13 Red flags. Sidestep a narcissist, avoid that sociopathic predator lovebombing, gaslighting, liar worming their way into our lives.
The “red flags” to recognize a toxic person, a narcissist, a con man, a sociopath are there. In an encounter with one of these creatures, our guts shout warnings at us, but in ways we haven’t heard before, and through a fog of lovey-dovey hypnosis. The “flags” just aren’t plainly visible or as recognizable as others and even we might think they would be. There are a few reasons for this. Let’s talk about those and then get to the red flags!
Narcissist or sociopath? Sociopath or narcissist..? Or just narcissistic? Please… know what you’re truly facing.
Narcissist or sociopath…? There’s a feeling for many people that a “narcissist” isn’t a sociopath. The category of NPD is thought by lots of people to be different and “better” – meaning not as bad as a sociopath.
It’s normal to hope that someone is not “as bad” as something that’s really horrific. I get that! – But there’s more to it.
To arrive at a real understanding of these escapes and in recovering what you’re facing, you have a better chance of restoring your life.
If you’re wondering about and spinning over someone you’re calling a “narcissist”, you’re best off thinking of them as a sociopath in order to find answers and stop the spinning.
Because while one is annoying and no fun and sometimes mean and icky and can be hateful (a narcissistic person), the other (what you might call a narcissist and the sociopath) is ruinous and can be fatal. – Yes, fatal as in, we could end up dead.
Then to add another confusion, there’s the word, “narcissistic”. That’s different again. A human who has some narcissistic glitches is not usually a narcissist as in the kind that is a sociopath. I know that’s confusing. However, coming to terms with what is what and the terms we use to refer to them for the purposes of restoring lives and our freedom from both or either is critical…
Not knowing the “narcissist” you’re scared to death over is actually the same thing as a sociopath or that a “narcissistic person” is like a day at the beach by comparison to them is detrimental to resolving questions. It prolongs the pain.
A Hard Road Against Mainstream Thought
It’s convenient to fall into what prevails out there in the now-massive information pool available online. It’s easier to imagine that these heinous creatures, this “narcissist” has a “childhood wound”. It’s nicer and more of a human way of thinking to imagine that they’re jealous of us. – And it’s perfectly human to imagine and believe that it’s your “codependency” or low self-esteem that holds you there.
But I’m here to tell you, those things are not true. These beliefs are causing you more harm. Those beliefs are prolonging entanglements with people of zero humanity who wouldn’t mind if you bled out on the floor while they had their lunch.
They Can’t Be That Bad
The fact that we look for good and can’t imagine they could be as bad as it seems like they are is a testament to how gorgeously good you are inside and out. Wanting to see – and seeing – good before evil is because you are made of “good”. Having to step into a place to see that another human is truly bad is difficult for us, especially when this person is someone we’re married to or have a child with, or have spent the last six years or six months of your life with.
The idea of a “narcissist” who has self-esteem that apparently our own, so much so that they only pretend to love, is somehow more “relatable”. Why is this…?
The Wounded Soul
With this explanation, it seems simply then as if the meanie in your life is a human with human problems. We think of them as like us. With this explanation of a “narcissist” who is wounded, has faults like anyone else that can be “fixed”, you can believe that somewhere deep down they also really do love you.
I understand this is more comforting than taking in the reality of a sociopath. If this is where you are with it, that’s okay. But I invite you to go further. To open up to these new ideas that will explain things so that you’re no longer exhausted with the effort of shoving an explanation into place… Answers that don’t fit so that you’re dead tired and still confused…. and still hurting.
Another Confusion: Narcissistic Glitches Are Not Pathological
There are people who are self-focused – narcissistic – sometimes and only about certain things. They can have narcissistic glitches that we snag ourselves on when we’re in their lives.
Their narcissistic glitches do indeed arise from their lives during childhood or as learned behaviors linked to insecurity, and fears or unmet needs as children. These “self-oriented” tendencies affect others and leave them on the outside of a mutual relationship.
This is the person I refer to as someone who is narcissistic. They have narcissistic glitches. This is non-pathological: they’re a person with narcissistic sticky bits, but a normal person who loves, likes, and cares. It hurts a bit sometimes – or often – to be loved, liked, and cared for by them.
Pathological Means It Is a Part of Their Mental Condition
A pathologically narcissistic person is a sociopath and exhibits behavior that is involuntary, and pathological, meaning it’s a result of their brain. The way they think and see the world is out of their hands. And behind their thinking is pure and total self…narcissism. They have no room in their consciousness to care about or for other people.
This pathologically narcissistic person is full of delusion and is pure narcissism. There is room for nothing else in their closed-circuit-of-self-house-of-cards lives. They cause ruin, tear people’s lives apart, and do the things we call: love-bombing, gaslighting, devaluing, discarding, ghosting, hoovering, and smearing.
Someone who is narcissistic but non-pathological might gaslight as in the y might deny that they said something mean about your new haircut or how you look in that dress – or that as your parent, they told your sister that you’re lazy behind your back.
They might lie to us. They call us names or make fun of us, however as compared to the pathological sociopath/narcissist it’s quite different. They are not a fraud. Their behavior and effect upon people around them are light years apart from a sociopath aka pathological narcissistic person: the defrauding con man – or woman – who drags us through love scams.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Unless you willingly and deliberately walk into knowing what you’re escaping or recovering from, you stand a chance of staying in pain, confusion, and more hell for many days to come.
Turning away because of the word “sociopath” and its full meaning regrettably slows restoration and healing. It delays the restoration of our lives. Without taking in the real deal we can miss a life of happiness and remain in either a life under the spell of a sociopath – or under the thumb of a narcissistic person. – Or both.
Clear As Mud: Filter the Gunk
The thing is, unfortunately, confusion mounts with the ever-growing collection of online materials and social media written about narcopaths, narcs, sociopaths, narcissists, and even psychopaths. If you feel lied to, or deceived, if they use more of your money than theirs if you feel confused, uncertain, or sense something is wrong, have fear, discover they use another name sometimes or are physically or sexually used or sexually rejected… think of them as a sociopath.
Outright Evil Is Out There
As normal, limbic-brained whole humans, we had no earthly idea that our new dream man or woman was someone who ensnared us.
There’s only one type of person a pathological user would have no interest in. The person who fully, profoundly, and calmly accepts that sociopaths (narcissists) exist and knows what that means.
That this was a human-looking being who could hypnotize us just by saying “hello” and we’d fall into a maze of a colossal dark and hideous chaotic whirlwind of a nightmare in which we suffer loss beyond description… Voila, the “sociopath”.
For our purposes of living it, understanding it, and recovering, healing, and side-stepping a “narcissistic person” is one thing – and a “sociopath” is another. There are vast differences between the two and lots of confusion about which is what. I admittedly get hot and bothered about it.
A lot of this is a language, a vocabulary problem. “Narcissistic” is an adverb or adjective. Like that’s a fantastic dress! Or, you did that beautifully! Or that was a misogynistic comment. – It adds detail as to how something is done, or in this case to qualify someone’s behavior. — “Narcissism” indicates an ideology or mental state or philosophy. Such as all “ism” words: optimizations-ism, pessim-ism, -professional-ism, rac-ism. Plenty more, can you think of some “ism” words that represent an ideology? — “Narcissist” is attempting to be a noun. A noun by definition is. name for a person, place, or thing. Great. The problem is the coining and use of this word carries an extremely muddled definition. This is not working well as a noun. For instance, if I say “car”, is there any confusion about what I refer to? Aside from not having further details, (adjectives and qualifiers that tell us the brand or fuel needs or color of the car) we all know what a car is. If I say “fish”, aside from further details (adjectives and qualifiers that tell us the variety or size or color of the fish) we all know what a fish is. When the word “narcissist” is used the confusion and misunderstanding are colossal: and dangerous. Misleading. Inaccurate. And does not help anyone.
The DSM IS Not Written For Us
I understand the words and references to a “narcissist” either covert, overt or malignant… come from the DSM. That’s nice and makes sense as a place to turn… at first. And these are sociopaths.
