He lived in another state; my sister was three miles down the road.

I determined this horror show would be the best thing that ever happened and that benefit would come from this con-man-raid. This was one of those benefits.

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Talked daily with one of the con man’s domestic partners in Europe

She was going through what I was. – With his very young child and after four years together to make sense of and recover from. We were united and embraced one another from our first crazed Facebook messages. We discovered his atrocities together. We healed together. We are friends to this day, yet live on two separate continents. There’s power in unity. Human similarities beat out any superficial differences or conflicts.

Mustered the courage and talked to his so-called girlfriends, fiances, and wives.

I talked with anyone he conned – which was anyone and everyone he knew. I did this over a period of months for a critical reason: I needed evidence for my annulment. – The secondary benefit was it brought me home to the fact that my relationship had been an illusion.

That I had been victimized but had the power to not be a victim. Incredibly, I helped clean up his damage – I encouraged those who needed it, including a wife, a fiance, a girlfriend, and two former “employees”. My capacity expanded, my compassion was proven a beautiful thing. Kindness is good. Trust is good. Benevolence is good. Don’t let a con man take that.

Got nutritional supplements for stress and other health issues

The intense stress was killing me. I’m not meaning this metaphorically or in an exaggerated sense. I mean it utterly. – I got specific mega-vitamins to save my long-term health.

I also ate almost nothing, slept very, very little, or in a comatose deep sleep, and had no exercise, just a constant adrenaline rush. Not an advisable way to get through the day, but unavoidable. It’s all temporary. Healing takes time. Let it take as long as it takes. Just keep going.

Got a homeopathic remedy for trauma and grief, loss, and shock

I use homeopathy as my main source of medical care. I took ignatia and arnica to ease the loss and grief. It let my body ease into a place where I could cope and move forward day by day. I couldn’t have made it through without it.

Talked frequently to anyone who would listen

Translate to: I did not blame myself and had no shame or guilt. — This goes back to understanding my sociopath’s mind and accepting that I was his unwitting prey. – I did not victimize myself. This does not mean I wasn’t in shock, fear, grief, and struggled to overcome the experience. It means I gave myself a break, Gave myself the benefit of the doubt.

Reported him to every authority under the sun

Exactly. In detail. Exhaustively. To the police, the District Attorney, Immigration – USCIS, and the FBI. It was the right thing to do. It may not be a crime according to the law books to father seven children and leave them or deceive a woman – many women at once.

To use them, to cause trauma to heart and soul, but: it is a crime to steal. Bigamy is a crime. Immigration fraud is a crime. I didn’t want him to get what he’d tried to take from me spiritually, mentally, financially, or physically. I stood up for my own value. I was loyal to myself.

I drank wine; I don’t normally drink

I don’t recommend drinking. For myself a glass or two of wine every night got me through. After about nine months I didn’t want it anymore – I went back to my normal alcohol intake – which is about one or two drinks – about four times a year. If I had any alcoholic tendencies this nightmare would have brought them to life.

Here’s the thing: if you have addiction issues stay away from pain killers, alcohol, recreational drugs, or anything like them. Please find another way to cope. Don’t let this inhuman, con man or con woman be your downfall! Use him to rise up!!

If You Feel It In Your Gut, It Is So

Don’t let anyone tell you or make you feel that you don’t know enough to realize or can’t make a “diagnosis” and can’t possibly know that this person is a sociopath. Please go with your gut. Please don’t hold back in that pool of thought that this is “only” a narcissist.

We Win

Rise above the fear a con man conjures. Lift yourself out of the doubt anyone around you plants. Take practical and confident steps to resolve any entanglements that his or her sick-frenzy wove in your life. He or she chose you because you are good, capable, and trustworthy.

Because you are loyal, kind, and loving. Everything nice, or good about him or her is an illusion. That face you saw, those black eyes, that other voice…? That’s who they are. After the break up from a sociopath the sociopath’s power is superseded by our shining lives when we are strong, march forward, and keep loving!!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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2020_08_10 2023_04_15

20 Characteristics of a Con Man Sociopath

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Sociopaths are identical and predictable.
Truly understanding the characteristics
of a sociopath changes everything.

