why does a narcissist ignore you? Archives

The silent treatment from
a narcissist or sociopath is a trademark.
It feels torturous and punishing,
but what is its real purpose?

The dreaded silent treatment. This wall of silence is a trademark of the sociopath (the narcissist) that we gave it a name, the silent treatment. It’s crazy-making, makes you feel sad and frustrated, mad, and feel very small. If you’ve been dating or living with a sociopath (a narcissist) no doubt, this vile torture has come your way.

Is it day three and you have no clue where your boyfriend is?

Did the girlfriend storm out the door last Wednesday and she hasn’t answered your calls three days later?

Is the husband walking right past you in the kitchen, the living room, sleeping in another room as if you aren’t there?

If you can say yes to any of the above, or anything like it…it’s natural to feel like s**t and be so very sad, and to wonder, why?!

Decoding their actions from
beyond how you feel because of their actions
brings real answers.

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Silent Treatment: The “Narcissist’s”, The Sociopath’s Wall of Silence

The standard way of trying to make sense of it – using how we feel to interpret their intention behind their actions – falls far short of what’s really going on in their noggins.

This misunderstanding of their intention leaves you in a swirl of pain and confusion. – And sorry to say their real purpose isn’t very nice either, but it’s the truth. The truth we can heal from. The misunderstanding keeps you in ongoing pain.

Why do they throw up the silent treatment? It’s intentional…deliberate… and feels punishing. But, what is the actual intention? What purpose does the silence serve the ever-self-absorbed pathological user? Is it deliberate torture or punishment from their point of view…?

A key to untangling this hellish mystery is in reviewing the moments that led to the silence, asking: what went on right before the silence? The other key to it is found in really understanding how every pathological user thinks.

What’s the Purpose of this Silent Treatment?

So, think back to when you were treated to silence. What happened just before this? There’s only one simple thing going on for the sociopath or the narcissist when they drop the words and become a wall of ice. And a second delicious morsel that falls into their lap out of our gorgeous-normal-ness.

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Silent Treatment: Because They Have Nothing to Say

In most cases just before the demon clams up there’s been a few words exchanged. You’ve been disappointed, let down, and suspicious of them about something that they’ve done with another woman or man. Maybe you’ve found out that there’s some confusion about where some money went and you’re thinking, that’s odd…

The sociopath or narcissist, doesn’t give a hoot about your emotions. They so absolutely have no concern or care over how you “feel”.

Barely believing they could be doing -that thing- that flashes through your mind for a tiny second. Not wanting to believe they could have slept with so-and-so, or that they really took your hard-earned cash, or went out of town without you even knowing it.

And, so you try to talk to them about your discovery, about your feelings, about your thoughts, about your disappointment… and most revolting to them of all, you give a talk about your expectations of them as the person (you think) you’re in a relationship with.

The truth is, they know this isn’t a relationship. They do know that you think it is, whatever “relationship” means because they surely have no idea what that is, have never experienced one, and never will and wouldn’t want to. So in all reality…the reality is, they have nothing to say.

Our Probing and Yammering About Feelings Annoys The User

Being ignored by the sociopath (narc) strikes an internal cord that brings an auto-response from within us normal humans, and that is to reach out.

So, what happens next is that this gets them hot under the collar, and they really want you to shut up. The questions are not going to have answers you’ll like – they know this. And they want you to stop asking, stop probing, and go away. Since we won’t stop yapping (their notion of our talking) instead… they shut up.

Then what? Since they won’t talk, we end up having no one to talk to, and low and behold: we shut up. Exactly what they wanted. This, this magic thing is what they’re after when they pour on the silent treatment: they want us to shut up. – You can feel punished if you want to… they won’t mind, as long as you zip-it.

The Silent Treatment As Protection: They Need You to Shut Up

And there you are left in the emotional soup. This soup as it turns out serves as another benefit for the pathological user. It’s an element of them going silent that then pans out to their benefit.

As per usual, our normal is turned to their benefit, not due to any particular skill of theirs, but because this is the toxicity and harm of the pathological colliding with the normal human.

This silent treatment stirs intense spontaneous emotions from within us – this is normal. One of those emotions is naturally, stunned hurt – which we perceive as punishment.

The silent treatment is crazy-making and makes you feel sad and frustrated, mad, and feel very insignificant… And there’s a further bit that follows along after our normal emotional response which the ever-parasitic sociopath has noticed: it makes us try harder. It keeps us locking in and reaching out.

Blocking them is the real silent treatment. The only silence that gives you the space and the time to see what they truly are, to grieve what you thought they were and to restore your own gorgeous life.

Being ignored by the sociopath (narc) strikes an internal cord that brings an auto-response from within us normal humans, and that is to reach out. To try more and harder. To give again, to give more, to give in, to apologize, and most of all… to stop asking questions or expecting a certain behavior from them.

The sociopath or narcissist, doesn’t give a hoot about your emotions. They so absolutely have no concern or care over how you “feel”. In general, they find our emotions silly, and most of all an annoyance.

The only exception to this is found within the ones we tend to call psychopaths… the ones whose enjoyment is others’ pain. Then yes, they want to see your pain just as the majority of these creatures want to borrow you as a respectability front, or to see your money in their bank account, or to take over your games room for their daily porn-o-thons.

All Things a Sociopath / Narcissist Does is to Bait You

Here’s what we can keep in mind. We just aren’t that important to the sociopath (narcissist aka psychopath aka narc aka narcopath). – Your value to them is entirely based on what they gain from you. – And you may not at all realize that they gain anything in particular from you. Rest assured, they do.

Their brains are wired to have concern or consideration or thoughts only for themselves. With no remorse or guilt… at all times, in all things, in all ways the only person they care about is themselves.

Each time the sociopath (narcissist) speaks or does something, its point and purpose are to bring something they want to fruition. In this sense, every word they utter, and every action – including their silence, can be thought of as bait.

Once this is truly clear, we tend to stop biting onto the bait. And next thing you know, you’re out the door for good. Blocking them is the real silent treatment. The only silence that gives you the space and the time to see what they truly are, to grieve what you thought they were, and to restore your own gorgeous life.

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.