But consider this: the DSM is written by scientists. It’s an ever-evolving work of findings from studies. imagine a bunch of nerds found a slew of cockroaches and categorized them by differences in antennae length and wingspan. I mean so what if one roach has a shinier little eye than the other…? At the end of the day: they’re all roaches!!!!
The Experience We Have Is The Proof Of What They Are
Additionally, imagine they’ve never come upon one of these hideous revolting insects personally. Do the meticulous and tedious results of their measuring and sorting make anyone of these revolting creatures, not cockroach when we come across one in our kitchen?
That would be a huge no. Covert, overt, malignant narcissists have the influence and effect of sociopaths when we find them in our lives. They are in fact sociopaths.
This sociopath a brain that leaves them with no ability to connect or care and therefore leaves them minus a conscience. – A narcissist…? A regular nonpathological narcissistic person has a conscience.
Personally, I have not ever based my own experience in the bowels of freaking horror-show-real-life-hell on the clinical research findings.
Findings meant for the diagnosis of personality disorders mainly for the purpose of making prison sentences, prescription drugs, social services, and all out of the compulsion of scientists and researchers to do their thing… which includes the ongoing need to meet application parameters for grant funding and make the requisite detailed and non-experiential based conservative diagnostics of that questionable person.
I don’t think you’re best served by doing this either. The DSM and all those splinter categories of overt, covert, cluster B. They don’t help us. They aren’t written for us. They muddy the path out of hell.
Recovery and Restoring Lives Can Be Lonely
To be honest, it’s lonely and exhausting to keep harping on about how significant this difference is for restoring our lives after a hijacking by a con man who is a sociopath and dripping into psychopath territory when they get pleasure from observing others’ pain. – Not to add more confusion, but fundamentally a sociopath and a psychopath are in the same mental circumstance… The word sociopath is a colloquialism for psychopath… Which is an antisocial psychopath or antisocial personality disorder.
What we need is truth. We cannot heal from anything else. We need to know the truth of what we’re facing. Yes, these terms like narc are much easier to say than the much uglier truth behind the word: sociopath, but they muddy the situation.
But when I check my website’s stats sometime in the evening and see that eight people in Romania and three people in Malta have been reading my website that day along with the 8,000 others from around the globe… I know I have to keep it up.
For goodness sake… These people kill people who think they love them. This is a sociopath, and if the person you’re calling a narcissist fits this – they are a sociopath – an antisocial psychopath.
A part of the problem in understanding for the purposes of safety and freedom is language. Words. Just plain old not realizing the meaning of words. Nouns, verbs, and their meanings and applications.
Calling someone who is actually a bona fide sociopath (as in a noun; the name of a person, place, or thing) and calling them a narcissist (noun again) is a fairly natural thing to do. This happens for some very reasonable reasons all of which can be dispelled and rectified for a cleaner, faster, better more accurate understanding, and recovery:
Sociopaths are narcissistic – that’s the verb; to be narcissistic.
Sociopath is a big scary word!
The technical medical term: antisocial psychopath is even scarier!!
People trip up on the word, antisocial, out of misunderstanding what that means in this context.
A Sociopath is Pure Narcissism
Sociopaths are 100% self-focused and self-centered. This is narcissism all the way. The thing is, a sociopath is far more narcissistic than any “narcissistic person” could be.
A sociopath (lump narcissist in there) has an abnormal brain and will never ever be remotely human in any recognizable way. – Though we think they look human in a super cute way when we meet them.
This sociopath a brain that leaves them with no ability to connect or care and therefore leaves them minus a conscience.
Another sticking point is that we may not all be shown the horrors of what they really are when we’re entrapped by them… However, their full capacity of harm, destruction, and bottomless evil is there, nonetheless.
Keep in mind, narc or narcopath are more euphemisms, colloquialisms, slang – made-up words to handle the nightmare more easily. Kinda like a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down.
Knowing What We’re Facing Matters
When a sociopath (a narcissist) it’s mixed up with the concept of a narcissistic person, it dangerously dilutes our understanding and leaves us without answers, in pain, suffering, and stuck in trauma and the inevitable post-trauma. What we need is the truth. We cannot heal from anything else. We need to know the truth of what we’re facing.
Yes, these terms like narc are much easier to say than the much uglier truth behind the word: sociopath. These are words that are easier-to-handle, but muddy the situation. Aren’t things crazy enough…?
Don’t we need the fog and confusion to clear, though the reality is harsh? Clear is kind as Brene Brown says. Let’s sort through this hideous maze as simply as possible.
Narcissistic Person vs. Sociopath vs. What the Heck is Going On?
The term sociopath feels harder to swallow and is used far less often than the word narcissist. The word sociopath sounds so much more horrific and ominous, but… a narcissist is a sociopath.
This sociopath has a brain that leaves them with no ability to connect or care and therefore leaves them minus a conscience (this is the thing so many call a narcissist). – A narcissistic person – a regular non-pathological narcissistic person has a conscience and feels love.
Some of them more so than others, true. But unless they cross the line into living off of others by deception, they are not of this abnormal brain that makes a sociopath (narcissist).
Now please, don’t let the spell we fall under drag you into thinking the person you call evil also loves us. Not even because one day they seemed like they did. Not because of that one time you laughed together. That’s part of the spell and part of the effect of what’s called cognitive dissonance. Please take a moment to search my site for this article and read more about how it’s normal to feel or think that they must have loved us even a little. Why Do We Believe the Lies of a Sociopath If we’re calling them evil, think of them as a sociopath.
Narcissistic Person or Sociopath Litmus Test Made Simple
Chances are if we call him or her a monster, evil, or the devil, or a demon we’re confronting a sociopath (narcissist). Clinically a sociopath has a specific under-functioning brain that cannot be repaired at this time in the history of humankind.
The bottom line though is this: whatever we call them, we don’t want them. We’re not doctors, we don’t want to be doctors or psychologists or neuroscientists – we do want to be happy. Where the difference between these two – a narcissistic person and a sociopath (narcissist) comes into play for us is in our lives, rather than in mental health medical books.
Narcissistic People Range from Unpleasant to Hell-ish
If you’ve read about a covert narcissist or a malignant narcissist, consider them sociopaths. From our experiential situation, they are. Realize the DSM is not written for us.
Narcissistic people (the nonpathological – not the sociopath aka narcissist, narc, narcopath) have a snarky way about them. They can be nice or nasty one minute to the next, in front of anyone, to anyone, anywhere. The narcissistic person varies in levels of self-absorption. Some are only petty and annoying once in a while, while some seem loony in the extent of their unflinching “me-ness.”
Narcissistic People Do Like Certain Attention or Acknowledgement
Sometimes, it’s like no one else is in the room except the narcissist and their audience of self-approval. Each conversation is a land mine and always reverts back to them. It’s always a sad, frustrating, hard time talking with a narcissistic person. It’s frustrating and can be lonely and hard.
It’s tough to be relaxed or feel okay to say things to them naturally, as one would to a friend, to family to a partner or coworker or boss, or neighbor.
There’s a Difference Between Michael Scott from “The Office” and Leo’s Character in “Catch Me If you Can”
Each narcissistic person has their unique way of being a pain in the derriere; that’s French for the caboose, our behind or rear-end. Each individual narcissistic person, who is what we used to simply call a dysfunctional person, isn’t especially predictable one to the other.
However, when you know a particular narcissistic person well you can begin to guess when their moods will shift from tolerable to caustic to mean. How they manifest caustic and mean varies depending on the individual narcissistic person.
Examples of a Narcissistic Person
Here’s an example, let’s say a neighbor draws you into a conversation when she sees you getting the mail. You’ve learned to avoid her because it usually goes something like this… Like a slap in the face. Every time.
The Narcissistic Ne: Nice day isn’t it?
You: Yes, lovely.
The Narcissistic Neighbor: I don’t know what to think about that so-and-so-in the news lately.
You: It’s horrible isn’t it? We need to look into new policies or laws to stop it.
The Narcissistc Neighbor: Well, don’t talk to me about that, that’s not my concern!!