It likely sounds dramatic, an impossibility, and maybe a bit like fear-mongering to say with calm confidence, oh that guy? He’s a sociopath. Or, she’s a sociopath. – The breaking news is, it is neither dramatic nor impossible.

It’s practical and sensible. It is scary. However, calmly knowing sociopaths exist and are real and what that means is huge key to how we unwind the damage of the sociopath-effect and unplug their influence.

Aren’t Sociopaths Only In the Movies?

I wish. The fact is, a sociopath is a real thing. A common reality. There are humans all around us who function from sociopathy. …And to confuse things even further, many people call them narcissists.

Though sociopath is a big scary word, the characteristics of a sociopath are really tiny and limited. And distinct.

There’s a good reason for this, a sociopath is a sociopath because they have a brain significantly different from the regular brain, that is from yours or mine.

Their brains under-function, so that they have no sensation or experience or feeling of connection. No sense of caring, genuine consideration, love, or even like for people outside of their own body. This pathology gives them very specific and unbelievable traits and qualities.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Pathological vs Non-pathological

By now you’ve heard the word narcissist and maybe call the person who hauled you through hell a narcissist. The thing is a “narcissist” is most often a sociopath. If you’re thinking of them as a “narcissists” read about and research sociopaths for real answers.

There’s lots of material and many memes and so many Insta accounts that talk about the more mundane narcissistic person who is not pathological and who is not a scammer. If you found yourself in a life where you were working harder than you’ve ever worked to keep your life and their life afloat only to find it constantly sinking, you were ensnared by the pathological narcissist…. that is, a sociopath.

No Conscience, No Concern For You Or Anyone Else

Sociopaths are 100% narcissistic. They’re in your life for a reason that is not normal or genuine in any way. There’s no one more narcissistic on the planet than the sociopath… the antisocial psychopath aka sociopath or psychopath. Read here about why the clinical terminology uses the word “antisocial”.

The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

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Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
on your favorite podcast platform!

Sociopaths Are Real: And Simplistic in Nature

Though sociopath is a big scary word, the characteristics of a sociopath are really tiny and limited. And distinct. There’s a good reason for this: a sociopath is a sociopath because they have a brain significantly different from the regular brain… yours or mine.

Their brains are structured so that they have no sensation or experience of feeling any bonding, love, care, or consideration for other people — or animals. – They do pretend to.

The attachment or interest they display for others is where we begin to feel horrified because it’s not like ours. And it’s not good.

Other people hold no meaning to them aside from using that person for the sociopath’s personal gain. This means they’re what’s commonly called a con man or con artist, or scammer. And they come in male or female versions.

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Brain Scans Reveal the Sociopath, “Narcissist”, Psychopath Brain

There’s hard science to demonstrate the difference in their brains. Brain scans by neuroscientists reveal the portions of the brain attributed to feeling love, and compassion just doesn’t function.

There’s nothing we can recognize as normal once the mask hits the floor. So what is going on inside of them? There’s basically nothing there. Where love would be there’s white noise. The connection between themselves and others isn’t made of concern or care.

There’s Nobody Inside To Connect With

Though they can create what we first feel is intimacy and deep interest in us, calling what they put out towards us a real “connection” isn’t quite the thing. This is because they see us as an object to grab-and-smash; something like a natural resource they hold the rights to.

They truly believe that they have every right to make use of humans as you or I would make use of a vacuum cleaner or a blender to get something done.

The thing is, we care more about the well-being of our vacuum cleaner than a sociopath does about us or any other human. They make use of others in absolutely any way they like. The word, “exploitation” comes to mind.

This is really hard for us to believe. It’s humanly impossible to absorb in one single moment the reality that there are people who look human, just like us, but are missing the “humanity chip”. Taking this in is a process.

