sociopaths smear their exes Archives - true love scam recovery

The smear campaign is so painful.
It’s all about the sociopath’s
need to position themselves
to come out smelling like roses.
It doesn’t work. They smell like poop.
Always.

The smear campaign… a nightmare inside the nightmare. They go to great lengths to conjure themselves into the role of “victim” in the eyes of their “fans”. It’s in order to keep empathy falling into their slimy laps, so they can keep taking and using and getting away with it. It’s all smoke and mirrors.

Smear Campaigns are Born of Basic Sociopath Survival Needs

The sociopath is obsessed with making sure no one ever catches on to just how heinous they are. This is their only goal. Looking like the victim and the “good guy” is their ploy to that end. It has to be.

This facade feeds into their survival. When we’re smeared across social media, to their family, to our own family, it can seem like everyone believes them. And, sadly, lots of people do believe them… at first.

The truth is, you’d think it’d be easier to pull a rabbit out of a hat than to make people truly believe any sociopath is a good guy or gal – and yet, it seems everyone around us buys into their malarkey.

And at first, they do… hang on though, because eventually they won’t, but still the liar must conjure up their good-guy story. They’re compelled to for their survival.

Get answers, gain skills to see the truth, and be free.

Schedule guided recovery sessions here

A Sociopaths Survival is Always Hanging By a Thread

Everything a sociopath says or does is for their survival. It may not seem so to us, as we’re terrified, mystified, and can’t figure out why they’d say what they say… they seem powerful. It seems that everyone believes them, yet inside the sociopath, their knees are knocking. They know their world is made of lies.

Antisocial psychopaths function from a limited range of cognition and are without emotional intelligence due to their abnormal brains. The few remaining intact parts of their brains do include intense and unwavering survival mechanisms, just as does the brain of a cockroach. These are bizarre and dark creatures who run when the light goes on.

The thing is, though it feels like it, the smear campaign is not designed solely to torture us. As much as it seems like it, the sociopath isn’t thinking about us, they’re doing what they always do: They’re thinking of themselves.

Their Only Concern is for Themselves

The focus of a sociopath is obtaining their desires. Ultimately, their strongest desire is for their own safety. This requires getting people to trust them, and the need to get in quick and hit it hard. And finally to make sure they look innocent when the thing falls apart once they’re done ransacking someone’s life.

To this end, they’re busy planting lies and stories about how wonderful they are, and how awful we are well before that last text, “I’m done.” Or that whaling whine, “I’ve tried as hard as I can to make this work. I can’t live like this anymore,” as they exit the scene.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Guided recovery coaching

Why Do Sociopaths Smear Their Targets?

Why do they need to talk so badly about us? We did everything! Gave everything; we were incredible, the best boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband anyone could be! Then, after all that, this – this is what we get?!!? Yep.

Sociopaths need to preempt the truth about themselves before it walks in the door as often and as hard as they can. We’ve seen them do this many, many times while we were with them. It’s that storytelling thing. It’s one of their basic tactics.

Smearing is nothing more than more of the same from their limited bag of tricks. The pathological predator’s only way to look good is to make others look bad.

Smear Campaigns Begin from the Millisecond After their First “Hello”

We’ve witnessed “smearing” a zillion times while with the sociopath. In retrospect we shake our heads in disbelief as we clearly see talking badly about other people was pretty much the only “conversation” they ever made.

Since it was while we were entranced by them, wanting to make things work out, and about someone else, it didn’t seem so harsh.

They don’t know when enough is enough since they’re devoid of the emotional sensibility of a normal, limbic brained person.

Remember the tale he told about the guy at work who pocketed the office’s petty cash? Then blamed it on the sociopath, so he got fired? And the further insistence that really he was innocent and the other guy was a liar and a thief?

That’s smearing. Remember the one about the ex who cheated, was a drunk and used him for money? Well, that’s us now. Now we’re the story.

Schedule Your Sessions Here

“Someone” is Always Behind the Spot They’re in Now

There has always got to be a “someone” as “the story” in a sociopath’s life that is a sob story, a hardship episode they still suffer from. “Someone” has got to be the one who put them in the tight spot they’re in now.