Here’s a different narcissist, two seconds into a conversation with a big grin they say:
Narcissist Neighbor: So, hey, Bob, you believe in God, don’t you, Bob? Come on, Bob, don’t you know there’s no God? This is the age of Nihilism, Bob.
You: Great. — And you walk away. You already know not to be dragged into their particular brand of antagonistic narcissistic glitches.
Narcissistic People Have a Chip on their Shoulders
Narcissistic people control the household, everyone is held hostage to their whims and expectations that revolve around themselves and their intense opinions.
If we have a narcissistic parent we might find as we get older there’s a much sweeter world out there where we don’t all have to agree that Siamese cats are ugly or that eggs can’t be digested in the morning.
Eventually, later in life, we realize, if we’re lucky, we aren’t inherently, eternally rotten for ruining their 38th birthday by falling off our training bike at age four and breaking our arm.
Or for robbing them of their “best umbrella” because the friend we loaned it to one rainy day after school twenty-five years ago never returned it.
Narcissistic Person vs. Sociopath (Narcissist) vs. Happy
Narcissistic people are impossible to please in certain areas, they make less than great mates, and can be rotten friends. They can be “okay” to spend time with if we go where they want to go for dinner and agree with them all night.
At worst they make misery everywhere. When someone has nothing invested in any type of relationship with them things are easier. If we’re not particularly close to them they can be fun and seem “okay”.
On the other hand, not experiencing or finding proof of some of these horrible things they do can keep us in and trying to make things work longer.
They can be funny or intelligent or not, their personalities vary. A narcissistic person isn’t usually aware they offend others or make them feel marginalized. Conversation with a narcissistic person is sprinkled with the narcissistic person’s acerbic and self-centered awareness. If they’re drinkers or yellers or violent… it’s so much harsher.
A sociopath (what you might call a narcissist), on the other hand, is using you. Using you entirely for their own purposes and is quite clear this is what they’re doing. They want your money, your beauty, your respectability, and trustworthiness to borrow for a cover for who they are.
The sociopath, the pathological user is using your “normal” to take things, gain things, and make use of you. They’re not who or what they first seem to be or say they are.
There Aren’t Enough Words
While some words used to describe a sociopath and a narcissistic person are similar – the depth and breadth of the manifestation of their narcissism are light-years apart.
You could say sociopaths want control over prey and as targeted prey we do feel controlled… But, on a deeper and more real level, what they want is purely to get away with what they’re doing and to keep taking as long, and as much as possible. This does happen when we don’t understand their fundamental thinking and motivation and concerns.
This is why thinking of a sociopath without incorporating a narcissist, a narc, and a narcopath into the same umbrella and then all on its’ own a narcissistic person is a roadblock to restoring and recovering and healing and learning skills to be pathological predator and user free forever.
What People With Narcissistic Glitches Are and Are Not
Narcissistic people – the ones who are non-pathological, yet have narcissistic hiccups – are not pathological liars. Pathological liarscannot not lie. Pathological means it comes from the way their brain works; it’s their biology rather than a choice.
Nearly all they say and all they say they are is a lie. It means lying even when they don’t have to. They also know they lie and aren’t bothered by it one bit. A non-pathological person, even one with narcissistic glitches, would have trouble with lying.
Non-Pathological Narcissistic People Are Not This…
The people we know who are at times irritating or even hurtful because of their narcissistic glitches are very different from those who are pathologically narcissistic. If someone is doing these things, they are a sociopath (narcissist for those still using that term).
Entrap people through deception to live off them financially
Hijack people’s lives to sustain their own facade
Mimic and fake emotions to seem normal
Have criminal minds devoid of humanity
Sociopaths are Dangerous
Sociopaths are technically referred to as antisocial psychopaths, or as being of or havingantisocial personality disorder. They are 100% pure and only: narcissism. There is no room in their body or brain for consideration of anyone outside their own skin. They think they’re better than anyone on the planet. – Again think of this as the narc, narcopath, narcissist: they are a sociopath.
A sociopath is a whole different nightmare than a non-pathologically narcissistic person. – If you’re having a horrific nightmare experience, you might reconsider who or what you might really be facing and how you think of them. Information about a no-pathological narcissistic person won’t be any help and can in fact be a hindrance to your recovery and restoring your life.
Sociopaths – the pathologically narcissistic – are far worse. At the top of the list and at the bottom and all through it is that they can never change. Some are savvier and have garnered more tricks for tapping our human emotions so they can use us than others. at the end of the day, and from the first hello, they’re more dangerous than I’d ever really hope you know.
Sociopaths Are Missing the Human Chip
Their brains are missing the element that registers feelings of love, like, care, concern, or compassion for anyone. Anyone. – They are incapable of positive bonding feelings. Zero.
If we think they have a heart we’re missing some of the puzzle pieces. We’re buying into the mask, which is natural and what they count on.
The sociopath’s mask is largely held in place by our own great goodness. It’s glued up there to their sickening faces by our understanding of the world as a place of only goodness. We have a very hard time seeing evil and accepting that evil exists. That’s normal. And there is far more good than evil and good does win.
Sociopaths Are Constant Liars: It’s a Pathology
Pathological lying isn’t lying sometimes, or on some occasions, or to some people; it’s lying all the time to everyone about all things because that’s how they’re wired. Sociopaths are pathological liars, even if we don’t yet see it.
And in addition, this means they believe lies others tell them and behave as if the lie were true. We can maneuver them when we understand that in their heads: lies are real and real is made up.
And I’ve said way too much already for one little article: but much of the time they’re actually telling the truth, but we can’t understand it as such because we’re pure goodness as normal humans who don’t know monsters exist.
Non-Pathological Narcissistic People Do Not Have an Abnormal Brain, Sociopaths Do
Sociopaths have an abnormal brain. This can be seen in brain scans of children as young as three years of age. Their cold behavior stands out as young children. The portion of the brain that registers any positive bonding emotions doesn’t function.
They feel no love, care, concern, compassion for any person. Not their mom, their dad, their, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandparents, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, or their own children. Not strangers, coworkers, or neighbors.
The sociopath-brain leaves a sociopath experiencing the same lack of care or connection to the postman as to their own mother or children. The younger they are the less experience… and so they’re less skilled at conning typically.
They learn more about scamming and conning from each target and improve their bag of knowledge about what affects normal humans as time goes by.
Sociopaths Characteristics and Limitations in a Nutshell
The very presence or contact with a sociopath destroys lives; we might not see all this at the moment, but it becomes evident in the direction our lives go in. Our lives become darker. Our ruin continues in a spiral downward and deeper. We fall further from our own real selves and our true potential as time goes by. Disasters, illness, bad things ensue.
Every target is not shown the full resume of the sociopath who hijacked them. Don’t wait for more proof. Read more about what sociopaths are here. 20 Characteristics of a Sociopath.
Sociopaths Know They Are Sociopaths
Yes, sociopaths know that they are sociopaths, maybe they don’t use the word, but they know what they are. Narcissists though aren’t aware of their narcissism. Sociopaths are.
Terms like narc are much easier to say than the much uglier truth behind the word: sociopath. These are words that are easier-to-handle, muddy the situation. Aren’t things crazy enough…? Clarity is kindness. Let’s sort through this hideous maze as simply as possible.
They all have a varied combo of this and hide it, we won’t necessarily ever see any or all of this in the con man who hijacked us. And, geez, that’s great because it’s horrible and shocking to find out about.
On the other hand, not experiencing or finding proof of some of these horrible things they do can keep us in and trying to make things work longer. And, even if we do see some of this, we have doubts that they could really be a sociopath or that the things we find are as bad as they really are.
All Sociopaths Do Things We Might Not Find Out About
Sociopaths have but hide: Other identities, different names, alternate FB accounts, have secret kids, wives, husbands, divorces, and annulments.
Crimes such as forgery, blackmail, fraud, false claims, nonpayment of taxes, porn, scary sex habits, hidden money, debt, prostitution, violence, assault, rape, gambling, jail time, pedophilia, heavy alcohol use, and drug habits and lots more of this ilk.