Getting to the Reality of These Creatures

Find out here: The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

We Are Not Responsible for The Predator’s Inhumanity

People without a conscious are bereft of good as if they’ve scorched the very roots of goodness within their own lives. They aren’t “choosing” to not care; this in itself would come from a place of caring. They have no place of caring within them. These are people who embed themselves into people’s lives to take, to use, and to do whatever they want. This is their real “work” whether they have an actual paycheck or not.
Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

How Do Sociopaths (aka Narcissists aka Psychopaths) Do What They Do?

When individuals operate without a conscience they are able to do horrible things we would never dream of doing, and there is no moral compass or guilt feelings to stop them.
Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD Psychology

The Sociopath Effect Is Inevitable

In order to hook, use and take from targets, (that would be you or I, just regular people) every sociopath uses the same little tricks and misleads and lies. This takes effect in one-on-one relationships, in romantic or work situations, towards religious leaders or politicians; anywhere you find and admire or like someone who is a sociopath this hook will take hold.

Where ever there’s a sociopath in a group, a family, or an organization. The predator gets busy in a true love faux-lationship or superior-acolyte in any setting. The arc of hell and the crazy plays out in five stages. Always, and also in every one of these set-ups.

This Is The Only Way It Goes

There’s no deviation from this pattern of hook and use and break-away. It might be carried out over five days or 50 years with any particular morsel of prey — but there’s no variation in the way a sociopath functions or affects prey.

Everything they do and say is in an effort to make use of those around them is for their survival. We are their livelihood. This survival is dependent upon us believing they’re normal. This is not easy for us to see. It takes time and taking in a new perspective to see this thing we never imagined existed.

Our experience with them is traumatic and so is coming to terms with what they are. Not all trauma is bad!

Sociopaths are Identical, Predictable and Severely Limited

So many give credit to the sociopath as a master manipulator, a genius liar. I beg to differ. It’s time to look again from another angle, so we can stop giving them the power. They claim to be amazing and talented geniuses — and we do at first see them as masterly wizards of manipulation and at the antics that they pull.

Sociopaths are the antithesis of loving and giving; they only take and as the fallout of their taking, destruction is all they bring to the table.

In reality, sociopaths have very limited thinking. They are severely limited, have specific thinking and feelings, and have no other way to think or feel.

What they feel as raw emotions is desire or need, and then glee when they get what they want, anger when it’s threatened or taken away, rage when their scam is being seen through or put to an end, and fear. They have a great fear of being exposed which fuels endless rage at being caught or exposed.

How Would the One You’re Wondering About Do On This Test?

Answer these very basic questions that lead to an estimation of whether someone is a sociopath aka a psychopath… or that person you’re calling a “narcissist”. I

After all, never forget, understanding what you’re facing isn’t about diagnosing them… this discovery serves the purpose of finding your safety, keeping your sanity, and restoring your well-being.

They Lose it When They Lose

If they’re at risk of exposure they lose it; when exposed they risk not getting what they want or getting away with it they become wild-cornered animals.

They frantically and erratically hop from one tactic to another trying to get their house of cards back in place. They come up with elaborate stories, fake illnesses, disappear, kill, cry spontaneous sheets of tears… rage and threaten and blackmail (like, if I lose, I’ll leave the United States…). The nearer they are to losing it all, the more they lose it.

The profound fear they live with is one of the things they don’t want us to realize about them. If their fear was not incredibly deep, why would they rage so when we get close to the truth?

Confusion is The Vibe

The reason we feel so confused is that this is nothing like anything we’ve known before. And… It isn’t anything we can see by using the way we normally think to look at it.

The whole mess is a fake-lationship. A faux-lationship. We think we’re in a real relationship; the sociopath knows it’s not a real mutual human relationship.

Sociopaths do their best to embed themselves into people’s lives in order to take, use, make use of us, and do whatever they want in that person’s life. Making these attempts and making this effort is how they spend every single day; this is their “work”. It’s how they survive.

This Kind of Con Brings Post Traumatic Stress

As a confused and hurt person trying to find answers, to decipher what’s going on, understanding the characteristics of a sociopath lets us see from an angle that supports our understanding. This also saves our mental and emotional – as well as physical – health and allows for healing.