They need this setup so their new prey feels bad for them. This is what lets them borrow money, move in, or whatever they need in “support”. These stories are not ever the truth. Nothing they say is what we think it is or the full truth. The smear campaign is storytelling. It’s the sociopath’s most used tool.

The smear campaign serves another extremely important purpose: it keeps prey, both current and former, from talking to one another. They need us to not band together and piece the truth into the ugly picture that it is. This is the point of the majority of their storytelling and what many call their “triangulation”.

Woven Fantastical Lies Make Up the Tales of Their Past

Every sociopath comes up with a combination of the same things to say about former prey. The basics put out there by a sociopath smearing their prey don’t vary much because, well there are only so many “bad things” you can say about people.

So they call us: crazy, drug addicts, mentally ill, liars, cheaters, or say we beat them. They sometimes like to add in personal jabs such as, we’re fat, lazy, or old and stinky.

The delicious and ridiculous part is their limited skills and tactics come back around to give them away and hang them for the very bad guys they truly are. Let time perform its magic. The truth will out.

They straight out tell stories about our crimes; they say it along with some elaboration, such as, “Don’t talk to Linda. She forged my signature on a check and emptied my bank account… I had to break up with her. And along with all this, they post images of themselves looking happy with a new “wife”, or “boyfriend”. Et voila, abracadabra, we’re bad; they’re good.

Since sociopaths are missing emotional intelligence and haven’t experienced emotions in the way we do, they have no emotional barometer to gauge emotional nuance so they tend to lean into the dramatic.

In other words, they imitate what they think is our genuine experience of emotions in order to seem normal. It’s off the mark and overdone. They don’t know when enough is enough.

Schedule Your Sessions Here

Smear Campaign: This is a Time to Defend Ourselves to No One

Sociopaths count on our emotional response. Our emotions in reaction to them can land us right into looking “crazy” so they look “normal” which they need. They wield their pronouncements as “proof” of how yucky and nuts we are.

We run around like a cat chasing its tail trying to defend ourselves and prove them wrong; we get nowhere and for the most part, end up fulfilling their accusations in the eyes of onlookers.

When we defend ourselves on social media posts, to friends of their friends, to their family, it supports their negative false story about us. It makes them look like the good guy and the guy who tells the truth. It just does. Sad but true. Frustrating but real.

Trying to Disprove Their Crazy Makes Us Look Crazy

And more so, defending ourselves tampers with our well-being; when we hop around trying to disprove what they say about us we stay in trauma. If our focus is to disprove the bad things they’ve said we don’t even begin recovery. Because: horror-of-horrors – we’re still in it. They still have us hooked. This is what they want. – Don’t give it to them.

Please: I beg you… explain and defend yourself to no one. If we challenge the things they say where ever those things pop up, speaking out against every story we hear that they’re telling about us, not only will we look crazy – we’ll drive ourselves crazy doing it. Stay no contact. Block them. Keep tales of their stories away from your ears.

Save speaking on your own behalf to where it counts: in court, in legal situations, in reports to authorities that you might make, and your friends or family who fully support you. – The friends and family who don’t get it can be put on the back burner for now.

Smear Campaign and All: We Don’t Stay Their “Story” Forever

Eventually, the sociopath stops and fades into the background. As the days roll by and we stay no contact, they begin to feel smug and certain that we aren’t coming after them or sending people to break their knees or have them arrested or blow their cover to their wife or mom. This is when they lose interest in us and need to put their attention where it bears them fruit.

They have many new people to prey upon, so many juicy, plump, fresh unknowing people to live off of… and more recent “exes” than us. They’ll continue to spin new stories in which the key bad-guy character isn’t us, but some other prey. This is what they do. It isn’t about us. None of any of it was personal. None of it. – This is key to our recovery.

It’s all and only about them using the limited skills they’ve got for their miserable survival. And the delicious and ridiculous part is their limited skills and tactics come back around to give them away and hang them for the very bad guys they truly are. Let time perform its magic. The truth will out.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.