Remember: You may not be shown all of this or discover all the hideous dark deeds of the sociopath whose spell you’ve been drawn into. That’s okay. We don’t need to see and know it all. In fact, heck – that’s super traumatic. It does not mean, however, that they are not a sociopath.
Sociopaths live off of other peopple as parasites. – Even when they have a “job”, and this can be confusing. They live off people’s perceptions of them. They have no constructive or nurturing human emotions.
Any expression of care, like, love; the connection is faked. They mimic normal humans to create trust and bonding with people they target for the purpose of taking from them.
Normal human emotions of fear, hope, guilt, shame, love, like, empathy, care, compassion, desire, need, magnanimity, charity, concern are the sociopath’s entryway to taking and using. Then taking more. Using more, then smearing the people they just used to make themselves look like a victim.
Sociopaths Are 100% Pure Narcissism: Which Means Evil
Sociopaths are entirely self-absorbed and have a myopic view that they’re separate from others; better than others by a zillion miles, and that they deserve whatever they take from anyone, and that we as their prey deserve whatever they do to us.
They tell stories that paint themselves as victims in business, at work, by lovers, strangers, by “haters”…
Essentially – they’re nuts. They’re charming and deluded monsters. They carry out new ploys on a whim and constantly have a stable, a collection of multiple targets, sociopaths are always looking for more targets.
Sociopaths who do hold actual jobs stay in them on the backs of others and do little aside from taking credit for other’s accomplishments and ideas and attempting to make themselves look amazing. These use others for every aspect of their survival.
Sociopaths Are Improvisational
They’re improvisational, they’ll switch main prey suddenly if something changes, or they come up with a different idea. They do impulsive things to protect themselves.
These scumbags will put themselves at risk of being arrested or caught by impulsive things they do that are attemps to keep themselves safe. Such as murder soemone to keep that person quiet. They cross lines – or walk a very fine line between legal and illegal like balancing a tight rope wire.
What they say and do is to get what they want. It’s a lie or misleading. Even when they let out bizarre snips of truth about themselves. This is also to pull empathy by seeming vulnerable, or pulling out trust by seeming to be able to admit weaknesses such as, I try to have empathy, I just don’t.
We Were Ensnared By Criminals
They’re life-long career scammers. It’s how they live. They’re often addicted to a drug, alcohol or porn or gambling. They hide this. An antisocial psychopath, the sociopath is genderless in horrifying reality.
They hide this. Sex as love or connection in a real relationship is not part of their lives, sex is a control tactic and as an animalistic release.
They’re life-long career scammers. It’s how they live. They’re often addicted to a drug, alcohol, or porn, or gambling. They hide this. An antisocial psychopath, the sociopath is genderless in their full horrifying reality. They need to hide this.
Chances are, many of us who thought we were breaking up with something or someone we called a narc, a narcissist, or a narcopath may find more answers in reading up on escaping an antisocial psychopath, a sociopath.
Dysfunctionally narcissistic people are sporadically or suddenly mean, unpredictable, and miserable to be around.
Pathologically narcissistic creatures are sociopaths: they leave ruin and destruction through deception (fraud) while attempting to hide under the façade of a normal.
The sociopath mimics normal human emotions in attempts to gain trust and then take from and make use of any and every person they can ensnare. They leave destruction and ruin in their wake. We can break free, heal, and be whole again. I promise.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
The sociopath test is simple. So are sociopaths. What they are is limited, specific, and predictable. We can easily determine if we’ve met one. We can spot them a zillion miles away once we become fully aware of the sociopath test.
Is there an accurate sociopath test? You bet there is. The sociopath test is done at home, so to speak. The signs of a sociopath are clear and distinct. Sociopaths – even though you might be calling them “narcissists” – are limited, simplistic, predictable creatures.
That thing you’re calling a “narcissist” … the sociopath secretly loves the Holidays. Storming out because you didn’t make their favorite dish is a cover. It’s how they get out of the house to hunt… in the most wonderful time of year.
During the holidays, normal people want things merry and bright. We have family visiting, kids to make memories for, traditions to uphold, trees to decorate, cookies to bake, and presents to wrap.
It’s never easy to grasp the real-deal stark reality of what’s going on in these hijackings. There’re the secrets, the subtext, and the hidden motivations of these creatures that are elusive to us. When we’re in the initial throes of the struggle to clear the fog to confirm the person we love is a monster, the holiday season is the bitterest time of all for decoding what’s up.
Love with a sociopath is no bed of roses. It’s not a match made in heaven. It’s from deepest hell. But: we win…
Love with a sociopath (a narcissist) starts out on a road we think is a mutual path, paved with love, where we’ll walk into our own gorgeous land of harmony and possibility like no other.
A land filled with promise like no other relationship that exists, all and only because: we are with them. This one incredible – are-you-kidding-me – amazing person. And it feels like a fairytale, a Disney princess, the Duke of Hastings, Bridgerton come alive and turned real.
When in love with a sociopath we feel that together we’re infinitely more than either of us could be apart. There’s sunshine, birds singing, rainbows – but no rain – pots of gold, blue skies, and hearts dancing and flitting around our heads like butterflies. They feel differently… they’re after your high-octane-goodness.
We Do the Things Normal People Do In Love
When we’re in love with a sociopath, we’re all in. Our new address is cloud nine.
Then naturally, as any normal person in a relationship, we relationship-build. We undertake to give, make, bake, create, fix, and take leaps of faith, and climb mountains to make things happen for us. This is normal and what one does in real relationships.
There is resolution and full restoration. What is recovery for you?
Since we believe and feel it’s real, our body is doing the things it does when real relationships happen. There’s a chemical mix of “love cocktail” that swooshes through us and it’s muddled well with the venom of their coercive control as it is injected into our veins and bones by their very presence and so, we’re locked in.
Hormones and signals that we’re in love. This naturally leads us to do and feel things that only happen when one is bonding and building a relationship.
There’s something extra going on here though…the infusion of coercive control has us seeing this as life-like-in-a-movie. Their invisible sway of influence has us trying harder. And, ultimately, staying longer feeling desperate that we can’t lose them. – There’s nothing inherently wrong with us. We’re super-de-duper normal. really, no matter your past, no matter your parents or childhood. What we are is ensnared by – that is, feeling that we’re in love with a sociopath.
All We Need to Fall In Love
It’s easy-peasy to fall in love. Really our bodies are made for it. The Amazing Brain explains. To find a complete stranger. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour. Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.
We’re not stupid. We’re being what we are: human. A human in love. Life and love with a sociopath are far from normal. We just don’t know who’s standing next to us yet.
Love with a Sociopath is a Life of Two Parallel Realities
Without realizing it, we’re not making a magnificent masterpiece of a life on a bicycle built for two. We’re digging a gnarled, dark, deep, tangled hole into the center of hell, where we’re headed all by ourselves, because the sociopath we love knows there’s no relationship.
Once we see enough, cry enough, try enough, we do end it. Sometimes they end it before we can, because a sociopath always, always knows the end is coming.
If we’re lucky, we see a glimpse of this just as the sociopath trips off into his own disgusting future with all our things on his back in a rotting knapsack we mistook for his beautiful soul.
All Normal Humans Are Emotional: There’s Nothing Wrong with Us
If we look at what went on with our emotional human brain we’ll only continue to suffer. We will never heal. Ever.
There are certain beliefs that destroy us as festering wounds after the sociopath leaves. If we’re misinformed about how amazing humans are, how normal we are, and what a sociopath really is, and what that means, we may never, ever recover. Ever. — We can heal.