It’s not easy to fully comprehend and takes time to see it, but the fact is, we’re nothing more than a piece of equipment or an object to the sociopath. Beyond that, we’re despised and held in contempt.

This is so hard to grasp because we’re fully human. We love and support those we love; we don’t view them as expendable resources. Sociopaths are the antithesis of loving and giving; they only take and as the fallout of their taking, destruction is all they bring to the table.

A Sociopath Can Be Anywhere: The Park, A Party, at Work

Because pathological users are anywhere we might be, we need to learn how to recognize them. Their real power when you think about it is that we can’t recognize them and so not be affected by them.

Sociopaths exist in every social, regional, and economic realm. Most crave riches with insatiable desire. Paradoxically they can handle living in a box on the side of the road until the next target with a nice warm nest comes along. Why…? It’s the result of having no emotional connection to things, people, or places.

Without any emotional connection aside from holding someone up to measure if that person – seen as an object – fits into their needs – and every one of us has something they need – sociopaths are isolated and isolating in their effect.

Pathological Parasites Are Anywhere We Might Be

Predatory parasites dwell in trailer parks in Wyoming, on ski slopes in the Alps, in board rooms across the world, within the profiles of online dating sites, at church, in bars and clubs, in the grocery store, at the dog park.

Sociopaths hunt prey in the workplace, on Facebook, in chat forums, at a party. We can meet them at the grocery store, in line at the post office, getting gas or through friends.

It’s said one-in-25 people are sociopaths and are either male or female. We’ve all heard the phrase: hiding in plain sight. We’ve got to change how we “see” – our “sight” – they’re plain as day.

20 Characteristics of a Sociopath

Fun, charming, and entertaining. Super polite when meeting new people
Display impressive knowledge or skill at something. This proves to be limited or fake
Have a primal perception as far as what concerns us, what we need, and depend upon; this is used to make false promises, to make deals, and to blackmail
Are easily offended. They fluster and bluster when offended and lash out
Lie about all things – except those odd moments they tell the truth
Believe they’re better than everyone. Express misogynistic, racist, homophobic, or other prejudice and hatred
Crave a good reputation
Crave status, power, possessions, money, yet exist at any level of society
Have delusions of fame and importance, though they might live in the Metro station
Mimic our authentic emotions and social mannerisms as best they can
Have no capacity for care, concern, or love, though it sometimes seems they do
Think of themselves as victims and can cry fake tears at the drop of a hat
Are sexually promiscuous and often simultaneously avoid sex with a primary prey; someone they’ve put in place as a primary “partner”
Do any horrible, illegal, or immoral thing they want to do and to absolutely anyone.
Think their prey (partners, spouses, girlfriends, etc.) should be grateful
Take pride in their scams and run several scams simultaneously
Believe everyone deserves whatever it is that they do to them
Smear their targets and prey; loudly, publicly, online in court
Have outbursts of rage, that can be physically violent.
All of them know they are monsters; they are proud of it and enjoy it.

There’s Much More

Since their state of mind is based on the limited and abnormal brain that makes someone a sociopath, there are more characteristics that are identical sociopath to sociopath.

You wouldn’t be the only one to discover porn, beyond porn – and their participation in shocking sexual practices. They avoid paying taxes, skip paying child maintenance altogether in cases of divorce, and cheat at absolutely everything. Even if they seem successful career-wise, you’ll find they don’t do their own work if you scratch the surface. Even with seemingly legit employment they ultimately live off of others’ lives, others’ efforts, finances, respectability, and magnanimity.

Discovering the Reality of a Sociopath is Trauma in Itself

In the world of psychology, they’re called antisocial psychopaths, or sociopaths. And lately as having an antisocial personality disorder. This newer contemporary term diminishes the damage they do and casts them in the light of hapless wrong-doer.

They’re not innocents suffering from a disorder. They know they cause harm. With pleasure and pride, they do terrible things to people. – Another delay in finding what we’re really facing is getting hung up on terminology and ideas of “narcissists”.