Here’s what will ruin us after it’s over:
Telling ourselves, or being told by others and believing:
We’re codependent, weak
Have low self-esteem
It’s our fault, we’re crazy
And stupid, and addicted to the narcissist
Blame lies with us, because we ignored red flags
There’s that “work” we need to do on ourselves
We’ve been naive, got hooked because we went through abuse as kids
And There’s More Malarkey We Hear About Our Love with a Sociopath
You’ve likely heard it…
Always, we pick the wrong guy or gal to fall in love with
Have a pattern of abusive relationships
Always get it wrong
We fell for it because we’re older or because our dog just died, or we’re needy
Not wanting to be alone made it happen
It happened because we wanted marriage and kids
Loving a sociopath happened because they made us feel safe
We fell for it because we don’t have enough money
Our insecurity led us to think they could help us do something or be something
We were blind, and in denial, our friends told us but we didn’t listen
And most of all, don’t we know if something’s too good to be true… it isn’t real
None of these is true. And there are very good things that are very true
How To Heal After Loving a Sociopath
There are no words to describe the feel of the life-shattering shock of realizing all was a lie. Loving a sociopath leaves us with post-trauma and the need for self-compassion in order to heal truly and completely.
It takes support and encouragement and someone who can listen without judging. someone who knows what we’ve been through. It takes accurate and true information and understanding of what a sociopath is – and what we are as gorgeous, loving humane, human beings.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
We’d like to believe sociopaths love their kids. Would this be a mistake at the expense of any gorgeous children in their clutches?
Can narcissistic sociopaths love their kids? (every sociopath is 100% narcissistic.) We’d certainly like to think every parent loves their children. When a sociopath ensnares us, and we’re in the throes of getting away and trying to put together what we were dragged through, it’s Twilight Zone enough to absorb the idea that they did’t love us, let alone pondering if sociopaths love their kids or not.
But we see the kids forgotten, abused, ordered around, yelled at, manipulated, and hurt, and It’s a question we have to ask and get the real answer to.
Everything a narcissist aka a sociopath does has a specific reason. Their motivation and reasons for what they say and what they do are rooted in their very simplistic way of looking at life. – When we understand this, why this is, and what this is, we win.
Do Sociopaths Love Their Kids?
Any sociopath can observe that we normal people think having kids is the normal and expected thing to do, and that we cherish kids. The (narcissist) sociopath is all about attempts to get others to believe they’re normal so they can make use of us, and they prefer us to think they’re really great as well. With that agenda, what better way than to come across as someone who adores kids?
As amazing and lovable as our kids are, no matter how much we love them – the sociopath does not love their kids. Most sociopaths simply abandon their kids…or eventually, do so. As horrible as this sounds: this is the best situation for you and the children.
As hard as it is, please realize, that we’re lucky if they walk away and are never heard from again. No child benefits from a sociopath hanging around in their lives.
Remember, sociopaths fake all caring and any seemingly loving emotions. They really and truly feel none of it. They do pretend to care about kids… it can seem real through our hopeful view of things.
The very bizarre truth is that narcissistic sociopaths love no one. Sociopaths do not love their kids. The person you’re thinking of as a narcissist does not love their kids. They do use their kids just as they’re using us and anyone else who crosses their path.
What would getting your kids safely away mean to you?
Narcissists aka sociopaths do and say all they do and say in order to get what they want. That’s truly their only inspiration. A pathological user (a narcissist) a sociopath uses any means they can think of in order to get what they want, to get away with what they do, and to maintain a facade of a “good reputation” as they do it and in the aftermath.
I asked the nut-bag I married if he had any kids. He said, I have kids all over the world. I kinda thought, hmmm, then decided he meant he was a person who really loved kids, but had none because who the heck could have kids all over the world? – Well, turns out he did. 18 kids in five countries, at last count. All abandoned by him, used by him when possible, their mother’s lives periodically re-invaded, and all unloved by him.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
So, as part seem normal and like a great person – in order to continue getting away with their bad behavior and cover what they really think and feel… a part of their persona is to pretend to love their kids, especially when other people are watching. They put on this show in an effort to convince someone else that they’re a great person, and normal.
Posing as a loving parent is meant to hook or to influence other’s opinions of them in a positive way. Sociopaths (narcissists) do nothing genuinely kind or caring for their kids. the kids are a tool, an object just as adults are.
Most people don’t do bad things to children. There’s no end to what a sociopath might do since they’re without stops, boundaries or limits because of the limited functionality of their brains.
Since narc-predators (sociopaths) make no caring connection to any living being, they also have no conscience. Kids, just as adults and all others, are seen as if they’re paper doll cutouts to make use of as they desire…little toys laid out on the floor.
They truly believe that every “toy” belongs to them. That each thing and each person is theirs to take. That’s a human, a thing, the pot of gold at the end of someone else’s rainbow… The antisocial psychopath has no concern for what we consider “right and wrong.”
A parent without a conscience does not and cannot love their kids. A being that makes no connection, no positive bonds, has no humanity cannot parent in any way. They do and only cause harm to their children they are in contact with.
There Are No Limits to Their Lack of Humanity
Please don’t panic, but do consider the worst of the worst as far as harm to children from a sociopath parent, neighbor, or friend.
To a sociopath, kids are fair game. Lots of things in life can change, but this cannot. For a sociopath, the dynamics between a child and themselves are fundamentally no different than the dynamics between a sociopath and an adult. The sociopath’s abnormal brain leaves them stuck this way. They can be nothing else.
Appearing Normal vs. Being Normal
Antisocial psychopaths aka sociopaths do, however, observe that in the normal people’s world, our world, there’s a vast difference between how we act towards a child versus how we behave towards an adult.
They do know that in order to appear as normal they too must seem to know this difference. They try to mimic it along with everything else about us. however, they’re really, really bad at this one. this. They slip-up in shocking and obvious ways, and fail miserably at it just as they do with everything else.
Sociopaths have no love for anyone. They have different biology, a different brain. They have no idea what the sensation of love feels like.
Sociopaths (Narcissists) Act Like They Love Their Kids
Sociopaths pretend to love their kids when the child has a price tag. This can be to get child support or to get out of paying it.
Male sociopaths go to court to get their kids to get out of a court order to pay child support. Which is incredibly ridiculous, since they don’t pay child support even when it is court-ordered except under one circumstance.
Female Sociopaths Are The Same As Male Sociopaths
Female sociopaths (narcissists) are not above claiming false domestic violence and abuse so they can take the kids. Their goal is naturally as for any narcissistic sociopath to look like a good and normal person, but further, it’s to get spousal and child maintenance. Female sociopaths do not love their kids. – Even when you’re calling them a narcissist but they’re really a sociopath.
Sociopaths -narcissists- are simplistic, predictable and limited creatures. Sociopaths don’t love or want their children – unless there’s something to gain by acting like they love their kids they usually walk away and that’s a good thins.
Know we can turn a sociopath’s weakness and limitations – the sociopath’s deep and constant fear and fragile, house-of-cards existence – to our advantage. Save the children. Live again.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Why are sociopaths called antisocial? These freaks love to party and hang. They chat and charm and dance and joke. Why do we call them “antisocial” when they need other people.
Why Are Sociopaths Called Antisocial?
Sociopaths are called antisocial because – hold onto your hats – there’s more than one meaning of the word antisocial! In their case, it doesn’t mean being shy or reluctant to be with others in a group setting. Amazing. Who’d a thunk it.
One of the myriad roadblocks to realizing just what it is we’re facing is misinterpreting or not understanding the meaning of this little word: “antisocial”.
Defining What the Antisocial Is In A Sociopath
This little four-syllable word – that people assume they already know the meaning to – trips people up. It’s natural to think it doesn’t make sense because the guy or gal in their living nightmare is very “social” rather than “antisocial” and doesn’t like parties or have many friends or some such.
This notion that you know what the word means -as applied to this kind of deceptive and ruinous human without a conscience – keeps far too many people from investigating more deeply into who and what it is they have gotten entangled with.
So then, in turn, they look to the other concepts floating around online and on social media to explain this person’s heinous behavior. Most commonly landing on “narcissist”.
Add in these other terms out there: narc, narcopath, and the narcissist in all its varieties, well, this falsely assures far too many people for too long that they’re only in love with a “narcissist” when in fact… It’s much, much worse. And more confusing, because some definitions and platitudes out there are related to a sociopath yet described under the name “narcissist”, and other describing factors are 100% off the mark. Very confusing… and delays recovery.
Here it goes, here’s a definition of this sticky little word antisocial from the Oxford English Dictionary – the most massive, most amazing dictionary on the planet. There are two definitions.
Opposed to sociability; averse to companionship.
Opposed to the principles on which society is constituted.
Definition number one above, of the word “antisocial”, is the one we’re most familiar with. It’s the one that gets us saying, no they can’t be a sociopath because they have friends. And also we think, she’s really fun at BBQs! Or, yeah but he’s around people all the time. They love going out! So, they can’t be an “antisocial psychopath”. – I get that. But there’s more.
Definition Number Two Describes the Sociopath
Definition number two pertains to the clinical term related to a sociopath, an antisocial psychopath, or a person of antisocial personality disorder, as defined by the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition).
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Antisocial Psychopaths Are Sociopaths aka Psychopaths
As described by David Porter, MA, LAD: “The term antisocial may be confusing to the lay public, as the more common definition outside of clinical usage is an individual who is a loner or socially isolated.
The literal meaning of the word antisocial can be more descriptive to both the lay public and professionals: to be anti-social, is to be against society; against rules, norms, laws, and acceptable behavior. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder tend to be charismatic, attractive, and very good at obtaining sympathy from others; for example, describing themselves as the victim of injustice. …
Antisocials possess a superficial charm, they can be thoughtful an dcunning and have an intuitive ability to rapidly observe and analyze others, determine their needs and preferences, and present it in a manner to facilitate manipulation and exploitation. They are able to harm and use other people in this manner, without remorse, guilt, shame, or regret.”
~ Theravive, by David Porter, MA, LAD (They also think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.)
Modern Languages Come from Latin: Anti Means: Against
Our words for medical diagnosis and terminology as well as a huge part of our everyday English language come from ancient, toga-wearing people who spoke Latin in ye-olde-school, ancient Rome. Lots of beginnings and endings and even middle sections of our words are Latin.
The beginnings of words are called: “prefixes”; here’s a bunch: anti, post, sub, pre, non as beginnings. You can probably think of some right off the bat: Substitute, post-trauma, predetermined, nonexistent. Interested in language, read more about Latin roots, suffixes, and prefixes.
Also here are some endings you know in everyday language but might not have known that they’re Latin. We call these “suffixes”. Here’s a few: ment, as in “supple-ment”; ify, as in ver-ify and ident-ify; ation, as in perfor-ation and restor-ation; able, as in “cap-able”. There are tons.
Anti is a word straight out of Latin and Rome. If you put the word anti into Google Translate and select the translation from English into Latin, you know what you get? – Anti.
Anti in English is anti in Latin. In old-school Latin anti means: to be or to go against (something), to be outside (of something), or opposed (to something).
ASPD and Antisocial Psychopaths Refer to Con Artists, Scammers, and Yes: Killers
So…antisocial psychopaths or persons of antisocial personality disorder, don’t mind parties at all, they kinda thrive on being social and any place with lots of people, including online, is the prime hunting ground. They need us and others so, so much.
Sociopaths are called antisocial because they function against and outside of normal, expected behavior. These people do things without thinking twice that we’d never even conceived of doing, much less do and behave in an anti- (against) social- (society) manner. Their behavior goes against the grain of what’s okay. And boy-howdy… Don’t they…?
So let me ask you… Does it help to get to the bottom of your bizarre, painful, and dire situation to think of them as just a narcissist? Or would there be more life-saving, pain prevention, and protection in diving in and stripping things down?
Ponder the realities and consider if this view would get more done for your safety and recovery: Looking at it from the point of view that this person will do anything they can think of doing in order to make use of you, or to get whatever they want, and to have things their way and to not be stopped. – That my friend is a sociopath: they function outside of and against the expected and accepted norms of society.
We Win
They need us. We do not need them. This is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. The number one concern is that you clear the fog and protect your life. They have been through this break-up many, many, many times before and will again and again long after they’ve ridden off into the sunset.
As we explore removing them from our lives and then restoration: we don’t need to pretend they’re normal; they know what they are. – That said, keep your discoveries to yourself and end the entanglement safely. They need us; we don’t need them.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
If you’re Googling for answers. …and confused or uneasy about someone you’re dating, …if you’ve started wondering what’s wrong it’s likely you’re dating a sociopath…dating a narcissist.
I’m going to get right into it here. There are very specific traits every sociopath shares. If you call this person a “narcissist” and see these traits, maybe pull back a bit on what you feel you know, and plug in a stricter view of them with parameters that fit a sociopath… I know that’s a big and scary word. Paradoxically, it can make things simpler. So, how do we know if we’re dating a sociopath?
First of all, most of us – let’s admit – begin a new romantic possibility, by looking online for things about this person we just met. That’s good, but not enough to detect a sociopath.
Here’s why: when we’re dating someone who is a pathologically narcissistic person – a sociopath – we see the good things. Believe it or not, the bad things about them don’t show up or aren’t seen as bad.
Tune in to yourself in this search. If there’s a tugging in your gut – that gut feeling that something is wrong – this means there’s something wrong. If you’re looking up things that brought you to this article, yes – that person you’re dating or maybe now not dating is one of these creatures.
But most of us won’t end a romance at this point. We usually want to know more, that’s just human. It’s not necessarily a bad human quality, it is after all, born of the same human inquisitiveness that got us to the moon and discovered penicillin. And at the end of this dating fest – if it goes badly enough, it’s the same natural human quality that will eventually activate our escape from this person.
What Do Sociopaths Do in Relationships?
In the beginning it seems magic. There’s an unexpected, unhinged kind of compatibility.
They want to see us often or text or talk once a day or more
We find them interesting and are impressed with what they do or talk about
It seems they have a good job, are respected, maybe have a-lotta money
Or they drop things that lead us to assume they do
The reality is, most times when someone is talking about dating a “narcissist”, the person they’re facing is a sociopath. That’s fine. However, the information out there about a “narcissist” mixes together accurate ideas about a non-pathologically narcissistic person, and extremely inaccurate ideas about this very scary pathological one. This leads to problems when that person is actually pathologically narcissistic…a sociopath.
When dating a sociopath or when wanting to know if you’re dating a person who’s much more than “just a narcissist”, the best way to make this determination is to think of them as a being a sociopath…to look at them through this lens in order to see them clearly.
Dating a Sociopath (a Pathological Narcissist) Goes…
The person who promised so much breaks those promises
Super confusing and heartbreaking… they’re strange or get weird about sex
They tell us we can’t be a part of some part of their life
They have days they’re grumpy for no reason
Their mood changes up to down, nice to mean, or active to flat on the couch
And something feels off, uneasy, unsettled and unsettling
Somewhere in your mind, you wonder if they’re lying
Sociopath / Narcissist, Po-tay-to / Po-tah-to
Dating a sociopath… dating a narcissist. You say po-tay-to, I say po-tah-to. Why does it matter? Why do I talk about this much? Because being unclear in this can prolong the “relationship”, which prolongs the pain, and inhibits recovery. It can interfere with safety of you and any children that are part of the picture.
Here’s one example: If you think of them as a “narcissist’ and read all about that, then you might believe they have a narcissistic wound. – This will lead you down a garden path of empathy for the “narcissist” who is in fact a sociopath, who has no wound, but has an abnormal brain – and would sooner watch you bleed out on the floor while they eat their lunch than give you money to take care of your child.
People have fallen into calling them “narcissists” for lots of reasons. One reason is that the word “antisocial” as in “antisocial psychopath” the technical name for a sociopath, trips them up. So, read here to find the answer to why sociopaths are called antisocial.
And of course, the other reason for shying away from the much bigger words sociopath or psychopath is because it’s hard to believe this infinite evil exits. I’m so sorry for this. This is the hardest part to take in. The first moment this reality came to me, is one I’ll never forget.