Bragadocious: Sociopaths Talk a Lot, a Super-de-Duper Lot

Sociopaths can’t help themselves from bragging. They like to chatter about the things they do. . These elaborate boasts represent their made-up life. It’s all lies. The traits and tricks of a sociopath never waver.

They’re consistent with all their prey whether in pursuit for ten days or we’re captive for ten years or 30 years. It’s the same for each of us from the first “hello”, to the way they break up with us.

In popular culture, movies, and books sociopaths are referred to as con artists or con men. In real life, they are strictly Mr. Hyde with a very shallow cover of Dr. Jekyll.

Lies Are Real, And Real Made Up

Sociopaths lie easily. Lying is normal for them. They feel no guilt or shame about lying. If one lie doesn’t work they whip out another one. They know they lie. For the pathological, lies make up what’s real, and real is made up. How’s that for mind-bending?

Since they are not connected to the world, to their own life to anything through emotions in the way that we are, sociopaths forget what they say one moment to another moment, and can only manage the moment in front of them.

Consequently, we can lie to them, they can know that we’re probably lying, and yet, they act on the lie as if it’s the truth.

Lying is Due to Their Pathology

The sociopath (or that person you might be calling a narcissist) lies in a way that’s called “pathological”. This means that lying comes as a result of their brain. In other words, they can’t not lie. They do not get better or change.

They make off-handed comments that reveal their inner workings. Knowing the characteristics of a sociopath exposes them for what they are and includes eventually, being able to see them as boring and even laughable.

At this point in time in the history of humankind, there is no known “cure.” They wouldn’t want to “get better” or “be better” if they could. They enjoy every minute of what they are. They adore themselves while knowing full well that they’re monsters.

The sociopath’s ruse is deception upon deception. Since people are seen as objects, they are disposable to the sociopath. It’s hard to say, but not all allow their prey to live to tell the tale.
Dr. Deborah Ettel, Phd Psychology

Find out more about guided recovery coaching here.

There’s Nothing a Sociopath Won’t Do

The characteristics of a sociopath include pride in the things they do. They consider nabbing prey an achievement. They’re boastful and feel great, and an exaggerated gleeful accomplishment in scamming, lying, taking, stealing, using, and worse.

Remember the exciting, exhilarating start to all the mess? Recall when they have that grin…and are sparked and energized? – It’s an exhibit of the glee and sense of pride they feel for capturing you.

Power of Influence: Truth and Lies

In these flashing moments of truth our heads spin. The truth always stands out. But in the confusing, bizarre world of the con, actual truth only cuts a fleeting crack in the lunacy and looks like lunacy itself.

A sociopath’s influence has us doubt the truth, and be soothed by their lie. Sociopaths influence us in such a way, that it’s natural for us to defend and protect their lies.

It’s All Traumatic

All in all, anytime we spent in the presence of a sociopath, wasn’t what we thought it was. There’s never any mutual moment aside from maybe sitting down to eat because both of us want a good dinner.

Any limbic-brained person in the presence of a sociopath in any dynamic such as a personal relationship of love, of family members, of neighbor and neighbor or boss and employee or coworker… they all involve sustained trauma and harm and a period of PTSD in the aftermath.

Why they’re at dinner with us, is not the same reason we’re at dinner with them. We were targeted and hijacked for the sociopath’s own use.

We Can Recover After Breaking Up with a Narcissistic Sociopath

The most devastating thing a sociopath creates is disunity. Disunity from self and from others we love…from others in general. Even a sense of separation from others we don’t know shrouds us as our life shuts down and closes into a very small thing centered on them and appeasing them. We end up in a spinning place of off-kilter confusion, more than walking on eggshells.

Like any normal human would without positive connection and unity, in isolation and separation we get lost. We can bring ourselves back. We reunite with ourselves, with all and everyone around us. Recovering from this trauma takes non-judgemental support and encouragement.

With accurate and true information and understanding of what a sociopath is – and what we are as gorgeous, loving humane, human beings, we can heal and get our lives back. We can trust again, laugh again, and love again.