And now, you feel deceived though you still might have no “proof”
If questioned, they act as if nothing happened and like we’re still chill
You feel fear
You think maybe they’re mentally unstable
Something very wrong is going on, but you can’t put our finger on it
Dating a Sociopath (a Pathologically Narcissistic Person) is Fixable: They Are Not
By the way, did you know that it’s against mental health professional guidelines to diagnose someone underage – someone 18 or younger – as a sociopath aka a psychopath? That’s how serious it is. It’s the last thing a therapist or psychiatrist wants to officially diagnose anyone with.
This diagnosis, this condition of this abnormal and under-functioning brain of the sociopath is permanent. It’s a very strong statement for a therapist or psyche professional to make. This diagnosis is one that many licensed mental health professionals are not willing to make.
I’ve known of cases where they feel the person in question is a sociopath, but not be willing to give testimony to this in court in abuse cases that could save a child from visitations or a spouse from sharing custody. – There are of reasons for this. The point is you need to know.
Dating a Sociopath, Dating a “Narcissist” is a Life of Hell
Sociopaths are very different than we are. They actually have a different brain – they process human relations completely differently than we do. They look at other people as objects. People are merely utility devices to use and to take things from or to use to get their kicks from…in a really bad way.
Sociopaths don’t ever change. They cannot. And they wouldn’t want to if they could, they like being sociopaths and know what they are.
Sometimes they’ll tell us they’re a sociopath. They don’t mind if you know this. They care what you do because fo this knowledge. And most times this sickening intimate uttering does not send people running away, its isn’t usually what snaps the spell, but becomes a part of the coagulating weirdness.
Things can only go from bad to worse to much, much worse. They’re nice, then harsh then not as nice, then harsher. Call you names and some pull out the violence. They take anyone they can get their hooks into through five stages of true love scam…always and only.
Why? Why can’t they just be normal? – Connectors between segments in their brains are missing so that they can’t feel or process emotions as we do. Sociopaths – psychopaths – don’t feel the emotions we feel. They have a very limited set of emotions, none of which are comparable to ours. They don’t understand our emotions and never will.
There are lots of differences in our brains and in how they see the world compared to hoe we see the world because of this missing but. They’re missing care and connection, and so they’re missing a conscience. We have a conscience because we care. They have other differences, for example, in dating a sociopath or dating a what you’ve been calling a narcissist, you might notice that they don’t process the meanings of words the way we do. They even lie when they don’t need to.
Here’s a very detailed YouTube video with Dr. Hare, a leader in research and studies on the antisocial psychopath.
We End the Damage They Can Bring to Our Lives
If you’re on this website wondering if you’re dating a sociopath, please don’t wait looking for proof from them…you’re here because you already know. Trust your gut.
Your suspicion, your fear, confusion, and self-doubt is proof. We already know. Please, embrace your own life. Protect yourself. Find out how to leave them. Go no contact.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
We’re not in denial. As my dad would say, that’s a river in Egypt. But seriously. No one deliberately stays here.
We don’t remain in the clutches of a slimy sociopath on purpose. Our goodness caught their attention,
our goodness sets us free.
Denial is a word that’s tossed around to represent a state of mind we’re supposedly in. And that explains how this nightmare went on for so long, or started in the first place. There are those who would say we were in denial and so the surreal, horror show continued to run through our lives as if we allowed it. These people who say this could not be more wrong.
We’re not in denial. No. In short, what happened is: we were deceived and bamboozled. This means we did not have full information.
There isn’t an even playing field. Firstly, none of us had full information that these creatures even existed. Secondly, we were lied too. Thirdly, normal people aren’t looking for a lie. We automatically trust; that’s one of the beautiful things about us all. And fourth, and most significant of all, we’re under the spell of the pathological predator.
Truth Scarier Than Fiction: We Heal From Truth, Not Lies
We were scammed pure and simple by a serial liar, user, taker, abuser life thief. The chasm between our intention and the pathological narcissistic user’s true intention only becomes clear over time.
It’s revealed by bits-and-pieces. We didn’t deny anything… except them and what they wanted, once we did see through it and take in the full horror of their true black heart.
When we’re ensnared by a sociopath, there‘s a clashing of two worlds a great collide of two different brains, themind of a sociopath (you might be calling them a narcissist) and the mind of a regular, normal, iambic brained person: you or me.
The pathological predator and users do their best to let us believe rather than a clash, that together we’re the best match on the planet. The best fit that any two people could ever be.
This is how they survive. The ability to bring this influence upon others is wired into their DNA. I call it the sociopath effect.
Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view. This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim blaming and just plain wrong.
We see this match made in heaven situation isn’t quite the case, as soon as is humanly possible. In no way do we leap to the conclusion that this person is a psychopath the first time they don’t call us back or are unreachable.
Not only can people not see something they don’t know is in existence such as users who are pure evil, these exist in the movies, not real life.
Our human body and physiology are amazing. It’s designed to keep us safe. In trauma, our bodies and minds protect us, and so let the truth be seen in bite-sized pieces so that we don’t lose our sanity.
After true love scam our eyes are wider open than most. And we know more than most; certainly more than people who tell us we allowed it and we’re in denial. Let your body do its thing.
The very, very courageous take on recovering, healing, seeing what the real-deal is in pieces. Take it in in bits that you can take… It takes as long as it takes. Tell those blamers and shame-ers to step off.
We’re not permanent victims scarred for life. We’re not to blame for being snagged and conned by a lying sociopath who gives us every excuse in the book for why they do this. These are not the only two options. — Though – sometimes — it seems to be as we try to find our way out of the maze.
There are piles of mainstream answers to this hideous crime. Including that we, as targets invited it through our past abuse issues or our relationship issues and that we stayed because we were in denial.
How about we look at it from another direction? From our eyes. Let’s stop letting people outside the experience define what happened. Let’s look at it from the eyes of the prey of a sociopath.
This perspective takes a whole different set of words to define it. – Not for the sake of frivolous semantics, but because of a very real variance in meaning.
We Are Not in Denial: We’re Amazing
You see, definitely more fanciful descriptors – these come from the influence of watching many Johnathan Strange and Dr. Norell episodes on late-night Netflix binges that stopped my anxious brain from thinking in the early days of recovery and rocked me to sleep, and still reflect the real-deal of being in one of these hellish circuses of a true love scam… the day-time-wide-awake, hall-of-mirrors-nightmare of living hijacked by a sociopath.
Unless someone’s been dragged by their heart and soul through this, they have no idea. None. None of us “in it” are in denial, or willfully resisting seeing what they are.
To think that anyone could imagine or imply that we’re willfully and knowingly, in the mess we’re in and choosing to ignore it means they have no clue. We’re each in something we can’t possibly recognize: who knew what a sociopath was before all this?
No One Can See Something We Don’t Know Exists
For anyone who’s not been hijacked by a sociopath, these descriptors might sound absurd. It may be what inspires, ohhhh… hmmm, yes. She’s in denial. – And other wholly off the mark, and utterly compassionless, and just plain rude remarks from onlookers and others, who we might think would know better.
To those under the spell, these are quite accurate descriptions that bring about our freedom. With this look at things, we feel less crazy. We might let out a sob of relief, Oh, my god! That’s it! That’s exactly what it is!! – And a little slip of hope eeks through the fog of the sociopath-madness we’re trapped in.
There’s a Mesmerizing that Leads People to Drink the Kool-Aid
I realize what I’m about to say here isn’t popular to say… It’s a contemporary popular belief that humans make choices about well, everything. Here’s a hard fact: none of us are with a sociopath by direct or informed or conscious choice.
We do get away from them by choice. And this’s an important part of this circumstance. Somehow most of the world focuses on wondering how we stumbled into it, why we stayed, ie: How could we have been so stupid?
Decide Your Understanding of This Event
Let’s be real here, let’s not base our understanding of what we’re experiencing – the how’s and why’s of it, in the ideas and perceptions from something else: namely the ideas and perceptions of those who’ve not experienced it.
Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view.
This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim-blaming and just plain wrong. – And, come one now… Most of our judge-ie acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, friends or family didn’t know this existed until we walked into it. So, come on now… They aren’t suddenly experts.
The Traits That Attract a Sociopath To Us: Save Us
The very same goodness of heart that makes us attractive to a sociopath is what we then flip – and bring to life exponentially – to get safely and completely away. There, there is the real thing.
It takes a colossal effort. Courage, wisdom, persistence, patience, bravery to break from a kind of bondage; from an entrapment so immense it can’t be understood unless it’s been experienced.
Know This: If someone says it’s your fault, let them know they’re out of step; that evolution of humankind has progressed. Victim blaming is over. No, we’re not in denial. We’re believers in love. We believed that this involved love – until we didn’t. And now that we don’t – watch out. When we see it for the crime it is, there’s no place for the scamming-scum to run.
You Have to Live Through It to Understand It
The break-away from a sociopath is intense and so life-shattering it can never be understood unless you too are an escapee. – And that my friends, does not signify a weak victim, a codependent-door-mat, a denial or any such nonsense.
It signifies some of the hugest power, determination, and strength on the planet. We are awesome. We’re superheroes. We’re our own angels.
You Can’t Deny Something You Don’t Know Exists
Nope. We’re not in denial. If you don’t know this phenomenon exists, you can’t see it. And fortunatley when in it and after, our glorious bodies innately know a human can’t handle the monumental stress that comprehending this entails all one go. So – yes – clarity is meted out in doses only a beatific human of great empathy and love could handle.
Even tiny doses of what we went through would break anyone else. No, denial is nothing more than a river in Africa. A raging, pernicious river that every life stealing, narcissistic con man needs to be thrown into without a life jacket.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Bored heartless nomads. They don’t connect or care, have no sentimental or nostalgic idea of “home” so, one place is much like another and where ever they are isn’t “home”, it’s a hideout.
Sociopaths are bored nomads. Empty souls, empty brains, absent hearts. And no place they truly call “home.”
The part of the brain that registers like, love, care, concern, compassion is – unplugged. It doesn’t operate normally. They’re just kind of blah. They don’t “attach” to anyone, anything, or any place.
No matter how much we might not notice at first, no matter how many promises they make about our life together: for them, “home” is no place, while for us “there’s no place like home.”
Nobodies Home Inside There Aside from Evil
Sociopathic predators pretend to feel things they don’t, such as “love” or “concern” because they know their emptiness is something we can’t accept and it freaks us out.
If we’re freaked out, they need to move on sooner and don’t get as much stuff.
So they fake it to get stuff and to keep that cozy couch to sleep on. Unfortunately, they have an uncanny power of influence and get lots unless we already – fully – know what a sociopath is.
When normal humans take in a moment in life or interact in human exchange, our bodies respond by making a chemical mix that rushes to our bloodstream and brain and animates us in emotional responses of gratitude, empathy, delight, joy, or reverent awe, or an endless combo of sensation.
There is resolution and full restoration. What is recovery for you?
Bonding is Normal: It’s Absent in Pathological Predators
This grand cocktail of life forges deeper connections with others around us and to our very selves. In a sociopath this function is absent. They switch emotional responses on and off – sort of. But not really…
It’s that there’s just no one human home. Though a sociopath might say, we feel emotions. Ours is just different. – Well, yeah, that’s the point; they’re the feelings of a monster. Very, very different than ours.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Sociopaths mimic the emotions they see us go through. They don’t feel feelings like we do or understand ours. It’s all bars and tone – or desire and rage in the sociopath’s brain.
We get attached to our home and the simple things that take our breath away, illicit tears, smiles, giggles, or a sigh weigh in as a heavy clunk of next-to-nothingness in the sociopath’s “heart”.
The pride in our home, our lives, our child’s college graduation, first prom, first steps, or our teary-eyed satisfaction at giving the perfect gift to a loved one are experiences a sociopath will never have. Nope. Sociopaths have white noise where love should be.
When We Feel…
Delight: at our child’s achievements
Pleasure: in helping someone besides ourselves
Joy: at a the birth of a new baby
Compassion: for another’s sorrows
Satisfaction: in a job well done
A Sociopath Registers Personal Gain…
Delight: gloating at ensnaring a new victim
Pleasure: in a well-told lie
Joy: in scamming a new place to live
Compassion: there is none for anyone
Satisfaction: in a smear campaign well done… And otherwise, they’re bored
The Sociopath aka Narcissist Desires Only to Take and Use
The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey.
A sociopath scum bag’s sole desire is to suck us in, to take, and to use us and all we have and all those around us if possible. They make up lots of “good reasons” to live together. They might say something like, “I need to move by Friday because my roommate stopped paying rent…” – It’s a hint at what they want. They toss out bait hoping we’ll bite out of our ordinary and gorgeous human empathy and compassion and social conditioning in order to – in this case – take over our space.
They’re laser-focused on this. They don’t want to pay rent or share in the bills. They make promises of work they’re getting, money coming in, and they’ll do the dishes later.
Haus-Maus or Man In Pants: It’s all Fraud
Some sociopaths have the persona of man-around-the-house and get bossy while others play Mr. Mom and do laundry, cook, clean, and pick up the kids. This is the way this type of sociopath gets the cheese. Yes, like rats in a lab as they go through life they learn which button to push to get dinner.
I call this errand running, dinner making, kid caring sociopath the haus-maus – or house-mouse. It’s all bait. This is what they hope will hook their room and board. Their shelter from the storms. Storms both outside falling from the sky, and quite likely the storm anger of the last person they messed with who’s now after them.
The Provider
Some others, averse to chores and dirty work, flash cash instead and foot the bill for a bit to secure their place in our home. From the beginning – or by the end – they don’t pay, won’t pay, and get mad if asked to pay. – Be aware there are those who pay big-bucks all throughout keeping us in mani-pedies, vacations, and designer clothes. However, it comes at a price.
A sociopath dirtbag (even if you’re calling them a narcissist) is never the person we think they are until we see the devil in their eyes. Then – and only then, are we seeing who they are. Since no one with a heart wants to live with a devil they try their best to hide it. Their best is not very good.
Con Men Predators Get So Bored and Need Places to Hide
The ironic trap of needing the person they don’t care about pisses them off. Without emotional attachment, pretending to be in love with someone would get old. And bothersome. Their hatred of us begins to show itself.
Sociopaths are bored nomads, their boredom makes it hard to keep up their facades.
They drop the act at any random moment, then shove the mask back in place, drop it, put it up again and it falls once more.
This inconsistency is how we see through them. That’s okay with them. Ultimately, these scum bag inhuman users don’t care about the longevity of a scam as much as they care about taking what they’re after and going free.
Getting What They Want and Getting Away
The getaway is important. And these predators do indeed have many people are after them. Lots of people on their tail. Always.
They’ve got people they owe money to, women with babies they’ve left to support on their own, someone’s husband who wants to beat the living-day-lights out of them, bench warrants, they’ve skipped parole, evaded taxes, jumped debts, stolen cars to ride off in. They’re so, so busy; so busy running in fear.
Changing Location is Essential to Surviving as a Sociopath
And so, sociopaths, con men change geographic locations over and over. Every three to ten months, the predator needs new prey, and often new hunting grounds.
They pack light and leave things behind, as they skip and hop from place to place without their name registered on a lease or posted on a mailbox. The scampiest of these I call the backpackers. – All they have is a dirty backpack, easy to pick up and go.
They hide behind their prey for official things like rental contracts. If we think they “own” a house, a condo, or a boat, but look closely, they mostly don’t own anything, and always there’s more to it than meets the normal human eye.
Where Ever They Are They Are The Same
Whether a sociopath skulks in a low-rent district or a high-rise, through all the lies they’re hard to trace and difficult to pin down.
The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey.“Want” never leaves them, ever on the search for more money and more fun… otherwise they get so bored.
Boredom and Fear Are Forefront in Their Black Hearts
Boredom isn’t the only reason sociopaths, con men, narcissistic users need to move on down the road. It’s those people after them and those scams that blow up that lead them to a new location. Sociopaths are bored and boring and make terrible, monster, roommates. Who needs ’em?
There are many great books here to read more about these traveling monsters. Understand what’s really going on and set ourselves free!
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
True Love Scam Recovery and www.truelovescam.com, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.